what to write about - 10/2/2001
I can't seem to think of anything good to write about. I'm doing sort of ok in school, but it's sad that after this year ends I won't be going anymore. That sentence probably sounds like an oxymoron, but I don't want to leave for a while. I have stuff to do because there's some people I really care about. I'm hoping this year I can start reaching out to people and maybe make friends. I don't know, we'll see how it goes.
Yesterday 7th Heaven was on and I missed the first 10 minutes. But the rest of it wasn't all that uplifting like it usually is. It was about this kid getting made fun of at school, so he brought a gun to school so he could shoot the people that were mean to him. It's scary because I'm sure stuff like that happens for real. I can relate to that though. When I was in middle school, kids used to make fun of me a lot and it upset me. I never shot anyone, but still you shouldn't make fun of people >=o[ You never know what they're thinking or what they might do.
I didn't have much to write about today, when I think of a good topic or if something eventful happens I'll write again. Also I want to thank the people who left the good notes on my last entry, it's a subject I had been meaning to write about for some time. The point was that things like money or grades or success or power aren't as important as character values.
Love,
me
The plastic conspiracy! - 10/6/2001
WARNING: The paragraphs in this entry are a little choppy. I originally wrote this in a yahoo e-mail, and you know how the paragraphs always turn out from there. I could go through each paragraph and fix it, but I don't feel like doing that right now. So you'll just have to make do. If you don't like it, tough beans. Because I don't like you.
The plastic conspiracy. It's something we all need to be aware of.
I'm glad I was never alive during the 1970's. Back then there was no Internet, video games were primitive, and most buildings were without air condition. But one thing I have to compliment on that generation is that products made back then were so incredibly durable. Things were built to last. But when the 80's came along, along came products such as cheap plastic toys that would break if you so much as looked at them the wrong way.
Two weeks ago my family got a new refrigerator. At the time it seemed pretty cool =) but now I hate it. Our old refrigerator had metal shelves, and was built to last. In fact, it's almost as old as I am. But the new one is completely plastic. Eventhe thing that makes ice is plastic and the doors are probably plastic too. I hate it! I know why they do this too. For one reason, it's inexpensive for companies to make. This refrigerator company could have spent a few extra dollars to make metal shelves to insure that our refrigerator lasted at least 5 years. But NO, they couldn't have done that. That's the 2nd reason. The $700 plastic refrigerator we just got is probably going to last about 2 years. They know this, and by the time our refrigerator become old an unusable, we'll have to get a new one. This means more money for them!
It's a conspiracy I tell you. Someday EVERYTHING is gonna be made of plastic. From the toilets you poop
in, to the mice you click on, even you might be made of plastic someday. Have you ever stopped to think
about that? (Oh shit, I just realized this microsoft
mouse already is plastic!) It's cheap to make and it doesn't last long, therefore it needs to be thrown
away quickly. This leads to another problem. What
are we going to do with all this garbage plastic?
It's going to take over the world with plastic
landfills! We're doomed.
YAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!
dun dun dunnnnnn.......
Kewel! - 10/7/2001
I am excited today. Why?, I hear you ask. Because I got a computer! It's so cool. Actually it's my family's old one, we're getting a new one set up in the basement but I get to keep the old one. Yay! This means I can go online anytime I want and never need to leave my room unless I have to go to the bathroom. I just love my room now. It's like a fun center, because there's all kinds of neato stuff. Not just this computer but I also have a tv and video games and guitar. Not only that but I usually keep food in here too. I only wish I had a refridgerator.....hmmm.
There are some downsides to this though. When the computer I'm using now was in the basement, there was a computer chair to go along with it. It was comfy and it had hinges that allowed you to spin in it, and I can't do that anymore. Now I have nothing but a crusty 'ol folding chair. Oh well, hopefully I'll get a better chair sometime soon. Also, my sister cried when she found out I was going to get the old computer in my room. Not because she wanted it, but because she thought we were getting rid of it. I don't feel bad for her because she was just being selfish. And then she said I'll probably never leave my room now that I have everything I could possibly want in it. But maybe there's some truth to that.....hehe.
What does this mean? It's a great new opportunity. Rather than having to go down two floors when I want to use the computer, I have it right here in my room. By the time summer rolls around, I'll be able to stay up online until dawn. This makes me a little happy.
This entry didn't really have a point, I'm just excited about this new computer.
Love,
Me
p.s. - The colors Duke, the colors! =)
it's better than sex I tell you - 10/9/2001
I don't care how great (or so I've heard) sex is. Nothing could be more enjoyable than what I'm doing now, which is going online. I love it.
I'm not just going online with any 'ol computer, mind you, it's MY computer. I can do anything I want with it. Even look at porn.....not that I would, of course. But it's so nice to have a computer to call my own. It may be a 1996 prehistoric piece of crap, but that's good enough for me. Now I can stay up until 6:00am if I want since no one will know if I'm using the computer or not.
One of the best parts about this computer is how I arranged it....all by myself. I unhooked it from the basement and then rehooked it in my room. (hehe, I said "hooked it") It took almost an hour to set up but was well worth it. The way I arranged it was on a desk I just got for my room. I dragged my big comfy reclining chair all the way to the computer area, and so now I can sit in it. I even put the keyboard on top of the pulled-out drawer so I don't have to reach in order to type (hehe I said "reach") and I can just sort of lean back here. I could easily fall asleep here if I wanted to because it's so dot-derned comfortable.
Oh yeah, and this is my 70th entry here at opendiary, which is a milestone for me. Yay!
~DorkAlert
p.s. - what in the blue hell is a milestone?
Will I remember? - 10/10/2001
I was thinking about all the turmoil adults go through, and how a lot of it is their own fault. Sometimes it seems like people become more immature when they are adults and I hope I don't turn out that way. It would be nice to be able to always think as a child. I like a lot of the ideas and philosophies I have now, and actually I hope I never change them. I hope that with age I don't forget who I am and what I hope to accomplish. There are a bunch of things I hope to remember in 20 years.
Will I remember that......
- Wisdom is something that should be gained, not lost, as you grow older.
- This isn't the 1950's, and in a household men and women should be equal.
- Money is fake and only brings artificial happiness.
- The body and mind of a child are very delicate.
- The idea of "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" should always apply when disciplining.
- No matter how old you are, you still have to be able to justify your actions.
- Character is always more important than charisma.
Unfortunately, some of the ideas I was raised with are exactly opposite to these. I guess this goes to show that it doesn't make a huge difference how you were raised, because in life you can choose your own path.
moods - 10/11/2001
Dear Journal,
I wrote an entry about this a few days ago, but unfortunately AOL booted me when I had a lot written out. Today I decided to start all over again. Right now, I have nothing to do except homework and don't have a life either, so I might as well write it here.
I have been going through the weirdest mood changes lately. I have a vague idea why, but still it is really strange. There are two main moods of mine: happy and sad.
When I'm sad....it's not good at all. I get all depressed and hate myself and feel bad to be alive. This usually happens to me at school, and sometimes in the evening. I'm hardly ever sad when I'm alone, so I guess that explains it. On Saturday my family made me play board games with them, it was so gay. And the whole time I was in my sad mood and felt like crying. I didn't have much of a reason to be sad, no one was being mean to me or anything. I just don't like being forced to do things. So I made excuses like I'm not feeling well until I could leave and go to my room.
Fortunately, when I'm sad it usually doesn't last more than 2 hours or so. These mood changes of mine seem like a bad thing, but it gets better.
I only have one kind of sad, but THREE kinds of happy. =) It takes only about 5-10 minutes for my mood to be completely switched. It's a bit odd, but sometimes I like it. The first type of happy mood I've been getting is HYPER. This is actually pretty fun. When I'm hyper, I sometimes shake my hands or feet and get all energetic. I also become amused by small things that other people don't even think are funny. A few days ago in school, my friend and I were watching a video in class. We were making jokes the whole time and I couldn't stop laughing. A lot of times in school I'll think of a funny joke or incident and will have to cough or bite my tongue. Usually when this happens the room is quiet, I don't want people to be staring at me and think I'm psychotic or stoned and like to laugh at nothing.
The other type of happiness I'm experiencing is when I'm relaxed or calm. At times like these I like myself and seem to appreciate my talents. My other main mood of happiness is eh.....being sentimental. When I'm talking to one of my friends I'll say things like you're such a nice friend or when I'm watching a tv show I'll feel touched by it. Like that time on Recess when TJ and his friends almost break up, but then he writes a paper for school about how he has 5 best friends and they all reunite....that made me all warm and gooshy inside. And then that time on Friends when Chandler and Monica got enganged....that was really heartwarming too. And let's not forget the emotional ending in Pokémon: The First Movie. Ahhh I'm so gay. No not for real.
Hopefully these mood swings will go away eventually.....but until then I'll just have to enjoy them, especially the hyper part. Yay! Eh, I guess I better go now, bye.
Love,
Me
Connections to the spiritual world - 10/12/2001
For some reason, maybe because I feel it's a reality or because I just think it sounds cool, I often believe that there is a spiritual world. I'm not talking about God and Christianity and all that good stuff, although I believe in that too. I'm talking about a spiritual world that goes beyond the physical world, where you can do stuff like move objects without touching them and communicate with people telepathically.
I kind of gave up on this in 9th grade. I tried to levitate a piece of paper using my thoughts, like Matilda. It didn't work, and in fact I don't think the paper even moved. Of course, if something like this could really work, it would require the utmost concentration. And I happened to be trying this the night before I had a final exam I was supposed to be reviewing for.
I tried communicating telepathically with someone last night. What happened was that I would think of a noun, and my friend would try to guess what it was, and then we switched. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
However, I tried doing this again today with someone else. We only did it once, but what happened is that I was thinking of "grass" and my friend guessed "tree". What a coincidence! I know it's not the same thing but they are both common green plants that grow around houses. That was pretty cool! I think maybe some people can communicate telepathically....you never know!
The Nice People Club - 10/12/2001
Guess what? Chicken butt! No, I'm just kidding. What I was going to say is that here at OD I've decided to start my own club. It's called the NPC, judging by the title you can probably guess what that stands for. Anyone who wants to can join, as long as you are a nice person and are a member of Open Diary. Nothing really happens in the club, but if you want to you can read the diaries of other members and leave notes. It's also a good club if you're a loser like me and want to feel accepted by other people. Yay! So don't delay, join the NPC today! To join you just have to leave me a note saying you want to join. Bye bye everyone.
a parody of Doug Funnie - 10/14/2001
This is something I wrote of the Nickelodeon cartoon show, Doug.
Dear Journal,
Yesterday I jacked off to a picture of Patty Mayonnaise in the school yearbook. It all started last night when.....
