Hey, These are my writtings, my poems, my babies!;) lemme know what you think, Conwad23@hotmail.com, sign the guest book and yada yada. Hopefully they get to someone...Be chill, Later -Con-

-Exhale (Your Hands)-

Will you be safe?
When you’re behind all those tears
Safe when you bleed
Will you be right?
When you pass all these fears
Past all this greed

And your hands cover mine
I feel safe in your eyes
Safe in your arms
Stay in your arms
-Exhale-

Will I breathe when I’m around you?
The sounds tend to ground you
Of your chest rising and falling
Bound to love, it’s calling

And your hands hold my heart
Soft and cold it starts
Beating in your grasp
You saw through all my masks
-Exhale-

…Breathe deep all these feelings…And I will be stealing myself away…


-Your Eyes-

Would you die if I let you down?
Would you see through this beating and bleating crowd?
Could I look beyond my life for the sacrifice you gave?
Should I believe you when you say I’ll all you saved?

All I’ve been, all I’ve lived in you
It all falls away and it all crumbles anew
It’s all ok with me, I’m normal as can be
It would be just fine, but I can’t stay to see
I’m running away from your eyes
I know I can’t escape but it will be my disguise
From your eyes

Maybe it was never what we thought
This isn’t something that can be untaught
The space between your words were to far in length
Sorry love, I’ll call you on February tenth

All I’ve been, All I’ve seen in you
It all fell to the floor, it’s been gone too long
Bleed through the carpet and disappeared underneath
Can’t we be apart and you see it’s not worth to keep
It would be just fine, but I can’t stay to see
I’m running away from your eyes
I know I can leave you but I don’t think it applies
I’m running from your eyes

I’m done this before. Done it all again
Been here before. Write it all down when? Again?
Again and again and end it all, lets begin
Again?


-Where Do You Go-

When my world my gives in
And my thoughts cave in
The light in my head goes out
I sat there and stared at the bed

Where did it go and where does it leek
Where do I go now and when can I speak
Don’t tell me where to go and when to stay
I’ll choose when it snows and when I’ll play

Where do you go when your eyes go black
When you mind stops and your heart lacks

Do you feel what I feel? That burn for the unseen
Do you see what I saw? In you I have that flaw
Do I love for no reason? Do I see it in your eye?
I won’t fall again, I won’t fall in love just for time

When did you leave? I heard you’d believe
When could I tell you? I’ll just stay withdrew
When can I be you? So calm and in the zone
When can we stay here? Cuddled and alone.

Do you feel what I feel? That burn for the unseen
Do you see what I saw? In you I have that flaw
Do I love for no reason? Do I see it in your eye?
I won’t fall again, I won’t fall in love just for time

Where do you go when your world has a dark door
Where do you go when all you believed is done for
Where do you go when all you have in nothing
Where do you go when all you’re searching for is something


-Shakes of Life-
-For Jakob, Because I don’t know him and he cares...-

Down a dark alley and back on the black top
I twist and turn and shuffle back. Stop.
I fell on scraped my soul, and fallen and can’t reach my goal

I scramble back down to the bottom and find you there
Someone I never knew, you stepped up and made your debut
I reached out in blind hope and you pulled me up on that rope

You amazed me with yourself
With your kindness and you willingness to help
A kid who had no tears to cry
A kid who was ready to put it all down and say goodbye

With your arm around my shoulder, helping me to stand
We’re walking back into the world, into the mainland
I know it will be hard, I’ve known all along
But you’re living proof that you can live and stand strong

You amaze me with yourself
With your heart, and how much you give
With your life, and how you live
With your love and how much you lost
With your hope and knowledge of the cost

Your words will stay with me through all my life
Through life and love and all the strife
One day, we'll meet in sight
One day, I’ll see your light
One day, I’ll be myself
That one day, will only be from your help

Thank You.


-Fire Out of Reach-

Startled by your upfront purity, I stare into that flame that burns so constant
I want to have it, just that small bit, to look is all I get
And as it grows my eyes grow misty, It’s roars as it lays down on its knees
I just want to touch it, to glimpse it, My fingers reach out to touch
Wavering in your presence, my fingers fall around the flame
Smooth as a kiss from the wind, warm like the love of the savior
Moving out of my reach, the fire moves from the pressure of my intent.
Why can’t I have it? Why can’t I be like you?
Looking at my feet, I cry and let everyone see
Why I weep so openly, wanting you to know
I want you here, why can’t I have you near?
I’ve searched for you, I’ve seen you and ran away
But now I want you back, I see you with them
Feeling ashamed for what been thought, I want to be back in your arms
I’m sorry for leaving, please come back and warm my life
I’m sorry for living the way I did, please I want to be pure again
I know you won’t come until I change, when I walk down that path
Shackles still hold me here, and I can’t go to my key
Shackles and chains, clinking on my soul
I guess…I’ll live…maybe someday…I’ll live in you again


-Love of One Never Known-

Youth and wings come from her voice
Strongly forbidden whispers season the heart
Her notes cascade across the brisk surface of the water
Above the colors of your love I find a lover’s face and a lover’s heart
You came so prepared, could you have known it’s in my eyes
Above all else I see it is your eyes, plunging into pools of soul that are deeper then life

Searching for each other, the day never came
Here we stand and with no one else to blame
You don’t have to see it through gray
The things they’ve done aren’t ok

I don’t need to leave you, but to be with you
Everyone else have fallen away, leaving you would be too soon

I see you through foggy glass
Fog consisting of a shady past
But still I see it in your eyes, so clear and knowing, always be there, always right there.
You’re my love that I’ve never met, someday that never comes will be the day I love you.


