~ Nicole’s POV 7 ~

‘It can’t be... its just so impossible... it can’t be true... it can’t be... he won’t do that to me... ’ Chanted Nicole as those words kept jumbled up in her head. She was confused and frowning at the same time. Nothing seemed to get into her head except for those words and the conversation.

‘Woof! Woof!’ Barked Marvin. Usually she would stop and bend over to give him a lovely peck on his head but somehow something was amiss. She didn’t stop and instead she kept walking towards the empty kitchen.

‘Woof! Woof!’ Barked Marvin and this time he jumped straight on the table.

‘Oh what now Marvin... I’ve got not mood today to play with you... now be good to mama and play outside okay... ’ Said Nicole as she gave a light tapped on his head.

‘Wooof... ... woof... .’ As being understood Marvin leaped on the chair and then onto the floor. Nicole didn’t bother to look where he has headed to but as far she’s concerned, the kitchen is in its silence mode again.

Nicole leaned forward and rest her hands on the table. The weather was pretty hot outside and she’s glad that she’s already back home to enjoy the shelter from the sultry heat. Slowly she laid her head on her hands and shut her eyes tightly.

She admitted that these few days things were just about to get out of hands. There were so many things disturbing her lately that she began to flop in her studies. Mr. Josh was unhappy with her scores lately, not in the subject where she’s strong with. But again, lady luck must have been smiling on her so he gave her a second chance to get the essay right. No, she’s not disturbed because of that. In fact, she knew she has to face the music sooner or later ever since she’s been busy getting herself more involved in the outdoor activities. Mr. Josh didn’t really said that he wants her to cut down on that but he did give a couple of hints to her during her lessons.

But again, that’s not the whole point that she’s been feeling so vexed up nowadays. Its something else. Its something that got to do with her and Danny. Something that’s gonna change their relationship in one way or another.

‘Nic? You’re back?’ Asked Natalie as she entered the kitchen with Nicole’s new perfume filling the air.

‘Yeah and I think it kinda smells familiar huh!’ Said Nicole softly but managed to crave a weak smile to her sister.

‘Sorry... I really wanted to ask for you permission but I’m in a rush and I thought you were not back yet so maybe I can tell you that later... ’ Another pack of bullshit, thought Nicole as she gave a sardonic smile.

‘Whatever.’ Said Nicole lazily as she changed her sitting position. She crossed her slender legs and folded her arms to her chest.

‘So... how come you’re very early today? Usually I won’t be able to see you until late at night... ’ Late at night? She must be kiddin!

‘Funny! I almost thought that its you!’ Natalie gave a light giggles as she approached Nicole with a mug in her hands. ‘So you’re going out with Justin I guess?’ Asked Nicole.

‘Nope! We broke up remember?’ Exclaimed Natalie the moment she heard Justin’s name.

‘Thank God that happen coz I don’t really like that guy! I wonder how you’re attracted to him!’ Nicole said sarcastically.

‘What can I say Nic when I am so damn popular!’

‘Uhhhh hem bitch uhhh!’ Nicole pretended to cough.

‘What?’

‘Nothing... so who are you going out with now?’ Asked Nicole.

‘Well... he’s representing a water polo team for his school and he’s so hot, let me tell ya!’

‘But I’m sure this macho must have at least a name right?’

‘Yeah... yeah... his name is Riise-’’

‘Riise? May God bless him then!’

‘Hey! That’s not a way to show your support to your sister you know...’

‘Whatever! Maybe you should get going you know... ’ Continued Nicole as she pushed her sister to the living room.

‘Okay, okay... stop pushing me will ya! I’m going alright! But wait... wanna join us?’

‘Join you? Nah! I don’t wanna play any gooseberry here... ’ Smiled Nicole as slouched on the sofa.

‘This is not a date but a gathering and we’re kind like... gonna meet for the second time and we’re going for a movie, why don’t you join us? Its gonna be great!’

‘Me? Nah! I’m not into movies now!’

‘Come on Nic! Don’t tell me you’re gonna spend the rest of the day in your room? Boring! You can ask Dan to come along too!’ Dan? Nicole’s expression changed the moment she heard Dan’s name.

‘I don’t think he wanna watch any movies too... I think you better get going before you’re late!’ Nicole tried hard not to shake her voice.

‘What’s wrong Nic? You had a fight with him?’

