Adam
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: As Long as you love me - backstreet boys...hahahahaha
Topic: AWESOME DAY
Hey hey!
Wow soo much has happened. Everything with Derick has been going so smooth, but I think I know wut I need to do. I need to break up with him, but I don't know how to do it.

I've met someone knew

I know, I never thought I would say it either, but I really really really like him. And I know I said I "loved" Derick, but I think I just realized that I don't. I know, dont make any decisions but I dunno... I can't stand being with Derick anymore. This is just going so wrong, and Adam makes me feel happier than Derick ever has. For right now I'm going to just avoid Derick, spend time with Adam and hopefully decide which one I like more. But I do like him. Alot alot!!!!!!! I'm very excited too. Soooo we shall see. haha last night, he told me that I was sexy. HA! Sexy! Me?! WHO WOULDA GUESSED!?!?!

Okay well I'm going to go re-read a few notes and I'll see ya in the manana!

Update on my life
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Time Is Running Out by Muse
Topic: Terrible Day...again
Today was pretty shitty. Excuse my language, but it was.

For starters, my friends mom died of cancer. I'm still in shock, and totally upset about it. I can hardly concentrate... I didn't sleep last night. It's terrible...
Rest in peace. You will be terribly missed and never forgotten. Your children are in good hands...

Derick is mad AGAIN but oh well. So be it. I don't care anymooooore! Screw that. His fault - not mine. I'm sick and tired of hearing his woes. I have a life of my own ya know! I know he was hinting at breaking up this morning so... okay we're gonna break up. I sort of have a feeling that this might be final tho. The grand finale. Oh well, "good while you lasted"...

Cross Country meet tomorrow. I'm nervous. I really wanna do well especially cuz my sister is home from college. EESH!

Hmm what else. I think that's all I really wanna say right now. I'm just overtired, very stressed, and my emotions are running so high. It's rough. I need a break.

~Kel

Well...
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Hum of computer...
Topic: Terrible Day...
Grrrr...
Well I haven't updated in, what forever? Yea so Derick and I broke up last night. I am totally and completely torn in half. I love him so much... it was pretty sudden to. No input from me. And then he told me, "Good while you lasted..." That actually hurt me. Most of the time I don't take it to heart, but... god yea, that hurt.

And my sister went to college yesterday.
I lost my two very best friends in one day... the two people who care about me the most and who I care about the most. They are both gone...

Plus I left my retainer at a resturaunt today. But my mom and dad weren't as upset as I thought they would be... so that's good I suppose. I feel awful tho. Retainers are so damn expensive. I should be paying for this second one. Sheesh. It's horrible

So I'm wondering if it could go any worse, and I really don't think it could. I'm out.

Don't mind me and I apologize to Derick...
Ok, so I will tell you. Today me and my sister and her friend went to the mall so they could get their cartalige pierced. Well they got it done and blah blah blah. So my mom came to the mall to have dinner with us and to look around for a few things. So we were waiting for my sister and this guy wearing a cowboy hat came down the stairs. And I?m like, ?woah woah, texas man!? U know how much I loooove Texas :) So I was just kind of lookin at him, right? And he turns around and gives me this look. Not a dirty one or anything, but he just kind of looks at me. And my mom is like, ?wow he looks like Kenny Chesney.? And I?m like, ?yup he does?? And he walks away. The end!
Just kidding =P
So my mom and my sister were going to go look for some earrings and I was gonna go to Victoria?s Secret cuz they had a pretty good sale. So I was on my way up and the Kenny Chesney guy walks by and I?m like, ?OMG IM GOING TO FOLLOW HIM!!? So I did for awhile and I?m walkin kind of far behind him and he stops and turns around to go the other way. And I?m kind of lookin at him and I smirk a lil bit and I think I see him smile back at me. And woah woah! Lemme tell you, he had a nice smile. And then I?m just like, ?I totally imagined that.? So I regained my *calm* state of mind and continued on. Well I walk into Victoria?s Secret and he?s right there looking at me! And I?m like, ?OMG!? So in run into the store, look around for awhile and I?m like, ?well he should be gone by now.? And I walk out and he?s still there!!! And I?m like, omg omg omg. I was going to go the other way, but my cousin?s fiance was patroling the mall. So I?m like, ?It?s either walk by this guy or run into Matt and explain why I am holding a Victoria?s Secret bag?? And I?m like, ?I guess I will take my chances with walking by this guy?? And as I?m walking by he goes, ?Hey, how?s it goin?? And I?m thinkin, ?omg just keep going?!? But stupid stupid me turns around and just kind of smiles at him and he goes, ?wait a sec.? And I?m like, ?aaaah!? So I?m like, ?hey?? and he goes, ?Hi. How are you?? And I?m like, ?Um?good? How are u?? And he?s like, ?good good.? And he?s like, ?I keep running into you!? *kelli laughs and nods* Then he goes, ? so u live around here, I?m guessing.? And I?m like, ?Ya.? And he goes, ?I don?t, you can probably tell??*motions to cowboy hat* And I?m like, ?Yea I like your hat.? And he smiles *kelli faints* Then I ask where he?s from, and he tells me Michigan?*akward silence* He goes, ?So are you seeing anyone?? MY HEART IS GOING?THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP! And I?m go, ?No?? And so he goes, ?Well what are you doing tonight?? And I say, ?Watching the All-Star game for baseball.? He goes, ?Oh, well maybe you wanna hang out sometime this week?? And I?m like, ?uuuh..I am leaving for vacation.? And he?s like, ?when?? And I?m like, ?Monday??? And then I?m like, d?oh! Monday is passed?and then I?m like, ?no, wait, Wednesday.? And he?s like, ?oh that?s two days?? And I?m like, ?no that?s tomorrow.? And he?s like, ?oh, what is today?? and I told him Tuesday. And then he?s like, ?well then lets get together tonight.? And I?m like, ?I?m sorry, I am here with my family?? And he?s like, ?oh, ok.? And I?m like, ?Ok well I better get going..bye!? And I turn around and walk away.
LoL now that I look back on it, I wish I could have told him that I would have gone out with him in a heartbeat but I?m only 13!!!! He was like?20. :( Sad sad. But wow wow was he hot! Even my mom will attest to that!! And as we walked out, I waved to him and he smiled and waved back. *faints again* I really wish you could have seen his smile. SHEESH! Crazy!!! I didn?t think it was possible to get hit on at the mall. Best five minutes of my entire life. And it was even better than the guy from Wisconsin. I mean, he was actually HOTT! Kenny Chesney?s twin, I swear on my life. Ok but yea, that was amazingly fun!!!!

