Well this sucks...
My family sux. Ok u must be thinking, "How can you say that?" Well before you judge what I'm saying listen to my story:
My grandpa was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday morning. Since then, Bonnie, Tom, and Butch have not been in the hospital once to see him. Their own father!!! They don't even care!!!! They finally released him and Bonnie wants to make shit for him...Well guess what!! You don't know what the hell he can and cannot eat! She's gonna kill him by putting salt in there and he's gonna get too much sodium and ferking die!!! And she can't get off her lazy ass just to help. I mean, grandpa can't stay by himself, nor would I want him too. He's been in the hospital for how many days? So mom has to give up her whole weekend to watch him cuz no one else can. Sure they can have grandpa take care of them their whole lives, but when he needs us the most its, "ooh, well I can't do it this weekend." Well you know what! They don't deserve such nice parents! Seriously...! And its not that grandpa is a burden or anything. Hell, I actually enjoyed being able to give something back to him considering everything he's done for me. And they cant even take one hour out of their lives to visit their sick father. They are gonna ferking regret it if/when he dies. And I was talking to dad today and I was asking when grandpa was going to start acting like his old self again and he told me that I have to be prepared for him to not be his 'old self' ever again. I almost started crying. Thats just too much...
Plus my friends aren't really helping. Tomorrow morning after track, I'm going to see grandpa for the rest of the day and then go to church, come home to sleep for vball on sun and then go back to his house or bring him here. And kolleen keeps asking, "what are u doing this weekend?" And I"m like, You idiot! my grandpa has congestive HEART FALIURE what the HELL do you think I'm doing!?? I WANT to be with him. I don't want any regrets after he's gone. NONE WHATSOEVER. If HER grandma was sick, we'd all be suffering for it, but I'm trying to hold my head high. Kayla has been especially sweet and I"m so thankful for that. Allegra has tried, but I had to break it to her but she's just making it worse. I mean today after school she's like, "I think we should go to the dance tonight." and I'm like, "I can't." And she's like, "why not?" And I'm like, "I just can't." And she kept asking me why and I'm like, "BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO VISIT MY GRANDPA IN THE HOSPITAL!!" God! And she's like, "oh, sorry." And I was like in tears. I hate this so much. My poor mom. She's like an angel, seriously. No matter how much she annoys me sometimes, she really is an angel. She's amazing. Plus, we were working on our class play and I was telling Allegra how badly I wanted to be the Baliff and she's like, 'oh thats cool...I wanna be the DA." So we both had our parts. So when Mrs. Beyrel asked for volunteers for reading the parts, I raised my hand and Mrs Beyrel goes, "oookay...Allegra!" And I turn around and she ferking raised her hand!!! I'm like...OMG YOU BITCH! How could she?!? I had just finished telling her how much I wanted that part. HELLO! We're friends. Step off...seriously. And then after we were done, Mrs. Beryrel went to the back of the room and Legra goes, "I really like that part...do you think I'm going to get it?" And Mrs. Beyrel says, "yea you have a good chance." If she gets that part I"m going to be soo pissed. And Kolleen doesn't understand because she got the part she wanted so she's like, "oh well deal with it." Wtf. Whenever something doesn't go her way, I take her side. Oh well, I guess I just gotta do this by myself. I hafta go to bed now, track tomorrow. I hope it gets rained out :-/
Lata,
Kel
"Cheerio-eo-eo-eo-eo-eo-eo"