‘No! Just that I’m not feeling too well... furthermore he’s busy preparing the assignment so... really Nat, I think you should be going now... ’ Nicole said and this time her voice was full of determination to get Natalie out of the house so that she could be left alone to pour her heart out to the emptiness and loneliness.

‘Okay, okay... I won’t force you then! By the way... daddy called just now to say that he’s not coming back this week and mom’s not coming back for dinner and maybe I’m not coming back for dinner too... so... here’s fifty bucks, call for pizza okay?’ Natalie took out a crispy fifty dollar note from her sling bag.

‘Where did you get this from?’ There were deep suspicious in her voice as she stared at her sister.

‘Hey! Its my savings alright but of course you’ve got to pay me back once daddy’s back! I’m going and don’t forget to shut all the windows and doors before you go to sleep tonight-’’

‘You know what Nat? You reminded me so much of mom now! You better nagging now or that Riise guy might have his eyes on another girl!’

‘Okay! Okay! You don’t have to wish that for me! I’m going alright! Bye!’

‘Bye!’ Nicole didn’t wait long for Natalie to make her way out. The moment she closed the door, every corner and every angle in the house belongs to her.

Marvin was nowhere to be found, must be sulking away in his kennel or maybe he’s busy biting off the laces in the store room. She left the thought of finding him hanging in the air as she walked to the kitchen with the empty mug on the table left by Natalie.

Natalie?

She smile, a weak smile recalling those times when she was on loggerheads with Natalie. Those stupid times she thought. But Natalie was very lucky. At least she could share her problems and savour every moments she had with mom, unlike Nicole. She’s not close to her mom but that didn’t hurts her. Just that she felt lonely and she felt pretty much envious seeing how close Nat and her mother could be at times. Maybe Nat was envious of her too, for being the sweet angel of his father’s eyes and little sweet pie of grandma’s heart.

Then she turned away from the sink and looked outside the clear and transparent window. It was on that swing when she had her first kiss with Danny and it was on that swing when she first came to face with the word love.

‘Aargh!’ She sighed as she gave out a loud and heavy breath. She felt restless and uneasy. Must be the heat, she thought as she unbuttoned her cardigan leaving her with only her hang top and faded jeans.

She then tied up her hair in a bun, and walked back to the living room with a cold glass of coke. The fan was turned to the highest volume and she sat right in front of it.

‘Oh gosh... this headache is killing me... ’ Groaned Nicole as she shut her eyes slowly because every single move she made caused a huge pain on her head.

‘Woof... . Wooooof... .’ Barked Marvin softly from behind. As expected he was biting on to Natalie’s old ballet shoes and he’s running to his kennel.

Nicole couldn’t bother much about the scene because of her painful headache. In fact she don’t feel like budging away from her seat. She sat back in her seat and tried to cool herself down with the fan.

She tried to think of nothing except for some calmness and some explanations she could get by gathering every single piece together to complete the jigsaw puzzle. But it still ended up with one piece missing and she wasn’t sure what it was and maybe its not the time yet for her to make any discoveries.

Ah! She’s tired and she really meant it as tired and helpless. Or perhaps the whole silence is not helping her at all. Maybe a little of entertainment could help her to ease her mind.

Then she stood up and walked unsteadily towards the hi-fi systems and inserted in the latest CD she bought a few weeks ago.

*Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine,
I’m leaving my life in your hands
People say I’m crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance... *

Nicole smiled as she listened to the song. That song reminded her so much of Nick Carter, her only friend whom she can trust right now. She wondered if things are going on well between Nick and that Mandy girl.

‘She’s so damn lucky... ’ She muttered as she flipped opened the CD and read the book. Who would have thought they’re going to be friends and who would have thought after all these while, he’s still am the same Nick Carter as she knew two years ago. Nothing change except that his English is getting better. Well... this is what you get when you mixed around with more people, your knowledge becomes wider.

She went back to the sofa and blasted the volume to 8. There’s no one at home and at the most Marvin would be creeping in his kennel listening to the loud music in the house.

This is better, she thought as she ran up to her room to fetch a few pieces of papers and a pen to write back to Nick’s last letter.

‘Oh gosh... this pain is killing me!’ She bemoaned as she kept pressing her temple to suppress the pain.