DOUG: (looking at the yearbook) Ohhhh Patty! I just can't seem to stop touching my genitals when I look at you.
(Doug's dad walks in)
DAD: Doug, this is the 8th time you've jacked off tonight.
DOUG: Sorry, I just get so erect sometimes! Especially with.....
DAD: Patty?
DOUG: Yeah!
(Judy walks by)
JUDY: Oh, my brother, caught up in youth. How the horrors of puberty torment his pathetic soul! Yonder lies.....
DOUG: (throws a turd at Judy)
JUDY: AAAUUUGGGHH!!! (runs away screaming)
DAD: Doug, that was terrible! You're grounded. But first son, I think we're overdue for a long talk. Have you ever heard about the birds and the bees?
DOUG: Well uh....
(Doug's mom walks into the room)
MOM: What's that on the floor!? Douglas, did you spill mayonnaise again?
DOUG: Uh, yeah! I guess I did spill some "mayonnaise".
MOM: You should clean it up and get ready for bed, honey.
DOUG: Oh shit! It's already 2:00am.........I've been masturbating for hours.
(Doug takes a cold shower, for obvious reasons, and gets ready for bed. The next morning he arrives at school)
DOUG: Hey Patty!
PATTY: Hi Doug.
DOUG: (slaps Patty on the ass)
PATTY: Oh Doug, you crazy dick!
DOUG: Heheh.
PATTY: Anyway, wanna go to the Honker Burger after school? We're all going.
DOUG: Heh, you said "honker".
PATTY: You perv! Hey....wait a minute. Why do you have a banana in your pocket?
DOUG: It's um....for good luck.
PATTY: Cool...see ya later
(Skeeter Valentine walks into school too)
SKEETER: Honk honk! Hey Doug.
DOUG: Get lost you queer.
SKEETER: Hey!! I'm straight! Remember Bebe Bluff used to be my girlfriend?
DOUG: Knock it off asshole, we all know she's a guy.
SKEETER: Yeah well, you pop boners left and right about Patty, and she doesn't even have any boobs! Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?
DOUG: Get bent.
SKEETER: Don't mind if I do.
(later that day in class)
MRS WINGO: Class, today we're going to learn about inert gases. Gas is an essential part of the periodic table....
DOUG: Sure is! (cuts a big wet fart) **FAAAAART**
MRS WINGO: You should excuse yourself!
DOUG: Why should I? I hear you ripping hot ones all the time and pretend it never happened.
MRS WINGO: Shame on you, Doug! How can you be so rude?
DOUG: How can you be so fat?
MRS WINGO: That is it, mister! You march down to Principal Bone's office immediately. And take this note with you.
DOUG: eh....damn
*the note reads*:
"Mr. Bone,
Please punish Doug Funnie. His farting in class and wise ass remarks are depriving other students of their precious education.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Wingo"
(Doug scribbles something onto the note before he walks into the principal's office)
MR BONE: So, what are you in here for mister? Did you clog up the toilet in the teacher's lounge again?
DOUG: (hands Mr. Bone the note given to him by Mrs. Wingo)
MR BONE: (reading the note) I see....I see. It looks like you've bit off more than you can chew this time. You sure are up to your knees in shit....hey, wait a minute, I thought Mrs. Wingo knew my name doesn't have an "R" in it.
DOUG: I guess we know where her mind is.
MR BONE: LOL!
DOUG: LOL?
MR BONE: I mean "haha".
DOUG: I think you've been spending too much time online, Mr. Bone.
MR BONE: Well, yes. I need to use the Internet. I do, ummm....research.
DOUG: Sure you do. I bet you do look at a lot of "research". *cough*(porn)*cough*
MR BONE: What was that?
DOUG: Nothing. Can I go now?
MR BONE: Not so fast there, young man. There's still the little matter of you flatulating in Mrs. Wingo's class. Hmm....what would be a good punishment for you.
DOUG: You could make me thoroughly clean all the girls' restrooms.
MR BONE: No such luck there, rocket.
DOUG: How bout I keep quiet about your porn addictions and we'll call it even?
MR BONE: It's a done deal.
(Doug leaves the principal's office. Later that day, he comes home from school and finds his parents getting frisky in the living room)
DOUG: Jeez....what a thing to come home to.
DAD: Oh hush. I used to see my parents in all sorts of positions when I came home from school, and I turned out okay. - Yes dear.....for the third time, it already IS in.
(Mr. Dink walks in)
MR DINK: Ah hyuk! Hi m'boy Douglas, how are you!
DOUG: Fine, up until I saw this when I got home from school. (points to his parents having sex on the floor)
MR DINK: Gee, this might be a good time to test out my latest invention....the electric condom!
DOUG: What does it do?
MR DINK: Seeing as how drunk I am right now, I probably couldn't explain it. Ah huyuk!
DOUG: Screw this, I'm leaving.
(Doug goes to the bathroom to take a shit, and then goes into his room to write in his journal)
THE END
9/11: From my Eyes - 10/15/2001
I don't think I'll ever forget what happened over a month ago. Several things happened that day that stand out in my mind. I remember being extremely tired that morning, and even before I heard the bad news I just wanted to go home. I heard about it at 9:26am in homeroom, and at first all I thought was that a building collapsed and some people died. But it was much more than that. No one seemed to be taking it seriously. Even at the end of the day when the possibility of war seemed more apparent, people were making jokes about it. But it's NOT funny, this is the worst thing that's ever happened. Maybe for some people, the calamity of this situation has yet to sink in. I also remember how in some classes that day, all we did was watch tv. It bothered me that they weren't giving any updates, all they did was show the plane crash OVER AND OVER AND OVER. How annoying. The worst part of the day was when I had to walk home. It seemed like this took hours, I was thinking about all that had happened and the possibility of me being drafted. I felt like crying. When I got home no one was there, and this was probably a good thing. I wanted to be by myself and I watched the news in my room. I don't know why I expected watching the news to help me feel better, because I kept finding out how horrible the situation actually was.
The child inside me, the kid who likes to watch tv, play video games, and go online, kept saying "this isn't too bad.....they're making it seem a lot worse than what it is. You can just keep going on with your normal life, where the problems you have are taking tests and canceled tv shows." But it WAS bad. I'll said it again: in America, this is the worst thing that's ever happened.
I watched the news for a while, and a few hours later my younger sister came home from school. I felt like talking about this with someone but she didn't seem all that upset. The reality of the situation never hit her. We talked about the war, but I didn't mention the possibility of me being drafted because I thought that might upset her. I went online and talked to some people about it, and was still scared. I prayed several times that day, and in the afternoon I decided I would go to sleep. By the time I woke up, I actually felt a little better. I was thinking about how it could be a privilege and an honor to serve America in a war, so if there was a draft, that's what I'd have to do. This sudden surge of courage within me made me happier and more inspired.
Fortunately, I found out later in the day that there would be no draft.....not likely anyway. It's a good thing, because I am sure I wouldn't be a good soldier. I hope I never have to shoot anyone, and I don't know if I could do it. I could probably shoot bin Laden if I had the opportunity, but what about an 18-year old Afghanistan soldier? Someone who has a family and friends and lots to live for, and hates war as much as I do. This would be hard to do and I hope that kind of situation never comes up.
In the evening, I watched the news again and took out my guitar, because that usually makes me feel better. I was playing "Say It Ain't So" and realized how accurately that describes this situation. I kept trying to tell myself it didn't happen, and it's not happening. But then along comes reality to hit you like a plane into a building.
The last part of my day was watching the president give his speech. My last thoughts of the day were that this would be a hardship, and it would be challenging, but eventually we'll be able to make it through this. This is one of those times when we are most fortunate to live in America. In a situation like this, a lesser nation would collapse and crumble. It would be Game Over. That isn't going to happen here. There is nothing that can beat America, especially not a single terrorist group. You know, bin Laden and his pals remind me a lot of the Percy character, in the movie The Green Mile. They are weak, cowardly, and as mean as the bitch from hell. They can't fight America head on, one on one, so they have to use other methods. They're going to use a bitchslap here, a kick in the balls there, killing innocent civilians, and attacking when we're unprepared. This is the best they can do.
I heard the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania might have been headed for the White House. Thank God this never happened. Some of the main heroes of the day were the people who challenged the terrorists in that particular plane, making it crash before it could reach its destination.
Recently, we seem to be facing this anthrax problem, but I don't think we have too much to worry about. I know you can die from it, but only a few people have even gotten it so far, it's not like the black death or anything. Not only that, but the government is taking lots of money to make antibiotics, so people who do get the disease can be cured of it. Unfortunately, this war is far from over and I don't know what's going to happen next.
What can I say. I hope it's over soon, and I hope we never see something like this again. God bless you all and be good to one another.
Love,
Me
The Internet Rules!!!!! - 10/16/2001
Dear Journal,
Today I get to stay home from school because the younger grades have tests or something. Unfortunately, no one is online right now! So I thought I'd write in my diary to occupy my mind for a little while.
If you've read some of my previous entries, you'll know how much I love the Internet. I like going to websites, especially ones with porn. No I am joking, I don't look at porn.....ever. But something I like even better than going to websites is talking to people. I'm not a sociable person in real life, but online I'm completely different. There are a lot of interesting people you can meet over the Internet, and today I'll talk about just that.
Here are my online buddies, I'm going to talk about them today. I am close with them and met them in different circumstances. Here I have arranged them in no particular order so don't worry, I'm not rating anybody. These are some of the people I talk to:
Robbie: I've known Robbie the longest out of my entire buddy list, ever since March 1999 when I was only 14. The thing we have in common is that we often seem to be at the same place in life and have most of the same interests. When we met, we both loved wrestling and were into wrestling sites on the Internet. We made a web page together and worked on it a lot. It's been 2.5 years since then, and right now an interest we have is we're both learning to play guitar right now. We give each other tips and stuff. We also like most of the same music and tv shows, especially cartoons. Robbie is a unique person in that he's comfortable with himself and isn't afraid to talk about what he likes. Most of the time we talk about casual stuff and make jokes a lot, but sometimes we have deep, serious discussions. All in all he's a good friend and a valuable attribute to my buddy list.
Lindsay: There's a lot to say about Lindsay. For instance, she gets PMS thirty days a month and is a really big bitch. Haha no I am just kidding. =) Actually she's a fun person and has lots of good personality characteristics. We talk about all kinds of stuff and she's one of those people I can have conversations with that are goofy or serious. We have almost exactly the same sense of humor so a lot of the conversations we have are downright hilarious. I actually get some of my humor from her. But when we talk about things that are serious she can usually think of something meaningful to say. She's funny and sarcastic a lot of the time, but on the inside is a friggin sweetheart and is good to talk to. With the exception of Robbie and me, her grammar is the best of any of my friends. Yay!
