April 18, 2002

I am so disappointed with myself. I can't sing, I don't know why I try. I love music more than anything, and music is the only thing for me, but I'm not the only thing for music, you know what I mean? I suck. I truly don't think Jay or Tony realize what a good singer is, they would know one if they had one. They're just used to me, so they think I'm good for that reason. I'm terrible. Why do I try? Things will fly great for a little while, but they always come crashing down, for me at least. I suck.

We tried out a drummer today, Keith. He's awesome, but I couldn't here anything over the rest of the band, so I sung so loud that I pretty much dismantled my voice after one song. It doesn't matter, I suck so bad anyway. The rest of the band hates hearing me complain, but they must be deaf if they don't hear how bad I am. I f*cking suck so bad. I've chosen music, but music will not choose me.