‘Okay... here we go... ’ She said as she got herself to a nice and comfortable position with all the necessary stationary lining up on the table.

She took the white envelope and tried to open it up. It was strongly sealed with glue or perhaps with double sided tape that Nicole had no choice but to tear along the side of the envelope. She has always been careful when it comes to Nick’s letters. She would make sure that the envelopes were opened nicely and the letters were nicely folded back to its original shape and then slotted them in her personal box where she kept all the letters from the first till to-date.

Suddenly a wide smile was brought back to her face. She wasn’t sure if the scent kinda made her imagination to run wild in seeing how fresh Nick would be like after his bath... arrghhh... that’s a pretty naughty thoughts there from Nicole. She blushed herself up that she could feel the heat on her forehead was zooming up to more than a hundred degree. Then the same thought of seeing Danny topless after his bath the other time made her nervous system worked overtime.

Okay enough of that Nic... time to get serious now, she reminded herself as she sipped the coke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh gosh! Does he have to do this? Its not a good way to leave it hanging like that, not when I think I am going to be sick, thought Nicole as her mouth was gaping.

She waited not a second longer to begin the letter. She was so excited that she couldn’t find herself writing instead she might have to use the tape recorder to record herself and then dubbed it into writing.

Nevertheless she tried to remain calm.

"Kringgggggg!!!!!!!!"

Great! Its a perfect timing for someone to call!

Nicole rushed to the phone hoping it would be her father coz she missed him so much.

‘Daddy?’

‘Nicole please?’

‘Dan?’

‘Yeap... Nic?’

‘What’s wrong? You couldn’t recognise my voice?’ Asked Nicole with great suspicious.

‘No, no, its not that! You sounded kinda different... are you alright there?’ Asked Danny. So she can’t keep anything from him now?

‘Nope... just that I’m not feeling too good... maybe that caused the changes in my voice... ’ Continued Nicole.

‘I see... then you should drink more warm water, its good for your throat... ’ That reminded her so much of the remedy grandma has given to her when Nick was sick the other time.

‘I will... so what’s up?’ Asked Nicole, trying to change the topic.

‘Oh I was just wondering if you’re free tonight?’

‘Tonight? What’s on?’

‘Nothing actually... just that I’ve bought two tickets for the latest movie and I thought of asking you out but I’m not forcing you if you’re not feeling well-’’

‘Did I ever say no?’ Said Nicole.

‘So can I take it as yes then?’ Nicole could hear Danny’s voice loud and clear from the receiver. It was filled with excitement and how could that lovely voice would want to hurt her. She just don’t understand it.

‘Well... -’’

‘Its a deal then! I’ll come and fetch you at 7 okay?’

‘Okay then... ’

‘Cool... got to go now... I’ll call you again later. Bye sweetie... ’

‘Okay... bye... ’ Nicole still hold on to the receiver though Danny has hung up on it.

Her mind was in a greater mess right now. His words seemed to be slashing much to those words she’s been listening to that morning. Everything seemed to be going on par of each other’s side. She was unsure who to believe but one thing that she knows, she has to be fair to the three party. Herself, the girl and Danny.

Finally she hung it up and walked back to the table where Nick’s letter was flipping on each other because of the fan. She took it and folded it up nicely before she attempted to write her reply.

‘Hi Nick!

First of all I would like to congratulate you and the boys for the launching of your new album and I am-’’

