Nick could sense the tension that hung in the air as he walked into the recording room. Trying his best to shrug off the uncomfortable feelings, he approached Brian, picking up a sheet of music that laid ontop of a wooden podium.
“Is this what we’re working on?” his voice cracked, as he spoke, not asking anyone specific. “I like the lyrics, looks good.”
When the normal banter was missing, Nick finally looked up from the paper. “Hey, don’t stop talking on my account.” He looked over at the people that were standing in the sound booth, their eyes quickly looking away from his gaze.
“J’s in one of his pissy moods,” Brian sighed. “He told everyone in here what’s been going on with you.”
As Nick tilted his head back and closed his eyes, the remaining band mates waited for their brother to go into an explosive temper tantrum. They were shocked when Nick looked at them and produced one of his famous grins.
“It’s okay, it’s not like they wouldn’t be able to figure out something was wrong with me when I walked in here.” He nervously tugged at the bill of the ever present base ball cap on his head. “I guess I better go talk to him. Where did he go?”
“Out for a cigarette,” Howie and Brian said simultaneously.
Emitting a sigh and a slight nod, Nick left the area down the familiar hallway towards the coveted “smoking area” outside the building. Slipping outside, he had to blink several times to get his eyes adjusted to the bright Florida sun. He found AJ sitting on a make shift bench, back braced against the brick building.
“Mind if a pull up a crate?” Nick asked as he adjusted the wooden boxes that laid near his brother.
Shrugging his shoulders, AJ grunted, “Suit yourself.”
Unsure of what to say to AJ, Nick sat patiently, hoping that maybe Bone would break the silence first. After a few minutes had passed with neither one speaking, sounds of the nearby innercoastal highway drifting through the air, Nick cleared his throat.
“Brian told me about what happened in the studio this morning. Wanna talk about it?”
Taking a deep drag from the cigarette, AJ flicked it away with expertize.
“Nothing much to say,” came the reply followed by a trail of blue-white smoke being exhaled from his lungs. “I fuckin’ blew your cover.”
Nick shook his head. “AJ, it’s okay, seriously. I’ve had to start telling other people besides you guys and my family.”
“Yeah but it should have been your decision, not mine,” AJ grunted, pulling another cigarette out of the pack.
Nick watched as AJ flipped open the lid on his silver lighter, repeating the familiar gestures he had seen too often growing up on the road. The smell of the lighter fluid and the freshly lit cigarette seemed to evoke comfort feelings to Nick; times when things were good and simple. He decided it was strange that memories brought on by something as bad as smoking would actually wrap him up in a comfort zone.
“Ajeej, let’s talk about this.”
Shaking his head negatively, AJ slowly blew the smoke out between his teeth.
“I’m going to keep ridin’ on you until you talk.”
“How about I just tell you that everything is fine?”
“I wouldn’t believe you. Please, talk to me, I know there’s something bugging you. I’ve known you too long AJ, I can read you like a book.”
“I read like a comic book?” AJ quipped.
Nick cocked a grin. “Funny Bone, ha ha,” he replied dryly. “Seriously, we need to talk about this.”
AJ shifted his weight on the crate, eyes fixed on the horizon. Taking another deep drag from his smoke, closed his eyes. Feeling Nick’s stare, he reached up and lowered his sunglasses as he turned to face him. “You’re not gonna let up, are you kid?”
“Nope.”
Once again, AJ flicked the butt with his index finger and thumb, sending it sailing a short distance, landing among the scattered butts that littered the sandy ground. Taking a deep breath in, he suddenly coughed and pounded the center of his chest with a closed fist. “Never been a morning person,” came the defended agruement for his cough.
Sensing Nick’s gaze hadn’t been let up, AJ leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know why I did what I did back there this morning and I’m sorry.”
Nick didn’t reply, he felt it was better to let AJ pour out his thoughts and hoped that he would finally open up and talk about the cancer. From the beginning when he knew that Brian had told them about it, he saw a change in AJ’s mannerisms. The usually cocky, raw personality was now more subdued and almost skiddish when he came back from the hospital or got sick. Lately AJ seemed more and more reserved and would disappear when things got ‘icky’ or he was so sick he barely had the strength to lift his head. Something had changed and he could see it in his brother’s eyes.
AJ slipped the sunglasses off his face; clasping the frames by the bows, dangling them between his knees. “This isn’t suppose to happen to people I know. This shouldn’t happen to anyone. God kid, you of all people shouldn’t have gotten cancer. You’re not a bad person.”
AJ’s voice tugged at Nick’s heart. He bit his lip as he listened to the raspy voice break when he spoke.
“I’m scared Nick.”
“I’m scared too J."
“God... all the teasing I did.”
Nick reached out and softly placed a hand on AJ’s forearm. “Stop.”
“But--”
“It’s in the past.”
AJ covered his face with his hands. “I was so mean.”
“Hey if you stopped teasin’ me I would have worried that you hated me.”
“I’m sorry Nick.”
As his brother started sobbing, Nick wrapped his arms lovingly around AJ’s shoulders and held him in a tight hug.