-Your World Through My Life-

Did I get crush your tears when your heart was on the floor?
Do you call for a friend and never find me at your side?
When it broke did he come back?
Did he come for you and sooth your squall?
Did he come and warm your soul?

The gravity that keeps you here, you never clung to without fear

Your world fell away and walked out the door
Satisfaction gone, now who will hear you cry?

You never heard me cry, you only heard me listen
Did you ever see me hide behind your pretty eyes?
No, you only saw me joyful for you and the light in those eyes
Did you ever stop your stream to help my flood?
Did you ever see fake concern or your trickle?

Your world fell away and walked out the door
Loneliness sets in and now you see me

I put you back together now go and crash it all again
I’ll regret my involvement and love you all over again
I kept it all in you and you kept me in someone else
Now will I pass on to the next memory or will you give me a chance?


-Let You Go-

Sadly the darkness looks into my dear
Enter the dark, have a happy ending
I’ll let you go, so long as you come back pearly clean
And so her shell is the night’s sky and her mood in the sadness of sorrow.
You let yourself fall, when did you stop, when did you hold it down
I lifted you up and you still held it down and now its dead and buried.
I let you go and never saw you leave.
I let you go and now you’ve come back again.
Your eyes seem clearer, from finding answers you always hid from.
Your mind seems cleaner, from dragging it through the mud then finding truth
Take my hand, we’ll walk back in time.
I’ll take your heart and we’ll make it through.
You been there and back and now you know
I’ve seen you before and now I’ve seen you’ve grown
We’ll walk out of here together. Neither here nor there.


-Cloud Labeled You-

Seeing you again pulled on threads in my heart.
Made my mouth go dry and made me swallow.
So many times I turned around to see your face and found a stranger,
Now I turn and I don’t want to believe.
If I believe the dream will end, I’ll wake up and then I will cry, knowing my dream will never come true
Your eyes glow with the cool confidence
You stand there with the beauty I’d never imagine in my dreams
You look at me like I mean something and for once I might actually believe it

This corner of the earth just detached into a piece of my fantasy
This part of my life just flared into an inferno
Heart, soul and mind needed by your stream of love
Floating on wisps of steam, just float away.

Words failed in the place of a greeting and all I could do was embrace this dream and never let it go
So I did, and you embraced me back
And we stayed like that until we felt the greeting had reached its potential
Never again I would give it away
Now I’ve gone and thrown it all in you.

This corner of my world had just shattered into pieces
This part of my life has just sat up in the grave
Heart, soul and mind needed by you
Floating away on a cloud labeled, you.


-We Talk to Angels-

Soft-spoken chorus
Words whispered on high
Hear the heavenlies singing
Dancing around the Son

We talk to angels
Sweet, sweet voices of harmony
You’re real and you’re alive in me

Listening to the wind
Hear you striding through in your glory
Feelings of wonder crash through the lightning
Your rain like tender kisses on my face

We talk to angels
Hands lifted high
We join their praise, we love to live in you

Your power makes me tremble
Your love for me finds me on my knees
You above all else, You above all

We talk to angels
Sing, sing praise
We talk to angel
In the heavenlies
We talk to angels
We’ll talk to the angels…


-Couple On The Corner-

Schoolboys running through the street
Laughing and living
A couple stands on the corner, lost in a world of their own
The old man sitting in his chair remembering a life gone past
You stand in the middle waiting for your turn
Your scene rolls by and you step right in
Back into your life, back into your home
Back into your room and you’re all alone
You just want to live, feel that person’s touch and remember years later
You wake up in the morning and you feel the years that haven’t past you by

You want me to save you
But I stay the same as you
So I’ll wait for you, pressed against the glass
And you’ll wait for me, turned away from this window

You found a replacement
And it keeps you going nowhere
Nowhere you know is good enough for you
Don’t worry, my love, I won’t save you

You want me to save you
But I stay the same as you
So I’ll wait for you, pressed against the glass
And you’ll wait for me, turned away from this life

Picture stones and moving bodies
You turn around and step into our world on the corner
I can’t save you
But I think we just saved ourselves

You want me to save you
But I stay the same as you
So I waited for you, your finger pressed against mine
And you waited for me, your heart in my hands


-Places In The Sun-

Places of sunlight
Seen in the beautiful, moonlit mountains
You with me
Found love in patterned approval
Woke with a start
Such warm laughter touched my ears
The daughter of night had departed for light
The son of the morning had taken her place
The blanket of white that cuddled his face with the blue bed dressing was extravagant
Bright in crisp, cool, he stretches his gentle arms across the land
Sweet dew on the ground glistens in the sight of the newborn light
Flowers bloom in greeting, gesturing the warm rays into their home
He works through the day, making sure to bring color and life to ones who are rooted in reality.
The moon comes calling and as the sun is falling he waves his farewell in stunning strokes of purples, blues and reds.
As it fades away and the blue, stary night conquers over the sky, he waits until the morn when he will again chase away the darkness and bring us all the day.


