It had been several months since Nick had been discharged to the hospital under the care of his Backstreet brothers. Each day was a milestone and one more day meant that the bone marrow his body had received from Aaron wasn’t getting rejected.

Once preoccupied with his looks, Nick found himself accepting his pale, bloated, body as beautiful where he would once had considered himself to be gross and hideous. Even the acne on his face didn’t bother him. All of the issues in his body were compliments of the thirteen different medications he was now forced to take daily to keep his body functioning.

His hair started to grow back and the original dark brown color was coming in and from what Nick could tell at this point it was going to be slightly curly. Dr. Andersen had mentioned to him that sometimes chemo changes the texture of hair but he was thinking it meant that his hair would be thinner, not curly!

“I just hope it doesn’t grow back looking like Timberlake’s,” Nick snickered with a shake of his head as he ran a brush over his head.

“Nick? Who are you talking to?”

Sighing, Nick laid the brush down. “No one Jay, just talking to myself….why are you standing outside my bathroom door are you getting perverted again? I thought we had this talk earlier…”

“Jeeze man, hell no! I was walking by your bedroom and I heard you talking and I just thought someone was with you,” the rebel muttered as he started back out toward his own bedroom.

Nick opened the door and stepped out, AJ turned around. Normally, seeing Nick shirtless and in boxers didn’t bother him, he was used to seeing his brother daily after taking care of him for so many months, but this morning Nick’s body appeared fuller and his color looked worse than normal.

“Have you been skipping meds?”

“Huh?”

“I asked if you’ve been skipping your meds,” AJ repeated.

Nick shook his head. “No mommy, I’ve been taking all my meds on time every day. Why would you ask me that?”

AJ shrugged his shoulders. “Just checking.”

Nick stared at the rebel suspiciously. “That seems like a stupid question to ask me. Why would you even think I would skip my meds? I’ve learned from my past mistakes and as much as I hate taking pills, I take them every day, four times a day, okay?”

“I’m sorry, I guess I worry too much about you,” AJ replied with a slight smile.

“Well, if that’s all you needed to know, I’d like to get dressed, k?

Staring at his band mate for a few moments, AJ suddenly became aware that he was making Nick feel uncomfortable.

“Jay, you sure you haven’t started developing a need to check me out naked again?”

The rebel visibly jumped at the words Nick uttered. ”HELL NO! I-I was leaving.”

This time Nick smirked as he made his way across the room toward his closet. “Try not to miss me, okay?”

“Jesus Nick, that made you sound so gay.”

“I thought you’d like waffles this morning,” AJ announced to Nick when he walked into the kitchen.

Nick rubbed his hands together in anticipation as he took a seat at the table. “Home made?”

“Nah, Eggo’s, what the fuck do you think I am? You know I can’t cook.”

The young man stared down at the plate with two perfect circular waffles, straight from the toaster, burnt on the edges. “Wow and you managed to burn the edges too, just like mah would have made me.”

“You know it!” AJ laughed as he took a seat across from Nick. “Speaking of, have you talked to her lately?”

“Yeah she called to check up on me last night.”

AJ watched as the young man pushed the plate away.

“Something wrong? Is it too burnt?”

Nick shook his head absently. “Nah, I’m sure they’re perfect, I’m not that hungry this morning…sorry, nothing against your Eggo’s I guess I should have said something earlier.”

“Nick, you know you shouldn’t skip meals, what do you want me to fix you? Cereal? Pop Tarts?”

”I said I wasn’t hungry!” Nick shouted and then immediately regretted his words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bite your head off….I just don’t feel hungry right now, okay? I’ll just have some juice and take my meds.” A slight cough escaped, as Nick stood up to go over toward the cupboard that held his medications.

AJ jumped up quickly, rushing over to Nick, taking his arm. Nick immediately swatted the hand away.

“Seriously, I’m not handicapped.”

“You just coughed,” AJ corrected.

“Big deal, it was a little cough, people do that from time to time,” Nick remarked, his voice a little edgy.

Stepping back, AJ watched as Nick slowly took down the thirteen brown pharmacy vials from the cupboard. “Can I at least fill up a glass with juice for your pills?”

As much as he wanted to be independent and say no, Nick decided to let his older brother carry out that task. “Thanks, that would be great.”

