I felt my mouth drop open in astonishment. Taylor had a daughter?
"Well… she's dead. She was a stillborn. The mother soon after went into depression and killed herself. The night that Taylor found out was the night of the accident."
My mouth was still wide open. I blinked a few times and looked down at my hands. "I… I can't believe it. Taylor hasn't mentioned that to me at all! I… I'm shocked! Who was the mother? Did he love her?"
"The mother was this girl named Scarlet O'Mara, believe it or not. She was twenty-two and she was a stripper. And no, Taylor was not in love with her. After he found out she was pregnant, he got to know her and he hated her. But she was the mother of his baby, and so he loved her for that. Apparently Scarlet drank almost every night during the pregnancy, except when Taylor was around to stop her. That's why Topanga was a stillborn. Scarlet went into post-partum depression and committed suicide."
Finally I closed my mouth. "Wow."
"Yeah. I was afraid Taylor follow, and I tried to keep the keys away from him, but he wouldn't give them to me. So I followed him and when he went off the edge of the road, I called nine-one-one and tried to save him. He looked as good as dead, and I must have been crying my brains out- but don't tell anyone about that part."
I forced a laugh, then sighed. "Do you mind if I tell Taylor that I found all of this out?"
"Uh… go ahead. You'd have found out sooner or later."
"Wow. I'm completely shocked."
"I know. It was horrible trying to keep the press away," Zac shuddered.
"Well. Onto happier topics. So what are you doing out here?"
"Ike and I started up a recording studio, which is where I met Vanessa. We tried to get Taylor to help but he was determined to start up a solo career, so," he shrugged.
I nodded. "Yeah, actually, I secretly bought his album. But um, don't tell anyone, 'kay?"
"Got'cha. So you're a doc, eh?"
"Yup. Yup. I'm a doctor. Well not technically, but that's what they call me!"
Zac laughed. "How's Serena?" he asked cautiously.
"Oh she's great. She's at Yale working on her law degree and she's having the time of her life."
Zac smiled, sadness seeping into his eyes. Zac and Serena had been a couple for about four years. During her second year of college, Zac asked her to move out to California with him so they could be "together". But Serena has always been a woman of independence. In her opinion, she don't need no man! But a slave is always nice. Anyway, she told him no and that relationship was thrown out with the morning garbage.
"Good," Zac said sincerely. "I'm glad she's happy."
I smiled at him. "How's Isaac?"
"He's great. He's married and we think Shay is pregnant because Ike found one of those tests in their bathroom, but she hasn't said anything about it and Ike is too chicken to ask."
"Shay?"
"Well her name is Shehailis, but we call her Shay. Well… I call her She-Woman, because her name starts out s-h-e. But hey."
I laughed at Zac. "Wow. I've missed you guys a lot!"
"I know! We've missed you too. And I'm so sorry about my mom getting Taylor transferred to you."
"Oh! It's fine! Don't worry about it. I'll deal with him."
Zac laughed. "Oh and how is Anna?"
"Oh, she's good. She's still living in Tulsa and she works at Tulsa World."
"Cool, that's awesome."
Suddenly we heard footsteps making their way to the living room and Vanessa and Shawn appeared.
"Zachary!" Vanessa exclaimed, grinning. "Have you been waiting long?"
"Nope, just talking to old friend Corrine," Zac grinned, winking at me.
"Oh, you guys know each other?"
"Since 2000. She went on tour with us. You've heard of Corrine…"
Vanessa's mouth dropped. "You're Corrine? Corrine Corrine? Taylor's Corrine?"
Shawn's face went sour. "Shawn's Corrine," he muttered. Zac, Vanessa, and I cracked up. "What?" Shawn exclaimed.
I rolled my eyes and looked back at Zac. "Let's do this again, okay?"
We stood up and hugged again. "Definitely," Zac exhaled, smiling as we pulled away. Shawn popped up beside me and wrapped a protective arm around my waist. I rolled my eyes as we began walking Vanessa and Zac to the door.
Vanessa opened the door and pulled Zac out with her. "Come on, Zachary, I have this new song I want to show you at the studio."
Zac turned back towards me to say goodbye. I mouthed, "Zachary?", but he just shrugged and sighed happily. "Bye, Cory! Call me!"
"Will do! Bye Zac, bye Vanessa!"
"Bye!" Vanessa and Shawn called.
As soon as they had gotten into Zac's car, Shawn and I walked back into the kitchen. "Mac and cheese, eh?" Shawn grinned.
"Yeah," I said, spooning the rest of the meal onto another plate. "So tell me, Shawn. How did you meet this buxom brunette?"
"Shut up. She works down at the café," he scoffed, referring to the little luncheon that was in the hospital.
"I thought she worked at a club."
"By night," Shawn explained, grabbing his plate. We sat down at our kitchen table. We had a fancy table in the dining room and a regular table in the kitchen, which is where most of our dinners were served.
"I see."
