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<center>Swollen Issues III

Swollen Issues III - Chapter 91

The first day was bad. The second day was worse and the third day Nick thought he was in hell.

Every bone in his body ached and it didn't help that he was pumped full of morphine. The nausea was unbearable and he had thrown up so many times that he feared everytime blood was all that would come up. But so far so good. As if things hadn't been bad as it was diarrhea had set in and it was so violent that the nurses had to change sheets three times already and he feared that it wasn't the end of it. Hot and cold flashes kept coming and one minute he was huddled deep in bed under several blankets only to next throw every layer off and complain that he had been stuck in the Saharah desert.

The fluid that he had to drink all the time was making him bloated and his doctor's comment that he would look like a Micheline man proved to be accurate. No matter how much fluid he lost he still felt as he was full with water and for once he was happy that he had a cathether in his body.

When things were getting too bad, Nick kept crying telling them that he wanted them to end it all and that he didn't care if he died. It would be a relief.

Brian had been by his side most of the time and when he wasn't there one of the other guys had stayed with him. Even if he was too weak to communicate it still felt good to not be alone and he was happy that they hadn't bailed on him even when all he did was expell body fluids from more than one orafice.

But the sickness wasn't the worse. It was the drained feeling that left him questioning if he would ever survive through this process. The exhaustion that was much worse than he'd ever experienced before and even though all he wanted to sleep his body wouldn't give him any rest due. It was more than one time that he wished he would pass out or sink into coma and the worse he felt the more he regretted that his stubborn self had come up to show its face and that he had once again managed to talk people into listening to him even though all he said was crap. Oh how he wished that Doctor Andersen had kicked his butt and put him in a coma. Anything would be better than the pain he was suffering.

Nick had long ago lost count over the time and opening his eyes everything was so blurry that for a second he didn't even recognize his surroundings or one of his band brothers that faithfully was sitting by his side. The morphine that ran through his system didn't do much to make him feel better and he'd overheard one of the nurses talking that they should increase the dose to a much higher level if it would do any effect.

He had just thrown up for the umpteenth time that day when the door opened and Doctor Andersen came into the room. Nick could see by her sad expression that she wasn't coming with the best of news and he feared that she would interrupt the treatment. If she did he knew that he had a slim, almost no chance of survival. The bone marrow transplanation was his only way to be able to live again.

"Hello Nickolas. How are you doing today?" Doctor Andersen asked, sitting down next to him on his bed. It never ceased to amaze him that she was the only one that always called him his real name, Nickolas and had never called him Nick even though he had declared that it would be okay if she did that.

"Okay." Nick waved his hand slowly back and forth while wincing at the pain that such a gesture sent through his body.

"The nurses told me that you've been really sick," she said with compassion in her voice. "And that the morphine dosage that you've received isn't fully helping you, is that right?"

All Nick could do was nod.

"I've talked with my collegues and we've decided to raise the dosage a little and hopefully that will do the trick. However I can't lie to you. I don't like the way your body responds to the chemoteraphy and if it keeps getting worse I might have to look into other alternatives."

Nick nodded again. He was too weak to talk.

"I've ordered sleeping medication so you will be able to sleep for a while and meanwhile your system will have the opportunity to recover and hopefully the nausea won't be just as bad again." She pressed the button and instantly a nurse appeared in the door way. When the doctor had informed her what was expected it didn't take long before Nick was administerd a shot into his IV line and for once he didn't have to wait for long before sleep decided to take over and he could finally rest his worn out body for more than a couple of hours at the time ever since this last session started.

When Nick woke up again it was almost dark in the room and the only light was the reading lamp on the bedstand. He could see someone sitting in the armchair and thinking that it was one of the boys he mumbled hoarsly, "Brian?" His lips were so chapped and his mouth so dry that he had a hard time talking.

"No AJ."

"Bone?" Nick tried to sit up but found that he was too exhausted to even move.

"Yup Buddy it's me." A hand touched his. "Now try to sleep. I'll be here reading and let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Not wanting to go to sleep again Nick blinked several time to focus on his surroundings and then mumbled, "Water."

"Dude you're thirsty?" AJ said and Nick could hear the sound of water being poured into a glass. Soon he felt his friend lift his head up and cold liquid wet his lips and throat. "Here you go."