Ocean Avenue....!
So yea, how goes it? Hopefully goin pretty well. I'm not doing so hott. I mean, monthly *aheeeem* and I just got my braces on and I feel so ugly. And my grandpa was rushed to the hospital yesterday and he has congestive heart faliure....Heart Faliure.... Omg, I don't think I can go on living if grandpa dies. I can't. I love him so much...it makes me so upset just thinking about it...and...everything. I'll only have to have braces for 6 months but I feel so ugly. I'm just not used to not turning heads in a crowd, but I'll have to get used to it I guess. Plus, my teeth are soooooooooo sore and omg its horrible. I can't eat anything. Nothing I tell ya!!! And today me, Kayla, Erika, Kody, and Felipe were all hanging out during grandparents day and so yea. They were all perverted but I just dont fit in with them at all and it makes me so mad. They just piss me off when they talk about...well I don't want you to know, but I know what I'm talking about. I need to finish my 5 page paper for Friday. I have 3 pages done already so I should be doing that now :D Tomorrow I go to Cullen (Omg I'm so scared, he hasn't seen me with braces and he used to hit on me when he wuz tutoring me...omg omg omg...YIKES I KNOW HE"S GON MAKE FUN OF ME!!!!) and then I go to the Cougars game for serving...Kayla and Stephanie are gonna be there YAY! I almost started crying today when I told kayla about g-pa today :(( I have grandparents day tonight and I am going to wear black pants and a white tank top shirt with a lil shirt over it so that will be cute. I THINK I LIKE PAUL! OMG OMG OMG! ITS REALLY WEIRD! And I think he likes me too....but I think he might be going out with Sam M. so I'm going to ask her about it, but I'm hoping not. I doubt it...but I really think I like him. LoL omg thats so weird. But I think I do. :) Maybe thats a good thing. The amazing thing is that even though I do have braces now, he doesn't seem to talk to me less, but I dunno. Kris keeps going, "Kel, it hasn't changed who you are." But I mean, it has changed how I look and I just can't get used to it. I really hate it. I just keep thinking 6 more months and I'll have the perfect smile. PERFECT! Kris said Dr. Kay would give me whitening too!!! Ergo, my teeth will be straight AND white. So I won't go into my freshman year with perfectly straight teeth, but it will be sort of close and I will look good. I think I should not have picked orange for my bands but o well. They change in June. I only have about 20 more days till graduation. We have an 8th grade play and I want to be Attorney Wombat and I'm not sure if anyone else wants to so I'm really really really hoping I get that part. We decide tomorrow so I guess I'll let you know eventually. I GET TO CROWN MARY!! OMG WOOOHOOOOOOO! And we have the confrence meet for track this sat.
:((( I'm so scared. YIKES!!! Last vball torn this sun. YAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm not even nervous cuz I know it won't matter. The only sad thing is that I'm just starting to get to be really good friends with my teammates and breaking away from Allegra. I don't think she's too happy with me for that. I'm also really scared about going to high school. I mean, I know NO ONE. AAAAAAAH! Very scary. OH well I'll get over it eventually. I have to call Feltes now about my pics. They turned out really good :)) Last good pix til STRAIGHT TEETH *does a happy dance*
Wow sorry about the sudden bursts of randomness :)) Pray that grandpa gets better, mmkays? TY TY TY!
Much love,
Kel
" If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away"
Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

That was fun...
Yesterday was awesome. As my group sat in Religion class waiting for the bell to ring, we discussed what Anne Frank and "Petel" were doing on Dussell's cushions. Lmao. OmG riot. And in the process we somehow discovered that I was a baragge. Go figure.

Today was track. I did ok. I beat my PR in the 400. Stoopid "person" kept bringing our relay team down, and Julian was acting like an ass. I mean really, I hate living in Allegra's shadow, and I cannot wait until next year when I can live in NO ONES shadow and refer to her as, "That-person-I-used-to-hang-out-with-and-secretly-greatly-despised"
Well its not really a secet...Sven knows.

My mom just did my eyebrows and they hurt like a bitch. Seriously. Take my advice and do NOT i repeat, DO NOT let your mom EVER wax your eyebrows - it will result in wax plastered on your forhead and a loooot of plucking.

Jared's makin his first Communion tomorrow. AWWWW! Seems like juss yesterday the lil bugger was born.
how cute!
Anyhoo I should be goin off to bed. I'm so tired and my eyes throb in pain :-P

Lata masturbater!
Kel

I hate salespeople that call while you're trying to do stuffz....!
Ok well the other day I think I was just tired and being retarded with my whole "I love Derick" confession and the truth is I do love him...but not as my boyfriend anymore. I used to...but I just can't anymore.

Everything is getting so stressful!!! The end of the school year and we gotta take tha Constitution test thing. GrOwL. God I hate Z. He's such a bastardo. Today he tells us tha the HUGEEE test is on Fri. WTF!! And B told us yesterday tha our outline is due Friday for Lizzie Borden. Plus I still hafta do tha reading and we had our Anne Frank test today which I seriously think I failed :-P And also a Science Test tomorrow. Welcome to the end of the year!!!

