~How many trumpets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
~How two trumpet players traditionally greet each other.
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
~What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
~How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
~Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the trumpet players.
~How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to complane how Louie Armstrong would have done it better.
Drumer
~How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have a machine that does that now.
~How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always speeds up.
~What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
~What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
Tuba
~How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink 'till the room spins.
~How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
~These two tuba players walk past a bar...
Well, it could happen!
Trombone
~What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.
~How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?
He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing.
~How can you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
Sax
~What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
1) Lawn mowers sound better in small ensemles.
2) The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
3) The grip.
~The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her saxophophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now."
He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?"
Clarinet
~How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
Bassoon
~Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
The bassoon burns longer.
Oboe
~What is a burning oboe good for?
Setting a bassoon on fire.
French Horn
~A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"
~What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.