Mark: Mark is the only one here that I know in person and not online, but I still think I should include him in here. I know him from school and with the exception of one semester in 11th grade, we've always had at least one class together. We are always cracking jokes and sometimes it's hard to not just burst out laughing while the teacher is talking. We think the same things are funny and in some ways he's like Lindsay. He's a really big dork and is hyper a lot of the time. We agree on most things, like what's wrong with school, tv shows, and sometimes the world in general. Plus, he's one of the only people at school who's not afraid to be seen associated with a loser like ME. =)
Brendan: It seems like we haven't talked much lately, but he said he still loves me as his brother. So I guess we're still tight. We've had some funny conversations and are both obsessed with toilet humor. Brendan is a good person to talk to about women problems.....or lack thereof. We also both like designing websites although for the past few months I've been pretty lazy about that :o/. Unfortunately, he gets too into his website crap and sometimes doesn't seem to care about his friends. So if you're reading this I think you need to work on that.
Chrissy: I really look up to Chrissy because of her intelligence and knowledge. I usually ask her if I have a problem with AOL because she knows a lot. But not just computer stuff, she's a good person to talk to about things in general. She has lots of buddies but still is a nice friend and takes the time to talk to me.
Cammie: Cammie is actually pretty similar to Chrissy. She's a caring and loving person and I like how she's aware of other peoples' feelings. We became friends from meeting at Open Diary, so I guess this slow, semi-functional piece of crap site is good for something =).
David: David is 4 years older than I am, but he's really immature so it kind of evens out. He's not going to win any grammar or spelling trophies, but that's ok. We watch some of the same cartoons like Doug and Sponge Bob Square Pants. In fact, I got the idea for the Doug parody I wrote two days ago from David. We also talk about 7th Heaven, but mostly about how hot Lucy and Mary are ;). Some of the conversations we've had were really funny, we talked about how great it would be if we did a talk show together. It's usually good talking to him about school or just girls.
Those are some of my online buddies, I have 23 but those are the ones I am closest to. Unfortunately I have grown apart with 3 people this year that I used to be good friends with. I guess this goes to show that some friends are silver, some are gold, and some are just festering pieces of turd.
To be honest, I think because of making friends online, the Internet has enhanced my overall social development. In real life I'm nervous and I can never think of anything good to say. Also I can type faster and better than I can talk. But ever since I started making friends online, I've improved on these things. Some people say the Internet is bad and addictive and makes you unsociable. All I have to say to these people is that you seriously need to get something out of your ass.....and not just poop.
Love,
Me
A three-parter - 10/19/2001
Maybe it's because I love you OD readers so much, or maybe I'm just bored as a blue bitch, but today I'm going to make a unique entry. This diary will have THREE parts to it. In the first I'll talk about my room, the second I'll talk about boring diaries, and in the third I'll talk about autumn. Enjoy!
A Teenager's Playground
I think my room is soooo cool. It's like my playground. In it I have video games, 2 beds, 1 guitar, 1 piano, a tv, a snail, and most importantly of all, a computer! Computers are so much fun. The only thing that would make my room complete is to have cable for my tv. Oh and the best part of the computer is my comfy chair! Yay! I didn't have anything meaningful to say, I just wanted to brag about my room.
A Plague of Boredom
There's something at OpenDiary that has been bothering me. THE ENTRIES ARE TOO BORING....no offense. I'm not saying any of you people are boring, in fact I probably have the most boring life in the history of OD. It's just the way you write sucks. Grammar might not make a big difference to you, but it does to the readers. Remember this isn't a personal diary, it's a public one. And if it's something others are going to read, you should make it at least a little bit interesting. Here is an example of what a lot of OD entries look like:
Went to the mall today, bought a new pair of shows. Reddish green in color. Saw a large man there. Went to work afterwards, boss's breath was even worse than usual. Can't seem to stop farting, shouldn't have had all those breakfast burritos at the mall.
Does this look familiar? It should, because it's what half the diaries here look like. Would it kill you to use a proper pronoun once in a while? (or regular pronouns for that matter) And would it be the end of the world if you actually put some emotion into it?? Jeez! I'm not even going to go into the DELIBERATE misspellings I've been seeing. It's kind of hard on the eyes when your sentences consist of "u 2 4 xcited p i no ur" Anyway, that's all I have to say about this.
I Love Autumn
In the final part of this entry I want to talk about autumn, which is one of my favorite seasons. Or fall, whatever. The thing I like best about it is the weather. I hate summer weather because it's hot and you have to wear less clothes which are too revealing. And I usually end up having to spend most or all of the day indoors where it's air conditioned. Winter is ok, but sometimes it just gets too cold. I hate when you're outside and the air is so cold that when you try to breathe through your nose you almost suffocate. Of course the nice part is that when it snows a lot they cancel school. YAY! Then there's spring, the season I hate MOST. When I was young, things like thunderstorms and tornadoes used to scare the crap out of me. Thank goodness I don't live near the coast where they get hurricanes, or I would have been shitting enough bricks to build a house. Autumn has some drawbacks, like the beginning of yucky school, but I like the weather. It's a nice temperature and there's not too much precipitation.
That's the end of my 3-part entry. You may now resume looking at porn.
life thus far - 10/21/2001
I haven't updated in a while to talk about my awesome life, so I think I will today.
Right now school is getting a little better for me. Not in grades though, because I'm failing one class. I hope I end up passing by the end of the semester, because if I fail more than one class this year than I can't graduate. Ugh! But actually I'm only 9% or maybe less away from a passing grade so maybe I can make it. The bad part is that just recently I got a computer in my room. My parents are going to think that since I've been spending so much time online I haven't been doing as much homework. The truth is that I have been spending a lot of time, even more than usual now that I got a computer in my room. But I'm still doing just as much homework as I used to, which is.....eh, not much. Hehe. So if you don't see me update my diary for a long time, it's because my parents aren't letting me use the computer because of my report card. Of course this is thinking pretty far into the future, the last day for this quarter is Friday and I might even pass.
Onto some better news, I'm having more fun with my instruments. I'm a lot more comfortable playing guitar. I always practiced (mostly) every day but I'm actually enjoying it now. I used to have the attitude "ah crap, I have to practice today since I haven't yet" but it's fun now. I can even play wearing the strap. No, "wearing the strap" isn't the name of a song, I meant I can wear the strap while I'm playing. You dumbass. But another coolio thing is that I'm starting to learn piano! Yes, that's right. I have an electric piano in my room, it's more like a keyboard. And two days ago I learned some songs. I can play Row Your Boat, Jingle Bells, The Dragon's Lair, Indian Dance, and um....I forgot the last one. But I'm getting kind of good at it! Indian Dance is the coolest one. Playing piano is a lot like typing except you have to have rhythm and you can't mess up.
I guess life is going okay except for me failing that one class. That reminds me I still haven't done my homework so I better start right now. Bye Bye!
Love,
Me
a survey cuz I'm bored! - 10/21/2001
I see: a survey! I love surveys
I need: to do my homework
I want: nothing really....material things aren't that important but it would be nice to have a sandwich right about now
I have on: my Jerichoholic shirt and sweat pants
I wish: all people would live in harmony
I love: God, my buddies, my bulldogs, my family sort of
I hate: hate is a mean word
I miss: the days of early high school
I fear: that school's gonna be over and I haven't done anything yet
I feel: mad....I hate homework!
I hear: nothing but cars passing outside.....pretty poetic huh?
I smell: You!! you farted
I crave: confidence
I search: for my vocation
I wonder: how soon I'll conquer it
I regret: I think this was already a question...
When was the last time you
...Smiled?: um...it mighta been yesterday but I don't know for sure
Laughed?: Friday
Cried?: September 1998
Bought something?: early July, Castlevania COTM
Danced?: heh....no
Were sarcastic?: today
Kissed someone?: Eh, never. Hehe....I'm a virgin through and through
Talked to an ex?: um.....
Watched your favorite movie?: Ready To Rumble! I saw it once, in April
Had a nightmare?: I don't know, it doesn't matter anyway since they're only dreams
Last book you read: one for school prolly
Last movie you saw: Evolution! It was awesome
Last song you heard: I think Under the Bridge....I haven't listened to any music in over 2 weeks
Last thing you had to drink: chocolate milk, it was yum
Last time you showered: yesterday
Last thing you ate: chicken tenders
Do You...
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: nuh uh!
Have sex?: HAHA no....that's almost funnny
Sleep with stuffed animals?: no
Live in the moment?: not usually
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No, I don't. Maybe eventually though
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: "I have a recurring dream in which I am falling!" - Sideshow Mel
Play an instrument?: Why, yes! Guitar and I just started learning piano
Believe there is life on other planets?: maybe but I don't think so, I think earth is where it's all at
Remember your first love?: yes it's kind of hard to forget =)
Still love him/her?: damn straight
Read the newspaper?: sometimes
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: actually I've never even met a gay person
Believe in miracles? yeah!
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes in some cases
Consider love a mistake?: eh....sometimes
Like the taste of alcohol?: considering I haven't had any in over 10 years I don't really remember but I don't think it was very good
Have a favorite candy?: There's a bunch....but the names of most candies sound gay
Believe in astrology? Not really....but one time someone gave me a tarot card reading and it was mostly true!
Believe in magic? maybe
Believe in God? yes
Pray? Yes
Go to church? yes
Have any secrets? yes
Have any pets? I love my pets!!! I have two bulldogs and a snail named Gary
Do well in school? No not very
Go to or plan to go to college: maybe
Have a major?: I don't know what that is
Talk to strangers who instant message you? yes unless it's someone advertising a porn site....and I usually start the conversation with "who in the blue fuck are you?"
Wear hats? no
Have any piercings?: no I don't like jewelry
Have any tattoos?: I'm non-accessorized
Hate yourself? not always
Have an obsession?: perhaps
Collect anything?: sports cards
Have a best friend? no I suck
Wish on stars? no
Like your handwriting? actually.....yes! I think it looks cool but I don't write in cursive
Have any bad habits?: yes like procrastinating and cracking my neck
Care about looks? no I think personality is more important
Believe in witches? no
Believe in Satan? yes
God? yes....I said that already
Believe in ghosts? who knows? dun dun dunnnnn
Okay that's the end of the survey. Yay! That was fun....okay no actually it was pretty boring and I better start my homework now
thanks for reading everybody..... - 10/23/2001
I have a problem involving Open Diary. I might not be able to use this site anymore.
