The loud noise combined with the hot blinding stage lights made Nick's head feel like it would explode at any given second. The migraine that he managed to catch so conveniently, like a bad virus in an email, stuck close to him. Not leaving him for a moment to breathe. To say that he felt like hell would be an understatement.
The screams from the fans in the audience that always made him all worked up and ready to party had him wincing. Desperately he wanted to cover his eyes and ears to block out any destractions. The music that was so loud and the thousand colors dancing in front of him was making him very nervous. His stomach felt uneasy and during the small break he had been forced to hug the toilet bowl yet again. Not succeeding this time either to bring anything up. Seriously, he didn't know when he had eaten something else beside those disgusting diet pills and a couple of candy bars.
The music started up again and Nick did his moves to Hey Mr. DJ like in he was in autopilot. He knew he was very off with his dancing but there wasn't much he could do. His feet felt like cement and every time he moved, just the slightest, he was afraid that his skull would split in half from the searing pain.
Wincing at the feeling, wanting to gag, he did the best as he could to keep up with the rest of the guys. All of them threw him a worried glance every so often and he knew they were all concerned over his well being. Never in his life had he wanted to get off the stage as much as he did tonight. No matter what his aílements were Nick was always trying to do his best, altough it was getting tougher and tougher.
Feeling the bile rose the back of his throat he suddenly knew that he had to get off stage or he would be in for a very embarrassing situation. Swallowing hard he did his best to sing his verse but it ended up sounding forced and weak.
Kevin looked in his direction, making Nick even more nervous than before. The older man had a habit of looking at him whenever Nick would hit the wrong note or if something else was off. This was all in good intentions, he knew that, but having his friend's eyes on his back all the time was making him jittery and often resulted that he messed up even worse than before. Like in an evil circle.
Tonight all of the other guys were looking at him with a worried frown etched on their foreheads. None of them said anything but Nick could imagine the thoúghts that were circulating inside their minds. Thoughts that he was playing sick just to get off the hook and that he was being lazy as always.
A loud churning from the depths of his stomach was making itself known and Nick felt like it wouldn't be so bad if he hit the backstage area anytime soon. Yet he steehled himself, trying to block out the invitable.
"You gonna make it?" Brian wheezed when he danced past him.
Not daring to talk, he nodded, instantly regretting his move since it sent a jolt through his body. His mouth filled up with saliva and he was more and more sure that he would get sick. Migraines always did that to him, making him sick. Often leaving him immobile for a long time.
"You sure?" Kevin mouthed to him from his other side.
Ignoring his friend's questions, he tried to do his best to concentraite on the singing and dancing part. But soon it started to get a bit over the point. The nausea was building up so fast that the feeling soon rose the peak and there was a stinging sensation in his nose. Ringing in his ears accompanied with a sudden attack of dizziness made him aware of what would come next.
He was close to passing out. Passing out infront of 15,000 people!
Suddenly his legs became as weak as overcooked spaghetti and it felt like he had soda in his veins. The ringing was making it impossible to concentraite and as the color swirled infront of him, blinding him, he decided that he had to get off the stage. NOW!!!
Cold sweat broke out on his forehead as he scanned the stage for the exit like a deer caught in the headlights. Mentally he knew where the exit was but for the moment he felt so dizzy that he didn't know what was up and down. Stumbling like a blind man he didn't see where he was going. Just had to get away from the sounds, the screams that were making his head ache. There was not a chance that he would faint on stage, causing a riot and headlines in the media. No way. Sooner would he die!
With that in mind he did his best to get off the stage, not caring what the guys or the fans would think. The words kept chanting in his head, 'Please let me make it..please.' Just when he was so close to fainting he felt someone grab his arm, guiding him to the backstage and there when he was in safe he gave in to what he had fought for such a long time.
Total darkness. Total oblivion.
The voice of someone calling out for him was what woke him up minutes later. The sound hurt his skull, making the sledgehammer that had moved him banging even harder and for a disoriented moment he was afraid that it had finally happened. That his head had exploded and he had died. Opening his eyes he was met with three Howie's hovering over him making him more sure than ever. He had died and gone to hell! One was bad but three was pure torture.
Blinking several times he tried his best to stabilize his vision and soon the single face of his friend swarmed into view. The piercing headache that still had his whole body in itīs painful grip was making it hard for him to think straight and he became more and more aware that he was still with the land of living.
"Nick..Nicky," Howie called out for him several times, slapping him gently on his cheek, "Nick do you hear me..come on talk to me."
"Stop it..Iīm awake." He didn't mean to sneer at his concerned friend but the constant slapping was making him even more dizzy and for a moment he feared that he would pass out again.
The worried wrinkle on his friend's forehead seemed to cease and uttering a sigh in relief Howie continued, "Nicky you gave me quite a scare. How are you feeling?"
Licking his lips Nick thought for a minute before answering, "Better." That was the truth also since that awful nauseous feeling and dizziness had finally left him. "What happened?" Before the dark haired man had a chance to answer he heard the commotion of several other voices in the background. Even in the midst of his fog he could recognize the voice everywhere. It belonged to his manager Johnny Wright and by the tone he wasnīt to thrilled over the situation at hand.
"Dorough what the hell are you doing here?" he barked, waving with his hand towards the exit, "Why are you not on stage? Performing?" Johnny was really storming against the Latino and Nick felt bad for his friend taking the heat. The black man stopped himself for a moment before adding with annoyance, "And Nick what the hell are YOU doing on the floor?"
Wincing he covered his ears. His head was aching like a bitch and the nausea that he thought was gone was just lurking in the back, waiting to attack itīs victim at any given minute.
