The 6:00 News
By Liz
Long time no...post?
***
Yugi: Well, now that we have the camera fixed...
Bakura: BOO
Yugi: ...-_-;;, we can finally do our show again!
Bakura MORE BOO
Yugi: ...top story for today, the Mountain Pointe Lionheart Marching Band qualified for/and is going to State, this Saturday. Well, they qualified LAST Saturday, and are going THIS Saturday...but that’s not the point. The point is...
Bakura: BORING
Yugi: Why is it boring!?
Bakura: Cause no one DIED
Yugi: Okay then. You can do this story. *hands him paper*
Bakura: *reads* The movie “Saw” came out and scared lots of people...
Yugi: ...
Bakura: ...THAT’S IT!?
Yugi: Yup.
Bakura: THAT SUCKED
Yugi: *shrug*
Bakura: *tosses paper away*
Yugi: Hehe...
Bakura: Was there REALLY any GOOD news to tell anyone today?
Yugi: *looks through papers* Yes actually. Ahem. We have discovered that 51% of Americans are complete dumbasses. O_O
Bakura: *grabs paper* HELL YEAH!
Yugi: O_o
Bakura: 51% of Americans voted for George Bush and completely screwed over the entire country, and if I may, the world. John Kerry would have made a better president than that stupid mother---wait. Who wrote this!? It’s totally one-sided!
Yugi: *shrug* I just found it in the stack of papers.
Bakura: ...
Malik: Hey! Over here!
Yugi: What is it Malik?
Malik: There’s huge traffic build up in a community in
Yugi: O_o then why are we reporting it?
Malik: Why not? Anyway, it’s all cause EVERYONE AND THEIR MOM wanted to see the “...best marching band in the world. The marching band that is superior to all! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” quote from some chick named “Liz”
Yugi: Okay, enough of that. On to the weather with Tristan!
Bakura: Zzzzzzz
Yugi: O_o
Tristan: *picks up stapler* WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU JACKASS---oh. Huh? What happened?
Yugi: He fell asleep O_o
Tristan: Oh. *puts down stapler* It was a reflex...today’s weather is...WTF!?
Yugi: What!?
Tristan: SOMEONE WROTE ON MY WEATHERBOARD!
Weatherboard: *scribbled on* GO MPHS LIONHEARTS!!!
Tristan: KILL THEM
Yugi: Now now, we don’t have to get violent.
Tristan: CUT OFF THEIR TONGUES
Yugi: O_O
Tristan: It’s signed at the bottom. “This wasn’t Seto Kaiba. No, of course not. This wasn’t him at all.”
Yugi: Uhhh...
Tristan: KAIBA! I’LL KILL HIM
Yugi: Don’t be so drastic!
Tristan: *storms out*
Bakura: *jumps up* TOXOPLASMOSIS!!!!!!!!!!
Yugi: O_O
Malik: O_O
Bakura: Oh...weather’s over. I missed it. Damn.
Yugi: That was a very odd word...
Malik: O_O
Yugi: Anyway. Next story! Are your children watching sexual things on TV?
Duke: *runs in* OMG!
Yugi: What!?
Duke: THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE SUFFERING FROM TOXOPLASMOSIS HAS SKYROCKETED!
Yugi: Why?
Duke: I don’t know.
Number of People with toxoplasmosis before Bakura said “toxoplasmosis” on TV: 0
Number of People with toxoplasmosis after Bakura said “toxoplasmosis” on TV: 495798274598735927645987263587634545245+
Yugi: O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O
Malik: *leaning back in chair* What exactly is “toxoplasmosis”?
Yugi: *grabs dictionary* toxoplasmosis (n): infection caused by parasites transmitted to humans from infected cats
Malik: *sits up*
Yugi: An acquired disease characterized by fever, swollen lymph nodes, and lesions in the liver, heart, lungs, and brain.
Malik: AHHHHH!!!!
Yugi: What?
Malik: I OWN A BUNCH OF CATS!!! *runs to hospital*
Yugi: O_o
Bakura: zzzzzzzzz
Yugi: He’s out. Oh well. *gets paper* This just in...MPHS Lionhearts score 79.8 at State and are mad. Details at 10.
Bakura: *wakes up* Huuuuuh??? *passes out*
Yugi: O_o? Riiiight. Okay...well...
Tristan: *walks in* *dusts hands off* Well, now that THAT’s done...
