Kevin sat back in his chair and thought. Which he did a lot now a days. It was crazy, everything was. His feelings, his wanting and longing. Why was it like this? Why did he turn to this? Was love not good enough for him? Could he not be happy with it? Or did he want a different love, the kind the female species just could not offer.
“Hey Kevin, what’s up?” Ashley walked into Kevin’s hotel room and took a seat. Kevin looked up at his best friend in the entire world. He told her everything, and in return, she told the same.
“Just thinking.” Kevin even told her how he felt. How things had got so different. There was a time when he felt he loved her, but Ashley pointed out that they were best friends since kindergarten. She was madly in love with Howie anyway and they were getting married soon. That’s the whole reason she was on tour with them.
“About what?”
“The Nick thing.”
“Kevin, I told you, you should tell him how you feel.” Ashley had nothing wrong with gay people. Her dad divorced her mom, because he was gay. He was now married to a gay guy. Her twin brother was gay also. So were a few of her cousins. There was nothing wrong with it.
“But, what if he thinks I’m crazy and he’ll get all freaked out and stuff.”
“Kevin, we have been over this, bad things happen when you keep your feelings locked inside.” Kevin knew that. When he first admitted he liked Ashley, it was too late. But Ashley said that if he would have said something just 4 weeks earlier, before she fell for Howie, she loved Kevin then.
“But what if I do the unthinkable.”
“What’s the unthinkable.”
“What if I kiss him, instead of telling him that I love him.”
“No, Kevin, you must tell him, then show him, not show him then tell him.”
“But what if, if I can’t say it, what if I just bend in and kiss him, and what if he kisses back. What if he loves me too? What if we have sex? What if the whole world finds out? What if it destroys our band?…”
“What if, what if, what if! Kevin, you can’t keep going on asking what ifs! What if the world blows up tomorrow? Who cares! If it does, then we die, all that matters is today! Right now, this moment, don’t worry about the future! Now, go tell him!”
Just then there was a loud knock on the door.
“It’s open.” Kevin yelled. Nick came bursting into the room and stopped when he saw Ashley. Nick was wet from sweat, from playing B-Ball with Brian. Nick really needed to talk to Kevin, alone, not with Ashley there.
“Oh, hey Kevin, I just needed to talk, but if you two are busy, I can come back later…”
“No! Stay!” Kevin jumped out of his chair and yelled up a hand.
“Ya, stay, I was just leaving anyway. Kevin, Howie and me are going out to dinner, AJ and Sara are coming with us. See you later.” Ashley hugged Kevin and whispered in his ear. “I’ll get Brian away, I want you to tell him.”
“Why are you gonna make Brian leave?”
“What if he likes you and you two have sex?”
“What’s with all these what ifs?” Ashley slapped Kevin’s arm playfully before turning and heading to the door.
“Bye Nick, have fun.” Ashley said with a sly smile and walked out of the room. Nick waited for the door to shut then he walked over to it and clicked the lock. Kevin watched him longingly and then sat on the bed.
Nick came and sat by Kevin, hopping he didn’t look to obvious of his wanting and desires. “So, Nick, what did you wanna talk about?”
“Well, I just…” Nick put his hand on Kevin’s arm. Instantly Kevin got hard. ‘God, even his touch makes me horny.’
“You just…” Kevin found himself whispering, so not to reveal his excitement.
“I just wanted to know if maybe you felt the same way I do.” Nick bent in and kissed Kevin. Both of them felt a shock run through their body. They had never felt anything like this before. Kevin knew that Nick felt exactly the same, and they both had the same wishes in mind.
Nick placed his hand timidly on Kevin’s back and pulled him closer. Neither of them said anything as they broke the kiss.