Just as AJ was pulling a cup down to get Nick’s juice, his cell phone rang. “Yellow.”

Nick snickered at the way AJ answered the phone.

“Oh hey Kev..” AJ said and then cupped his hand over the receiver. “It’s Kevin,” he whispered to Nick.

“No way,” Nick joked. AJ shot a dirty look back and then Nick reciprocated with a wave of his middle finger.

“Yeah me and the boy were sitting down for breakfast….”

Nick half listened to AJ’s side of the conversation as he dished out his 9 am medications. He had grown accustomed to two of one type and one of another. He didn’t have to bother reading the labels on the bottles anymore, he simply knew them by color and shape.

“Oh, that I have that in the other room,” AJ said loudly as he left the kitchen.

“Left what in the other room?” Kevin asked in a puzzled voice.

“Nothing, I had to say that in case Nicky was listening to me,” AJ stated. “Are you planning on coming over today?”

“Do I need to come over today?”

“Yes and no.”

“Okay you’re talking in riddles. What’s going on?”

“It’s just that I really don’t feel comfortable about Nick.”

“What do you mean?”

”I mean that um, I dunno….its just that Nick seems to be a little off to me this morning…”

Alarms were going off in the Kentuckian’s head. “What seems to be off with Nick? Is he acting funny? Explain what you mean by off? Should you call an ambulance?”

AJ’s eyes grew wide. “No…NO! Nothing like that, I dunno he just seems to be down I think I can’t explain it.”

The elder man sighed. “Down like depressed down?”

“Nah, I don’t know its just a gut instinct. He coughed this morning.”

“Persistent?”

“Just once.”

“Jay, people do cough just once in the morning…hell I think I did three times this morning. I think you’ve been cooped up too long with Nick. Tell you what, I have some things to finish this morning and later on this afternoon I’ll come over and spend a few days with Nick so you can get some relief, alright?”

“I suppose….I know you guys have had some serious shit to take care of and I’m not feeling like I’m in this all alone but goddamn, Howie could have stopped by a few times this month and what about his goddamn parents? I could get started on your cousin too but he does have a new family so I guess that has him excused.”

“I have an appointment with Howie this afternoon, I’ll see if he can come with me, okay? How does that sound?”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” the rebel muttered.

“Huh?”

“Never mind, I’ll see you later.” AJ quickly snapped his cell phone closed before Kevin had a chance to speak again. He turned and almost ran into Nick. “Holy shit Kaos, I about knocked you over.”

Nick stepped around his brother, taking a seat on the couch in the living room. “No worries….I heard you mention you had plans?”

“No Kevin has plans, not me,” AJ corrected.

“Why don’t you go out and do something, you know you don’t have to feel like you have to sit with me the whole day.”

AJ stared at Nick for a few moments. “Because I’m not a dumb ass and I don’t trust you.”

“What’s there to trust?”

“I don’t think you feel good today.”

“So? I haven’t felt good for over two years, like since before Japan,” Nick reminded.

AJ rubbed his face in a tired gesture. “Yeah and I just don’t think I should up and go somewhere with you feeling like shit.”

“Then I guess you’ll never get to go anywhere. AJ whatever you have planned for today, just go ahead and go, okay? I’m as fine as I’m gonna be. Besides, all I have planned to do today is go back upstairs to bed and take a nap for a bit.”

AJ opened his mouth to protest.

“Seriously, I’m fine. Get dressed take the Beemer and get the hell out of here for awhile.”

“I’m gonna go upstairs and take a shower.”

Nick arched an eyebrow at the rebel. “Do you want me to call the radio station and let them know?”

“Ha ha…funny kid.”

Once AJ had bounded up the the stairs, Nick had a small coughing jag as he reached out to grab the remote for the television set. He cursed his body as he wiped the sweat that had formed on his face with the hem of his tee shirt. Sweating had become his long lost friend lately. In the beginning before he was diagnosed with the Hodge skins Lymphoma and lately it had returned whenever he had done something as simple as a small amount of exercise and expecially after he had had one of his coughing spells.

Fifteen minutes later, AJ was standing at Nick’s bedroom door. True to his brother’s words, he was heading back to his room for a morning nap.

“I’m not going.”