I've been writing here ever since July of 2000, I think this is a pretty cool site. It's a place where I can talk about anything I want. The bad part is I'm afraid that eventually someone might find my diary, most likely someone in my family. Right now, I have my own computer so no one else can access my web history and see what sites I've been to. But in our house we're establishing a network between this computer and the one the rest of my family uses. This means that if they wanted to, my family could look at my web history and see I've been to Open Diary. Then they'd look at the different diaries and probably stumble upon mine. My parents are nosy and would definately read my diary if given the chance. I don't want to take that risk anymore so I'm thinking maybe I should stop going to this site and stop writing in my diary. Originally, by keeping a diary I had four main goals in mind:
4.) to bitch about my problems
3.) to be able to talk about the things that go on in my life and hear other peoples' feedback
2.) to have my own little forum for discussing various ideas and philosophies and to see what other people think of my writings
1.) to make sure that NO ONE I know in person ever has the opportunity to read my diary
I listed these in order of importance, and what's more important than writing in here is that no one ever finds out about it. I don't want anyone, especially my family to read my diary because it's personal. I'd like to thank anyone who has left me notes in the past and everyone who said they liked my diary. The feedback of you readers means a lot to me, and without it I never would have made a diary in the first place. I'm not necessarily saying this is my last entry and I'll never write here again, but I don't know. I'll have to see how it goes, maybe I will continue writing and maybe not. So it's not goodbye forever, just goodbye for now.
Love always,
everyone's favorite dork
about yesterday's entry.... - 10/24/2001
Conflabbit, you know something....I think I will continue writing in this diary. For one thing, someone left a note saying that even if the computers in my house are networked, no one can view my web history but me. I don't know for sure if this is true, but I'm going to take some precautions. Here's some things I thought of:
1.) I don't think I'll be visiting this site quite as much anymore, just to make sure it doesn't show up a whole lot in my web history.
2.) I'm going to delete my web history AND temporary Internet files after every time I visit OD.
3.) On a more personal note, if anyone in my family is reading this, then you should really be ashamed of yourself. It's horrible if a boy can't trust his own freakin family. This may be a public diary, but it's only public for anonymous people over the Internet. It's not ok for others to read it, unless the writer doesn't mind.
I like OpenDiary because I think in the future it will help my current experiences to become memories. I like writing in here and I think I'm one of the few people who doesn't take their diary completely seriously =). I also want to say it's nice to be appreciated and from the notes it looks like I might be missed if I was gone. I'm glad I have loyal readers, that's what makes this whole diary worthwhile.
That's all I wanted to say. It looks like I'll probably still be writing in here after all.
Love,
ME
it's as cold as balls outside - 10/26/2001
Lately it has been rough with my family. My parents have been really mad at me and I don't know why. I don't understand why I'm the one who has to be mature and not yell at someone every time I'm upset, especially since I'm not the adult. It's hard to explain....but it's hard living with them. Almost every day this week my mother has asked if I'm mad at her and I say no (because I'm not) and she doesn't believe me. I think the thing is, sometimes when people get really sad they don't show it the proper way. They act as though they're in a bad mood even though it's a completely different kind of emotion than that. Oh well.
Anyway, it was as cold as balls yesterday and today. I have to walk home from school too, it's over a mile and I wasn't wearing a coat yesterday. The wind was all blusterous, and there was so much wind it made a whistling sound. And today there was hail! I like the cold weather but it kind sucks for losers like me who are 17 and still can't drive.
Today was a happy day for me!! I had a great conversation with my friend in the morning and we talked about funny stuff. Eh, I think I'm not gonna write anymore today. I'm freakin tired cuz I haven't been sleeping much lately. Buh bye.
Love,
DorkAlert
p.s. - Guess who got a 100% on his religion test? No, not Captain Kangaroo.....ME!
Another three-parter! - 10/30/2001
Today I'm going to talk about three random things.
Halloween, how doth thou suck
I have loathed Halloween with a passion ever since I was 11 and decided I was too old to dress up. My parents made me go anyway, and the following year I had to do a lot of bitching to keep them from making me go again. I just think it's so dumb. It's okay when you're a small child and like to go to peoples' houses dressed like a little fag and ask them for candy. But when you're a teenager it gets kind of old. Maybe I'm just jealous, and hate Halloween for the same reason as new year's. That's the time everyone is with their friends and having fun. But I don't have any freakin friends beyond the Internet so everyone is enjoying it but me. Still though it's a gay holiday. Oh yeah and I hate Valentine's day too.
"You laugh at crap"
This is something my friend Robbie said to me last week and boy is it true. It seems like I am amused by the dumbest things. The other day I was talking to someone at school about Scooby Doo and we were impersonating the characters and their phrases.
(Shaggy)"Zoinks!"......"Scoob!"....."I've got the munchies again, must be all that weed!"
(Scrappy) "Puppy power!"......"Scrappy-dappy-dooooo!"
(Velma) "Jinkies! I lost my glasses again!" why don't you get get some fuckin contacts
Actually, that conversation started when I pointed out that when our teacher laughs he sounds like Scooby Doo. But while we were talking I was laughing a lot and had to wipe some tears from my eyes and was getting all sniffly. I think the gayest things are funny, but that's just me, I am gay. Well not homosexual but gay as in retarded.
The Church vs. Porn
Don't get me wrong, I love my church (seriously) but they are doing something that seems unnecessary. At the end of mass today, the priest announced that they are giving out white ribbons you can put on your car. The ribbons are to show you are against pornography. I don't support porn or anything, but I think there are far bigger problems going on. There are rapists, child abusers, and terrorists making the world a not so nice place to live in. And here the church is focusing its attention on perverts and middle school kids going through puberty. Oh well this isn't that important of an issue, I just felt like talking about it.
That's it for today. I hope everyone liked this 3-part entry, buh bye!
Love,
Me
Rebel me - 10/31/2001
Things are kind of looking up for me lately, especially at school. In the past I've talked about skeletons in my closet and how I'm lacking confidence because of them, but I'm starting to work through those things. In fact, I think I'm going to talk about this exact subject in my diary......eventually.
Guess what? Our grade had a retreat today, and I skipped it even though I was supposed to go! Not only that, but today at school we were supposed to dress up in Halloween costumes, and I didn't do that either. Hoo-hah! Instead I wore jeans and my favorite collared shirt. Badass, thy name is DorkAlert.
Eh, today's diary was pretty short and sweet, but I think I better go now. Have a great day everyone! =)
Love,
Me
p.s. - Halloween sucks!
me stay home - 11/1/2001
Hiya everyone! Gee I'm updating a lot lately. Today I stayed home from school, but that's ok. The last time I missed school was, get ready for this...in March. I even went to school in May on some days when I had a sore throat, and in September I went even though I puked one day in the morning before school. So if the teachers and faculty have a problem with me staying home today, they can shove it up their nose!
Wow time sure does go by fast. I can't believe it's November already, in a way it's kind of sad =(. But unfortunately I have to take a scholarship test on Saturday. The deal is that if you pass you get $2,500. I'll probably fail but that's ok. The part I hate is the whole testing ordeal. I just don't like these big tests and having to go to a testing center for them. =(
I was gonna say something else but I can't seem to remember at this point. Eh, it'll probably come to me later. But for now I'm gonna go. Bye bye.
Love,
Me
aww jeez - 11/1/2001
I am so depressed. My life sucks. I am a boring and ugly person with no friends. I write in here even though my diary sucks and no one cares.
Does this sound familar? It should to anyone who read my entries from several months ago. I went through a phase where all I ever did in my diary was bitch. And now I'm starting to feel bad about this, a while back I put all those entries on private. Since then, I've realized I'm not depressed, my life could be a LOT worse, I'm an interesting person, and I may not have real life friends, but I do have lots of online friends, which sometimes is actually better. And the reason my diary sucked is because all I ever did was bitch in every entry, I rarely talked about anything good. They sucked because of my attitude.
The main reason I feel bad now is cuz people do care and some probably felt bad for me and thought I had real problems. If no one cared then people wouldn't leave notes. BabeAlert especially seemed to have left notes a lot during that time, so thanks a bunch! =) I am sorry everyone for complaining so much when I had nothing much to complain about. But ever since around June or so I started getting a positive attitude and I'm glad I did. When I started talking about happy things I became a happier person.
That's all I have to say, have a good night everyone.
grades - 11/2/2001
Someone once left a note on my diary saying something like this: grades are a determinant of our academic success, but are often looked at as the be all and end all of our existence. I don't remember who posted that note but it's so true.
I got my report card today, I wasn't too disappointed. Unfortunately I'm gonna have to show my parents soon and they're usually mad when I do. The worst part is the comments, and the fact that the principal reads the report cards before they're distributed. He'll write in his own little comments and put circles and check marks. This quarter, all my teachers but one put negative comments, and the principal put a check mark by each negative one. Not only that, but he circled my lowest grade, which was a D+. That's not great, but at least I'm not failing anything. It bothers me that people have to point out all my faults, my parents are gonna do this too.
In 1997, I took the high school placement test and got a 95 percentile. But my percentile in reading was 78 and my father made a point to single that part out and got mad at me about it. Still though I got 90 somethings in all the other parts, and 78 just means I did better than 78% of the people who took that test. That's not too bad....is it?
You're probably thinking, "Wow, 95%!" but honestly I'm not that smart. Not with school anyway. I used to be good with academic crap, but my brain stayed the same while school became harder. So that's what happened.
Anyway, back to the report card comments. The one positive comment was in my computer class, it said "doing good work". That was pretty nice, so I circled it with a pen. My parents are gonna think the principal circled it and they'll be like "at least you're doing good work in this class." Hoo-hah! What a clever little plan by me.
Personally, I think my report card was just fine. If you get a 2.00 that means you're average, and I got 2.39, so I'm above average. Yay!! Okay, so it's not refrigerator material, but still I don't see the point in getting overly obsessed with grades.
Ah I think I'm not gonna write any more today. I'm working on a Scooby Doo parody (similar to the one of Doug I did a few weeks ago) and eventually when I finish I'm gonna post it here at OD. Bye bye!
p.s. - Today I was talking to my online friend David and he said I'm a cool guy and is surprised I don't have any friends in person. That was a nice compliment, so yay!!
I made a whoopsie - 11/3/2001
Okie dokie, so I took my first of two scholarship tests today, the next one is November 10th. When I got to the testing center, the line was so big I couldn't get in the door. Or maybe I'm just really FAT. Hehe. But when I was at the end of the line, this kid from my school said I should come to where the other kids from our school were so I did, and it was near the beginning.