-To be One-

I feel weak from all the strength of my emotions fleeing from my body as I cascade though thoughts of last night. It started subtle, holding and cuddling. I held you close and you pressed in.
It grew as our consciousness of the world dwindled. We shifted and touch and entangled ourselves in affections brought to the surface. Your head near mine, your hand in mine.

I always dreamed of being here, never thought I’d get there.

We drew closer and kissed and passions set off, we were made for this. We were made to be together.
The night drew on and intimacy slowed the sands of time to a trickle. Sleep evades me and I lay and watch you. You sleep, vulnerable and sweet, posed in a way that states your need for my protection. You always were the sweetest thing. I look at you and my blood boils and my breath quickens. My heart beats hard for the loving desire I have for you.
The moonlit night casts a pale glow on your skin, skin that could make silk feel coarse. I lie there and think of you, my fingers dance down your back and I think of you. I fight a war with my body’s need to sleep and my heart’s desire to stay and gaze on you. My body overcomes and gives me dreams of you

Dreams of chasing you, running and laughing, through fields of flowers. Greens, yellows, and blues dance across my view of you. Flowers at your feet, flowers in your hair, flowers in my hand. You act surprised as I hand them to you, I know when you try too hard to please. I smile a deep smile and take your hand. I run and run until I can’t run anymore from my hard breathing and choking laughter. We fall down into the high grass and lay there staring at the blue sky, splashed with ribbons of white. Peace rolls over me in waves. I never want to be without this feeling. I close my eyes, with my arms wrapped around you; you snuggled close to my chest. I open my eyes to look at the sky…

I see the ceiling of our room and my heart sinks until I realize we are still wrapped in each other’s arms. I shift and flex and you snuggle closer in response. “Good morning.” My mind drowns in the sound of your voice. I heave a sigh of wonder, “Good morning.” I kiss your head and slower unwrap my arms unwillingly, knowing I have to start the day sooner or later, but oh how I want to stay here forever. I get dressed and walk passed the rooms filled with toys and stuffed animals only to hide two little buddles of joy that grace our presence. I walk downstairs and get my morning started, I hear the shower running for a couple minutes and turn off. I chuckle and shake my head. You’re always so concerned with conserving hot water. I walk back up to our bedroom and into the master bath. You stand there at the sink, dressed in jeans and blouse. You’re beautiful. You whip your hair around to hang over your shoulder. Wet and heavy, dripping on the tiled floor. You see me in the mirror and turn, hands still at work drying your hair. You smile a rushed smile and turned back to the mirror.

She could have walked out in the street just like that; no make-up, hair wet dripping and people would still gape and stare at her beauty. And if they didn’t, I would, and that’s all she needed. My love. And that was all I wanted to give her.

You crimped your hair while it was still damp and let it dry completely on its own. You walked to me, my hands on the sides of the doorframe. Your arms encircle me and I let my arms fall around your neck. I pick you up and turn you in a half circle so you’re outside the bathroom. I put you down and take my arms from around you. You smile, “My own personal revolving door.” She laughed against my chest and I smile down at you. Your hands leave me and I the feel loss. You hurry to your side of the bed and pull on your shoes.
“Alright honey, I have to go meet Cat for brunch, I’ll be back around 1:30.” I stand in the middle of the room, patiently waiting for my goodbye. I always have mixed feelings for my goodbyes. Getting to kiss you and having you leave was a thing I wait for and dreaded at the same time. You walked around to me and I considered dodging around you in order to stall you from leaving but I wanted my kiss. You put your hands on my chest and leaned up to kiss me, stopping right before my lips. “I love you.” I consciously lock my knees so they don’t buckle. My skin tingle and goosebumps form on my arms. My lips curled up in a stupid grin. A love-struck grin. I like hearing that before she leaves too.
I wanted to hear it again but I knew she was in a hurry. “I love you too.” Saying that always made my skin tingle too. She smiled again and kissed me a passionate kiss. Her heels came back down to the floor and she threw her hands up in joy. “I love the weekends!” We both laughed and her hands found mine and I led her to another kiss. We walked downstairs and to the door in an embrace.
“Get some work done while I’m gone! Don’t just stare after me like you usually do.” She poked me with her finger and giggled. I frowned and dropped my head.
That was a past time of mine to make her laugh. Walking out in the road as she drove away with a puppy dog look on my face. No cares about the neighbors thinking I’m crazy. It always made her laugh, that’s all I needed. “Fine.” I said, “Take away all my fun.” We laughed again and she opened the door. “Bye.” She said and brushed a quick kiss to me again. “Bye.” I said and let go of her hand. The door close and I set my mind to work as my heart lays to rest. “Get some work done while I’m gone.” She says. I walk up the curved staircase and into the den where I did all my writing. I could hear the kids starting to stir in the next room and readied myself for bear-hugs or rather “cub-hugs” from my kids.
I sat down at my desk and started up the computer. I opened up a new page and started recounting the feelings and thoughts of the previous night…

“I feel weak from all the strength of my emotions fleeing from my body as I cascade though thoughts of last night.
It started subtle, holding and cuddling. I held you close and you pressed in.
It grew as our consciousness of the world dwindled. We shifted and touch and entangled ourselves in affections brought to the surface. Your head near mine, your hand in mine.”…


-Your Own Time-

His eyes like broken pebbles
Hold me apart
My mouth blue
Staggering nonchalantly on the walkway of silken stones.
I make my way outside, battered by his words.
I saw it in his eyes, I saw the hurt inside.
"Leave. Don't come back" Is what I heard
Leave I will and I won't come back.
You won't see me at your door and you won't see me in your time.
I won't need to think of you. I won't need to care. You did it to yourself, I say
And you did on your time.