“Jay….please, just go out and go shopping or something. I’m fine. Hell, I’d like to find out what it’s like to be left alone in my own house again.”

AJ looked at his brother. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“You have your cell phone in your room?”

“Yes.”

“Promise to call if you need me?”

“Promise.”

“You know I don’t feel good about this.”

“There’s nothing to feel good about, just go, okay?”

“I’ll only be gone for a few hours…”

“A few hours is a good start—“

“Please call me if something happens,” AJ interrupted.

“Nothing’s gonna happen,” Nick promised.

“Okay I’ll see you in a few, love ya.”

“Love ya too bro.”

He knew what AJ was hinting at when he asked him if he had been skipping his meds. His body looked for shit and the cancer had made him look more bloated than he had ever been in his life. Forget the fact that it killed him to walk more than twenty feet at a time, Nick had taught himself to look at things as ‘glass half full rather than half empty.’ That was a complete change in his attitude. At least he was now able to walk under his own power. Big change from six months ago.

The quiet wheeze in his chest from the past week had suddenly developed into a stronger one since that morning. Waking up, drenched in sweat, Nick suddenly felt as if he was being suffocated; a vise tightening around his chest. Lazily, he reached out for the cell phone that was left on the night stand beside his bed, his hands seemed unable to connect with the commands in his brain. After a few struggling tries, Nick gave up and after another one of his fitful coughing attacks, he slipped back into a sleep filled peace.

An irritated Kevin Richardson dropped his suitcases to the ground after ringing the doorbell several times.

“You’d think Bonehead would come to the door by now,” he mumbled as he pulled out his wallet searching for the key to Nick’s house that he had kept hidden behind his California Drivers License.

”Nick? AJ?” Kevin called out as he opened the front door. “Is anyone here?”

The hair on the back of his neck bristled when no one answered. Panic filled his brain when Nick’s dog growled as Kevin let himself into the house. Ignoring the animal, Kevin hurried into the kitchen, hoping to find a note tacked onto the refrigerator. When he discovered there was no such note, he headed up the back stairway to the upstairs bedrooms.

The back way down the hall led him past the guest bedrooms, looking into AJ’s, he found the rebels floor covered in dirty clothing. Four long strides found him at the entryway to Nick’s bedroom, the door was slightly ajar. Relief was instantly replaced with anger when he discovered Nick was laying in bed.

“Where the fuck is AJ at?” he cursed in a whisper as he turned away from the doorway. He stopped himself and suddenly turned around, deciding he should at least take a look at how Nick was since he was sleeping and no one else was home with him.

At first nothing seemed out of the ordinary but when he got closer, Kevin could hear Nick’s labored breaths which set the older man into action. Nick’s color was gray and this immediately raised flags in the older man’s head. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Kevin rubbed his younger brother’s shoulder to wake him up.

“Nicky….Nick, c’mon buddy….Nick?”

The only response from Nick was still the slow labored breaths. He wasn’t waking up and his shallow breaths had Kevin scared. Nick didn’t seem to be getting enough air. Grabbing his cell phone from his belt, Kevin punched in 911.

“911 operator, how may I----.”

“We need an ambulance at 9113 Crescent Lane. He’s not breathing…,” Kevin shouted into the phone in a panicked voice.

“Who’s not breathing?”

“My brother Nick, Nick Carter…”

Tossing the phone aside, Kevin wrapped his arms around Nick, sobbing when his arms came into contact with the coolness of Nick’s skin.

“Dear God, not now….please not now…”

Strumming his fingers on top of the steering wheel as he drove, AJ had thought about how he felt guilty about leaving Nick by himself all afternoon. Deep inside he wondered if parents felt that way when they leave their kids by themselves for the first time. Although Nick had assured him that he would call if he needed him, AJ still couldn’t push away the feelings of uncertainness. The feelings were confirmed when Nick’s BMW drove through the gates leading up the driveway.

“Son of a bitch,” AJ cursed as he stomped onto the accelerator when he saw the ambulance parked in the driveway. He had gotten out of the car in time to see the paramedics pushing the stretcher onto the ambulance and a shaken Kevin Richardson following close behind.

“What the fuck happened?” AJ spat as he watched one of the paramedics hop out and slam the doors shut.

“I don’t know….Kevin said as he started walking toward the BMW, sliding into the driver’s side.”