Yesterday at track, Julian was trying to help me with the spin and he told me tha "Legra does it really well..." blahblahblah. He's so hott but he's sorta jerk-y sumtimes. I'm like "If u ferking think u can do it better than go right on ahead." So yea. Damn weirdo. And for the record, Steve didn't even ask where Legra was yesterday seeing as tho she didn't call him and I don't think its MY place to say nething to him. If he says NOTHING to her I am gon be so pissed. But hey, on the good side, only 3 more practices and one torn. and I'll be gone for good. I'm not playin for Pazazz next year but probably Great Lakes cuz they are sooo much better and their coaches probably aren't bastards...and also to get away from you-know-who (not steve...well steve too but someone else).

I found out why Kris gets so pissed everytime I meet a new guy but...its not like I can help her situation any so I wish she would just leave me alone.

Well I really should be going to do my homework instead of dicking around on the computer.
lata calculata.

"Wake up tired
Monday mornings suck
It's way too early to catch a bus
Why conform without a fuss?"
Skye Sweetnam - Billy S.

Hott boys all around!!!!!!!
Lmao I read the last thing that I wrote and I'm like...wow, Kelli your a dumbass. ;-P

Well yesterday we went into Chicago which was so awsome. There was this one guy who was hitting on me - I only got hit on twice which is a very very very good thing - and he looks like Dominick L. that lives behind me. (I'm watchin the Cubs came and it looks like Kerry Wood just got in a fight with sum1...haha!!!) Anyway I guess the only real important thing you need to know is that the first guy, I thought was way out of my league (I'm talkin khaki shorts, white and blue striped polo shirt, b-e-a-utiful young man). So I was flored and as we were walking into this one building, he came up the stairs. And we locked eyes for about a mili-second and I looked away. So he was walking behind us and I'm like...omg omg omg....as with the advantage of long legs, he was able to get in front of us and was standing by his family so as I was walking by I tried to get his attention and when I caught his eye he looked me up and down, licked his lips and smiled...! I was so estatic...omg!! LoL I almost peed my pants I was that amazed. For once, I actually got a guy who was out of my league!! *at a loss for words*
The second guy like I already said look identical to Dominick with brown-ish hair and blond streaks thru it. He was hott! And while we were at Uno's, we would keep locking eyes for a few seconds and then look away and as I was leaving he smiled and me and nodded. LoL ok that sounds lame, but if u were there, and saw this guys face, you'd be just as happy. So they made the trip totally worth it.
It was also really fun w/ my fam, even though ur prolly gagging about it, it was fun. We went to Lincoln Park Zoo and walked around Chicago for a long time. Then we ate at Uno's that has like THE best pizza in all of Chicago.
Yankee's play the Sox tonight!! OMG OMG OMG ALEX RODRIGUEZ LOSSSSSA ALEX WOOOOOO!
So sexy. (HUGE ASS!! LMAO!)
Oh another thing, we went to the first contemporary mass tonight. Something weird happened...when I was walking in, Dominick (a dif. one than I was talking about before) goes, "Hey Kelli..." and it wasn't regular...i could like feel his eyes running all over me. It was gross I mean, Dom has been my friend for so long and when ur friends start checking you out...I mean, Dom is even my ex-bf but we won't go there.....
Just the whole friend issue...messed up.
OMG! One more thing...Last thurs, we got to dress up for church cuz the 8th grade was doing this thing and I wore black pants and this cute lil baby blue shirt and the shirt kept coming up when I stood up. But sometime during school, Kody saw my thong and told EVERYONE that I was wearing one!!! I was sooo embarassed, omg. And then Manda was all like my friend cuz I was gettin so much attention. I was like.....grrrowl. I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ATTENTION!!!! WHY DOESNT ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT I CANT HELP THE WAY I LOOK!!!!
With that said...
I'll c ya.
"Most illingest b-boy - I got that feeling
Cause I am most ill and I'm rhymin' and stealin'"
Beastie Boys - Rhymin and Stealin

I'm reminicing, dreaming old dreams, wishin old wishes...like you would be back again
Hmm severe sadness has taken over. I just can't help it whenever I hear that song. LoL whenever I hear a lot of songs I think about *him* and wonder if he's ok. I haven't heard from him so I wonder how everything went at the doctor's today. Yap Yap. So I dunno. Its almost been a year since I met him. So yea thas awkward. I knew it would be rough tho so I'm not complaining.