Yugi: O_O
Tristan: What?
Yugi: There’s something written on your back.
Tristan: Huh? *spins in circles* I can’t see it!!
Yugi: *reads it* It says: “You’ll be hearing from my lawyers. ~Seto Kaiba” Uh oh.
Tristan: Pfft...I can fight them! Now, onto the weather! *goes to weather board which has been miraculously cleaned off* Ahem...today will be SUNNY! *points to sun* ...no interruptions...cool. Tomorrow will have a high chance of more sun and a brief tornado *points to tornado*
Yugi: ...
Tristan: And now that the weather is done...*picks up machete* KAIBA!!!!! *storms out of building again*
Yugi: ...right. Anyways...BAKURA!
Bakura: *wakes up* What!?
Yugi: I need you to do some investigating on a murder case---
Bakura: I’m on it! *runs out of studio*
Yugi: -_-;; And here’s Ryou, live at Kaiba Corp. where Seto Kaiba is expected to be interviewed about a threat he has received to the company.
Ryou: *on TV* Yes Yugi. Well it appears to be a sad day for Kaiba Corp. as it has received it’s first major threat in years.
Seto: *walks out* I have no intention of letting this threat ruin my company.
Ryou: What kind of threat was this?
Seto: *narrows eyes* It was quite an odd threat. Someone wanted me to be hacked to pieces by a machete.
Ryou: O_O
Everyone: GASP
Ryou: Well, back to you in the studio.
Yugi: O_O
Malik: *comes back* Well, I don’t have toxo-blah-blah-who-cares, so I’m a happy person!
Yugi: O_o
Malik: Happy enough to do the TRAFFIC AGAIN!! YAY!
Malik Fan in Audience: WOHOO!!!
Malik: ^_^
Yugi: Hey! Aren’t there any Yugi fans?
Yugi Fan in Audience: *typing on a computer* Go Yugi...yay...OH! SOMEONE POSTED ON FANFICTION.NET!!!! *random clicking on computer*
Yugi: ...
Malik: ALRIGHTY! The traffic in Domino is moderate, with slight backup on East This Street due to an accident...
Yugi: ...?
Malik: ...?????? WHAT WAS THAT!? THAT WAS SO BORING!!!
Yugi: Well, this was kind of a quite day...with the exception of Bakura and his murder investigation. And maybe Tristan going insane again...
Malik: *throws papers on floor* I want a better job.
Yugi: -_-;; Don’t we all.
Bakura: *runs in* *breathes heavily* I......I......huh....huh.....have....it.....*passes out*
Yugi: *walks over to Bakura* What do you have!?
Bakura: x_X
Malik: *kicks Bakura* Wake up dumbass.
Bakura: x_X
Yugi: *looks at Malik*
Malik: *looks at Yugi* *shrug*
Yami: *runs in* YUGI!
Yugi: What? I DON’T WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOUR
Yami: ...*forgets what he was going to say* WHY NOT AIBOU!?!??!
Yugi: BECAUSE THEY ARE LAME!!!
Yami: *gasp* THEY ARE NOT!!!
Malik: STOP FIGHTING!
Yami Fan in Audience: STOP YELLING YOU IDIOT!!
Malik Fan in Audience: *slaps Yami Fan* DON’T YELL AT MALIK!!! Yell at Yugi!
Yugi Fan in Audience: *typing on computer* You’re asking for a virus aren’t you, FANFICTION.NET!!! *click buttons* MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!! *stops* Oh...don’t yell at Yugi...please...*rolls eyes*
Yami: *waves around a paper* YOU’RE SO MEAN TO ME AIBOU!!!
Yugi: NO I’M NOT---what’s that!? *points to paper*
Yami: Huh? *looks at paper* Oh! This! It’s Bakura’s medical records.
Yugi: WHY DO YOU HAVE BAKURA’S MEDICAL RECORDS!?
Yami: They were just lying on a table in the hospital! I thought Bakura lost them!
Yugi: YOU STOLE HIS MEDICAL RECORDS!!
Yami: NO I DIDN’T!!
Yugi: *grabs papers* Whatever. *looks at paper* O_O
Malik: What?
Yugi: *reads* Bakura has tox-tox-toxoplasmosis!!!!
Malik: AHHHHHHH!!!!
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *runs out of studio*
Yami: ???
***
Liz: ^_~ Hehe.