Anyway, once I got in the room where I was supposed to be testing, the teacher there came up to me and knew my name. I didn't recognize her, but she was my teacher from 2nd grade! She actually recognized me and my name even though that was 10 years ago. But I do have some memories of what that year was like. We learned to write in cursive, we read Ramona books, and we did a bagwillion different Halloween projects in October (stuff with construction paper and crap like that). But one distinct memory I have of that year was one day when I was having a conversation with my friend at recess. We were talking and out of the blue I go, "Some people think piss is a bad word but it isn't" and he freaked out. He said he was gonna tell on me! I'm like "you can't tell one me, I didn't even say a bad word!" and he said "yeah but you can get a green slip for saying it in school." Back then, green slips were these pieces of paper that you could get for doing something bad. They didn't do anything, it was just one of those things to deflate a child's self-esteem and give the idea that he or she had poor moral character. But anyway, my friend told the teacher I said piss, even though I told him not to. Some friend! After that, the teacher called me to her desk and gave me this 20-second lecture on inappropriate words. I explained that I had merely used the word to explain that it isn't a bad word, I wasn't using it in the context of a sentence. The teacher could have busted me for it but didn't, I thought that was pretty nice. And that dick didn't get me in trouble after all.
That was kind of weird to see someone I haven't seen in a long time. As for the test I guess it was ok. We had to write two essays, and at the end of the first one I started getting a bad headache. Fortunately, I happened to have some handy dandy Advil with me at the time. It's good to carry that stuff around with you, especially at school. I made sure I wrote the best damn essays I possibly could, and handed them in ahead of time.
Here's where I made a blunder though: we got these admission tickets so they let us in the testing center, I used mine today and I'm gonna need it next week. Unfortunately, I left it in the room where I took the test! The admission ticket was in my freakin folder and I left it there. That was kind of an asshole move on my part. I decided not to tell my parents and instead I'm gonna tell the counseler at school, maybe she can call the company that does the tests. Yes, that sounds like a good idea.
So kids, what lessons did we learn today?
1.) Don't use politically incorrect names for bodily functions around your tattletale dickhead friends.
2.) It helps to carry around a bottle of Advil wherever you go.
3.) If you bring a folder into a room, make sure you have it with you when you leave.
I hope we all learned something today.....I sure did. Have a good day everybody.
Love,
Me
more about today - 11/3/2001
Alrighty, I'm officially addicted to OpenDiary. I'm updating way too much lately, but that's ok I guess. Anyway I wanted to talk about more stuff that happened to me.
Today was my parents' 30 year high school reunion. While they were there I had to watch my sister, which was ok for the most part. But I'm supposed to be watching her the whole time, and if I leave the living room for even a minute she'll ask where I'm going. It's not like she needs supervision or anything, she's 10 now. But anyway it went just fine other than that. We watched (on the Disney Channel) The Proud Family, which was ok, and Boy Meets World which was pretty entertaining. And then, Lizzie McGuire. Ohh sweat steak sauce, maybe it's just me but I think Lizzie is pretty freakin hot. After that the movie Mask was on tv. It was a cute movie and really touching, I'd have to say I enjoyed it up until the end. The ending was abrupt and completely blew! I'm not gonna say what happened but it was just......UGH. It was sad.
Now it's getting kind of late and I'm tired, I might go to bed soon. That's it for today's entry. Tune in tomorrow for another erotic, spine-tingling, heart-pounding diary entry from me!!
talkin' like a duck - 11/5/2001
footnote: please excuse the profanities in this entry
Yesterday I was walking my dog and I got kind of bored while I was walking. So I started trying to talk like Donald Duck. This is something I had attempted to learn how to do when I was in 9th grade, and I kind of gave up on it but I think I'm gonna start again. When someone talks like a duck I think it's one of the funniest things in the world. If I could develop that kind of talent it surely be the best talent I have. I've decided to try to learn to say something new every day. Yesterday I taught myself to go "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba" and say "oh fuck" in a ducky voice. Today I learned to say "uh-oh". I'm working on being able to say "My name is Donald Duck" and "Oh fuck! Fuck the duck!" (since I say that in my regular voice sometimes) but it's not going so well. I hope I can do this if I practice every day, it'd be a great talent!
This is going off the subject, but there's something I don't like about OD other than it being slow and giving too many 404 errors. I don't like how when I leave someone a note, it doesn't let me read the diary while I'm writing it. Sometimes I'll forget what the diary was about. When this happens, I'll have to either click the back button on my browser or leave a note that has absolutely nothing to do with the entry. So maybe OD could work on changing this. How's that sound?
Bye!
today, today - 11/9/2001
Alrighty, we just had parent teacher conferences at school yesterday. My father went to them and my teachers told him all the bad stuff about me: I don't raise my hand, I need to try harder, I don't turn in assignments, I don't brush my teeth, I need to lose weight......etc blah blah blah whatever. Okay I was kidding about the last parts, but you probably already gathered that. The bad part was that he read the retreat schedule and found I missed it. Uh oh. He thinks the day I was absent last week was the day of the retreat and that I faked being sick to miss it. The truth is, the retreat was the day before I was absent, and I skipped it entirely and just went to school that day. I guess it's better he thinks I pretended to be sick than the second one.....hehe. So here he is bitching at me about how I'm a horrible person, I'm a fucking chicken shit with no backbone, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. It's been so many years my father has been treating my sister and me like shit and thinks we're such bad kids even though we're not. He yells about everything, but guess what? I don't care anymore. If it wasn't this it would just be something else. It's been this way for a long time and it's getting old. Now when he's bitching at me, I just act bored and play with a scab on my hand or flick around a little piece of lint. It takes a LOT to hurt my feelings, and definitely more than some selfish prick saying mean things that aren't even true. Because I really don't care. Sticks and stones my friend, sticks and stones. =) Sorry I guess I didn't need to say that twice.
Ah, enough with the pessimistic crap. I had a pretty good day today. We had a late arrival for school, so today I didn't wake up until 7:30, which is late since usually I have to wake up at 6:00. Bleh. First I had my writing class, and there I had a really close call. Every Friday we're supposed to bring in our rough draft. It's not to turn in, but we work in groups and have our partner proofread for us. Being the lazy green slob I am, I didn't even do the freakin paper. Anyhoo, we have to fill out these little sheets and rate the paper and say what was good/bad about it. I told my friend to make a fake review sheet for my paper since I didn't even do one, so that's what he did. Unfortunately, our fag in a bag teacher was walking around the room and asked my friend why he wasn't correcting anyone's paper and he said he already did one, MINE. So then the teacher asked me where my paper was and I said I didn't do one, and he said to my friend "so you lied to me". He could have denied what I just said but he didn't want me to get in trouble. I felt horrible! I almost got my friend in trouble, but I guess it's better that that happened then for us BOTH to get in trouble for cheating. Two years ago I got in trouble for cheating, and trust me, it's not something you want to go through. It's very damaging emotionally, academically, and it's even worse if your parents find out. I think my friend was ok with what happened though, it's not like he's gonna get detention or anything. I kind of felt like we were a team, we both had to lie to get ourselves out of trouble, so it was a friendship bonding sort of thing =).
Then we made some jokes during another class while we were watching a movie. This was one of the best parts of my day. What happened in the movie was that one of the characters said "his pockets were bulging", the reason was because he had money or something in his pockets. All of a sudden, some kids started laughing and I didn't know why. HIS POCKETS WERE BULGING. Once it did sink in, I kept trying not to laugh for the rest of the class period and the people sitting nearby me were making comments like "they make it sound like he just popped a boner!" It was so funny..... I guess you had to be there.
Ah shit, I have to get my hair cut today, I hate that. I used to be afraid of barbers, but after a while I just figured the worst that could happen is they cut my hair too short and it grows back. And tomorrow is the second part of the scholarship test, oh well I'll just bring advil and maybe some food with me.
Oh my, I've been realizing lately what a bad speller I am, especially with big words. I ran this through spell check before I posted it and there were a bunch of mistakes. Oh well.
Despite the things I said in the opening paragraph, I've been in a really good mood lately. I get all happy sometimes for no reason at all, and it's been a long time since I've been sad for more than a few minutes. But I gots to go now, 7th Heaven is almost on. Bye bye everyone! =)
Love,
me
Good day! (I think) - 11/15/2001
WARNING: I wrote this yesterday
Wow, today sure was eventful. I want to tell the story of all that happened, but to make it more convenient, here's the cast.
Darren = me
Cassidy = someone I like at school
Eh, there's a bunch of other people, but those are the only important ones.
It started out like any other day, except for the fact that I only got to sleep for about 3 hours last night. And that means a lot, coming from someone who has to take afternoon naps every day just like an old person. I went to school at 7:00, and went to my first class as always. It was pretty typical, but then came my second class of the day. I happened to be doing yesterday's homework at the time, when all of a sudden I hear my freakin name on the announcements, telling me to come to the office. At first I'm thinking oh shit, I'm screwed. I'm in trouble and I know why, it's cuz I skipped the senior retreat two weeks ago. I went to the office, and surprise surprise. That's exactly what I was in trouble for. The nun there was pissed, and so was the teacher who organized the retreat. They were both bitching at me for a while, and they told me I have to make it up. Unfortunately, the only day I can make it up would be today. The dress code was regular, and at the time I was wearing my uniform, which was not a good thing. So they made me call my mother from school to bring me regular clothes.
Oh yeah, and I should mention I was really dreading the retreat, that's why I skipped it. Needless to say, the morning started out pretty horrible. After a while I put on my regular clothes in the bathroom, feeling really anxious because I didn't want to go on the retreat. But then for some reason I suddenly started to feel confident. I don't know why, these things just happen sometimes. The priest drives me and some other kids to the retreat center, and everyone else is already there. The funny thing was, a thought occurred to me while I was in the car. Cassidy didn't go on any of the previous retreats this year, so that meant she probably would today! That was kind of exciting. By the time I got there, they tell us what we're going to be doing that day. They divided us into three groups, and guess who's in my group?