We dived into our food and were enveloped by an unusual silence. ,p>
I smiled evilly as I opened the door to room two. I was going to confront Taylor about his Topanga story and surprisingly, I was looking forward to it. My coffee sloshed in the cup as the door closed behind me. Taylor looked up at me with a serious look on his face. He looked back down at his lap.
"Hello, Taylor," I wickedly said, sounding somewhat like Jerry Seinfeld saying hello to Newman.
"Hi," he mumbled.
"I, uh," I began as I plopped down in my chair. "I talked to Zac yesterday."
Taylor looked up nervously. "Why did you talk to Zac?"
"He came over to pick up his girlfriend, who is friends with Shawn. We talked for about fifteen minutes. Why didn't you tell me about Topanga, Taylor?"
"He told you about Topanga." Taylor didn't really ask, he just stated it.
"Yes he did. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't think it mattered."
"Taylor! That is the whole reason you were in the accident! This just solved it for me. And now we can start getting you recovered. That is what this whole thing is about. It's not about you still being in love with me. You blame yourself for Scarlet and Topanga, don't you?"
"No," Taylor denied quietly.
"Yes you do. You think that if you had been there more during the pregnancy, then Scarlet wouldn't have drank and Topanga would be alive, and so would Scarlet. Admit it, Taylor, you blame yourself."
"No, I don't!"
"Yes you do! You think this whole goddamn thing is your fault. Admit it! The accident was a suicide attempt, too, wasn't it?"
"No!"
"Yes it was! Why won't you just admit it?" I yelled at him.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"God! Okay! I hate myself for it!" Taylor began crying. "Scarlet was just like you. She was a lost soul, though, and I figured that if I could save her, then maybe I could get over you. Then maybe I could redeem myself in my parent's eyes. But then I got her pregnant. I did propose, don't get me wrong, but she refused. She liked having one-night stands, and she just wanted to be friends with me. I had stuff to do so I couldn't be around twenty-four seven. And when I wasn't around she drank like hell. And then when Topanga was a stillborn, Scarlet killed herself. She had told me that Topanga and her were going to be partners, not mother and daughter. Topanga was going to be Scarlet's best friend. They were going to be a team. And then she was dead. She was just… dead."
Taylor's weeping subsided and I wiped away my own tears. "Why do you think it's your fault?"
"If I had just been around more. If Scarlet had had people who truly loved her around all the time, and if I had gotten her help for her alcoholism then… then maybe…"
"Listen to yourself," I said quietly.
Taylor looked up at me. "What?"
"Listen to what you're saying. If you had just been around more Taylor, they would both be alive."
"What? I couldn't have been! It was impossible! I tried as hard as I could, but I had other stuff that I had to do or else the record company would have fired me!"
"So obviously your job meant more."
"No! It didn't! I loved Scarlet more! But I had to make the money, and if I stopped recording and stopped going to press stuff, then I would have been sued for breach of contract."
"I see. So you neglected Scarlet and your unborn child to save yourself."
"No! Stop it! It wasn't my fault!"
I smiled cockily at Taylor. I had just gotten him to admit it wasn't his fault. I watched as his face paled and he looked away in astonishment.
"I will see you tomorrow, Taylor."
I got up and walked to the door, only to be stopped by a husky voice.
"Corrine?"
I turned back to Taylor. "Yeah?"
"You're good."
I opened the door, chuckling, and listened to the crying as the door shut behind me.
"Is he ready?" the chaperone asked me as I came out.
"Uh, why don't you let him have a few minutes? We just had a rough session and I think he wants to be alone."
"But-"
"I know this one. He isn't suicidal anymore."
Carmen, the chaperone, looked at me skeptically. "Okay."
"Hi, may I please speak to Diana?" I asked into the phone. I was sitting at my desk at about seven that night. After hours of brooding over what to do next with Taylor, I had my answer.
"Yes, may I ask who's calling?"
"This is Corrine Becker, Taylor's-"
"Corrine! Oh Corrine! This is Walker! How are you?"
"Oh I'm great, how are you?"
"Just fine! We're all looking forward to your wedding."
"Oh I'm glad, me too!"
Walker chuckled. "Let me go get Diana."
I smiled and began chewing on my glasses again. Finally I pulled them out of my mouth, laughing quietly as I remember my rendezvous with Taylor earlier that week.
"Hello? Corrine?"
"Hi, Diana!"
"Sweetie! How are you?"
"I'm great, how are you?"
"Oh just marvelous! Looking forward to your wedding?"
"Yeah, yeah I am."
"Well that's good, so am I."
I laughed. "Well I was calling you to talk about Taylor, actually."
"Oh." I heard her voice fall in pitch. "He doesn't have to go to the wedding, if you don't want him to."
"Well he decided that on his own. What I am calling to talk to you about is I was wondering if when you come down for the wedding, if your family and I, excluding Taylor, could all get together to talk? Today was kind of the turning point for him and I always like to talk with the family around then," I nodded.
"Oh! Oh yes, that's fine. Is that a good thing that he had a… what did you call it?"
