Band Geek

YOU might be a band geek if:

If you’re proud to be called one
If you walk around humming marches
If you can sing the entire piccolo part to "Stars and Stripes Forever"
If all your friends are in the band
If you discover that when you walk with a large group of friends, you all walk in step
If you’ve gone out with all members of the opposite sex within the band
if you’ve tried out every instrument in the band, regardless of who played it last
If you don’t laugh when you hear the word "flugelhorn"
If you’ve ever used your trumpet mute to plunge a toilet
If you have chocolate flavored reeds
If you think "sucking on wood" is not a sexually explicit term
If you’ve spent more money on reeds than food
If you cringe when you hear the word "oboe"
If you know the guys at the music store by name
If you find yourself being constantly late to everything
If you’ve ever used the excuse, "Sorry, I have band that night"
If you’ve ever been at school for over twelve hours
If, when Saturday night rolls around, you’re in the band room
If you’ve ever slept in the band room
If you’ve ever slept in the same room with band members
If you see your director more often than your parents
If you refer to inter-section conflicts as "sibling rivalry"
If, when you leave when school gets out, your parents ask you why you’re home so early
If you polish your instrument more than your car
If your instrument has its own personality and name
If you keep pictures of your instruments in different poses in your wallet
If the phrase "stand partner" doesn’t evoke sexual images in your mind
If you know the difference between a sousaphone and a tuba
If you know the difference between a euphonium and a baritone
If you’ve ever used the phrase, "It’s okay, I’m in the band"
If you’re "potty pals" with another drummer
If you know the difference between a percussionist and a drummer (is there a difference?)
If you’ve ever been called a drummer and felt insulted
If you know that not everybody who sits on a throne is a king
If you know every drum cadence by heart and are not a drummer
If you can sing every drum cadence and don’t feel embarrassed while doing it
If you think you are cool when you hear a song on the radio and know the quint part to it
If you’ve gone to every sporting event and never paid for one
If the football team provides entertainment for the band concert
If, after enduring one season of marching band, you come back for more
If whenever you hear a song on the radio, you start saying, "left...left...left, right, left..."
If, whenever you hear a whistle, you snap to attention
If you believe everything your drum major says as if it is the word of God
If you’ve ever written lyrics to a march
If you’ve ever tried to march the piano
If you think three-quarters of a mile is a short walk
If you do an "about face" to turn around
If you subdivide while talking
If you’ve ever tripped over the assistant drum major
If you think two hours in a bus is a short trip
If you’ve been hit by a colorguard flag more than once
If you cheer when your bus has a bathroom
If telling someone they blow as a compliment
If you can quote the current prices for mouthpieces
If you've ever been mauled by a gong
If you’ve been told to make your instrument sound like a barnyard animal
If you can identify any instrument by its case
If you can identify an instrument by its clang when it hits the floor
If you know where every single dent in your instrument came from
If you cringe when you hear the words "pomp" and "circumstance" in the same sentence
If mention of the word "solo" makes your heart drop down into your stomach
If you know good violin players exist
If you think a tuba locker is a good place to sit
If 75% of your shirts have the word "band" on them
If you’re proud of having a band letter on your letterman’s jacket
If a band letter is the only letter you have on your letterman’s jacket
If you’ve ever seen a valve trombone
If you carry your schoolbooks in your instrument case (is that even possible with your instrument in it?)
If your non-band friends think you’re in the Mafia
If you tolerate band jokes about your instrument from your director
If the director has thrown his baton at you more than once
If all the band members know your parents on a first-name basis
If you know two definitions for the word "lyre"
If you’re not disgusted by pools of spit all over the ground
If you’ve played the concert B-flat scale in over 90 variations
If "rushing" and "dragging" are technical terms to you
If rest doesn’t mean "take a break"
If the word "festival" doesn’t necessarily mean "party"
If you tell time in measures
If you’ve ever played the 1812 Overture on your mouthpiece
If you can tell the difference between a duck call and a clarinet or saxophone mouthpiece
If you know what sound a cymbal makes when hit against someone’s forehead
If you don’t think gongs are oriental
If you’ve ever gone to Denny’s at 2:00 AM, after returning from a concert
If you know how to play a fife
If you know what a fife is
If you refer to the bassoon as the "bass duck"
If your hobbies are: band
If you’ve ever used your instrument as a machine gun
If you’ve ever played a trumpet like a flute
If you are able to use a mute to sound like a cow
If you know that all the French horn jokes are true
If you’ve ever known anyone who lost a baritone sax
If you’ve ever lost a baritone sax
If you start describing incidents from band parties to your psychiatrist
If playing your instrument is the only thing keeping you awake
If you've ever rolled down the bleacher steps screaming, 'catch my flute!'
