That's right, your hopes and dreams have come true, the official Son of Alf lyrics are here! So you may bask in their glory, if you are willing to read them.
I put all of our songs here even the terrible ones which we will never ever play again except when we're bored and want to have something to laugh at. The songs are in chonological order so scroll down to the bottom if you want to be slightly amused, and read what is right below this if you also want to be slightly amused (but because of how bad the lyrics are, not that they're in any way clever). I will put a witty and clever comment for each one.
I got checkered suspenders, aren't I a cool guy? (Hell no!)
People call me a loser but I don't even try(loser!)
To make my self seem better, in their mind's eye
Why do I care what jackasses think of me?
I don't care as you can plainly see
Ref:
What makes you think that I care what you think?
What makes you think that I care?
I have made almost no new friends since I started high school (loser!)
People say it is because my suspenders aren't cool (damn straight!)
Slacktor is my god, I worship him a lot
He is large and lazy and he and I have often fought
Slacktor calls to me often in the morning
I'm supposed to be getting dress but I'm in my bed snoring
Ref:
You can worship Slacktor any time or anywhere
Just lean up against the wall or fall asleep in a chair
Slacktor calls to me when I am in school
Supposed to be doing work but my desk is covered in drool
I am asleep in the kitchen with my head stuck in a pan
But I will always be Slacktor's biggest fan
All my friends tell me that we are all cool guys
But then tell me why my sex life's cold as ice?
All friends who are girls tell me I am funny and nice
But then tell me why I can't get one fucking slice?
Ref:
Why can't I get action?
All my friends who are girls tell me I am funny and nice
But then tell me why I can't get one fucking slice?
What pisses me off the most are all those trendy jerks
Who even though they're posers, get all those fucking perks
Cookin' with Alf is our way of life
That helps us through our times of strife
I have a patch that shows off my
Allegiance to that furry guy
In this song, I wish to say
Why we all turned out that way
Ref:
Cookin' with Alf, yes indeed
Cookin' with Alf on cats he feeds
Bla blah blah blah (don't remember)
Bla blah blah blah (don't remember)
Cookin' with Alf is a good thing to do
If you're a punk and you often lose
Blah blah blah blah (don't remember)
Hey man, I'm cooking with Alf!
Look at me, I used to be smart
Being clever it was a start
To get to where I am now
I am always wondering how
Ref:
Look inside my head there's nothing going on
My mind's completely blank I don't know if this is fun
My mind's a blank slate but there's no chalk
I've become a moron but it's not my fault
If you could see the way I used to be
But I can't remember what it was
So many things that get in my way
It's all the small things in which my attention decays
I can't think with all this crap around
My attention is lost, with one little sound
Math is so boring, I think I'm gonna die
The only thing worth doing is poking myself in the eye
Paying attention is so hard in class
Especially since the girl in front of me has such a nice ass
Ref:
There are mixed thought in my mind
There's all this stuff to do and so little time
Come to the point where I can't think
My short attention span is making my life sink
Look out the window, see what's going on
Teacher tells me I'm doing something wrong
There are so many things that are on my mind
Paying attention to her falls in the behind
I'd rather be anywhere but here
Thinking of work fills my heart with fear
I know that in a few hours I'll be on the fly
But for right now, I just wanna die (DIE)
Doctor Wily that creepy dude
Creator of that evil robot crew
Never did learned he couldn't control the world
But now he can cuz megaman's dead
Ref:
Whoooooaaaaaaaaa
Megaman's dead
Going through where most wouldn't dare
Fighting his way through air man's lair
He went through that double door
Airman through him on the floor
Airman through a tornado wall
Hit Megaman squarely in the balls
Megaman got off a plasma blast
But airman still kicked his ass
Wandering the school in my untorn sweat pants
A clean woolen sweater is the closest I get
To the dirty rags of a true street person
How and where I can I learn the lesson
Of all the things that a true bum should know
Instead I'm just being a poser hobo
Ref:
Wandering the streets with nothing to do
Asking for spare change just to by food
Your only friend is a bottle of whisky
The life of a hobo is the life for me
Every morning I get up at six
Walk through my neighborhood its filled hicks
Just to get to a bus stop where I don't wanna go
Every day in winter I pray for snow
To sit in a class do work and take notes
Kills my mind till I only think of crappy jokes
Watching the clock till twelve-thirty
Then it's summer and I'm finally free
Ref:
Don't have to get up, don't have to do work
Don't have to sit still, don't have to deal with any jerks
Just sit in my house, don't change my clothes
Just watch TV and that's how it goes
Everyday I get up at 2
Go to my living room and watch cartoons
Eat ramen and cereal till I can't eat any more
Then fall over and sleep on the floor
Wake up again at eight thirty
Don't talk to anyone not even my family
Play videogames till twelve thirty
Then watch Conan and fall asleep
Ref
Sick of work and I don't wanna do it