"Turning point. Yes that is extremely good. I just found out about Scarlet and Topanga last night from Zac. Taylor hadn't mentioned that at all, um, and when I thought about everything Zac had told me, it sounded like Taylor blamed himself for Scarlet and Topanga's death. So I uh, I went in there, told him that I knew about them, and I just told him that I knew he blamed himself. He denied it for quite awhile, and finally I got him to admit it. And he told why he blamed himself and then I did this reverse mechanism thingy. Basically I just repeated everything he had said and kind of twisted it to make it even more himself. And he stuck up for himself and blurted out that it wasn't his fault. And that was his turning point."
"Wow. Interesting. Reverse psychology."
"Pretty much," I chuckled.
"Well I'm glad I had him transferred to you. It sounds like you know what you're doing."
"Of course I do! I do have a license." Diana laughed. "But that wasn't all I wanted to talk to you about. Taylor has some problems with you and your family, Diana. He hasn't said this directly, but I figured it out by reading between the lines. You and Walker are Taylor's role models, Diana. He looks up to you. You're like his Buddha." Diana chuckled. "And, um, it just seems to me, from what I've heard, um, it seems like you and Walker don't tell Taylor the good things that he does, but you accent his faults, meaning that you scold him more than praise him. And I know Taylor is not perfect. Nobody is. But you need to let him know when he does something right."
"We do! All the time!"
"Okay. I believe that you do. But you make it sound to him like he can't do anything right. I just think that you tell him the good things that he does, but when he does something wrong you overreact. And I think that started with, um, with me. Like, when we broke up. I think you went a little hard on him. And, Diana, he learned his lesson, and he's said to me over and over how guilty he feels and he thinks that I should have given him another chance and he thinks that you shouldn't have gotten involved."
Diana sighed. "Well, I think you are right in some ways, but I think you're very wrong in other ways, Corrine."
"I wasn't trying to upset you, Diana. I was just explaining to you what I have been interpreting from what Taylor tells me. I'm sorry for upsetting you."
"Oh, it's fine. Before we get down there I will sit down with our family and try to talk to them myself."
"Okay. Why don't you call me when you fly in?"
"Well we're getting in a week before, so…"
"Oh, okay! Well let's see. So the wedding is on Saturday. Why don't we meet the Wednesday before that."
"Perfect! I will tell Walker. Will you need Isaac and Zac, too?"
"Yes please. If you want I can tell Zac and Isaac…"
"Oh no, it's fine. I need an excuse to call those boys, anyway!"
Diana and I exchanged a laugh and bid our farewells. Perfect. She hadn't become all that upset, either. Now all I had to do was prepare Taylor and also tell Dawn that I only wanted to see him three times a week. Back to home it is.
"Corrine, you are the best counselor, I mean, wow!" <>That was what I was greeted with when I walked into Taylor's room on Friday. Ah. The week was over! Almost.
I laughed, rolling my eyes. I sat down carefully in the chair. "You didn't tell any of the other counselors about Scarlet and Topanga, did you?"
"No," Taylor said guiltily.
"That is your problem right there, Taylor. Because those two were the main problem. Now that we have gotten through that first hurdle, when your family comes for my wedding, we're going to get together, and I am going to talk to them. It seems like they're too hard on you. I told your mom, and she said she would talk to the rest of your family about it."
Taylor nodded quietly. "Okay."
"Well. Do you still maintain that you are in love with me?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Well then. What do you want to talk about? These are your sessions, Taylor. I have what I need to get you to where normal people are. So now it's your turn to volunteer how you feel."
"No."
"No?"
"Yeah. No. I don't want to be here."
"Well I can't change that. Why don't you tell me what you were thinking about after I left?"
"I was thinking of ways to kill Zac."
"What?"
"I'm just kidding, back off. I was just thinking about Scarlet and Topanga."
"You already had named your child?"
"No. That's what we named her after she was born."
"But she was dead."
"So? We needed something to put on her grave."
"Did you have a funeral?"
"Not really. I mean obviously Scarlet and I mourned her, but we didn't have a formal service."
"I see. Did your parents come out to see you?"
"No. They told me that I had gotten myself into the mess and that I should be able to get over it myself."
I inhaled and exhaled harshly. Those parents…"You know that they thought that was the right thing to do. It wasn't. But they didn't know how else to respond."
"They did know, Corrine. They're truly nice people. But they think the answer to everything is tough love."
"But you know it isn't, right? And you know that it is what it is- tough love."
"Yeah."
"How many days after Topanga's birth did Scarlet commit suicide?"
"Um… about a week."
"Oh wow. So you had a tough week."
"Yes I did."
"Were you really going to commit suicide because of guilt, or were you worried about your parents?"
"I don't know. It was a mixture of both."
"Did you love Scarlet, Taylor?"
"I loved her. But I wasn't in love with her. She was a lot like you, which is why I was interested in the first place."
"Because you are…"
"Still in love with you," Taylor finished.
"You don't let go of things easily, do you Taylor?"
"No."
"Did you go to Scarlet's funeral?"
"No. The stupid rehab people wouldn't let me."
I nodded. "Do you want to go see Scarlet?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want to see her grave?"
"Yes."