Once AJ was barely inside the vehicle, Kevin jerked the car into reverse and backed onto the grass to let the ambulance lead the way toward the hospital. Kevin picked the conversation up where he left off as he followed the ambulance as fast as it was going.

Judging by the speed of the ambulance and the speed of Kevin following, AJ realized that this was a serious matter. “Care to tell me what the fuck happened?”

“What happened is that you left Nick home alone after you told me on the phone this morning that you didn’t feel good about Nick. Where the fuck is your brain?”

“Hey Nick said he was fine….WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?”

Kevin dragged a hand through his hair. “All I know is I came to the house and you were gone and I found Nick unconscious.”

AJ shook his head in disbelief. “He said he was tired, is that what you called the ambulance for?”

“I JUST SAID HE WAS UNCONSIOUS. HE WASN’T BREATHING!” Kevin yelled.

AJ flinched away from the man’s words as if he had been burned. Before he had a chance to ask for clarification, the ambulance pulled into the emergency area. Kevin whipped the car into the parking area for Emergency Room patients and quickly killed the engine and sprinted toward the ambulance bays.

“Sir, please go get the patient registered,” one of the paramedics said as he opened the doors to take Nick out of the ambulance and into the Emergency Department.

“I’ll stay with Nick while you do that Kevin,” AJ offered, not moving.

Kevin grabbed the rebel’s arm. “You can come with me.”

“Someone will let you know when you can come back to see him,” a paramedic offered.

AJ took a look as Nick was pulled out of the ambulance. The reality of the situation came into clear view when he was the oxygen mask strapped around his face and his eyes were closed.”

Over thirty minutes had passed and no one had come up to either one of the men in the waiting room to let them know if they could come back. Kevin had gone up to the woman that was sitting behind the information desk several times and each time was told that someone would let them know when they could be with Nick.

When the phone rang at the information desk, neither one of the men paid any attention to it; it was blending in with all of the other hospital commotion. It took the woman several tries to get Kevin and AJ’s attention before the men finally acknowledged her.

“Please follow me,” an older woman motioned.

Wordlessly, the two followed the woman down a corridor in hopes they would be led to where their baby brother was instead they were led to a smaller, private room with a small couch and two chairs.

“The doctor will be in to talk with you in a few moments.”

All Kevin could think of was that this was a room used for surgical consults. He was expecting to see a young ER doc walk into the room and tell them that Nick would be kept over night and get to go home in the morning. He was surprised when the door opened and Dr. Andersen entered, her eyes red rimmed.

Skipping formalities, Dr. Andersen sat down in the first available seat. Taking a moment to gather her composure, her normally strong confident voice was shaky. She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath in.

“I was called in by Dr. Wilkes when Nickolas was brought in. This was something I didn’t expect…..he had been doing so well for so long…..he ...he has developed pulmonary edema…..I-I never saw this coming….he had been doing so well,” the doctor stammered. “It probably happened so quickly Nick didn’t know what hit him until it was too late.”

“What do you mean too late?” Kevin demanded.

“He’s gonna pull through this, he always does,” AJ reassured.

Dr. Andersen shook her head. “Not this time….you need to call his family and tell them they need to come.”

“We don’t need to get them in here, worked up over something like this,” Kevin disagreed.

The older woman shook her head. “I’ve done everything I possibly can for him, he has left specific instructions not to resuscitate if he takes a turn for the worse.”

“But that’s not gonna happen, Brian won’t let it happen,” Kevin argued.

“Brian signed with Nick, he pleaded with him to…” the doctor disagreed.

Kevin exploded. “When the hell did he do that?”

“Two months ago….please, if you’re good friends to Nick like he said you’ve been, you’ll call his family. You can use your phone in here.”

The woman stood up and hugged Kevin and then AJ. “I’ll be back to see Nickolas later. Let me know if there is something you need.”

After the doctor had left the men alone for a few minutes, Kevin leaned back in his chair, sighing. “I can’t believe this…..this can’t be happening….this isn’t real.”

“Maybe Brian can stop this if his heart stops,” AJ suggested. “Call Brian and get him down here.”

Taking a deep breath in, the Kentuckian pulled the cell phone from his belt and dialed his cousin’s cell phone. “Brian, Nick needs you.....now.”