“I should go see if everything is okay with Nick,” Kevin stated as he made a move towards the exit.
“Kev, just let them be, AJ needs to talk this out with Nick and they don’t need your face in there,” Brian remarked.
He released his grip on the door handle, walking back toward his cousin. “How can we be sure that Nick found AJ? How can we be sure that he isn’t hurt, laying on the ground someplace?”
“Kevin, calm down,” Howie ordered quietly.
Glancing towards the control room and seeing the scattered stares of the techs, Kevin sighed. “I hate this!”
“If Nick doesn’t come back in a five minutes, we can go looking for him, okay? I’m sure everything is fine,” Brian assured.
As if on cue, the door boomed open and AJ slipped in. Kevin jumped up from his seat beside Nick’s drum setup. “Where’s Nick?”
“God Richardson, chill man, he’s takin’ a leak,” AJ rasped.
Kevin narrowed his eyes at the tattooed man. “So you saw him, right?”
Grabbing a bottle of water off the table AJ growled. “Yeah, I saw him dumbass.”
“He’s okay, isn’t he?”
AJ turned to face Kevin. “Yeah he’s just peachy.”
“Guys, please... let’s not argue,” Howie sighed.
AJ and Kevin turned toward Howie. “We’re not!”
Facing AJ once again, Kevin asked, “Did you talk to him?”
Walking away, AJ shook his head. “I do not believe we’re having this conversation. Stop babying him, okay. He’s fuckin’ twenty-two not fourteen.”
“Well he’s twenty-two and sick.”
Gripping the sink to keep his body steady, Nick stared at his pasty complexion in the mirror. Removing the ball cap, he quickly turned on the water, taking his gaze from the mirror. He avoided his reflection when his head wasn’t covered; still unable to come to terms with the way the chemo had selectively robbed his scalp of the blonde locks that girls had tried for years to grab for souvineers.
A sudden sharp pain gripped his stomach in it’s tight grip and Nick gasped. Tears sprung into his blue eyes and he blinked repeatidly, trying to keep them from spilling over.
“Fuck... when will this stop,” Nick moaned.
After splashing several handfuls of cool water into his face, Nick pulled several paper towels and rubbed the sandpaper like towels over his wet face. Tossing the used paper into the trash, he slipped the ball cap back on his head and left the bathroom.
Taking several faltering steps down the carpeted hall towards the studio, Nick stopped and leaned against the wall, fatigue hitting him hard and sudden.
“Shit,” he breathed. “Not again.”
The fatigue Nick thought he had escaped reared it’s ugly head once again. Tears of frustration pooled in his eyes, blurring his vision. Hearing a door click open behind him, Nick pushed his body off the wall and trudged towards the sound room door.
Kevin was about to call out to Nick when he left the record manager’s office, but held back when he saw his brother’s slow steps. Instead of walking normally down the hall, he got the distinct impression that Nick was struggling with each step he took, almost as if he was walking through deep sand.
What pained Kevin to see was that Nick kept placing his hand along the wall, as if it was aiding him with every step he took. His posture told Kevin that he was tired. Memories of his father sprung into his head and he quickly shook them away for fear of losing his composure.
Swaying when he stopped in front of the oak door, Nick placed a hand heavily onto the door knob, resting a few moments before opening it.
“Nick?”
Nick jerked when he heard Kevin’s deep voice calling out. “Is everything okay?”
His temper was being tested again, and Nick wanted to scream but he slowly managed a small smile. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Hey I think it’s a good time to break for lunch,” Kevin announced as he walked in behind Nick.
Nick groaned inwardly. He knew there was no way he could manage lunch today. A nap in the back seat of the car suited him better than a lunch with a bunch of sound techs and PR people. He wanted to lay down and cry.
“Yeah sounds good to me,” AJ agreed. “No Chinese though.”
“Jeeze Bone, you always think we’re going to eat Chinese,” Howie remarked. “Well, I’m not eating Micky D’s either.”
“Neutral guys, let’s be neutral then,” Brian piped up.
Kevin ran a tired hand over his face. “Let Nick decide.”
All eyes in the room were focused on the tired blonde as he sank down onto the small couch that was placed in the corner of the room. “I’m not really hungry,” he mumbled.
“Nick, you remember what Dr. Andersen told you about nutrition.”
Suddenly feeling cornered, Nick sighed. “Yeah, okay, how about someone just call an order in for delivery then.”
“That sounds good to me,” Howie decided. “I’ll talk to the techs to find out what place is we should order from.”
“Wake me up when you decide, I’m gonna take a quick nap,” Nick stated as he slowly leaned over to his side on the couch, finding sleep almost instantly.
AJ looked down at the curled up body on the couch. The tears in his brown eyes flirted with slipping down his cheeks as he kept his gaze trained on his baby brother. “This sucks, just order me a burger, I’m going out for a smoke.”
Kevin and Brian watched as AJ slipped out of the room.
“He’s taking this really hard,” Kevin whispered to his cousin. Brian could only nod in agreement.