Alone my friendly love
Would i dust around you?
Yesterdays peaceful was delicious
Sharing Earth with images gone
Needlessly searching.
Finding nothing in the endeness of forever.
Mix emotions find mix words and end mixed with tears.
You wouldn't comprehend. You shouldn't condescend.
You never will be.
You will never be complete when dealing with me.
Searching, well search somewhere else.
You haven't found everything
and you haven't found me.

Not responding is a fail to understand.
bring you out of the corner.
You could never make sense of this.
Even if you decided to try.
Let it alone and let it be still.
Still is the quite humming of you crying yourself to sleep.

You did it to yourself and you did it on your own time.


-Stand With You-

I shout for joy when I see you coming
Fire of fires and Father of Storms.
Amazing are your works, amazing is your will
Lit up inside, I feel the spark ignite
Feel your life, feel your presence
Lift me in your arms Lord
You embrace me with loving forgivness
And I embrace you with broken surrender
Forever I will stand by you
Forever I will be struck with wonder
Forever I will need you
Forever i will praise your holy name
Boundless is your mercy
Endless is your Love
Ever flowing with forgivness
I will stand with you forever.


-Seek-

Be not silent, oh holy one
Hear my cry as I run to you
Meet me here, oh Lord
My heart can wait no longer
Everlasting peace, I seek you out
Turmoil overshadows my life oh God
Come speak my nerves, be still
Find rest oh heart of sorrows.
I lean on you, oh God
Protect me from my enimies that come against me.
You shall see me through oh Lord
And I shall follow you all of the days of my life.


-Chair by the Fire-

Memories of daddy’s chair by the fire. Memories of daddy’s chair by the fire. High backed, wooden and chipped to the bone.
Old and trodden but held close to the memories of family gatherings.
Circling around the chair, children watch him as he smokes his cigars,
Wondering when he will pause and read the next line in their story.
Darkened evening, fires roaring high, shadows cast on the faces, all these paint the scene for our night of tender, molten feelings of family. Intrusion on family affairs when the man walks in, mind twisted and distorted. That’s not our father. Our father is gentle and sincere, not haggard and grizzled. Our father doesn’t sport weapons but this man sports many.
A bottle in one hand, fumes spilling from his breath, a pistol in the other.
In our minds we wonder.
He moves to the fire, flames licking the red bricks inlayed in the chimney.
Shadows and colors pale on his clothes and bends over the hearth.
We scream, he laughs, he pulls his face back and we see the ash that roused to greet him.
He smiles at us, a twisted smile, eyes not lit, heart not intact.
We start to move, move around the chair, move to our father who is above to make a grave mistake.
He sees us coming, his children trying to rid him of his demise, and he raises his fate.

With one family, one father, one gun, one bullet, and one squeeze, our hero falls into our memories.
Face lit and eyes staring he lay in his chair in a sleep of never slumber.
We freeze and fall, wail and weep, we search and we mourn.
We search for the reason and search for the cause.
On his desk, wooden and ornate, we find our letters. The letters he left us, the letters of grief, of sorrow and apologies.
We see another envelope; writing in a flowing hand, wax seal broken with a quick swipe.
Writing to our father, we take it in our trembling hands.
Written in that same flowing hand it reads,

Dear Charles,

I am sorry to have to write such a letter, baring such news, and not binge there to tell you in person, but I have business that gives no favor to friends of mine. Charles, I cannot forgo any longer. I’m sorry to inform you that, you have cancer. This is a cancer of the heart and has been growing for sometime now. I’m also sorry to inform you that it is inoperable. I’m cannot and will not give you an estimate of how long you have left to live. I’m sorry I’m such a barer of bad news but my job…
I’m sorry, Charles.

Best Regards,
Owen

A sorry cause we find for the death of our father.

We could have loved you,
we could have helped you,
we could have lived with you.
Now you’re gone.

Now the chair stands cold by the fire that does not warm our hearts.
The fire never warmed our hearts,
but those who kindled and cared for it, those who gave us that family feelings, and the ones he protected us from the darkened evening.


