Brian was still dumbfounded by Nick’s nonchalant attitude. He didn’t discuss the cancer but when it was brought up, the subject was changed very quickly.
Although Nick was tired, he told Brian that he would drive to the hospital figuring that Brian would be clueless about where to go. Parking the car infront of a sign that read “Oncology Patient Parking Only”, Nick put the vehicle in park and killed the engine.
“Here we are, home away from home,” he mused with a slight grin on his face. As he started to get out of the vehicle, Brian called out to him, holding Nick’s hat out.
“Hey, don’t you need this?”
Nick waved it off. “Nah, this is an exclusive wing of the hospital, we go in thru those doors,” he nodded towards a set of automatic sliding glass doors. “I don’t have to wander through the rest of the hospital to get to Dr. Andersen’s office or for radiation treatments.”
Brian followed Nick into the reception area, like a lost puppy. The waiting room was completely empty and Nick casually took a seat on a vinyl couch and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. He was tired, but he didn’t want Brian to know how tired he was. Brian took a seat next to Nick, folding his hands together, looking around the waiting room.
A wooden door swung open and a young girl wearing deep blue scrubs, holding a chart, smiled at the two. “Hi Nick, ready to come back?”
Nick stood up and took a couple of steps and then turned back to look at Brian, still sitting on the couch. “Come on, I didn’t drag you to Florida just to sit out in the waiting room, dork!”
They walked partway down the hall and stopped at the scales.
“Awe, jeeze Angel, do I have to do this?” Nick moaned.
The girl continued to smile as she gestured at the metal scales. “You know you have to Nick, just get it overwith.”
Rolling his eyes, Nick stepped onto the scales. Angel read the screen and scribbled the weight into the chart.
“Okay, this way fellas,” she sing-songed as she started walking further down the hall. “Doctor Andersen will be with you in a few.” She quietly closed the door and both of them could hear Nick’s chart being dropped into the bucket that was attached to the waiting room door.
Brian looked around the office from his seat, trying to think of something to say to break the silence.
“Pretty freaky room, eh?” Nick joked lightly.
Brian shrugged his shoulders, “I dunno, most doctor’s offices are freaky, I guess.”
A firm knock on the door announced Dr. Andersen’s presence as she poked her head into the room.
“Good morning Nick,” she smiled.
“Mornin’ this is my friend Brian,” Nick pointed. Brian immediately stood up and offered his hand to the doctor.
“Hello Brian, I take it you’ve been chosen as Nick’s support person?”
Bewildered, Brian glanced at Nick for a moment. “No, not officially, but I would be more than happy to be as much of a support to Nick that I can be, I mean if he’ll let me.”
“Well, that’s good that you’re willing to do that, because he’s going to need his friends during this.” The doctor sighed as she opened Nick’s folder and started looking over papers. “Nick, you’ve lost eight pounds since last week,” she remarked, looking over at Nick.
“He’s been getting sick quit a bit lately,” Brian offered.
“I’ve been okay,” Nick defended. “I just get sick one or two times a day.”
“Nauseated?” Dr. Andersen asked.
“Oh, just all the time,” Nick sighed.
“I need you to take your shirt off and lie on the table,” the doctor directed.
Wordlessly, Nick obeyed her directions. Brian’s mouth dropped open slightly when he saw Nick’s distended stomach from a closer vantage point. As the doctor started to press against different areas on Nick’s stomach, he would either take sharp breaths in or cry out depending where she pressed. This had tears forming in Brian’s eyes - tears of worry and concern for his younger brother.
The doctor offered her forearm to Nick and he accepted it as he pulled himself back up into a sitting position. The woman wrote a few notes into his chart as Nick quickly pulled his shirt back on.
“Nick, you’ve been on radiation for ---”
“Six weeks,” Nick interrupted. “Six weeks, started on February 22nd.”
Brian was shocked to learn how long Nick had been hiding this. Six weeks? Hadn´t he told him two weeks?Six weeks could be like an eternity. Especially for Nick.
“Six weeks and my gut only shrank a little bit,” Nick trailed off, his voice void of emotion.