"Nick fainted and I helped him off the stage." Howie explained causally.
"Oh," Johnny became quiet for a moment. He hunched down next to Nick, "How are you doing now son?"
"Ok," Nick didnīt want to talk anything more than what was neccessary so he limit his words. Strongly.
"He is not doing well at all. He is sick and you need to get him to a doctor!" Howie was speaking up for all it was worth. Johnny didnīt look too pleased at all of the Latino's outspoken words.
"Howie I know what to do...you however need to get your ass on stage since you have a job to do." The manager waived with his hand, "Go on...NOW!"
Hesitating, Howie didn't stand up at once. "I canīt," he said, "I canīt since I have to be here with Nicky. He needs me." There was a stubborness in the Latino's way of acting which had Nick puzzled. It was so easy to be mistaken on Howie. Everyone's impression of Sweet D' was that he was nice and helpless. But it couldnīt be more wrong. Howie had his own will and when he thought that something was not right he could fight until the bitter end, like in this case. "I canīt just leave him here alone when he is feeling this sick." Drawing back his breath he continued, "You better call a doctor or I'll do it!"
'Way to go Howie,' Nick cheered mentally on all the way until his friend uttered the magical word " Doctor!" There was not one chance that he would go to see a physician since they would soon find out about the diet pills and then he would catch living hell, both from the guys as well as Johnny and Lou and that was not something right. It had to be a secret. A secret that he would guard with his life.
"HOWARD DOROUGH YOU GET YOUR ASS ON STAGE OR I WILL PERSONALLY SUE YOU!" Johhny had raised his voice to an octive that Nick didn't think was possible. He wouldn't be surprised if the booming sensation outvoiced the screams from the stage. Never had he seen or heard the manager taking such tone with Howie. He was puzzled and so was his friend.
"But..but," Howie started, this time lacking the courage to stand up towards the manager. Johnny cut him short again. "NO buts, get your ass out there NOW!"
Nick, knowing from past experiences that whenever the vein on the side of the manager's neck pulsated it was time to take cover, shook his head repeatedly, mouthing a distinct NO! He didn't care if it made him feel even sicker, he had to get D' to understand that the 25 year old better back off since he was long overdue with crossing the boundaries.
But Howie didn't seem to get the signals that Nick was desperately giving him, instead he continued, "NOO I canīt Nick needs me." He sounded like a broken record.
'Fuck!' Nick wanted to yell and he would have if he didn't feel like something the cat had dragged in and he was intent on getting his friend to understand that if he didn't leave in like two seconds all hell would break loose. He could see that in the way Johnny's eyes shifted. They were dark, almost black with anger.
"No D' itīs allright. Iīll be fine. Just go ahead." He waved with his hand towards the direction where he thought the small stairs were, "GO!"
Johnny had momentarily softened his voice, nodding he said, "Yes Howie just get on stage. Iīll take care of Nick."
Howie stood up from his hunched position, "Ok if youīre sure...."
"Yes, yes I am sure," Nick mumbled, forcing out a weak smile, "I feel better already. Just go now. Get out and kick some ass for me too."
Finally the words did the trick and Howie, getting the sign that he needed, smiled back. "Ok Nicky." Just before running up the stairs he added, "Iīm performing for you too."
"Cool!" Nick didn't have the strength to show his friend how greatful he was but the moment Howie was out of the picture he let out a long moan. God, D' could be so slow.
There were no time to think since the booming voice of his manager sounded through the air, waking him up from his own thoughts, "Ok Nick what did you do to get yourself into this mess? The tone wasnīt angry, more held a mixture between annoyance and concern.
"I didnīt DO anything," Nick defended himself, a bit irritated. "Why do you guys always think I have done something when I am in trouble? Couldnīt you stop to think just for a moment that I might be sick? And for your information I have a migraine." Drawing back his breath, not caring if he would pass out from pain any minute he stared back at the manager. So sick and tired of always being jerked around, like some kind of pet. The management had fucked with him long enough and he wanted nothing more than to tell them to get off his case. And he would have if he wasnīt too scared what the repercussions would be. Even if he didn't want to admit it, they had him on their leash.
"Ok, Ok," Johnny held up a hand to stop him. "Whatver your reason is you have to get off the floor. I canīt have you laying around here since by the looks of it you are in no condition to get out on stage again." The manager bent down to help him. "Here grab my hand."
Nick, feeling too weak to object did as the manager said and soon he was hoisted up by the coach. It felt good to finally be able to stretch and when Johnny tossed a blanket over him he couldnīt help to think that the manager was actually pretty cool after all.
"Thanks," Nick mumbled lightly.
Johnny who shrugged back. "No problems. Try to get some sleep now kid so you maybe feel better later on."
Nick was in the process of changing his attitude on Johnny when the manager blew it by saying, "We have a meet and greet afterwards that I don't want you to miss it."
Ooooh so THAT was the case! The reason for the manager's concern over his well being. Nodding he rolled on his side. Johnny was right, he needed to sleep since the previous night it had not been much of that merchandise. And God knew when he would be able to sleep again.
Closing his eyes he thought that it was the first time in several years that he had been allowed to get off the stage when he was not feeling well. This as well as Johnny caring for him, if just slightly, was a step in the right direction. Maybe they liked him after all!
Nick had started to doze off when he was brutally jerked awake by a loud and booming voice piercing through his skull.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE???? WHY THE HELL ISN'T HE ON STAGE???" The voice belonged to none other than Mr. Lou Pearlman.
