ABOUT COLDMAN5
ColdmaN5 was the codename given to Mexican rebels off the coast of Guadeva on the third of Mexico, 194eight. The name, and all to whom it was given, is a sign of loyalty and bravery, as those Mexicans refused to back down to allow the evil alien Infrurus from taking their valued crop plants and cigars. "Que motadoro!" exclaimed one fatally wounded Mexican during that great battle.
The battle raged on for thirty miles, and neither side was willing to give in. For much was at stake. Finally, on March 17th, 1564, the Mexicans realized they had suddenly slipped back in time. Nevertheless, they carried on, rallying their troops to face the evil Infrurus. At that time, little was known about Infrurus, except that he was big and mean, and had scaly, rubber-ish arms that could crush through blocks of cement as if it were cheap crayons, because at that point in history, scientists did not have the luxury that we do today. The only things scientists of the 1500s had were crazy ideas, and test tubes. They don't have the crazier ideas and billions of dollars of taxpayer's money that is freely given to them on behalf of the government to perform ridiculously pointless tests that will not better modern society in any way. So they were forced to make a lot of stuff up.
So in 1931/25 (read nineteen thirty-one-backslab-twenty-five) Congress passed a new Senate. That Senate, in turn, passed a new law that disallowed the usage of "backslabs" (later changed to the modern "backSLASH") in years. Future Vice-Senator and Legislator Extraordinnaire Sydney Tafferson was quoted as saying: "Long live the backslab in our hearts, for the years will carry on without them forevermore." He was later killed in an unrelated bicycle shooting.
But Sydney Tafferson's wife sued the school, claiming her husband's name was a "registered trademark" of the Clorox Co., and that every time her late husband's name was mentioned in text, or out loud in the classroom, she was owed royalties. "If I cannot mooch off of him in life," she was quoted as saying in an April 24th, 1937 edition of "Ella Magazine", "then I will continue to drain him of all he is worth in death." The settlement was settled outside of court in 1954 for an undisclosed sum of $13,000 but a Federal judge ruled that at least $5,000 had to go to the Clorox Co. Bewildered and angered, Ms. Tafferson invented the popsicle, and millions of children and man-babies everywhere rejoiced all at once.
This loud rejoicing all at once became known as The Happiness Heard 'Round the World, but it was very short-lived. This is due to global warming which, according to many scientists, "slowly heats up the Earth like a pre-heating oven until, eventually, what's inside that oven is baked at 3,000 degrees and melts away to unrecognizable powder." In short, Infrurus was defeated and Mexicans could rejoice. Just not all at once, or they would contribute to global warming.
Figure 1.2 This is known as an "overshare", even though I've been known to do so as well.