“That’s because you’re spleen is enlarged. The recent tests you did returned results I wasn’t expecting,” Dr. Andersen sighed. Nick looked at the older woman expantatly. “Your spleen is infected and the cancer isn’t responding to the radiation like I had been hoping.”
“So, you can take his spleen out and he’s going to respond better?” Brian asked in a hopeful tone.
Dr. Andersen shook her head slowly and sighed, “I wished it was that simple. With his spleen being infected, it opens up some new concerns. Medically, his spleen needs to be removed, but there is a complication with it being infected. A man can live without his spleen, but before I can even think about removing the spleen, the tumors need to be reduced and the infection needs to be slowed. If we went in and took the spleen now, I’m afraid it could trigger something worse. I would feel more confident if we started you on chemotherapy along with the radiation. Nick, the Hodgskins has spread to other lymph nodes and we need to be more agressive.”
Both sets of eyes were focused on the young man sitting on the examination table. Nick sat there feeling numb. Trying to absorb what Dr. Andersen was telling him.
After a few moments, Nick slowly looked at Dr. Andersen. “Wha.. what if I don’t do chemo, I mean just stick to doing the radiation?”
“I’m afraid your prognosis gets worse, I told you the cancer is spreading Nick,” the doctor replied, her voice thick with emotion from holding her tears in.
“How much worse can this get?” Nick asked, his eyes closed.
“You will die,” Dr. Andersen responded in a hushed whisper. It was as if death was an evil word and shouldn’t be spoken outloud as if it would bring bad luck to whoever heard the word.
“Nick, this isn’t something to screw around with,” Brian urged as he approached his little brother, putting his arm around him.
“You read the pamplets I had given you about Chemotherapy?”
Nick nodded slightly, his eyes brimming with unfallen tears.
“I’ll schedule surgery for you the day after tomorrow---”
Nick’s head shot up. “Surgery?”
The woman patted her hand on his knee. “For the port, we have to have a port put in for your infusions so we don’t stick you everytime you go on chemo. It’s not very invasive surgery and generally it would be a simple outpatient procedure, but after you have the port in place, we will be starting your chemotherapy in the hospital just to ensure that your body doesn’t have any adverse reactions. If everything goes alright, you would be dishcharged from the hospital at the end of the week.”
“But I have to go back to Cali to help work on the album,” Nick shook his head.
“That can wait,” Brian assured as he rubbed Nick’s back.
The tears started slipping down on Nick’s cheeks, splashing on Brian’s hand that was placed over his closed fists. “But I’ll be sick and tired from this.”
“Nick, I’ll take care of all of this, I’m going to be here for you. I’ll call and make arrangements to have the session moved here, all it takes is a phone call,” Brian offered.
“I don’t want them to know,” Nick whispered.
“They won’t hear it from me,” Brian vowed.
“How long before my hair starts falling out...” Nick couldn’t complete the sentence, he hung his head.
“That will depend on the patient, everyone responds to chemo differently and it could be anywhere from a week to a month before something like that happens. You are just going to have to listen more closely to your body with all of the adverse side effects and take better care of yourself Nickolas.”
Nick stiffened when he heard her call him by his proper name.
“You will be fatigued and you will be nauseated, there isn’t anyway around this and I’m sorry, but you’re a fighter and you’re strong willed, I think you can handle this with flying colors.” The woman smiled at Brian. “And besides, you have a wonderful, strong person for your support person.” She reached into a file drawer and pulled out a thick, gray envelope, handing it to Brian. “This is the Patient Advocate directives. I think it would be a good idea for Nick and you to sit down and go over this when you get home and return it with you when you come to the hospital for the surgery.”
“Patient advocate? What’s that?” Nick asked innocently.
“That’s sort of a living will, you would direct your friend or anyone else you choose to make decisions for you in the event you cannot.”
Nick stared at his doctor. What was she saying? That he was dying, needing a will? It had to be a misstake. He was suppose to sit here and hear the good news like that his tumour shrunk and that he would be well and.. Nick bit back his tears.
He was 22 years old for crying loud. And there were not a chance that he would give up his life. Surrender. Even if it was for something as simple as getting a patient advocate.
Damn, he was a fighter. A tough one and he would win. Win this battle with death!