I worked a lil on my site today. Sumthin I haven't done in awhile. So thas cool.

The weird thing is that I think heem - (code name for Derick, lol and I'm telling you) misses me too. Like when we were talking yesterday, we were both remenicin about our past together. I mean, the last thing he needs right now is me, but I'd do anything.... he told me about a friend he made and it makes me so sad because I'd kill to be tha girl. I don't know if right now if he's trying to make me jealous, if he knows what he's doing to me, or if he's really that naive. (I'll see you again, pretend your naive, is this what you want, is this what you need?) Good times man.
When I said that to heem about our past, he goes, 'very'. What does that mean?!?! Is that good?! Bad?! Does he miss me. Would he keep talking to me and hanging on to the past if he didn't? I dunno I haven't really thought about this whole situation like this in a loooong time and I actually thought I was doing pretty good. I love Derick, i really think I do. and its seriously killing me. And I think a moth just bit me in the neck. Ewwie.
LoL ok but serious: whenever I think about dating someone else, or getting serious with another guy, I keep going, "aww hey, remember when me n heem used to..." and it goes on like tha forever. I so wish for him to hold me in his arms like he once did....but it won't happen again. I don't see it happening anytime soon at least...

So thas pretty much all thas been goin on. *shrugs* Dammit, SB is almost ova :(( But, maybe once I get back to school and my life gets back on track everything will be betta. I dunno

"Don't be stupid...you know I love you!"
Shania Twain - Don't be stupid

Thanx for shopping at a;dklf;zcmasodifrj;wlek HAVE A NICE DAY!!!
LoL umm...yea...!
I mish Derick. He told me something today...he has a heart problem. He didn't tell me what it was about or anything but he finds out Thursday if he needs to go back to Texas for surgery. :( I told him to let me know. So yea. He's really hott to. LoL But yea, I miss him so much. I can't believe I actually broke his heart. I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do tho, because of two reasons:
1.) It was the right thing to do
2.) It was right after I met Sorin and everything just started happening at once and I just couldn't take it...i felt like I was cheating on him and tha just wasn't fair.
So hopefully everything will go betta. But I dunno.

Today was actually pretty good. Me and Kris got along great and hardly fought at all which is pretty amazing. We went to the club for taco's. So yea tha was cool

When I came back I went running down by the school. There were these guys playin baseball and I heard someone yell, "oo yea keep runnin." And I didn't know if they wuz talkin to me or wha so I juss kept goin. I turned the corner (went right, they were to my left) and I heard someone else yell, "No not that way! Come back this way!!" So I sort of turned but kept goin. So yea tha was messed. I dunno if tha was just sum big coincidence cuz maybe they weren't even talkin to me but I dunno.

I made cookies AGAIN for Kris and her SVDP meeting and they went over well as far as I heard.

I actually survived vball last night. To my luck, Ashley wuz gone so I passed with Justine. Thas sweetness dude. Everyone was like, "WE MISS ALLEGRA!" And I"m all like...thx guys...
Oh well. I only got like 2 more weeks with them and then ima be done for the rest of my life. *does a jig*

I guess thas all for now. Praaaaaaaay that I see Derick again soon and pray that he be ok. :)

"I wake up and teardrops, they fall down like rain. I put on that old song we danced to and then, I head off to my job. Guess not much has changed. Punch the clock, head for home, check the phone. Just in case. Go to bed, dream of you, thats what I'm doin these days."
These Days - Rascal Flatts

And

" all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life"
Bring Me to Life - Evanescence

Last but not least

"I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear"
The Reason - Hoobastank