‘Marvin! No! Get away from there! No! Marvin! Oh no!!!!!!!!!!’

~~~~~~~~~~

Sydney, Australia

30th August 1997

Hi Nick!

First of all I would like to congratulate you and the boys for the launching of your new album and I am - Eeer... I am so terribly sorry for the mess, I know the ink looks kinda funny now and its smudging all over the place now. You must be wondering why didn’t I change the paper right, well... if I do then I might have forgotten all the original messages which I wanna share with you in the first place right?

Okay, I thought of using the entire page explaining to you but on second thought, nah! I just don’t have the inner strength to do so but enough for me to say that Marvin is getting naughtier each day now. He has been jumping from one table to the next and leaping from one chair to another when suddenly something caught his attention. I don’t know what it is but he dashed right through my cup and made such a clumpsy mess on the table. *Sigh* Mom’s not gonna like it when she comes back later on to find her blue expensive carpet is wet! But I don’t think she would ever notice that if she would walk straight up to her room right? So... let’s just pray hard for that!

Great... I have so much things in my thoughts just now (before Marvin came in and interjected me with his anxiety) and now looks like I’ve forgotten most of it. Let’s just begin with the one I could remember most right now shall we?

I’ve bought your CD and its real FANTASTIC! I like the song Like A Child so much! I don’t know why, maybe AJ’s strong vocal there really fascinates me! And oh yes! How could I forget As Long As You Love Me, its first in my top favourite list here! The lyrics is kinda sweet and I have to agree that when we love that someone, we don’t really care who they are , where they come from and what they did as long as they could love us for the same. I bought one copy for Nat too, at least she don’t have to sneak around my room and take it without my permission. You know, ever since she adopted this new habit of sneaking around my room and tried to look for your letters, I’ve been extra careful and keep them in a nice safe I bought a week ago. Man, I wonder how did she ever have that idea? Kinda reminds me of AJ, don’t you think?

Oh gosh! My head hurts so terribly now! It has been haunting me for days now. I guess it must have been the pressure on the club and stuffs. I don’t suppose its something serious except that I could feel my forehead burning. I thought of taking a short nap but not before I write this letter.

Hey! I almost forgot! See... what a fever could do to you! I forgot to ask how are you and the guys doing? I’m sure things are getting hyper now with the new album on stores. You must be busy by the time this letter reaches your hand. I can imagine you dancing and jumping on stage and rolling your way on the road to make those promotions and stuffs. Wow! How I wish I could be a part of that team too (then I could see how full blast in your pranks on the others coz if we could make a pact, I guess they would be the suggesting that we should be out from the team huh! Then I’m sure there’ll be like what Nick and Nic on the mission? Lol!)

So how’s things between you and Mandy? Looking at the time now, I’m sure both of you must have work our something huh? I don’t know but just have this feelings that things are working out perfectly well for the two of you. Man, I feel so happy for you! Nothing could make me happier than to hear you happy with Mandy. But please tell me more on this in your next letter alright.

Things are... eemmm... I should say run pretty well between me and Danny except that... *Sigh* I really don’t want to spoil the mood of this letter Nick but I was just kinda confuse right now. If you could remember about that Ada girl, well... I met her this morning, partly on our own accords. I just feel that we need to resolve this once and for all but I’m still ended up being more confused than I am.

In the past I used to think that she’s doing all those things just to spite me up because of me being close to Danny but as times passed by I began to realise something. In one way or another I can sense that she’s being sincere in giving me those warns about my relationship with Danny but somehow a part of me strongly feels that she’s just spurting it out of jealousy. I can’t blame her neither do I have the right to suspect Danny right? I mean, all these while I could see nothing wrong with him, I mean... he’s such an adorable guy, someone a girl would love to bring home for their parents. If you know him and if you have met him, I’m sure you’ll understand what I meant.

Its just so confusing for me right now. All those words from her and all those feelings that I have are just going against each other in my head. Ada told me that she knew Danny more than anyone else would do and that she wants me to leave him before its too late. But could I do that Nick? Could I do that just because she said it? So I thought, it would be better if I would listen to both parties without being prejudice at all. I have to be fair to them as well as to myself. I can’t shun Danny off just because of this and I can’t diss that girl off because I’m in favour of Danny. But can you tell me, how am I suppose to do just as that?

I know, by the time you write me back this letter, there could only two possibilities left. Its either I’m still with Danny or we have a clean break along the way. Don’t ask me how and don’t ask me why, like I said I’m confused and I don’t even know what am I supposed to say to him when I meet him later on. But don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid coz I’m still sane here so... yada! Yada!

Ouch!

The pain is so awful and now I can understand how you feel when you were sick the other time! Maybe not as bad as you but still its considered SICK right?

I think I better stop here for now coz the pain is so unbearable and its gonna spare you with all my blabbers and stuffs. Trust me, you won’t even wanna read it!

Signing off,
The Sickly Nicole

Ps : Your lady luck is smiling on you today so I’m not gonna bug you with my long Ps thingy.

Pps : Promised!

Ppps : Really got to go now and take care alright.

Pppps : I told ya, I’m not gonna bug you with anymore Ps thingy, well at least for now. So be prepared for the next one! By the way, congratulations for the second album and all the best with your promotion stuffs and of course with Mandy!

Ppppps : Bye!