-Yesterday's Tomorrow-

Yesterday’s tomorrow
Fades along with today’s sorrows
The weight of the day’s memories on my eyelids
Future smiles
I think I could go a few extra miles.
Energy of the noonday sun on my back

We’re falling from the stars
Never know that we’ve come so far
Never notice the extra tinge or color
Never seeing the broken mirror

Yesterday’s tomorrow
Now seeing its insides hollow
The neediness of my addiction beating at my door
Future smiles
A figure so high in a place in the sky
Lots on dreaming, lots of imagination

We’re colliding with the water
Steam rising just for starters
I never thought I would find you here
In the endless depths so near

Yesterday’s tomorrow
Changes with the sun’s shadow
Day’s end is near and rest is all our body needs
Future smiles
And the world seem to pile on top
We were never meant to be text-tile


-Bittersweet-

Against my hope
A faint string from Heaven
Sailing through uplifting clouds
The world hangs on thoughts of happiness
Destiny lingers to show me respect
Now a small faded fear jades my mind
A bittersweet feeling and a bittersweet time

Now knowing, now seeing
Holding onto space
Must pain the desire of distance
My mind grieves for when the path parts where will it go?
And where will we be?
Excitement overruns all fear but still, the bittersweet overcomes.
Separated I don’t that I can find anything.
Find something to fill what’s missing.
Such bittersweet happening with a bittersweet ending.


-Desert Waters-

Pondering slowly the invisible meanings of what went on today. White candles burned through the drowned promises. Blackened by revenge boiling in the pit of my mind. Awkward sway turned two people to desperation and two hearts to ruin. It sunk in and crushed the hull, darkened the seaside and polluted our thoughts. Never thought it would come to this. And in denial you throw it all away. A long river of denial you swim until your arms slack and you sink to the rocky bottom. You run out of breath and bubbles rising give sign of your stubbornness. Reaching down in the depths of your depression, I pull you by the scruff of the neck. You gasp as I throw you on the bank of inevitability. And with words of hope, pump the depressed waters from your lungs. My fingers find your face and I grab hold of your dampened skin. With your head in my hands I scream to turn away from your plotted course of Self-centeredness. I can save you, if you want to. You can ride with me on my raft of lightened burdens. You can sit and soak in the sun and all its majesty. Rays will warm your waters and in time will glisten off your body as you glide through in total relaxation. Let me help you. Let me need you.

Walking through the desert of my own dry, open life. Searching through the searing sun for a mirage I know I’ll never find. Looking for that oasis that will give me rest and quench my thirst. I don’t feel as my knees hit the dry, cracked ground and I fall forward onto my hands. Can’t get involved. Not the right time. Never the right time. Give up. I close my eyes and my arms give way and I land on the desert floor in a dream. I dream of trees and of running water. I dream of oceans and rivers. I dream the body of the one who means everything without knowing walking on the banks, on those beaches. Bluest skies and warming sun turn to blackened rain and darkest night. You seem not to notice and keep on walking keep on changing into someone who has no one. Needs no one. I find my vision back way and the scenery flies by back into the desert. Back to my dust-rodden clothes and my dry lips. My eyes open with new meaning. I will find you. You will find me. I push myself up with new strength and start to run back the way I came. Out of the desert is my only thought and the lines blur. I stand at the base of the river. The beginning. I see you walking on it. Back turned, arms by your side. I hear your cry of despair as you start to sink. Sink like the rock you so thought you should be. I jump to the surface of the river where you went down and collide with the wall of difference between us. You are here and I am there. I can’t help you. Desperate I beat at the barrier. I can feel it weaken around my hand as I bound with my fist. Suddenly my hand bursts through the cold waters of your depression and I pull you out. I’ve found you.


-Shame-

Your troubled by what you’ve seen
You don’t know how to coup and now you’ve broken
You gears won’t work, jammed together by disorder.
You engine has quit, from mixed signals and false arguments.
You’ve found what you thought was you and now you discovered its only the mist.
Mist of lust and mist of fleshly desire, you pushed so hard not to find it but you stepped right into the fog.
Hang your conscience on a peg and walk into a world you would never thought you’d accept.
You walk out and reclaim your life and reclaim the shame of what you’ve done.
Yet you still go back and for another taste.
How can you look them in the eye? Knowing what you’ve done.
Just walk out. Don’t go back. Yet you always came back for more.
You know where you should be. You should be in the Truth where you know what right.

Finally you’ve gone back to where you belong. You’ve let go and now you see the Light at the end of the tunnel.
And you look back and see the shame you drag with you. All the shame in the world seems to ride on your shoulders. You can’t look then in the eye…


-Peace-

You’re sometimes surrounded
Covered with rain
Warmed by the laughter of youths outside
We’ll wait for you someday
When you learn to hold me through the night
Let the dreams fall into the darkest depths and follow me into realities world.

Special childhood books tuck you in when you’re dreaming
Mother sings songs and you’re dreams are surrounded by joy.

You’re grown up and now you share problems with the world.
You escape in sleep and dream of life in the little.
Little is the time you have to worry about how you need peace.
You worry about tomorrow and tomorrow’s problems
But you have enough problems for tonight.

We’ll wait for you someday
Come back and hold me through the night.
Warmed by the singing of a new song.

Peace will you find while you sleep this night
God come and give you peace, peace for the sake of me
Peace will you find for the rest of your life
When you put your troubles on God.