=)
The first thing we did was toss a stuffed animal around to introduce ourselves. We say our name, and say "here you go ______" to the person we throw it to. I'm usually shy about these kind of things, but I came up with a plan. By the time the stuffed animal came to me, I looked like I was about to throw it forward, but at the last second I turned sideways and said "here you go Cassidy" and threw it to her! Hehe, that was pretty ballsy on my part. A few moments later I happened to look at her, and just for a second it seemed like she was looking at me and blinking in sort of an astonished way. Ahhh, her eyes look so pretty when she blinks. It looks like they're waving at me. Okay sorry bout that, for the rest of the entry I'm gonna keep this from getting overly sappy ;)
Then came the scary part. In this building, there were these horizontal ropes about 45 feet above the floor. And yepperooneez, we had to climb 'em. They showed us how to strap on our equipment, and my partner (it wasn't her, I wish though) and I went to the ladder that took you to one of the ropes. Alrighty here, what a perfect time to be acrophobic. My partner went first, and then I did. I got about halfway up the ladder, and it was wobbling. Furthermore, I noticed how high I was in the air and I started getting nautious. But then I hear someone say "good job Darren". I'm not positive, but I'm 95% sure that was Cassidy's voice. I started moving on the ropes, it was super scary! I got past the first excersise and I'm on the other platform. I was thinking of going to the next one, but the platform on the other side looked way too crowded so I decided to go back. The teachers and people working there told me it would be easy, but I just decided screw this. I was scared and tired so I decided to just go down now. When they did lower me down to the floor, I was expected them to tell me I should have kept going, but instead they were happy for me. They were complimenting me a lot, too much actually. It made me feel like it was obvious I was scared. I didn't really care though, and after that I just sat down at one of the tables and waited for everyone else to finish.
(this is continued on the next entry)
.....continued - 11/15/2001
I decided I should talk to Cassidy again, even though I was scared about that too. I waited and waited for her to finish, and she ended up being one of the last ones done. By the time she came down from the ceiling, I decided I would go over to tell her she did a good job. But to not make it look obvious, I went up to one of the people who worked there and started a conversation with him. I told him about how the excersise is a good confidence builder, and is good for teaching the lesson that you should confront your fears, and some other stuff. Cassidy walked by us, so thinking quickly I moved away from the staff dude and put out my hand for her to shake, and I told her good job. Once again she looked kind of astonished. Then he told me it's good to congratulate people like how I just did with Cassidy, and he gave me a hug. I haven't hugged anyone in a few years so it was kind of nice =).
For most of the day, nothing really happened with Cassidy. We did some other excersises like team-building ones, where we would have to work together to accomplish a certain challenge. They were actually kind of fun but they were hard. The good part was that I found out some people at my school are really nice and I talked to them. In fact, when we were talking about which people were the most helpful in doing the challenges, someone mentioned me. Cassidy talked to me a bunch of times during the excersises but it was just working to do the challenge, not in a conversation way or anything. One of the best parts was when we did this "raging river" thing, where the object was to make it across a river which was actually grass. You're allowed to step on boards, but can't step on the grass or you drown. What happened was that at one point there were about 4 people on the same board and I was one of them. We were all huddled tightly together and I said "I don't wanna be here!". The people around me started giggling and someone said "Darren made a joke!" It was funny because usually I'm a boring person and not funny.
Ah yes, there was one game I liked, it was called zapper or some crap like that. I'm not going to explain the details of the game, but basically what happened was one person would be in the middle of the circle, and the rest of the people would stand around him or her. The person in the middle would point to someone, and they would have to stand in the middle instead. On my second turn being in the middle, I decided to do something again. I pointed to Cassidy. What made me happy was that on her second turn on being the person in the middle, she pointed to me! Hehe.
That's about all's that happened with Cassidy. I did catch her looking at me a bunch of times, and when I did she would turn away. Of course it wasn't as many times as she caught me looking at her =). Maybe she would have talked to me more that day, except that she's kind of shy. Ever since I've known her, I've seen her talking to.....two boys, not including me. I won't go into the history of Cassidy and me a whole lot, but it began during 10th grade when I started liking her. I'm not trying to flatter myself or anything here......but the thing is, back in 10th grade I think she liked me, even if it was just as a friend. The reason I think this is because no one's ever reached out to me the way she did. Throughout the whole day I wanted to have a conversation with her and tell her the whole truth. Unfortunately I didn't get that kind of opportunity, and even if I did I probably wouldn't have done it. It would have been nice at this point to find a girlfriend, but I guess I'll have to be more patient.
Ahh, I have never liked anyone this much, so I'm not gonna give up just yet. Oh and I should make a point that I'm not shallow, in fact I wasn't even physically attracted to her when we first met. I like her because of her personality but I won't go into that right now. But I am gonna try to talk to her again this year. At our school during Christmastime you can buy candy cane messages and send them to people, so I'm gonna send one to her and write something nice on it. Yes sir, that sounds like a good idea.
In conclusion, today was pretty eventful and was probably one of the best days of the year. The story with Cassidy is left unfinished, but at least I became brave enough to start reaching out to her more. All in all, it was a good day that left a bit of emptiness at the end.
pooples - 11/15/2001
Today was kind of sad. If you read the entry I wrote about yesterday, I was kind of anticipating something would happen today. But freakin Cassidy didn't talk to me at all which kind of blew. I know that someone not liking you isn't a hardship, it's not even a real problem, but it's disappointing. I was prepared for something, anything to happen. It's not a problem since nothing bad happened, it's just that I was setting myself up for a good day. What makes things worse is that since the retreat, everything is back to normal. That's what bugs me about retreats. Everyone is different then, people are friendly and nice and compliment each other on doing such a good job on the challenges. But now it's all back to the usual gay 'ol schooly crap. The only people who even mentioned the retreat were the teachers.
Jeez laweez......listen to what I'm saying: "today was a bad today because a girl didn't talk to me". That doesn't sound very optimistic. Oh well, maybe she's just really special.
Fortunately, in my microkeyboarding class we had to make a sun with a face today. The trick is, it wasn't a happy faced sun like the ones you usually seen in cartoons and such. Nope, it was frowning. It made me feel good to make that because I was in a pretty frowny mood.
Then at the end of the day I had to do a detention, my 14th one since going to the school. They had me tie up bags of garbage and then put them in the dumpster. I cheated though, I just heaved them right in the dumpster without even tying them. And then some food spilled in the parking lot that looked like salad. The janitor lady said that either me or this other kid who had detention must have done it, but neither of us took the blame. It was funny, the salad is probably still there in the parking lot collecting mold. I was supposed to stay there until 1:40, but instead I left at 1:32 while the janitor lady was in the lunch line part of the cafeteria in another room. She was probably stuffing her face with tacos, so I made a break for it and scadattled all the way home.
That's most of what happened at school, I think tomorrow might be a good day to talk to Cassidy but I'll be nervous. Dammit, I've been thinking about her too much.
ACK......all women suck
once again - 11/16/2001
Yay! What an accomplishing day. Eh, not really. Today was a big day cuz I was planning to talk to Cassidy after this one class we have together. All morning I was wondering whether or not I should do it. My first thought was "what's the worst that could happen?" For a while I was leaning towards no, because that would be easier. But then the moment finally came, time was drawing near an end and I had to make a quick decision. I walked past and said hi, and she said hi too. That was it. Actually, that was pretty much what I predicted would happen. I'm glad I did it though. She may not have been like "Ohhh, thank you so much for saying hi to me! I want to marry you now!" but on the other hand she didn't say "fuck off you freak!!" and kicked me in the testicles.
That's the thing about shy people. When they say hi it could mean they love you, they hate you, or anything in between. They don't wear their emotions, and keep everything on the inside. How do I know this? Because I am the same way. I honestly have no idea what Cassidy's thinking now, if anything, but I hope I made it apparent I care about her.
Ugh. It'd be easier if she just gave some sort of hint that she's uninterested. She told me I did a good job on the retreat challenge the other day, she picked me in the zap game, she talked at me more than anyone else during the challenges, and she did look at me about 10 times throughout the day (I'm talking about Wednesday). It's these reasons that I've been thinking about her a lot. If she said "I know you like me, but I'm not interested.....sorry" I could just forget about her. But then again, what if she notices I've been reaching out to her and appreciates that. I'd have no freaking way of knowing. This is too confusing!
I'd pray for this, except this situation isn't really important enough to pray for. So I'll just hope. Maybe I'll talk to her again, but if it doesn't work by January I'm gonna just give up. Oh, and this is probly gonna be the last entry where I talk about Cassidy, unless of course something big happens. Who knows, Loreli likes Luke now, so I guess anything's possible =).
Love,
Me
doop de do - 11/18/2001
First of all, I'm sick today which sucks. My fwoat is sore and my appetite is terrible. Not only that, but my tummy hurts like a blue bitch. I decided not to tell anyone in my family about it though. I usually don't even get sick very often, the last time I was sick besides my stomach being upset was in February. I try to drink juice almost every day, maybe that's why I'm healthy. I bet you didn't know this, but juice is even better for you than fruit or vegetables. Why? Because it's in a liquid form! That means it automatically distributes yummy yay healthy stuff throughout your body without it having to be broken down.
I said my last entry was probably the last time I'd talk about her, but I probably a lot of things. =) I was gonna stop talking about her because it's boring, but then I realized a lot of my entries are boring so screw that idea.
Anyway, for the past few days I've had nothing but Cassidy and Beatles' songs swirling about my brain. Actually though I'm pretty happy about this, I was in the greatest most awesome mood yesterday. It's a good thing too, because before I was really sad. It's okay though, because on Wednesday along came a freight train of beautiful so I've been in pretty good moods lately.
Eh, what else is there to talk about. My grandmother came over this weekend and is leaving on Tuesday. She's a nice old lady but the bad part is that now she and my sister get to have my room so I have to sleep in the little office in the basement. It's freakin cold as crap down there and the floor is as hard as my regular erections. Anyway, granny asked if my sister and I could play our instruments so she could listen, so my sister was playing her violin and I played my guitar. The kind of funny part was that I messed up while I was playing it and go "dammit!" when she was right there. I'm like oops, I shouldn't have slipped in front of a grandmother. But I can't wait to have my room back again, and my big comfy bed too. Ahhh.
Okay, there's nothing left to talk about in my boring as green gunk life. Go now I say to you, GO!!!! Hoo-hah!
but leave notes =)
Survey # 2 - 11/18/2001
1. WHAT IS PRINTED ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?
It's a picture of a majestic looking bulldog
2. DO YOU REMEMBER THE NAME OF YOUR SECOND GRADE TEACHER?
Yes! I remember all my teachers, as much as I'd like not to
3. HAVE YOU EVER HELPED AN ELDERLY PERSON CROSS THE STREET? WOULD YOU?
Noperz, I'd be shy about it and hope a nearby boy scout would drop by and save the day
4. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? IF YES, WHAT SONGS?
I don't shower
5. IS YOUR BELLY BUTTON AN "INNIE" OR "OUTIE" ? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR LINT?
As for the second part, ew. Anybody who puts something that comes from an orafice on their body to practical use has problems. And actually I used to have outtie, but I had a cyst (almost hernia) on my tummy so I needed surgery. Now I'm not sure what my belly button is, it's messed up.
6. HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN UP AND DANCED WHEN YOU VISITED A DANCING WEBPAGE?
Oh all the time! When I'm visiting yahoo.com, I get up and dance and go "YAHOOO!!"