If all holidays mean you'll be spending the day following a bunch of horses down some street
If your principal quits asking you for a hall pass and instead tells you where to find the rest of the band.
If you've lost over 20% of your hearing from sitting in front of trumpets
If your boss never schedules you for a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday of Saturday night between June and December
If you find yourself checking to see if the bands in the Macy's Parade are in step
If you've been in the Macy's Parade
If your neighbors cry when they see you carrying any small box towards their house
If your parents have ever said, "just tell me how much the whole box is, I'll end up buying them in the end anyway."
If you've ever fallen asleep listening to a metronome
If you've ever responded to your other friends' puzzled looks with, "sorry, it's a band thing."
If you actually like the 5 hour cramped bus trips
If you think your non-band friends have something wrong with them
If you find out the lyrics to your band songs and sing them all day long
If you become a daredevil before a football game and wear fingernail polish and glitter and different colored socks while marching
If you are actually considering buying a drum corps CD
If you really really like all those band jokes and get mad when non-band people don't understand
If you refer to the band room as home if you've spent more time sleeping on a bus than in your own bed
If three o'clock in the morning is late for getting up to go to a contest
If you can change into your band uniform in 2.25 seconds (not possible...well at least for me, I've tried!)
If you know how long it takes to change into your band uniform
If you spend summer vacation in the band room
If you're excited about the new gong
If you have 2 instruments: an okay one for marching season, and a good one for concert season
If you have more than one type of band letter on your letterman's jacket
If you know the details of every other band geek's love life
If you just can't bring yourself to wear white socks with any type of black shoes
If you judge a school by how good their band's field show is
If you wear your marching shoes to school
If you have invented your own language of drum sounds
If you think of your section as your brothers and sisters, and you have been adopted by other sections
If you celebrate when you get new uniform pants and shoes
If you think it is a time to celebrate when they professionally clean the band room carpet
If you think the cowbell is the coolest instrument out there
If you actually like people forcing you to march at odd hours of the day
If you cheer in excitement when your band director gets new band stand tunes to play
If you have named all of your instruments according to their personality
If you have more money invested in your instruments than in your car
If you know all 116 of Sousas marches
If you knew that Sousa wrote 116 marches
If you know who John P. Sousa is
If you own more than one tape from state marching finals
If you own more than one CD from D.C.I.
If you even know what D.C.I. stands for
If you know some one in or going into the Marine Corps Band
If you go into the Marines to be in the band
If all of your free time is spent either in band practice, performance, or practicing
If you judge a school by the size of the band
If you judge a football team by the size of the band
If you find yourself rolling your feet even when you're not in marching practice
If you show up wearing dress pants and uniform top to a football game
If you have that nasty bump/callous thing on your right thumb from playing your instrument
If you know exactly who is blowing the whistle to start the cadence
If you know who is improving the cadence on the quints
If you believe in seniority to get ahead of everyone else in the pizza line
If you think that the marching band should have a separate line at the concession stands at halftime during football games
If you judge the size of other bands by how many sousaphones they have or by how big their drum line is
If you mark time to songs at a dance
If you can play the B flat scale on a baritone, tuba, trombone, and mellaphone
If you know what a mellaphone is
If you think your non-band friends are weird when they don't sing the opener of your half-time show with you
If you enjoy spending your free-time and summer in the band room
If when you march backwards you expect to get hit with a weapon of the color guard
If you know all the info on the band phone list by heart
If you've ever participated in the 3 annual low brass push-up competition, and won with 234 push ups at band camp
If friends call the band room to find you instead of home
If your band director's on your buddy list
If you think another band's commands are wrong because they're different
If you've tried to make another band mess up by concentrating on them with bad thoughts
If a drummer has ever stolen your girlfriend or boyfriend
If you take pride in the work you do in loading the truck
If you get mad when a new band parent comes along and messes up your "system" of loading the truck
If you still don't know the Star Spangled Banner, but play it by ear on the field
If you and all the other band members cried at your last show for 3 hours
If you spend 12+ hours at school 3 or more days a week
If you call a wooden metronome an "old fashioned Dr. Beat."