Makin Good Love
OMG!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!!!
Ok so last night, I'm talking to *him* right? And we're all talking about our past and I'm like, "Well do u think we're gonna talk anytime soon after this or is it gonna be another month???" And he goes, "no deff. tomorrow..." And so I was like jumping up and down with excitment!!! Then we're still talking about why I called it off and our feelings and stuff...(it was so awesome...I actually talked to him about my FEELINGS!!!)...and we both seemed pretty happy and I asked him if he wanted to be with me again...and he said YES!!!!!! And so after that I felt like maybe we moved things a little too fast and then I felt bad but it was a lot alot more comfortable talking about our past and stuff. And then he hugged me really tight and kissed me soo slowly and told me that it was nice havin me back. *swoooon...faint....* And I'm trying not to over-analyze everything because I have a tendency to do that ..... so I'm trying hard, baby, plz forgive me. I love him - I have found the man that I am going to marry, and the best part is that he loves me right back! And he likes me for ME, not for other reasons previously stated. :D It can only go downhill from here tho....Shopdoinkle!!!

Lataz!
Love Always,
Kelli
"I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt turn it inside out find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I'm through with you!"
Eve 6 - Inside Out
Good timez

Miracle Whip and Processed Oatmeal...???
That was the topic at lunch today with Austin, Puff, Xavi, Kolleen, and me. It was so funny. That one girl could rattle off everything in an oatmeal cookie and stuff in a salad dressing. In the words of Austin, "I have never met a bigger geek." Obviously, he has not met her friend. I wish she would bend over so I could show her where golfers really shove their clubs...she pisses me off.

Oh, lol I am taking golf this week. Dammit! You people have no idea how many GOOD dating opportunities there are at a golf course. Some of those young gentlemen are [rated R sentance goes here]. One of the instructors, Omillio, did like me a lil bit, but when he found out my age he was like, "OUT!" And I feel bad because I was bitching about something today and I think the person I was bitching about heard. I'm such an asshat sometimes. I really need to control my mouth!!!! I feel awful...

Anyway, I gotta go. I'm gonna take a nap cuz I'm really sleepy... ^_^
I wish I could re-do today...

OMG! ALWX IS BACK!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY!

Take it easy.
Always,
KElli

Two quick jokes for the legally insane...
Ok these are both pretty corny but here u go anyway:

(This one is a tad bit offensive to Chinese ppl, so sorry in advance!!)
How do Chinese people name their kids?
By throwing a fork down the well.

You don't get it? I didn't think you would. I will explain.
What kind of sound does a fork make when its going down the well?? Ping! Pong! Ching! Chong!

Reminds me of Dumb and Dumerer: Ching Chongity!! LMAO! WooT WooT! Wow, I have a terrible sense of humor!

Ok joke two:
What do you call an upside down blonde?
A brunette with bad breath.

LoL too funny.