7. ARE YOU SANE?
no, if you want proof then read this survey
8. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? WHO WON?
In 4th grade I got in a bunch of fights, I won and lost some. And in 5th grade I got in sort of a fight standing up for this one kid who was getting picked on, I pushed the mean kid around.
9. IF YOU WERE INVISIBLE, WHERE WOULD BE THE FIRST PLACE YOU WOULD GO?
I would go where no turtle has gone before!! Hoo-hah!
10. BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS FRIES? WHAT MAKES THEM BETTER?
Ew!!!! BARF.
11. DO YOU EVER PASS GAS IN FRONT OF ANYONE? AND IF SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY RIGHT BEFORE AND AFTER YOU DO IT?
I don't think I've done that but if I did I'd say "here comes a message from below!" or "must be a barge coming through!"
12. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS?
no
13. HAVE YOU EVER DIALED 867-5309? DO YOU KNOW WHY WE ASKED?
ACK!!! How'd you get my phone number??
14. ARE YOU ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET?
Hehe you just said "a dick"....but oh yes, it's worse than cocaine
15. HAVE YOU EVER THROWN A SOLID OBJECT AT A MOVING VEHICLE?
No way! That would be mean. Unless of course the driver himself was immoral, in which case I would be on the side of justice.
16. WOULD YOU EVER APPEAR AS A GUEST ON JERRY SPRINGER? WHAT WOULD BE THE TITLE OF THAT SHOW?
I don't think I'd qualify for that show, since my parents have different original last names and my family tree isn't shaped like a wreath.
17. HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED STOMACH ILLNESS IN MEXICO?
No but I heard the water makes you have bad poopy
18. DO YOU DROOL ON YOUR PILLOW? IF YES, DO YOU EVER SMELL IT?
No, but drool always seems to wind up elsewhere on the bed
19. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
Monsters. They're perverts!
20. DO YOU DREAM IN COLOR?
yes
21. WHICH LEG DO YOU PUT FIRST INTO YOUR PANTS?
both
22. DO YOU LAUGH WHEN SOMEBODY FALLS?
If someone fell it'd prolly be me
23. HAVE YOU EVER HELD UP A BANK, CONVENIENCE STORE OR LIQUORE STORE?
LoL!!!!!!!!! that's mean, stealing is wrong
24. DO YOU SALT OR PEPPER YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU TASTE IT?
I don't like condiments
25. ARE YOU SICK OF "WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE" YET?
Yes! I think everybody is. I hate the way "is that your final answer" quips in with daily conversations. Annoying!!
26. DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? MAGIC MARKERS? GLUE? TAR? SKUNK? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELLS? None of those but sometimes paint smells ok, not the kind on walls but the kind that goes on ceramic pots and such.
p.s. - "there's no glaze left for my pot, I'll have to scrape it off the other pots"
=)
27. DO YOU OWN A RECLINER?
Yes! I'm sitting in one right now and it's so freaking comfy
28. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME THAN ANSWER THESE RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS?
If I did then you wouldn't be reading this
hillbilly bread - 11/19/2001
I decided to stay home today since I'm sick. My throat is better than yesterday, but now my chest is owwie and I've been coughing a lot. Hmm if I played sports or something my lungs would probably be better, but oh well. I'm glad my parents let me stay home today, this morning I thought I was gonna throw up but didn't. Sometimes my mother tries to argue with me if I say I'm sick but today she was just like "oh I'm sorry, I hope you feel better". So I went to sleep again and didn't wake up until 8:44 which is about 3 hours later than usual. It was nice =) Now I get to go in my room and be online all day, damn it's cold. Hold on a sec.
o o o o o o o o o
Okay now I'm armed with better clothes. I just got a sweater, that's much better. Oops I rhymed, that seriously was an accident. Today has been pretty ho hum so far. I actually kind of wanted to go to school, I don't dislike it as much now that.....you know. =) I think tomorrow I might try to talk to Cassidy again, we'll see how it goes.
Tuesday's forecast: Partly cloudy with a chance of beautiful
I'm kind of eating better now but there isn't much food in the house. I hate it when that happens. There's a bunch of Zingers and Oreos but it's not a good idea to eat too many of those. Oh but I had chocolate chip cookie cough ice cream today, damn that is mouth-waterin' good. I think it's like my favorite food now, unfortunately we're almost all out. I also made a yummy sandwich with cheese and ham because we didn't have any turkey. Oh well it was still ok. What also sucks is that there's no white bread left. That's the only kind I like! I am very racist about my bread, if it's not white then I don't like it. But the next best thing in the refrigerator was get this....Hillbilly Bread. I'm serious, it says that on the bag of bread. And it has a picture of this southern looking dude with one of those straw hats hillbillies wear and he has a fishing rod made out of a stick. I didn't know bread companies were so stereotypical. p.s. - I'm not southern or anything close to it, I just thought this could be potentially offensive to some people
This is going off the subject, but do you ever notice how people call Thanksgiving "Turkey Day"? I hate that! I don't think any holiday has a more annoying nickname. I don't like when people call Christmas "X-mas" or St. Patrick's Day "Paddy's day" but flying damn does Turkey Day sound annoying. It's so freakin gay! So stop saying it, okay? Oh shit, I rhymed again.
This is going off the subject again, but have you ever looked at paintings of the original Thanksgiving (not T.D.) dinner? It shows the Indians eating with the pilgrims. The pilgrims are wearing those dorky black and white outfits with the funny hats and buckled boots. That's fine, since it was probably the style at the time. But what are the Indians wearing? No, not chicken suits. They're wearing loincloths! Dude, this was taking place in November in an east coast city during a time when global warming was unheard of. Those Indians musta been freezing their gonads off during that meal.
Ack, I have a rough draft for a report due tomorrow and the final draft is due Wednesday. I have my topic but I need to start researching. What am I gonna do? I haven't even started making the outline. Oh well, I guess I'll have to do it sometime today after I grab another nap. Hopefully I'll finish it before 7th Heaven comes on tonight. That reminds me, I wonder what's gonna happen. I wish Annie would stop being such an incredible bitch. I know there's such a thing as PMS but jeez, she needs to take a midol the size of a watermelon.
Huhh, there's nothing left to say so I guess I'm gonna go now. I don't know what I'll do, I tried finding chats on Gay.O.L. but they turned out to be super boring. Hmmm I might need more sleep. Goodnight.
Love,
Me
Ending out the week - 11/21/2001
PROLOGUE: I'd like to bring up that this is my 100th public entry at Open Diary. I would like to thank everyone who has read it and stuck with me all this time. I've been keeping a diary here since July 2000, and I hope to still keep it for a long, long time I would also like to thank the people who made Open Diary because it's my favorite website. Here goes my 100th (public) entry, so enjoy!
Do you ever have those dreams where something is happening and you're genuinely enjoying it? But you wake up at first with a sense of satisfaction, and then suddenly you say to yourself: "Holy shit, that was freaky!" And wonder how on earth your brain could have come up with something like that.
Boy, am I a coughin' machine. Last night I annoyed the piss out of my parents because while I was trying to sleep I couldn't stop coughing. It's not like I'm doing it on purpose though. I took about 6 cough drops to school today and finished all of them before 8:30. I guess they sort of worked, for a while. I'm not very sick any more, I'm not even stuffed up, I've just been coughing a lot.
Anyway, today in my Microkeyboarding class my teacher made us do Thanksgiving poems, so I pulled one pretty much fresh out of my ass. I made it up on the spot, here's how it went:
Thanksgiving is cool
This is something I know
Compared to it
Other holidays blow
Thanksgiving is hip
It's also really neat
People who run in the Turkey Trot
Hurt their feet
Thanksgiving is great
A holiday grand
We eat a lot
And our stomachs expand
Don't spend lots of money
Don't go to the banks
It's all about spirit
So time to give thanks!
Pretty creative huh? =) I hope my teacher gives me a good grade for it. In case you're wondering, the Turkey Trot is sort of this marathon that some people like to run in my city on Thanksgiving day. It's 10 Kilometers, so you'd have to either be good at running or a really big moron to do it.
Then in this one class we had to write stories. Usually I don't participate, but today I did and volunteered to read mine. The whole class laughed a couple times while I was reading it, but that's okay because it was supposed to be funny. Afterwards some people told me it was good and the teacher said thank you for volunteering.
Ah yes, the Cassidy saga continues. Today I thought maybe I should talk to her, so at the end of the day I purposely took a certain route because I knew I'd see her going that way. But I got out of that class too late and it turned out I didn't see her at all. Oh well. I decided that one month from today I'm gonna tell her. At our school, you can buy these candy cane messages to send to people on the last day of school before Christmas. I think I'm gonna buy one from one of the student council members, but I don't know how that would work out. What would happen if I went up to one of them and asked, and they didn't have one, and they yelled to someone across the room asking for one. Ack. That would not be good. Another thing I'm thinking of is this: she isn't popular but has some friends she seems to be tight with. And one of her friends sometimes says hi and how are you to me. I was wondering if I should maybe form an acquaintainship with her friend so maybe, eventually we could get to talking about Cassidy. I don't think that's a good idea though, I'm not good at making friends and even if I did she might get the wrong idea that I like her. The reason for this is because her friend is a little bit hotter and way more flirty. The plan before was to make it seem like Cassidy's the only person I'm reaching out to. I don't reach out to people hardly ever, and if she realizes that she'll know she's special.
All in all, today was pretty decent and was a good way to end out the week, especially since people liked my story.
Unfortunately, tomorrow I have to go to the northern part of the state to visit my grandparents and celebrate Thanksgiving. We have to take our dogs and they want me and my sister to bring our instruments (guitar and violin). It's gonna be hard to keep all that brewhaha in the car and I hope I don't cough a lot. Eh, I'm gonna go now and won't be back home until Sunday. Oh well, I don't think I'll be missed too much. I'm gonna go have a napperkins now. Hasta mańana.
Love,
me
my adventures in the north side - 11/25/2001
Wow, a lot happened on my trip to visit my relatives, I want to talk about it all right here.
It started Thursday morning, I didn't know what time we had to leave so I was just hanging around in my room going online as I usually am. Then my mother says we have to leave soon, so I started getting my things ready. My father is being even bitchier than usual, and is raising hell about everything and anything. We finally went in the car and almost 5 hours later we were there.
