Nick woke up with the all too familiar pain that had been plaguing him for months. He had spent much of the night fighting sleep and tried to reassure Aaron. He felt obligated to set his young brother’s mind at ease; Aaron had told how scared he was about the surgery. Nick pushed his own fears aside and told him that everything was going to be okay.
Somehow, Nick doubted his own words.
Rolling slowly onto his side, Nick glanced at the alarm clock. It was 6:40 a.m.
The hospital had called early yesterday afternoon and changed the time of his surgery for later on in the day, which had suited him fine. He had been thinking of the possiblity of skipping the surgery altogether. Just letting the cancer take it’s course. He was so close to making that decision, but there were two things that had changed his mind. One of them was Aaron.
Turning gingerly onto his back, Nick looked over to where his brother was sleeping. They had talked into the wee hours of the morning and Aaron had asked endless questions but he thoughtfully also kept telling Nick he should get some sleep.
The pain in his stomach was starting to become more than Nick wanted to handle and he quietly got out of bed, folding the covers back after he stood up. Taking a long look at his brother peacefully sleeping, Nick was filled with emotions and tears filled his eyes. He felt guilty about what was happening to him and that Aaron had to live through a horrible possiblity of losing a sibiling.
Dismissing the feelings of self-pity, Nick quietly padded to the bathroom. After relieving himself he stood in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection. He looked as run down and tired as he felt, he decided. Turning the faucet on, he cupped the cool water into his hands and splashed his face.
After showering, Nick peeked out into the bedroom and was happy to see that Aaron was still nestled underneath the thick comforter, softly snoring. With the towel draped around his waist, Nick shivered when the cool air hit his skin. On his way to the dresser, he pried a small opening on the shades that covered the windows. To his surprise, the media that Kevin had been grumbling about was still camped on the edge of the fence and across the street from his house.
Without waking Aaron, Nick slowly and quietly pulled out a pair of dark sweatpants and an FSU sweatshirt and one of his bandanas. Taking a pair of socks and his sneakers, he walked across the hall into the guest bedroom. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Nick braced himself for the painful task of putting his socks and shoes on. Lately, he had resigned himself to asking for help to do a lot of common daily tasks and it bothered him that he had grown to become more and more dependant upon others when he was either too weak or too tired to do the things he had taken for granted.
Putting on shoes and socks was something that took skill on Nick’s behalf. Biting his lower lip, he cautiously lifted a foot and as fast as he could, tugged the sock up over his calf. For something that should only take a few moments to do, it took Nick five minutes of struggling.
Quietly, Nick slipped down the back stairway. On his way down, he could hear the television in the livingroom and he was praying that Kevin and Howie were in there and not the kitchen. With a sigh of relief upon seeing that no one was in the kitchen, Nick grabbed his keys and one of his baseball caps that hung on the rack by the garage door.
Sliding into the BMW, he knew that his brother and friends would be upset with him for doing this, it was something he had to do.
Starting the car after the garage door was opened, Nick froze. "What am I doing? I can't just go....there's too many people that would be hurt," he asked himself, resting his head on the steering wheel.
"Why am I such a damned wuss? God, Carter, you're pathetic!"
Taking a deep breath, he turned off the ignition. Looking into the rearview mirror he glared at his reflection. "Some good friend you are.....wanting to walk away from everything and just pretend this isn't happening...."
He stopped berating himself when he looked past his reflection in the mirror towards the edge of the driveway where a handful of media was. With a sigh, he decided it was time to face his fans and give them the interview they deserved. He sat for a few moments, fingering the keys that hung from the ignition. Taking a breath in, he slowly opened the car door.
Howie sat down on the couch, setting a mug of coffee on the table next to him. “What time did you say is Nick suppose to be at the hospital?”
Not taking his eyes from the television screen, Kevin replied, “They said he needed to be there at eleven, surgery is at 1:00.”
“It’s almost 8:30 already, I’m surprised Aaron hasn’t gotten up yet,” Howie remarked as he looked at his watch.
“Well, you know how teens are.”
Howie smiled. “Yeah....that’s so true.” The smile slowly faded. “I think I heard him and Nick talking late last night.”
“Well that’s probably why the he’s still sleeping then.”
“I wonder how Nick could stay up like that, I mean, you know how lately he just falls asleep in mid conversation?”
Kevin grinned. “Well that could be because you’re doing the talkin’, don’t cha think?”
Howie flung a magazine towards his older brother. “Ha...ha, you’re quite the comic today.”
The men sat in silence for a few moments; engrossed in their own thoughts.