I’ll wait for you to sleep
To hold you through the night as you peacefully sleep in dream…


-Devotion to the Creator-

Devotion wheels souls into self-sacrificing love
The marble crumbles into bronze beauty and this poet’s pen to silk.
Statues of men melt in the potter’s creative hand
Spirits paint His canvas with beauty no heart can describe.
His artistic hand never distorting our individual color.
Great is the painter’s fervent kindness on those who rack the world with destructive sin.
How eternal is that of His love, which he shed for us.
Fire of Heaven then descend on our souls
As we watch the keeper of our thoughts live through out our lives.
New laughter and love mute the legacy of our sinful past.
Desire to serve the Creator clouds our minds
As we dance into your presence.

Blessed be the name of the Lord in all the earth


-Always I'm With You-

Never be afraid when I am with you.
I will protect you from the world.

Never feel embarrassed when I’m with you.
I’ll be the fool.

Never feel alone with I am with you.
I will always understand.

Never hold back.
I am always listening.

Never act a stranger when I am with you.
I will like the real you and no one else.

Never worry when I am with you.
I will be take care of you.

Never be afraid.
I will be here.
I will protect you.



-Loop of Weeping-

I turn to the cold side of the bed.
My hand sweeps across where you used to lay.
So cold.
I toss in bed tears roll down my face.
Why couldn’t it have been me?
Take me. Take my breath.
I yearn to be where you are.
How can I like my life? You were every part of me.
I miss the way your deep breaths of sleep kept me awake at night.
I miss how easily you slipped into my arms.
I miss the way we whispered love to one another.
I miss the smell of your skin after a rose scented bath.
I miss your smile and I miss your eyes.
I miss your love.
How can I explain how my heart skips a beat whenever you’re mentioned for hope I might turn around and see your beautiful face?
Just the raw emptiness in my soul seems bare.
I can’t do this.
My life drips away with ever tear I shed in memory of you.
I fall asleep crying and wake crying with reality.
I dream of watch you move, watching you laugh, watching you sleep.
You’re so beautiful.
One more time to share my heart.
One more time.
Just one.
I shed my last tear and retreat from the real into dreams where I dance with you again.

I turn to the cold side of the bed…


-My Lips Are Sealed-

I feel cold, in the deepest winter of my life.
A time when I’m alone with no one else for warmth.
I asked for this with all my heart and I got it.
I the biggest hole lying at my feet with my own words pushing my down.
Do you see? Why I never tell you.
Do you see? Why I hide from you.
Can you believe it’s happening like this?
Can you imagine all the pain through?
I didn’t want to, but I did.
I didn’t want it, but I have it.
The memories right true but can I still stick to your side? Do you want me there?
Do you know how it feels when your heart stops and your throat clenches.
Your words put me there.
But what can I do? My lips are sealed until further notice, along with a friend that cannot be denied.
How long will it be?

-A Prayer-

Love of eternal loves. Eternal, Vast, Boundless, Forever… It’s a long time. “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory” Let the beautiful glowing creatures proclaim. For my God pained so much over my unworthiness that he washed me, cleansed me, and covered me with the Blood of his only son, My Savior.
Let the fire of the word pour out of my mouth like death to the wicked
And like the caress of a cool spring breeze to the lost.
This I pray from the depths of my soul and from my strongest of needs.

This I pray in the name of my God and Savior, Jesus Christ,
Amen.


-Story Teller-

And hush what gentle whisperings of the past
Come hither and tell your tale of wonder and adventure
Come into the light, back from the sprawling shadows of the night
For what was, will be again.
To find the end of the beginning and the beginning of an end is to find such pure joy of story.
You have been around through the seasons,
Watched the leaves falls from the trees to wander on ground until the spring tells them, be gone.
In the summer of the heart you find you common home.
Come to life amongst the flowers of excitement, grown by the gardener of life’s unexpected surprises.
Laughter of the Soul fills your skies, unattended by the heartache of the world.
Love flows from your voice like the soft caress of a summer breeze.
Tell me your stories of passions never ending sorrows.
Make me weep with mourning for the lose of life in your imaginary characters.
Tell me stories of secret fire of love desire.
For I have always long to be there.
Put me in that place, where scenes of ocean and plain cross my vision through clear, pure imagination.
That place where love is real and unbroken,
where people run free in the peek of life in joy and prosperity,
Where the needs of reality don’t quite grasp and all we catch is the wonder.
Place me there, in your stories.


-Ode to Love-

As I sit amongst the fields of flowers of gold
I escape the chaos of today
I sit and watch as the wind rolls by
Through time and space and love divine
At peace I stay in this sea of gold
For what holds still in only a place I know
Through wretched time, through wretched suffering
At Peace I am with this heavy burden

Time with no sense
Pain with no calling
I shall always stand here
Basking in your glory

To life of love
To love that calls
To life of feeling
For love I fall

For once for time
Twice for the meaning
For I was the fool
For ever the feeling
The ode to love is everlasting
The remnants of lost is ever forbearing
Over all I see, over all I do
To have the feeling of love’s shameful eye

As I stand amidst the chaos of today
I still feel the caress of the wind
Peace shall find its flower abloom
For it will never die to soon
To see, to hold, to love again
When time shall tell this stories end.