If they have to professionally clean the band room carpet more than once in order to make a noticeable difference
If you actually passed the Music Theory final
If the highlight of your entire year is a band trip
If your instrument is the most expensive thing you own
If you hear music and you start marking time
You walk behind someone and you're in step with them
You try to guess the tempo of your favorite song
You don't mind changing clothes on the bus
You point out key changes and dynamics while listening to the radio
Every guy/girl you're interested in is in the band
You like wearing your uniform
When people ask you about your social life you say, "Oh, you mean my flute/trumpet/drum/etc.?"
You consider your drill book a fashion accessory
Being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life
People worry when they see you without your instrument
When "armed guard," means a girl with a pole instead of a guy with a gun
Band camp is FUN
You're alone and you suffocate because there's no one telling you to breathe
Your instrument has a name
You remember your instrument's birthday and forget your mom's
Making a staitline is your biggest accomplishment of the day
You give your instrument a birthday party
Your uniform fits
White feathers become a fashion "do"
You accidentally call your band director "Dad" or "Mom"
When you CAN sight-read
You can put on you uniform in less than 10 minutes
You think your plume is alive
Marking time is your favorite form of exercise
You have a neck strap/harness tan line
You subconsciously start practicing with a pencil
Numbers past 8 aren't important
You roll-step through the cafeteria so you don't spill your lunch
You'd rather practice than read this list
When letters past G aren't important
You can add more items to this list
You've practiced so long, the color guard is together
You don't try to hide that fact that you're in band
You subconsciously start humming your music
You know not only your own part, but also everyone else's
You eat lunch with all of the other band people, in the band room
You resort to humming your band music to fall asleep
Wide open spaces stir up an urge to march your show
You have a pin from every competition that you've been to
You can't go to the movies on weekends with your friends You don't see your parents on the weekends
Free time is spent all on homework
You can change on a co-ed bus and NEVER reveal anything
You must always run to get to any sort of concession stand 1st (or the dinner table)
You can change out of your uniform in 5 seconds in order to get a stall in the bathroom before the crowds
Instead of an 8x10 school picture, on your mantel is a poster size picture of the band
You arrive home at the same time the bars close
You know how to play 10 popular stand songs, yet don't know the words to any of them
You learn how to layer your clothing without it budging the uniform
You graduate and try to take your uniform with you
You learn how to sneak food under your shako to eat in the stands
You find ways to use your instrument in non-band classes
You have at least 5 different ways to fashionably put your hair up under your hat
You actually take the time to put away your uniform and use hangers
You can find the pocket in your uniform and not feel perverted when you remove money
The highlight of you day is getting new band gloves with "grippies."
You can carry 4 different food products at a time and eat them while standing up in the rain
You wear your neck strap as a fashion accessory to everyday (non-band) functions
You've broken into the band room at least once
You spend free time cleaning up the band room for a free soda
Walking on mud no longer makes you slip
You spend Sunday, your non-band day, adding more signs you've been in band too long to the list
Your hands are pale from wearing gloves all summer
When 3-4 hour bus trips seem like 5 minutes
You're comfy eating your meals sitting in a parking lot
You miss class to march in a parade
Your sock line fools people into thinking you are actually wearing socks
You roll step while you walk to class
You actually like marching band and would kill to do it all year long
The drummers make sense to you
You go to the stadium at midnight and practice your drill
You major in music and use your high school band director as a role model
You wonder what life would be like if you weren't in band
Those stupid "band humor" jokes are the funniest things you ever heard
You pick out instruments from the music in cartoons
When you "run it, again!"
You've dated everyone in the band and now wonder if you're ever going to have another date
You start screaming "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" to the people that walk in front of you on the way to class
You think trumpeters have a right to be egotistical
You have perfect pitch
The band director is always right
You marry that special someone in your band
You change from your instrument to the tuba
You don't think flautists have a slight attitude problem
Your friends have kids and force them to be in music
You no longer think drummers have a serious chronic playing illness
The uniforms turn you on
You don't realize that other people actually have to pay to go to a football game
You find that being in the band is a great way to pick up chicks
You know you will never confuse your right from your left
You find more than one use for a plume
When your feet are together, your stomach is in, your shoulders are back, your head is up, and your eyes are "with pride." 24-7
You have your music memorized
It's impossible to walk 5 steps without hearing a cadence in your head
During breathing exercises one day you realize the band is hailing the conductor
You've been witness to a fallen xylophone, bells, chimes, or marimba
You were the one who lied to your director about why the xylophone, bells, vibes, chimes, or marimba was missing pieces
You can do a stop-and-go in mud and not fall on your butt
You've had a gong dropped on your head
You can relate to more than half of the things on this list
You get the jokes on this list
When you never wonder if you belong in band or not...you just know it is your place to be.

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