August, 1993
Perhaps as you are reading this you find yourself in a waiting place of great personal frustration or pain. You may be weary of waiting on the Lord, tired of looking for Him to open up a door. Your patience may feel stretched to almost breaking as you await your "marching orders", while you continue listening for His still small voice to whisper some new direction for your life.
Maybe you've just emerged from a glorious season of fruitfulness for Jesus' Kingdom. This may have ended suddenly or even violently, leaving you reeling - bearing the twin burdens of a broken hearted and a crushed spirit. You may even be questioning the foundations of your faith and the true purposes of God for your life, especially when you remember again what's happened to you, retracing the steps of how you've ended up being where you are today.
And where are you now? Do you feel like you're stuck, boxed in, and going nowhere? Are you asking yourself things like, "Where is God? When is He gonna do something? Isn't He ever going to fix this mess?"; or "What will I do now...?"
Dear friend, brother or sister, beloved one of God; I think I may know at least a little of what you're going through - what you're thinking and feeling - because I'm writing this to you in the midst of such a time of turmoil in my own life. It's almost as if I'm with you in those deep trenches and those dark valleys, sharing that dreary loneliness and aching grief that you most likely are now also experiencing. And as one who reluctantly represents that invisible society of silent suffers partaking in the present sufferings of Christ, I can sympathize and identify with many of the things that you are likely to be feeling today. But, far better than that, I'm certain that Jesus Himself is intimately aware and completely involved, experiencing the full intensity of your private shame, anxiety, and the shedding of your tears. He personally feels and intimately experiences it all. While most men simply lack the discernment, the sensitivity or the compassion to relate to our plights, be assured that Jesus Himself is actively aware of every infinitesimal detail that surrounds it, in a manner far beyond the feeble capacities of our limited sensory and spiritual perceptions.
And remember; His promise forever stands that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose"1. So what is His purpose for us in trials like these? What can we possibly gain? What can we discover from our present trials that may profit us later on? Could there be anything to learn in situations like these? I'm convinced that there is, but that we must each search for it diligently; that in our prospecting amidst the rubble we may uncover some eternal gems of the sweetest truth. I believe that our private wilderness pilgrimages can somehow be used of God to help others who travel similar pathways in their lives.
I'm wondering.... If you (like me) have fully explored the limits of every available avenue for straightening things out, attempting to "fix" what's currently wrong in your life? Have you exhausted all possibilities - and probably some other people - along with yourself in the process? Have you finally surrendered all hopes that this flawed system of man's (or the organized Church's) justice will put right these things which are so wrong? Have you followed the Scriptural directives our Lord gave us for resolving any interpersonal conflicts, (see Matthew 18:15-20) 2 and still found no settlement, no conclusion, no lasting peace?
It might be better to pointedly and rudely ask ourselves if we are actually willing to settle for second (or third, or twentieth) best? Will we give up, when God is forging and purifying us in His Holy furnace for His eternal purposes, preparing us to be His prized trophies that will forever reflect His radiant Glory? Let's get painfully honest and boldly face the past, ourselves, and the truth of what has happened to each of us. Let's grab these asps by the tail, fling them to the ground and examine all of their most repulsive and gruesome aspects. What was this really all about? What really happened? Was it fair? Were you treated lovingly, honorably and graciously, or were you mistreated, reviled, rejected, slandered, or worse?
Did you do any wrong (even a little - maybe in your responses) as those events swirled so uncontrollably around you? And what were the wrongs that were done to you? ; Did you suffer the bitter and brutal shame of betrayal by friends or family? Were you dehumanized, belittled or exploited - cruelly humiliated or abused by others recklessly wielding power? Have you broken free from the strangling grasp of anger and any fleshly desire for revenge? Are you praying for your enemies as the Lord instructed us to? 3 Are you truly trying to forgive - even if the feelings inside you are contrary, or in direct opposition to the words that come may from your mouth? Do you even want to forgive...? Do you desire to be unburdened and free - to feel like yourself again and experience life once more? Then it's time for you to openly admit to yourself and to God how you genuinely feel about what's occurred!
Get nakedly honest with both yourself and with God. Get serious! Tell God. Get away, go off someplace where you can be alone, where you can cry and yell and pour out the depths of your wounded heart and feelings to God. Tell Him why you're hurting. Tell Him who you're mad at. Be bluntly honest and even tell Him if you feel that He's somehow failed you. Don't hold anything back. Open your dammed-up soul and pour it out to the Lord in the same way that mighty King David did so many centuries ago, knowing that God will surely hear your voice. David cried, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me". 4 He declared that "a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise", (Psalm 51:10 & 17) . 5
You may find some answers, especially in that quiet stillness which follows a torrential release of emotions. Then again you may have to continue waiting. But know that God will hear you, and He will respond, in HIS time.
Ask God to speak, to tell you of His love for you. Ask Him to remind you of your immeasurable worth and great value in His eyes. Allow His ministering Holy Spirit to come alongside to lovingly embrace, encourage and comfort you. Let "the Counselor" 6 whom Jesus promised to send be YOUR counselor. He is the consoler, caretaker and healer of fragile, wounded souls. Trust in the goodness and grace of God. Open your heart to our Abba ("Daddy") Father. Listen, and wait...
Wait on the Lord.
Our Prayer:
Dear God,
We pray that You would be a blazing beacon in our deepest darkness. That You would strengthen and steady our feeble legs, that You might do for each one of us that which it is impossible for us to do - to mend anew the frayed fabric of our bruised and wounded hearts. Loving and all-powerful Father, we ask You to heal these places of deepest wounding, and through the pains we're now experiencing to lovingly shape us and mold us into the most beautiful and useful vessels that Your Masterful Hands can form.
Amen
Scripture References:
1 Romans 8:28
2 Matthew 18:15-20
3 Luke 6:28
4 Psalm 51:10
5 Psalm 51:17
6 Isaiah 9:6
"Now many will hear of the wonderful things He has done for me, & put their trust in Him"(Ps 40:3)
E-Mail Randy at:.randyrocket@juno.com 
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