Keep rockin the free world
*~*~*~Kelli~*~*~*

De Nile is not just a river in Egypt...
Hey everyone! How was your Easter? Hopefully good. Mine was...interesting to say the least.
Kris and my dad went to Church early in the morning cuz they had to work, but all of us went to the Easter Vigil. It was awsome, I will never forget this Easter. Its insane becuase for the first time, I actually understand what Easter is and why its so huge for us Catholics. And what this? These twice a year Catholics piss me off so bad!!!! Like I'm there every Sunday and they come struttin in like they own the place I'm like...damn weirdo's. On the upside, Jakob and Logan, the two hottest guys on the face of the earth, made their Confirmation which should make church much more enjoyable!! :)

We went to Gaslite manor for brunch, and it actually went pretty well. I just sat in silence the whole time because if I opened my mouth I'd probably be killed with remarks and bad looks so I just sat quietly. Which worked pretty well because there were these two guys with hott accents and so I spent most of the time we were there listening to them talk. It was pretty cool.

Then we went to my grandma's and my dad and I took Sister home...to the convent...
LoL she really is a sweet lady but the freakin nursing home scares the bajeebus out of me. There was some guy screaming help the whole time...and I was like...SOMEONE HELP HIM ALREADY!!! Sheesh... but the convent room are reallly small...and I feel bad for them.

Then we Kris and I went to Blockbuster....this is where it gets interesting...ok so we go in, right? Well we're looking around and we end up getting the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Radio, and Under the Tuscan Sun. So we go to the counter thing to check out or w/e and there's this guy there. He wasn't really cute (his name was Danny) but he was ok. At first I thought he was like, deaf, because whenever he would talk to me, he looked straight into my eyes and if I talked to him, it seemed as if he was hanging on my every word. Just the way he looked at me...twas amazing. But anyway, I only had $10 with me cuz i thought that it wouldn't be more expensive...well turns out it was $10.47. My luck, eh? I'm like, "kris, do u have 47 cents?" And she's like, "in the car." And I'm like, "could u plz go get it?" and suprise suprise! She goes without complaining. LoL anyway, she goes out and the guy goes, "So your Kristin?" (cuz that name was on the Blockbuster card) and I'm like, "No, I'm Kelli." and he's like, "Oh, that was Kristin?" And I'm like, "Yea." And he's like, "so you live around here?" And I'm like, "yea." And he's like, "what school do you go to?" And I told him. And he's like, "oh my cousin went there." And I'm like, "Oh, who's your cousin?" And he's like, "DeLores" And I'm like, "ooh, I don't know them." And he's like, "ok...so your a senior?" And I'm giggled and I'm like, "umm..no I'm in eighth grade." And he's like, "oo...eighth grade?" And he started laughing a little. And omg it was taking Kristin FOREVER. LmAo omg those were the longest 5 minutes of my life. But its like they say, "Love knows no age" because even though he knew how old I was, he still tried to flirt with me by his eyes and everything. I'm sure that was out of courtesy tho. lol

But on the way home, Kris had a coniption. She's like, "THAT WOULDN'T HAPPEN IF YOU DRESSED LIKE A 13 YEAR OLD!" etc etc etc.
What do people not understand about the fact that I can't help that I look older! Its not like I go around saying, "Hey look at me, I look like im 18 even though I'm only 13." Seriously!
Does anyone else go through this? I mean, none of my friends go through this, and they look just as old as I do. And most girls are like, "I'm not pretty enough!" They've never been on the other end of the spectrum...which is the side where your too pretty and you can't help it. I'm not complaining that I have "looks" but I am upset that my family just doesn't understand that I can't help it and I'm not going around asking for attention. And I'm not bragging...trust me. I am NOT bragging. But I wish I knew if this was normal and whatnot.

Anyway, we watched Radio...which was such a great movie. And the TCM. OMG I PEED MY PANTS! Lmao I sat on my mom's lap the whole way through I was scared out of my freakin mind. Very scary. Plus, the girl who committed suicide...she did it the same way my uncle and that guy did a couple day ago :((
Scary as hell. I dunno...sum ppl say its true and sum say its not. I can't tell if I do or not. There's enough evidence to support either theory. Oh well, i don't really feel like over-analyzing it on Spring Break :-P

Blah. I don't wanna go to track/volleyball tonight. Legra isn't gonna be there cuz shes gonna be too tired cuz she comin back from New Orleans today. I can't say I blame her, but there's no way I can get out of it :( Track I guess I can do especially since the HOTT HOTT THROWING COACH IS GONNA BE THERE! w00t!! :)) Julian..omg he's gorgeous and me and Legra sit there drooling our arses off. And lol the other day he was teaching us the spin and he asked me if I was lying to him about if I felt the difference and I was FLORED! Lmao oof! Very secksay. Vball tho. Blah. If we need partners for something ima be stuck w/o a partner and prolly end up being Steve's. ICK! *gags* I really hate Steve alot alot. And plus, I'm so shy I hate going to practice by muhself. HEEEEEEELP!

"Tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody?s listening
Called to you so clearly but you don?t want to hear me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody?s listening"
~Nobody's Listening, Linkin Park

Keep rockin the free world,
*~*~*~KeLLi~*~*~*

BoRed....bOrEd...boREd..BOreD....
I'm so bored.
My hands are sticky from cleaning up afer my sister. I'm *sort of* waiting for my cake to cool so I can frost it. Blah. Boredness. I'm also waiting for the hot water heater to heat up so I can take a shower. I have to go to breakfast with my drunken aunt and uncle tomorrow and I'm sure they will tell me that my skirt is "too short" and that my top is "too low" and that I'm "too young to wear stuff like that" and that I "look like a slut". Damn, I am so looking forward to that...!
My mom got hammered tonight. Lmao Omg it was hilarious, I've never seen her like that before. Trust me, my mom is awsome and I love her to death but omg she was like on the verge of being drunk. It was funny. She's a good Christian woman, but hey, on the epiphany of all Saturdays, its cool if you get drunk. LMao. Riot.
Today tho, we were out at the mall and I got the lecture. No not "THAT" lecture, you perv, but the one about how its so wrong that I look so much older than I am and how if I wear stuff that makes me look good its ok for my family to call me a slut (ok not in so many words, but thats what they were hinting at) Like we were at this one store and my sis tried on this shirt and it looked like it was pulling in her chest area and I'm like, "I think its just a lil wrinkled." And my mom is like, "kris, pull it down and then let it go" and so she did and it in fact was pulling and I'm like, "oooh, maybe you just need one size bigger." and kris goes, "hey, it works for kel." and my mom actually laughed!!! I was like...omg how flipping rude is that!? Seriously. And then I tried on this one shirt that my MOM picked out, mind you, and I absolutly fell in love with it and it was black, and I do look older when I wear black (I look older than I am when I wear anything, but its not like I can help it) and when I told my mom how much I loved it, she made me try it on and she goes, "absolutly not!" and Im like why, and she goes, "it comes down too low (which it did, (i liked it) so I don't blame her for that, I wouldn't have let my daughter wear it either) and it makes you look older." and then she goes into this whole thing, "why do you want to look older, why can you just dress like a 13 year old?! I want you to look like a little girl!!!"
Seriously...I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for a 'pretty face' or to be more mature at such an age. I didn't want to grow up this fast, it just sort of happened. I'm not sheltered from the outside world like some people are, and so I just was able to grow up a little faster. I can't help it and I'm sorry but I didn't know it was a sin to be somewhat cute. I don't know if my mom is just upset that all of a sudden her little girl is getting attention from boys but whatever her problem is, she just better let it go. Another thing that bothers me is that people judge me when they see me and tell my parents that I am going to be trouble when I grow up, just cuz I'm cute. I'm like..wow mature, judging people by the way they look...niiice. But I'm used to it by now....
Anyway, I still feel bad for my dad, and I hope he's gonna be ok. I think he's depressed...and I'm not helping at all, even though I try so hard.
I need help too..
"The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
Still here"
Vertical Horizon - I'm Still Here
Keep rockin the free world,
*~*~*~KeLLi~*~*~*

What if I could be the only one that he'd ever dream of....
First off, Happy Easter. Even though so far this Easter hasn't been that happy...and its not even Easter yet!!!