“Wonder what Nick’s gonna think when his parents show up?”
Kevin sighed, scratching the back of his head. “I’m not worried about what Nick will think, I’m more concerned about how his parents will react when they see him.”
“Me too.....um, hey should I wake Aaron up?”
“Howie, what’s your obsession with Aaron sleeping? Like you said, he was up late last night talking with Nick, maybe he’s tired.”
“I was thinking that maybe it would be better if he has breakfast before Nick gets up since Nick can’t eat before surgery.”
Kevin shook his head. “Nick hasn’t been eating at all, remember?”
The phone’s shrill ring broke into the conversation. Kevin quickly picked up the receiver. “Yep?”
“Kevin?”
“AJ? Where the hell are you.... I can barely hear you!”
“I’m on 92.......dude, what the hell is Nicky doing?”
“Huh?.....AJ, speak up!”
“Damn.......st.....pho..”
“I lost the connection,” Kevin muttered as he hung the phone up.
“What did AJ say?”
“I couldn’t understand him, there was too much static on his cellphone.”
“Where’s he at?”
“That I did understand, he said he was on 92.” Kevin paused for a moment, arching an eyebrow. “He asked me what Nicky was doing. That’s weird, he’d ask me that.”
“Maybe he said, how’s Nicky doing?”
“Yeah, that has to be what he asked,” Kevin agreed.
The phone rang again and Kevin and Howie’s eyes locked.
“You gonna take it or do you want me to talk to the dork with the cheap cell phone?”
“Better connection now J?”
“Are you guys listening?”
Kevin pulled the phone away from his ear when AJ started shouting into the phone. “I’m not deaf!”
“Nicky’s on the radio!”
Kevin immediately assumed that the station was talking about Nick or playing an old BSB song. “So you called me to tell me that?”
“Listen to me jackass, Nick’s on the radio....LIVE!”
”WHAT?”
“You mean to tell me you don’t know?”
“Don’t yell...”
“God, you’re suppose to be keeping an eye on him and you didn’t know he’s on the radio? I can’t bel---”
“What station?” Kevin interrupted.
“He’s talking to that dipshit on 93.3.”
Kevin gestured with his hand towards the stereo, “Turn on the radio, 93.3!”
“I’m gonna listen, he’s going to be coming back in a sec from the commercial break. See you when I get there, okay?”
“93.3, MJ in the morning and we have a special caller on the line, Nick Carter, Nick, bro, I’m happy that you’ve called.”
“Thanks.”
“We’ve already talked for a few minutes already, but I know you want talk to the listeners about something important that’s been happening with you.”
“This was something I’ve been meaning to do for awhile...you know, and um, well the media kinda sorta leaked out the info, um so I thought I better talk to some of the fans out there and tell them myself......wow, um this is really hard for me to do this......”
“Just take your time brotha...”
“Um, well I guess you’ve all heard that I, um, you know, um have Hodgskins...”
“That’s a form of cancer...”
“Um, yeah it’s cancer.... they found it after we got done touring in Japan, you know......”
“So this just happened all of a sudden?”
“No, actually it was quite the opposite....um, there were symptoms but um, I didn’t really see them.... I kinda ignored them and finally went to a doc after I couldn’t shake being sick for so long, okay.....um, so anyway I’ve been having chemo and doing radiation treatments for a few months now on and off...”
“You look good Nick...”
“No, I don’t.... I look like crap but the guys are tellin’ me I gotta be positive and stuff which I.....”
“Well you look good for what you’ve been through...”
“Well I just wanted to tell everyone that I’m fighting this and you guys are the ones that are keepinng me focused on fighting, you know and um...”
“I heard you have liver cancer?”
“Oh yeah.. yeah they just found that....that’s why my stomach’s gotten so big but I’m supposed to have surgery today...”
“Today?”
“Yeah, um it’s today......”
“Oh god...”
“Um......yeah, um..... well I guess that’s all I have to tell you guys for now, but thanks for thinking about me and you know I’m gonna beat this....”
“Thanks, Nick, we’re all pulling for you...”
“Thanks MJ....”
“Nick Carter....”
“Unbelieveable,” Kevin muttered, shaking his head. “Just when you think Nick’s gonna stay to himself forever he up and does this..”
“Wonder where he is?”
“Oh, you were listening?”
Howie and Kevin turned to see their young brother leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen a small smile on his face.
“Incredible, that had to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do,” Kevin stated as he walked over towards Nick.
Nick corrected Kevin, “No, going to the hospital to have this surgery is.”