It felt so good and Nick wanted to savour this feeling for a long time. But as always when it came to him it wasn't long lived and soon the nausea returned and he didn't even have a chance to use the emisis basin that AJ hurriedly grabbed for him and before he knew what had hit him his body was wracked with hard spasm and the water he'd just drank came up like a fountain. It was nasty, but to Nick's surprise AJ didn't leave him. Instead the older man rubbed his back and whispered in a comforting tone that it would be all right. This was so different from when they were on tour and if Nick would get sick AJ would be annoyed over it. At least most of the times. There were occassions when his friend showed real concern too, but those were few and could be counted on a hand or two.

Once the bout was over Nick rolled into a ball and did his best to shut off the world again. His back hurt after lying all day, but that was nothing compared to the rest of his body. The stomach being the worst.

"You doing okay?" AJ was talking in such a hushed town that Nick had a hard time hearing what his friend said. Every sound hurt his head and he did his best to answer even if talking hurt just as much. To say that Nick was miserable would be an understatement. Just when he was about to doze off again his stomach made itself known and a cramp shot through him like a flash.

"What's the matter? You gonna puke again?" AJ grabbed the basin when Nick stopped him.

"No...I...need...bathroom," he panted and hoped that his friend wouldn't be too slow or there would be another accident. The diarrhea worked fast and before AJ had a chance to help him out of the bed there was another mess. This time Nick couldn't take it and started to cry. When the older man tried to help him he yelled at him to get out, feeling too embarressed that AJ would witness him in a situation like this. The next then he knew two nurses entered the room and soon he was changed and bathed.

If there were one thing with being in a hospital Nick hated, it was the helpless feeling. He was as weak as a newborn baby and he loathed every time he had to depend on someone else to make it to the bathroom, getting bathed or getting dressed. If this was how his life was going to be in the future he might as well end it here and now.

Another shot of pain medication was administered and soon Nick found himself dozing off again.

It had to be morning the next time he opened his blues since he could hear the sound of working men drilling outside. Being cooped up in the hospital bed he'd learned to hear sounds from the outside and even if he had no idea what the time was, and didn't care either, he'd learned to interpret what time in the day it was just by listening. Looking to his side he found that the armchair was empty but whoever had stayed beside him had slept under a blanket that was casually thrown aside. He was going to press the button when there was the sound of light snoring coming from the other side of the room and he saw the shape of his buddy AJ lying there.

Nick smiled. There was a vague memory of AJ being there for him in the night but it was so blurry that he started to think that it was all a fabrication out of his own imagination. He debated whether or not he was going to go over and wake his friend up when he decided against it. AJ was something of an bad mood morning person but that wasn't what stopped him. It was his own level of eneregy that was down to zero right now.

His stomach was still complaining but it was much better than it had been earlier on in the night, possibly because he had nothing more to expell and the anti nausea medciation he'd recived was doing their tricks...at least for now. But as all nightmares this one had a set back too. Chills wracked his system and he could feel the fever running through his veins. It was all starting to tax him out so much that all he wanted to do was to sleep the misery away.

"Hi buddy, you up?" AJ asked and Nick had been so engrossed in his own aches and pains that he'd neglected to see that his friend had woke up.

"Ye..yes." The answer was nothing but a croak with a harsh cough following.

"You all right?" AJ jumped off the bed before he could answer and was instantly by his side. "You feeling sick again? Want me to get someone?" The questions were so rushed that it had Nick guessing that whatever he'd experienced last night had to have been bad and got his friend a bit shook up too.

"No." Nick shook his head. Swallowing hard he went on, "Just want some...something to dr..drink."

"Right at ya, dude." In a swift movement AJ grabbed the glass and soon Nick felt cool water run down his throat. It felt good even if it also made him want to shake from the sudden coolness. Coughing a couple of times he said, "Tha..thanks." It was so wierd being so weak that holding the glass was a task that was too exhausting that he didn't even care to think about it.

"Mmmm." After a few minutes of silence his friend broke it, "Dude you were really sick last night. I stopped counting after you'd threw up the thirteenth time and I have never seen anyone as sick as you were buddy." His tone was filled with compassion and his eyes had a mixture of concern and fright. "For a while there I thought that you were really going to call it quits."

"You mean die?" Now Nick pricked up his ears. Okay it had been bad but he didn't think it was that bad.

"Mmmm sort of. I think that the nurses were concerned too since they kept coming in all the time and a doctor came in too. They were talking of moving you to ICU."

