Nick stood staring off into the distance, thinking about Howie’s wedding and the birth of Kevin’s son Brian Thomas almost a month later.
He smiled when he thought back to the christening ceremony in which he was named little Brian’s Godfather. He knew he would never forget the moment when the baby had been placed in his unsure arms.
Cradling the warm little body against his chest Nick was trying desperately to concentrate on not dropping the infant when suddenly he felt it’s tiny little hand curl around his finger.
Looking down he was met by a pair of familiar blue gray eyes staring up at him with all the trust in the world.
Like they’d met some place before.
* * *
The afternoon of the christening he’d gone back to Kevin’s house, making himself comfortable in the guesthouse with his feet on the coffee table a beer in his hand.
“You decent?” Kevin shouted, throwing open the front door and strolling inside his son cradled in his arms.
“What if I hadn’t been decent?” Nick asked looking at the beer in his hand and wondering if he should be drinking in front of a minor.
”Then I would have covered my eyes.” Kevin shifted the baby around digging in his pocket and pulling out a lavender envelope that he thrust in Nick’s face.
“I thought you might like to see this.” He said as Nick set the beer on the coffee table and reached for the envelope.
Opening the flap he pulled out a single sheet of crisp vellum and read the dark violet swirling lettering.
Nick didn’t need to read any further. Tapping the invitation on his knee he glanced up at Kevin.
“Are you going to go?”
“Fuck no I’m not going to go. I can’t believe she has the gall to even invite me.”
“What, she doesn’t deserve to be happy?” Nick asked.
“Don’t start with me Nicky.” Kevin turned heading for the door.
* * *
Nick stepped onto the veranda of the Hilton Head Country Club, a glass of champagne in one hand as he scanned the sea of happy faces for Leighanne. He finally found her sitting alone on a stone bench overlooking the eleventh hole green a winsome look on her face.
“Hey there lady.” Nick said in his most suave voice.
Glancing up Leighanne smiled “Nick Carter.”
“The one and only.”
“I can’t believe you came.” Scooting over she patted the bench beside her taking the glass of champagne from Nick’s hands as he sat down.
“You look beautiful.” Nick smiled taking in her elegant off white strapless gown that showed off her dark tan and golden hair.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” She reached out straightening the crooked bow tie on his tux. “But you still can’t get your bow tie straight.” They both laughed at the memories of her wedding to Brian when Nick had stumbled into almost every picture slightly drunk his bow tie always askew.
“I didn’t think any of you would come.” She went on sipping from his glass of champagne.
“Well, you were wrong.” Nick could see Patrick gazing over the sea of faces for his new bride.
“So what about this Patrick, is he a good guy?” Nick asked.
Leighanne smiled at the mention of her new husband’s name. “Yes he’s a very good guy. And he loves me very much.”
“And do you love him?” As Nick asked the question Patrick finally caught Leighanne’s eye.
“Yes Nick,” Her eyes sparkled as the bride and groom shared a moment with one another across the room. “Yes I love him very much.” There was a moment of silence before she spoke again.
“I’m not going to apologize for being happy, for going on with my life Nick.”
“Nobody asked you to Leighanne.”
She smiled; a single tear winding it’s way down her cheek as the sounds of “Crazy” by Pasty Cline drifted through the air.
Standing, Nick took the glass of champagne from Leighanne and set it on the bench beside her.
“Leighanne Sanderson, may I have this dance?” He asked reaching for her trembling hand.
“Yes, Nick….yes you may.”
* * *
“Hey Nick you about done there?” Kevin called out shaking Nick from his daydream.
“Yeah buddy, “ Howie cut in. We were thinking about going back to Kevin’s place, kicking back with a couple of cold beers-“
“Or water.” A.J. jumped in with a laugh.
“Or water, and reminiscing about the good old days.”
“Um yeah, I’ll be right there.” Nick called out digging in his back pocket for his wallet. “Just give me a second.”
Standing back from the grave Nick realized that he hadn’t said anything to Brian.
“It’s been a pretty shitty year Bri.” He began. “There are days when everything seems to go right and I can’t imagine anything different and then there are other days when I still find myself just wanting to let go.” Glancing back over his shoulder at Kevin, A.J. and Howie he smiled as Kevin reached for A.J. putting him in a playful headlock as Howie looked on a sparkle in his eye.
“But I’m not going to let go Brian, not today anyway. You wanted me to live so that’s what I’m going to try and do. I owe it to the guy’s, I owe it to my Godson, and I guess I owe it to myself to stay alive.” Flipping open the billfold of his wallet he pulled out the picture of Mo.
The image had faded over time of the man who had turned his world upside down. The sharp edges and menacing glare had given away to a soft gray haze that no longer seemed threatening.
“This is your reality now Nick…..are you scared?”
Shredding the picture of Mo Nick held it in the palm of his hands as a breeze caught the pieces scattering them into the warm summer air, mixing with the white blossoms that rained down from the tree overhead.
“Hey Carter, you coming?” A.J. shouted as he Kevin and Howie began to walk down the hill.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” Nick shouted, glancing up at the blue sky a smile on his face.
Damn it was a beautiful day and he was going to make the most of it.