-Too Close-

How can you spur such emotions from the heart without splitting in two from the pure strain.
Excitment, joy, and happiness mix with the bittersweetness of love's taint on the mind
You want so badly to choose one or the other but are torn between being happy or mending wounds that take an eternity.
A beaming smile produced by gritting teeth.
Why does it have to be so close to me?
Couldn't it be a distant love down the road from my life?
Someone i can frown on and worry how he is treating you?
But now, now i'll know, now i'll feel the joy and the sorrows.
Too close.
If i have to move then why does it have to be where i go?
Its just too close.


-No Sense in Loving-

Too close to the fire, you’ll crash into the sun.
Stay in the love of the watcher, untouched by time.
Float on cloud, skim through the waters
Stay close to the watcher.
I still never can end the revolution.
Something outside penetrates the distractions.
Loving something was patience through the window.
Felt soft on heights. Stole the following strength
Because millions sealed is something foggy meant never again.
Weakened desires building down might not notice
Other depressing, waiting, growing downtown.
(yeah, how confusing was that?)


-Come To Me-

Search the air and the sea, but nothing stop my need for you.
Come now and show yourself.
Beat down the walls and carry through
Come show yourself to me.
Spread through out the land
Come lay yourself on me.
Heal these wounds and die my owns
Come make me new in You...


-Eyes of Depth-

How I love the way you look at me.
Those eyes taunt my dreams and stir my heart.
I can't believe its true.
Strange how the raw emotions come to surface during a gaze.
How close can close get before falling into the depths of those eyes.
Bizarre how they can send me into a spiraling frenzy of confusion.
I can still feel your eyes, with no light.
How they close inward when you are slighted
And how the widen with surprise when delighted.
I could spend a thousand nights gazing and still not see a stop to the emotions.
No. Not at all like the others.


-A Look Inside A Cluddered Closet-

It was fun now but now its done.
How long has it been since we had so much foolishness.
Please forgive me
Cause i can't find the words to say
In my head it plays so clear but it all falls apart.
And all i think is how much i want to stay here for good.
Muddered wordds strained to be heard inside this cluddered, hollow head of mine.
Don't forget this small towner, don't forget he played by the rules.
A slip here, misplaced comment there.
He wasn't that bad a guy, was he?
He trys hard.
Oh wait here comes the creepers into old walls standing.
Don't let the towers fall, don't let the towers fall.
No may enter. Rights reserved.
None if it makes sense.
But he trys hard.


-By Product-

I'm so sick of it all.
Why do i have to hide?
Just tell me why it's wrong.
So sick of hiding behind these walls that look so strong.
But why can't you tell me?
Why did you have to be so wrong?
I might be "strange" i might be "different" but i'm not so dreanged as you.
What makes you think you have the right to say the things you do?
Despite my feelings that no one seems to care.
But bare it all and bare again as i fall down on my knees.
But it matters to me.
Just brush it off and brush it off, they never meant to hurt you.
Don't let them see, don't let them see.
I can smile all the while as tears fall down my soul into fire.
See no one understands
So they just toss my heart aside as a shattered hope.
But i still clatter on with a heart labeled By Product Of Your Words.


-Taken Aback-

I bleed everytime you flinch.
I want to die everytime i hurt you.
Your eyes Probed the depths of my heart.
How can you bypass all the wrong?
I've shot bullets at you and you didn't even wince.
When i have acheived my worst you still compliment.
When you say words without shame I weep inside with love and joy.
You'll never know, you'll never know.
When i wake in your arms it's a dream.
It has to be.
How could you look passed what i have unvieled to you?
How? Why?
Why don't you turn and run to find someone better, someone you deserve?
Because in all the world you deserve better then me.
Instead you dig in your heals and set your stance.
I'm taken aback. I only wish i could be more like you.


-Sounds of the Soul-

That song. How the melody flows.
That song. How your blood flows with melody.
Your mind lifts, problems fade, you just drift in the soft caress of the music.
When you close your eyes you can see the emotions swell from the notes.
You wave your hand through the breeze of chorus.
How beautiful.
How life escapes you.
For all your worth you flow with the music.Dancing in the forstests with pure harmony.
The strings lift you through prue life of sound.
How you flow.
How your spirit dances when it hears that song.

-Tell Me True Words-

Tell me who i am? Tell why to love?
Tell me why do i have to come out of my head.
You seem to know more then me. You seem to care for free.
How does it feel? To be on top of the world.
Don't ask me, i fell from there.
Tell me how. Tell me i'm found.
Tell me now what kind of life i should lead.
Take me by the hand, guide me from step to step.
Through each motion i come closer,
closer to understanding, closer to understanding you.
Why are you here? Why do you care?
What is that look in your eyes?
Why am I here? Why do i need this?
Why am I begging you to stay? Just a little while.
Everything is so fake.
But you stand out from the rest.
You stand out from the Festival of lifes normalities and dance into my heart.
Tell me true words divine.
Tell me what i can hold on to.
Tell me true words.

-Fallen Angel-

Brace yourself, the ride is worse then the shock.
Don’t look back,
You find yourself wondering, how did I fall so far?
Why does it have to be this hard?
To regain what I had lived with so long.
You slide down the wall as you collide with never ending emptiness of your own room.
You’re the perfect fallen angel.