Well I guess I don't have much else to say. I'm pretty boring today. Softball game tonight. I hope Kristin is ok, she's been gone to SVDP for a long time and they never are in good area's...I guess I only need to be worried if she's not back for the game!!!

Lata Calculataz!!
~*~*~Kelli~*~*~
"No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind Blue Eyes
And no one knows what its like
To be hated
To be faded
To only telling lies."
~Behind Blue Eyes, Limp Bizkit

What an emotional day!!!
First off, I feel it is my duty as an American citizen and as an Illinoian to pay my respects to one of the most wonderful presidents this country has ever had, President Ronald Reagan. Rest in Peace, President Reagan, you will NEVER be forgotten.

Hmm, I feel a bit better now. That was pretty touching, don't you think???

Well onto the next thing...Last night, I was correct and unfortunatly mom and I had to go to the store. I was hit on like 3 times. I know, I know, it's what I said I wanted, but it feels so dirty. Part of me is like, "YES YES YES!! I STILL GOT IT!!!" And the other part is like, "yea...now what do we do???" I'll never see any of those guys again and same thing, they are all playa's and only liked me cuz I looked somewhat good. I don't suppose any of them cared if I had a good sense of humor, but all they really wanted was for me to get in their pants. Dammit. How can I be so naive and so mature at the same time?? Which brings me to my next point...How exactly DID I grow up so fast? It's like at one point I was 9 years old and so innocent and I turned around and I was grown up and mature to the point where I could deal with shit no one else could. Maybe it was when Paul committed suicide. Everyone kind of grew up after that....maybe it was when my body grew up faster than I was ready for, but not like I could stop it so I just decided I had to grow up with it. Maybe it was just hanging out with people that were older than me all the time, or listening to B96 when I was only about 10 years old. I was thinking about this a lot today which pissed me off a lot and then I thought about Alex and Bobby and Alex V. and my family, and some other things that piss me off which completly distracted me from the softball game tonight.
ANOTHER POINT! Is it just me or does Mike try to make me happy?? I mean ok that sounded gay, but seriously, its like he...I DON"T KNOW! Just something about how bubbly he is makes me mad, because I am so shy and reserved and I choose not to show a certain side of myself...just makes me mad, ya know?? I'm sure u don't.

Ok my rants are done now. I'm thinking about losing about 11 lbs., maybe I'll be in a better mood after that. Hmph!!!

Lata calculata!
Love always,
Kelli

"I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority"
Green Day ~ Minority

Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty...!
I'm so boreeeeeeed and its so freakin hotttttt!! Its like 95 degrees today and I'm tired but am so worried about stuff...

Some things that are constantly on my mind are: weight, skin, guys, future, and teeth. I hate my apperance so bad. The truth is that all I really want is to be wanted. The men that look at me when I'm walking down the street...well, I've classified them all as playa's and they mean nothing to me. Every guy that has hit on me, well they probably do it to every girl that is in their sight. I want to be able to crawl into my man's arms and tell him everything thats on my mind and have him genuinly care about ME...my mind, soul, and heart...and not just my looks. <~that is, if I have any. I mean, I would tell my friends my problems, but after graduation I feel so disconnected from them and almost as if our friendship never was. Almost to the point where I feel like I never went to grade school with any of them. And I tried telling Isabel but she just doesn't understand. I also think that sometimes I can be so naive its just insane how naive I am sometimes. It also pisses me off that Alex isn't around to hold me. He left without any indication and I have a feeling that I may never see him again, no matter how bad I want him. Well, I guess I should be going. MoM and I are going shopping for kleets tonight - maybe someone will deny my suspicions and want me.

I promised u an updated picture of me so here it is: http://www.geocities.com/just_duckie3/kel.bmp
^^^you gotta hover over it for a little while and then when the little pic with arrows comes up, click on it and it will get bigger so u can see it better.

First Official Day of Summer Vacation...
Well its the first official day...its boring. Everyone else is in school and how bad I wanna be there instead of here :(( Oh well, they get out in like 5 minutes. Isabel and I have actually become very close which is weird because I didn't think I could become such close friends with her.

The Day After Tomorrow was really good. Kody, me, Erika, Kayla, and Rios were there. It was fun, and I think I still have a slight crush on Rios but I'll never know now...

So anyway, I think I'm going to go be bored somewhere else. I'm going to make the most of this summer tho. I'm going to babysitting on Monday's all day and I'm going to volunteer at McAuley Manor...if I ever decide to call them. I'm so scared I guess. But I dunno. Ihave some plans.

Kris and my graduation party is this Sunday, and like everyone is going to be there. It's going to be the BIGGEST blowout I've ever seen

I like our new seminarian. He reminds me of me because he's so quiet and reserved but soo nervous at the same time. I think I will get along with him really well and I can't wait to get to know him better

Gotta go
~Kel~