If I do anymore then I'll go insane
If I go insane I'll go insane with rage
If I go insane with rage then I'll kill you all
I remember back when I was just a little kid
Morning, afternoon, and evening there was only one thing I ever did
And only one true friend I actually ever had
I'd have to say video games replaced my dad
I played those things so very very much I'd prefer a cold controller to my mother's warming touch
To those who disagree I say videogames are good
So what if I never had a childhood
Ref:
So what if all of my real friends are pixelated
And whenever I actually saw sunlight my real parents celebrated
No matter what I see or do I know reality's lame
I'm proud of my heritage because I was raised by video games
Megaman and mario were always there for me
Much more so then the members of my real family
The morals they gave were the best advice
And the kid from blastermaster always acts real nice
One thing I can do to keep from being bored
Is play dragonwarrior and challenge the dragon lord
I can always take the car from radracer for a whirl
With a family like this I don't even need a girl
Ref
I'm such a loser that I quit my job
I'd break up with my girlfriend if I had one
I don't talk to my family if I can help it
Just so I can play more video games
I don't do my homework I don't feed my dog
All my "friends" hate me because I don't talk to them
I don't leave my room if I can get away with it
Just so I can play more video games
When I was young I was a sad little boy
Only made friends so I could play with their toys
When I got to their house I ignored them totally
Obsessed with their action figures that I could see
I never had any friends at school but two
If they didn't bring their Mr. T doll I pitied the fool
In first grade for some reason I was a popular little bastard
And I wouldn't talk to anyone who didn't own blaster master
Ref:
It all started when I was just a little tot
Nintendo games influenced my every thought
Playing by myself was enough for me
That is why I guess I am awkward socially
When I hit puberty it all backfired
Girls weren't interested in how the technodrome was wired
When I got to high school it became even worse
I became a punk but I was still a nerd
When a talk to people I don't know my mind's a blank
It's as hard for me to talk as it is for Justin to skank
All the friends I have, I've had since grade school
That's ok with me because being a nerd is cool
High school nerd, pursuing my own goals
Not bothering to notices all of society's roles
Playing in a band, just trying to have fun
To busy with our own problems to notice who's under the gun
Video games and lack of girls are what occupy my mind
Other things to write about are just too hard to find
It's not that we don't care abouut the problems that we see
Being political we're just not able to be
Ref:
We are aware of the problems of our society
It's just that in my music I am more concerned with me
That we care about issues, of that there is no doubt
It's just that I don't know what I am talking about
I have issues that I want to be heard
It's just that I'm a cool guy, despite being a nerd
I'm doing this for the music and also for the girls
I don't have expectations of changing the world
Singing what we know doesn't get us very far
It's just what in Rad Racer is the most annoying car
I know there's problems to call attention to with music
It's just that in writing these song I am incompetent
Wizards of Dominia fighting for control
Every Friday night, we sell our social soul
We get into a car packed full of our friends
To go hang out with little kids and creepy old men
We play tournament rules, mana dump is for the weak
Play a color booster and get punched in the cheek
Mirage is the latest expansion in our hands
Because we just started to play magic again
Tap a land, cast a spell
Try to bring out your serra angel
Bring your oppenent's life to zero
But watch out for his Benalish Hero
There's combo I need to win
Icy Manipulator and Royal Assasin
Once I get theres out I'll win in a hurry
All of my enemy's creatures will soon be burried
Justin's white deck isn't much of a threat
It's just a bunch of commons that are easy to forget
Watch out for Cole's deck when you cast a spell
His counterspells make for a burn deck's hell
Kyle's deck has been around for years
But in most people's heart it still carries fear
A dam has too many deck's for even him to name
But poor Bob's just learning to play the game
My despondency at your return
Sets my heart afire, and my heart to burn
The moonlit twilight over the tranquility of my pain
The oscillation of my being likens to rain
Cascophanation throughout the labrynth of our pride
Tumultuous clouds roll through the inferno of abandonment inside
Your deception rebounds against your emptiness
Eternal hunger exacerbates the rage of your existence
With superflous looks, your eyes crucify me
My lifeblood splatters on the walls of forever
Lacerations of emotion assist to liberate me
I hold the key, but my hand is severed
This crimson radiance flows within my retaliation
Prevention of my loss is achieved only through coagulation
Of my self reliance, brought upon by the decay of my ignorance
Crush my lungs, I breathe love to offer as pittance
Cessation of my joy is precipiated by our memories of our dead utopia
And peaceful nights seem as distant as the shattered pangea
On silent wings you rise, but I remain bound
Fallen from your shoulder I float as pheonix down.