I guess the first thing is that I'm unbelievably tired, and I'm going right to bed after this. Aaah the joys of Spring Break!! w00t w00t!!
Today, me and Kris went shopping, which I guess I should know not to do when we're both tired and around this time of the month if you catch my drift...anyway, we got to this one store and she's like, 'ok u get out and see if they have what you need.' and I'm like, "fine, can I have your purse so if they have it I can just buy it while I'm in there?" And she's like, 'sure' and so I got it out and I guess she changed her mind and she like snatched it out of my hand and shes like, 'well u just have to check the price...blah blah blah..." and I'm like 'can I just have it so I only have to make one trip?' and she's like no...So I got out and of course, I was angry...you have to admit you would be too. And I let my anger get the best of me and even though I really did not mean to, I slammed the door. And she like rolled her eyes. And I went in (and the hottest guy in the whole world helped me!!!) and they didn't have it, but when I came back out, she had parked in the very last spot in the whole parking lot and made me walk. And omg I was sooo furious!!! And I'm like, "well that was very Christian-like of you to park in the last spot." and she like...blew up on me and was like, DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT BEING CHRISTIAN LIKE YOUR A HORRIBLE CHRISTIAN!!!! PLUS YOUR SO RUDE TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU NO WONDER EVERYONE HATES YOU! I DONT BLAME THEM AND PLUS YOU COULDN'T GO HALF OF A DAY WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING SMARTASS TO SOMEONE ELSE I WOULD BET 10 DOLLARS ON IT!
And I'm like....f*ck you.
How in the hell does a sister, someone who is supposed to love you and be your best friend, yell at someone else like that...and put someone else down like that. And so I just stopped talking to her. I'm still mad and everything...and she like brought it up when we were at dinner with my parents tonight and I'm like...leave me alone. God!
Another bad thing is that a friend of our family committed suicide today. I feel horrible. My dad saw him do it...and I feel so awful for him. I knew this man...not very well, but I have seen him just the other day working in his yard when I went running. And I feel so awful cuz I don't think I smiled or waved at him or anything. I wonder if my rudeness added to his desire to kill himself...I hope not...I feel so terrible and I'm so sad :(
His wife...omg she must be so sad. I actually knew her to. I bet she will never be the wonderful woman that she was before...its a tragedy. It really is. And no matter how much I threaten myself with it, I would never ever kill myself. The reasons are threefold:
1.) No matter how much my family pisses me off most of the time, I could never do that to them. I hate seeing people suffer...I always wish I can take their pain away and therefore, I refuse to do something to someone that causes them distress
2.) I want to be someone someday. I want a family and I want a husband that loves me. I want to become a mother. And I have so many dreams of what I could be and I just tell myself that one day I'll make it through and it will be worth it.
3.) I don't have any guts. I could probably have everything planned out, but it would mean sh*t unless someone actually went through with it. And thats where I stop because I don't have any courage like that :) Which I guess is an all around good thing in the long run. So yea

On a happier note, we're on Spring Break, so hopefully I'll be a little less stressed. I dunno if I said this yet, but me, Manda, Legra, and Steph L. are all going to the Incubus/Vines concert...7th row!!!!!! WAhoo!! I cannot wait, it is gonna be so awsome!! It on July 14, which means I have about 3 months to memorize everything I can about Incubus and the Vines. YIPES!
I got 1st place in the Science Fair and my first 100% on an Algebra test! YIPPEEE!!! I completed my Lizzie Borden notecards which is awsome...now I need to do my book report and we'll be set for the end of the year.

Single and lovin it baby!
Seriously, is there a better lifestyle than being single? I love it, honestly I do. If your dating someone, how do you have any fun? I mean, like take today for example. There was this hott busboy and the resurant we went to and he was flirting with his eyes and everything. and if I was dating someone, I could not do that. That would suck. :-P I'm never gettin married...flirtin with all the old guys in the nursing home when im 99. lmao riot!!

Have a good night and a fantastic Easter!!
" So many people like me put so much trust in all your lies
So concerned with what you think to just say what we feel inside
So many people like me walk on eggshells all day long
All I know is that all I want is to feel like I?m not stepped on
There are so many things you say that make me feel you crossed the line
What goes up will surely fall and I?m counting down the time
Cause I?ve had so many standoffs with you it?s about as much as I can stand
So I?m waiting until the upper hand is mine"
~Linkin Park - Hit the floor

*~*~*~KeLLi~*~*~*