You searched for your answers in a bag or a bottle.
You found what you looked for and never thought it was what you wanted.
You lived the life you now only know in your dreams.
You found the pill that is your heaven and you scream with fire of your soul.
How did i fall so far?
Why does it have to be so hard?
You slide down the wall as you collide with the never ending despair.
Your the perfect fallen angel.


-Dream Reality-

Colors and shapes float in the distance of this uncomfortable dream of reality.
You need to understand, I tried.
Ignorance just pushed me further from you.
I muddle in the corner and stare at you through my fingers.
I couldn’t bare.
But I have to bare all over and over.
The regret of years calls back at me as I look through the window of my mistaken life.
I brought it on myself.
I can’t take it back.
If I had just resisted would things be different?
Different from they way things are, wouldn’t that be a miracle.
But I asked, I asked Him to find the way.
I never said I wanted it this way.
The day I drove away was the day I thought of freedom, freedom from these chains of regret and sideways glances.
How could you shove the memories aside?
How could you bare it inside?


-Never Again-

The light, The guide, the companion.
Never wavering. Never Faulting.
Gone.
So sudden. So abrupt. No air. No breath.
Ragged breath. Racked with convulsions.
My heart and tears fall through my hands like rain.
Life eludes me. How can it be, how can it be?
Half alive, more then half dead, i pull myself from my own wreckage of cluttered space.
As i fall i search for what i can find of you.

Never again a word. Never again a touch.
Never again a embrace.
Never again will i fall into arms of kindness, support and friendship.
Never again i cry. Never again.
Your memory is woven in a keeping that will go untouched by time.
And your eyes.
Your eyes are still with me.
But never again will i be able to look into those eyes and say i love you.
Never again


-A Short Story (My Fears)-

The Present
I look out the window in this lonley car i ride. I look far beyond images for the comfort that I seek. But all I see is the road forked into two paths, My future baring to the right and your's to the left.
Past
We lauged about it, we joked about it but still realized it was a possibility. I never told you how big a possibility it was though. I regret that. We made promises, I'd be there for this...you'd be there for that. Then I told you I was leaving. We made more promises, "We can work it out...I'll visit every-other weekend. And we tried, we really did. Then the e-mails and the phone calls dwindled and the visits became once every-other month. Then I knew how it would be and how its become. Then I cried.
Future.
I'm sure your doin fine. I haven't talked to you in a couple months. I'm sure your keeping busy. You probably moved on. Haha you probably had a party when i left. Joke. Sorry not funny. I'm still here, still movin, slowly. I'll get into a flow sooner or later. I miss you.
Further into the future.
Well i never thought I would be doin this. I looked you up in the phone book for your adress. It's been so long. You'll still probably busy as ever. I'm doin good, settled down, got married, oh remember when we use to say we would be at each other's wedding? Those were the days. Well i thought I would write you this letter just to tell you...a part of my heart, a part of me was left in that place, in that friendship, and in you. I said so long ago that if I left that i wouldn't be able to bare it and i couldn't. A part of me died that day, the day left. I just wanted to tell you that. I still think about from time to time...and laugh. I miss you.

These are my fears.

-Never Forget-

I need a person, a being, a love. I need more of you God. I need your help. Old unshed salt falls. deludes reality. Hit the floor weeping, crying out, find me, meet with me again. My mind is entangled, trampled, muffled. The walls have cracked and shadows of despair seep through. Stone is eroding into weak flesh. Can't reach out. They wouldn't understand. Need no pity. Don't want it. Must be hard, a rock. rocks don't get cut down, they don't feel regret or sadness. I finally find myself just to be lost in another maze. Cover ups work wonders. Just master the art of masking your feelings without falling apart inside. Don't let them see your eyes, it can satter your twisted truths. Losing my vision. Its been jaded by thoughts of struggle. The once clear, still, small voice now goes unheard over the chior screams of dispair and hurts. but i have been paid for, all has checked out. Can't forget the Blood

-Switchside-

You care but say you don't. You cry but say you won't.
You say you forgive but still hold the hachet
Your down so low and look so high.
Your always standing tall but feel like your crawling in the dirt.
You say you don't listen but you take to heart and are cut deep.
You look at others and feel like nothing.
You look at others and you see how they smirk.

But you don't see the people standing in awe.
You don't see the people you leave wishing there were more people like you in the world.
You don't know about the people who love you so much they don't want to let go cuz they fear they won't find anyone else like you for the rest of their lives.
You just don't see on the switchside.


-Advise-

Take care of your friends and make sure they know your doin it cuz if you don't,well you will see what happens when you don't.
Be open. Be honest.
Don't leave people out in the cold when they need shoulder to cry on...it really sucks.
Don't doubt the people that you love. It only hurts you both.
Don't hold on the imaginary things...they only slip from your grasp and shatter your world...
let things go that are to heavy to handle and sooner then you think they might just become lighter and easier to bare.
Say you're sorry for things you did wrong and say them with all your heart and you might end up with more then you left off with.
Look at their eyes.
They can tell you the world.
And open your own, so you can see the real thing and the real hardships and realize your not the only one with a burden on your back.


Alright that is all for now. I update it whenever i feel like it...so check back and see some of my newer stuff. Catch ya later,

In Christ,
Connor

Email: Me05323@twcny.rr.com

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