On the Year of the Hobo, on the Eve of St. Splangy's Feast
Came one to our fair vale, who was neither man nor beast
Of brass and iron constructed, his heart was built pure gold
They say that when they made him they must've broke the mold
Ref:
Ballad of the Medieval Robot! A tale of high adventure and love true!
Ballad of the Medieval Robot! The prophecy come alive of the crystal Bagu!
As the greatest of heroes he will always be known
For defeating a Cholosaur when it was fully grown
For protecting our future from the Space Beast Clyde
And taking the elven queen as his bride
This robot went on to become a hero amongst kings
For what other hero purified The Eternal Spring?
And rescued the 13 maidens of Baboon-Heart-Transplant Castle?
And would never ever would turn down an invitation to wrastle?
I’ve been kidnapped by the pirates of love and, baby, this time the ransom is you
I want to be closer to you, girl, than some form of parasitic worm
My love for you girl, will last much longer than the life of this puppy I just bought
It’ll even outlast the radiation at Chernobyl
The cancer of your beauty has metastasized its way to my heart
And the chemo of bitter words won’t kill it
If you told me to leave you, my heart would drop lower
than the ThAC0 of a high level fighter in D&D
Cause you are my sputnik, spurning the politicians of America against the red menace
I’d welcome the immune problems that we’d both be sure to get
If we sewed our veins together so we could share more than words
Even if a kill-bot commanded me too, I wouldn’t consume your sweet flesh
To gain the energy needed to work in the Lunar Trilithium mines
You are so sweet to me, girl, I think I have adult diabetes
and your love’s the insulin I need to balance out my blood-sugar levels
If Cannibals had us, Id tell them to eat my heart first, so they’d be filled with love for you
Id you wanted I’d destroy an endangered species for you
Even if you didn’t say so, I could tell by the look in your eyes
If zombies surrounded us and I joined their undead legion
Id try not to attack you but I
inevitably would, cause Im so hungry for brains
What I’m trying to say, is that I love you
Fall has passed me by, like a floating head from Castlevania
I don't know when my static life became so break-neck
Last year seems like yesterday, but I don't remember yesterday at all
I think Ill spend tonight reading in my basement wishing I could never grow this old
I know the time is coming when I can't write stupid songs about when I was young
Because Ill be too busy writing stupid songs about when I grew up
I don't want to write about a "you" who broke my heart again unless you refers to a crappy game I played and heart means my nintendo
Sleeping in the basement has its benefits sure it's pretty cold, but you know the sun will never rise this morning
When was our fate bound into this darkness beyond time?
When did the paths we tread become such that even angels lose their way?
13000 years ago, yesterday came and went
The Black Omen kept the world in shadow
But for a certainty, back then, we loved so many yet hated so much
We hurt others and hurt ourselves
Yet even then, we ran like the wind whilst our laughter echoed under cerulean skies
As Zeal fell into two dark seas
Your pendant shone in the sun
And despite all our objections time flowed on
All that we had, all that we did forgotten as we became the wind
The end of time was our beginning
The conservation of time states that only three life froms can travel it at once
The space-time coordinates of least resistance...
Lavos reigns from Death Peak...
Destruction rains from the heavens.
And now, our struggles are no longer futile
We can say we saved everyone we could
From times ahead, and times long past, we can look on you, Schala, and smile...
Once the sanctity is broken, the mind is more fertile
But oh what a frightful fruitfulness
As several artsy folk have said "Sanity is just a crutch"
But what to do when the bone's not healed?
Ref:
Echoing from the sky, the pealing thunder of King Jupiter's decree: "Your words will receive no compensation as you salt the ground beneath"
Oh well, marching to the beat of a different drummer is just fine
I just hope he's not a cannibal this time
What's more concerning to me is the fact that everyone I know is taking a trip down the vortex
A sharpened mind be good for only cutting, but I'll trust myself to beat the swords back to plowshares
Eh, it's a good ride, so long as you're not stripped of flesh
I don't know when we fell, but it's been going pretty well
I think I've learned to keep well clear of the wolverines
But I wonder their propensity for violence has infected me?
I hope to be the first to climb onto King Jupiter's throne