"They were?"

"Yup, you were pretty bad I tell ya." AJ ran his hand through his scalp in a tired gesture. "But then they gave you something for the puking and you stopped and finally you could sleep a little." Sitting down next to him he continued, "So how are you feeling now? Better?"

"Sure." Nick shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to reveal that he still felt like hell.

"Liar." The displeased look his older brother gave him told him that he hadn't managed to convince him. "When are you going to stop trying to act like this is nothing?" The words were hard which had Nick flinching at them. "I can see that you still feel like something the cat dragged in and if something is bothering you it's better that you fess up instead of trying to act as if you were all fine and dandy...when we all know that it's not the case."

Nick could do nothing but sigh. AJ was right on him.

The whole day was nothing but a blur since the water he'd drank had made a hasty retreat and also everything he put in his mouth made him want to gag. Unfortunately the nausea medication that had worked so great before was making him sick now and as if things were not bad enough the fever kept rising. By the end of the day Nick was so sick that he didnt even know who was with him anymore. He thought it could be Brian or maybe Kevin but to be honest he didn't care who was by his side, as long as he didn't have to suffer through this alone.

Nick had no idea how long he'd slept when he was rudely awaken by a female voice whispering his name and a shake on his shoulder. His first call was to tell the intruder to get the hell out since he'd finally managed to catch a few hours undisturbed sleep after his upset stomach had really done him in.

"Nickolas...Nickolas, try to wake up, yes...you can do it," the voice cajoled and looking up he found that it was one of his favorite night nurses Alice that had come to get him to raise him from his sleep. The black middleaged woman smiled at him gently when he showed signs of waking up. "Come on honey... that's it, open those blues." He wanted to tell her to shut up since any noise made the headache from hell worse and to his dismay that he didn't have the strength to do more then a whisper. A groan of discomfort came across his lips.

"I know that you don't want to wake up but you have to try sweetie, I need you to breath hard into this bottle." A piece was placed between his cracked lips and he instantly felt the urge to gag and as in reflex tried to spit it out.

"No Nickolas," his nurse said firmly and placed it back in his mouth. "Now I want you to breathe out the hardest you can, several times in a row."

When he still made no sign to do as the nurse told him she went on, "I know that you're tired but its important you blow into this spirometer. It makes your lung function better and prevent nasty infections like pneumonia to develop. And the sooner we do this the sooner you can get back to sleep again," Noticing that he was listening to her words she urged, "That's it Nickolas...take a deep breath."

The effort send him into coughing fit and he held his stomach in discomfort. Man that sucked. When he was done he felt like he'd run a whole marathon or had a hectic night on stage, just as worn out and tired. But this wasn't accompanied with the great feeling that usually settled into his body after performing, no this made him only feel sicker and he shivered from the chills that seemed to have his body in a tight grip these days.

Nick was alternating between chills and sweats all night and the aching sensation in his body made him desperately aware that he was running a fever. A rather high one judging from the nurses that kept coming in to look after him. His stomach was still upset and although he had nothing left inside the gagging was hunting him all the time and it was more than one time when he wished, prayed that he would fall unconscious so would be able to get away from this misery.

One of the times when he woke up he saw that someone was sitting next to him. The shape was familiar but he couldn't place it until he saw Howie's brown eyes looking down at him. There was a deep wrinkle of worries etched on his forehead and when the Latino spotted Nick a weak smile crept upon his face.

"Hi Nicky. I thought you were asleep."

His throat was so hoarse and his lips so parched he couldn't manage to get any words out. Howie must have sensed this since he was instantly there, "No don't talk. Try to rest." A cool cloth was placed over his forehead.

When Nick made a gesture to take the cloth away a hand stopped his. "No Nicky, leave that alone. You need to lower that fever of yours. It's very high"

The voices that had been there for him these hellish days had soothed him and he wished he had the strength to tell his friends how much he appreciated that they were taking turns to stay with him even though he wasn't much company. But as he felt right now he would be happy if he croaked out a word or two and even then it would be with much hassle.

Nick had lost the count of the days he'd received the chemo and when the fifth day was over he was crying both from exhaustion and sickness. Moaning he mumbled that he would never make it and that they could just as well kill him since this was the worst he'd ever experienced. Morphine was pumped into his system but that didn't help. Every part in his body ached and he felt like he'd been run over by a truck...several times. When the pain was at it's worst and the nausea so blinding that he couldn't see he wished that they would give him a shot and that it would be all be over. He could hear the doctors talking about how they should have put him into sleep and in that moment he wished that they would actually make reality of their words. But nothing happened and instead he was left with his aches and pains, suffering more than he ever thought would be possible.

"Can't you give him something?" Kevin asked, pleaded, when Nick was done retching into the bowl. It was the sixth day and the nausea medication that he'd been administered did nothing for him. Instead his stomach was constantly dry heaving even though anything that could be in his system would be long gone.

"I wish that I could," Dr Andersen said with a voice filled with compassion. "But this late into the treatment I can't give him anything beside the nausea medication he'd already recieved."

"That's hardly enough!" Kevin spat. "The kid has been throwing up constantly since midday and I don't think he can take much more of this! There has to be something you can do to help him." The voice was desperate. "He's in pain!"

Nick appreciated how his oldest brother was butting into the situation, trying to help him, but he also wished that Kevin would lower it down since the yelling did nothing to help the headache that was pounding inside his skull. Dizziness swept all over him whenever he tried to look and it was better to keep his eyes closed even if that meant that he had no idea what was around him. As if he cared.

His stomach lining felt like it was on fire and he wouldn't be surprised if all the vomiting and cramps would lead to internal bleeding. Just his luck.

On the seventh day Nick was so weak that he didn't even react when anyone was talking to him. He just wished that it would all be over and that the poisoning of his body would be over. He had been running a high fever last couple of days but now it seemed like they had finally managed to lower it enough for him to be able to rest peacefully. He'd overheard the nurses talking that if things didn't improve Doctor Anderesen would be having second thoughts about going through with the bone marrow transplant since his system would be too weak to manage such a difficult task.

But it was then he decied that he wouldn't loose the fight since he knew that if he gave up, if his body gave up, it would mean death and Nick had too much too lose. The fighting spirit that he'd been known for back in the days when the touring was almost ripping him apart with exhaustion was showing its face again and soon Nick felt a little bit of strength returning to his body. He was still nauseated like hell and the fever still had him in its grip but the spirit of survival was much stronger and therefore he forced himself not to give up.

In a dizzy blur he spotted Brian sitting next to him. His best friend was twiddling his hands and Nick could see that tears were rolling down his cheeks, staining them in the process. It hurt to see his friend this upset and with a weak gesture Nick reached out to grab his hand.

"B...don...don't wo...worry." Nick's voice was nothing but a whisper since the vomiting had left him hoarse and weak. There was so much he wanted to say but this was all he could muster. Talking proved to be too exhausting.

Noticing this, Brian instantly wiped away the tears and then gave a weak smile. "Oh I didn't think you were awake. I didn't wake you up did I?" He was doing his best to act as if he hadn't been crying moments ago but that didn't work very well and soon he gave up his facade. "I'm just so afraid that I will lose you."

"Yo...you won't." That was all Nick could say before he felt another bout of nausea sweep all over him and his stomach dry heaved violently. Once the worst spell was over he was so weak and shaking that Brian just held him close to him in a tight hug, while whispering that everything would be okay.

This was comforting in a twisted way and a thought struck him that Brian would make a great dad to Baylee. Through hazy vision he could picture his friend sitting with his son in his lap, whispering that everything would be okay, when Baylee was sick or hurt. This thought had Nick smiling, despite the sickness that was threatning to overtake both his body and mind.

Just when Nick decided that he couldn't take it anymore Doctor Andersen walked into the door. "Hello Nickolas, how are you feeling?"

He wanted to tell her like shit but stopped himself and instead shrugged his shoulders. How did she think he was feeling after going through a week like this?

"I know it has been bad but I came to tell you that you're done with the chemotheraphy and now you're one step away for the bone marrow transplant. "We'll be starting the total body irradication in two days. You get a couple of days to let your body recover from the chemo before we start with the TBI," Doctor Andersen explained and then went on telling him about the procedure that they were about to proceed, but he was too weak to listen to her, even though she had gone through the procedure with him many times before.

The radiation wouldn't be a piece of cake, that was what he knew since past experience but it could never be worse than what he'd experienced this last week, could it? All that mattered right now was that he had finally managed to survive this week in hell...even if it had been by small limits.

Chapter 92