Before we went on the trip, my grandmother was very insistent that I bring my guitar. She reminded us like 4 times that I should bring it, and I felt kind of bad because she didn't ask my sister to bring her violin. But oh well. When I got there, one of the first things she asked was if I brought it. So I'm like "oops, I forgot!" and she got upset and said "but I called and said you should bring it" and then I said I was just kidding. Hehe. They asked me to play my guitar while I was there and I did 2 or 3 times, they said it was beautiful. I like my relatives, they're nice people.
On the first or second day there, I don't remember which, we went to the mall. I got some super cool stuff! When we arrived, my grandma gave me $60 to buy clothes, I was happy about that because I haven't gotten new clothes in a few years. Shopping is challenging but at the same time it's kind of like an adventure, as I discovered during the trip. I made sure to buy clothes that were cheap, but also that were big and loose-fitting. I like clothes like that because they're comfy and hide your figure. For the first time ever, I bought some big jeans. Yay! I also got a sweater and sweat pants and two America shirts. The first one has a picture of the flag and says "United We Stand" and the other one doesn't say anything and has several superheroes (Hulk, Captain America, Wolverine, and some others) holding up a flag. What bothers me about clothing stores is the clothes models, those people you see in the pictures depending on what section you're in. The thing that bothers me is that they're always so attractive! They have perfect teeth, nice eyes, everything. I guess they do that on purpose because if they put ugly people in there as clothes models, they might not look as good in the clothes and people wouldn't want to buy them. They try to make you think if you wear the clothes, you'll be attractive too. Yup, that's probably it.
I also got a cool green cammo belt because I thought I'd need it to help hold up my big pants. But eh, it turns out my waist is a little larger than I had anticipated so I won't be needing any belt after all. I also got this sweet ass black shirt with a picture of a hockey player on it. I'm wearing it now actually. It's a scary looking hockey dude with sunglasses and long hair and weird colors on his face and is holding a puck with his teeth. Underneath it says "puckhead" in blood letters. I think this is gonna be my favorite shirt now. That's all the clothes I bought, but the cool part was that when I went to wait in line my grandmother was already there to buy stuff for my sister. So she let me just give her the clothes so she could pay for 'em. The good part about that was that I got to keep the $60. Yay! Oh shit, I feel so girly after spending a whole paragraph talking about shopping and clothes. Hmm....what can I say to increase my masculinity.
Beer. Football. Freeweights. Playboy. Power tools.
Ah, that's much better. Anyway, we were going by this store that I saw in the window sold lava lamps. I love those! Although I've never had the opportunity to buy one, I think they're the coolest. I just love staring at them, they're hypnotic. Bright colors and slowly moving objects are pleasing to the eyes of people with simplistic minds. Like me! So I went in there and found one that has red lava and a black case. In fact, I plugged it in about an hour ago! It's still warming up. When I was in the store, I felt kind of bad that I was only buying stuff for myself. So I decided to do my Christmas shopping early. I usually don't like candles, I don't even think they smell very good, and one time a candle almost burned our house down. But my mommy likes them so I bought two scented candles for her. For my sister I bought a snow globe, you know those ball things you shake and snow flies around inside them. I don't know if she even likes snow globes, but I didn't know what else to get her. How can you not like snow globes though. They're so pretty! But if she doesn't like it, she can shove it up her nose! As for daddy, I didn't buy him anything because he's a mean jerk. Seriously, I didn't buy him anything. Hehe. But I did buy stuff for the rest of the immediate family. Aren't I thoughtful? =)
(continued in the next entry)
my adventures in the north side 2.0 - 11/25/2001
I also got Mario Kart Super Circuit for Game Boy Advance. My grandma is nice and spoils me and my sister a lot, but sometimes she can be annoying. If you didn't know her nationality, you'd swear she was Italian (she's not) because she has to make a comment on everything that happens. Like when my uncle was carrying a box from the car, she said to him "use both hands, it's heavy". She was saying stuff like that and he eventually got so annoyed that he said "should I carry it upright? Why don't you tell me to carry it upright?" It was so funny, I didn't even get the joke at first but once I did for some reason I just found it extremely funny. Not only that, but my grandma didn't even detect the sarcasm and she laughed too. She makes such obvious statements for no reason. Come to think of it, my mother does that too. The other day she asked like 8 times if I wanted pie, and I kept saying no. She also was telling me where it was on the counter. So while I was pouring soda I asked where the cherry coke was, and if she wanted to tell me where the cups were too. I don't think she saw the humor in that but I did =)
On a more serious note, the trip was kind of sad in some ways. I missed my friends since I wasn't able to go online the whole time, and the whole time I'd been meaning to talk to my grandpa about world war 2. But I never did even though I wanted to, the opportunity never came up. I remember 4 years ago he was telling me about it and it was interesting so I wanted to talk about it again. Oh well, maybe next time. I really like my family, especially my grandpa. He always likes to give me money which is nice. It was sad I didn't get to talk to him about the war though =(
All in all it was a good trip and I got lotsa cool stuff but I'm glad I'm back. I don't feel like talking about this anymore if anything important pops in my head I'll write it here later. Buh bye.
Love,
Me
p.s. - This entry was pretty long and boring so thanks for reading. Unless of course you just skipped right to the bottom, in which case I take my thanks back.
p.p.s. - I added a poll in my diary description so everyone please vote in it.
A freak or not a freak? - 11/26/2001
This is kind of bugging me. I've always been really shy and socially challenged. I used to have social phobia but I think I've pretty much grown out of that. I'm not good with conversations, so what happens a lot of the time is people try to start conversations with me and ask questions. This especially used to happen at school. That's fine, but I noticed about a year ago people stopped doing this.
Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me which is why people don't talk to me like I'm normal. Maybe I am a freak but I think people are uncomfortable being around me, and they aren't this way around normal people. The thing about people trying to start conversations with me is that it doesn't happen at school anymore. However, it does seem to happen in other places. On the first day I started working, the girl there was having a conversation with me about everything: school, work, religion, drugs,
you name it. For the first time in almost 2 years I got the "you don't talk much, do you?" comment, which was actually pretty nice. And then when I worked at the Korean school, the director's son and his brother were talking to me like I was normal. And then the same thing happened when I went on the school retreat two weeks ago. The people who worked there talked to me like I was normal.
So why do people at school not talk to me like I'm normal? Maybe because I've been going there for 3.5 years and have been kind of distant from everyone else. Maybe I am normal but at school I'm just considered a freak. The reason this is bugging me is because it would be kind of bad if I went through 4 years at high school and didn't make any friends.
I don't necessarily want to be different, or typical, or a freak, or normal. I just want to be myself, and it would be nice if people liked me for that reason. Eh well, I was just thinking about all these things today while I was in a bad mood. How life would be better if I reached out to people who seem nice and make friends with them. Because it's not like people are gonna just come up and say they want to be friends.
Love,
me
Theme of the week - 11/27/2001
I have never done a weekly theme before, but this one looked interesting so I'm gonna write about it:
"Is there a person in your life that you trust completely? If so, what has that person done to win your trust? If not, why don't you have someone you trust?"
Who can be trusted? Jeez, I don't know if there's a good answer for that. Trust isn't something you can just hand out like candy. People who trust everyone are dumb because they are in for some big-time betrayals and backstabbings. On the other hand, in the WWF they used to say D.T.A., which means don't trust anyone. I'm not sure if I would take it to that extreme either.
Trust is something you should only give to special people. Sometimes you might as well just decide to trust your close friends because they may actually be trustworthy at heart. If you don't trust people at least little bit you're going to live in paranoia. However, it's important to be on your guard. There is such a thing as trusting someone too much to the point where you're setting yourself up for a betrayal. This has happened to me a few times.
One person I know I can't trust is my mother. Yeah, that's pretty sad I know. I used to think that I could tell her stuff and hope she wouldn't tell anyone else but she did anyway because she's a blabbermouth. So I've learned to be careful what I say to her and try to be objective.
I made a great new friend in March of this year. It started out as a close friendship on the first day we met when he talked to me and tried to comfort me when I was upset. The reason I was upset was because of a conflict I was having with a friend I'm about to talk about next. Unfortunately, the friendship ended when this kid basically became a dick. He would be mean and uncaring and would get offended by the littlest things. So I've stopped talking to him entirely. I don't know why people have to turn mean just like that, it bothers me.
I used to have a best friend, who I'm ashamed to admit that I trusted entirely. Big mistake. She turned out to break a big promise and I had to change my future plans because of it. I really relied on this person and she let me down, so I guess it wasn't so much a betrayal as it was a broken promise. We aren't really friends anymore.
About a year ago I met my friend Darrell. Lately we've become tight and he's one of my best friends. I recently decided to give him some trust and show him my diary, which means a lot because I stopped showing people a while ago. Eh, that means he's probably reading this (hi!). Darrell and I exchange stories and he seems like a good person to be trusted. He won $7,500 in a contest and donated all the money to a firefighters charity, which shows he has integrity. It's these kinds of qualities that make people trustworthy, and also I've known him kind of a long time.
Last but not least is Lindsay. Over the almost year I've known her we've become close so I guess you could say I trust her. She is nice but knows what it's like to lose friends. Those kind of experiences often build a trustworthy person. She's one of the only people I showed the songs I wrote, they blow but still I don't like people reading them. Oh yeah and I showed her my diary too so she's probably reading this. (hi again!)
No one is completely 100%, never-say-die trustworthy.......even me. But you probably will find some people who come close, and be thankful when you do. I guess you should trust people who make you feel comfortable and possess admirable qualities. It's a bonus if your friend has experienced betrayal because then he or she will know what it's like and is more likely to be trustworthy.
That's it for now, everyone. Goodbye and please be nice to each other.
Love,
Me
I'm so bad - 11/29/2001
Today was an okay day I guess. I'm glad sometimes people talk to me like I'm normal and not a freak. Ahh, Cassidy's friend talked to me again. Her name is....eh let's just call her Stephanie. I was talking to my friend Mark and then she came in and asked how I was. Then she asked if I was ready for this one test, and I started talking to Mark about it too. I made a joke with Mark and then Stephanie was smiling and looking at me for a little while. I thought I should say something so I explained the ramifications of the joke. Hmm....maybe that was kind of unneccessary. It was a fun morning though. I don't know what to do about Stephanie. Whenever she talks to me I just say I'm okay, I want to make it seem like I'm uninterested because I like Cassidy, not her.
She talks to Cassidy a LOT and I was thinking it would be best if I seem uninterested in Stephanie. I feel kind of bad about being unfriendly to Stephanie, but it's not like I make a difference to her. She's hot and outgoing and really doesn't need me at all. I'm re-thinking this strategy though, because what I'm afraid could happen is Stephanie will tell Cassidy I'm rude or something since they are good friends and talk a lot. That's not good! If they do happen to talk about me I hope she has something nice to say. So I thought a good strategy might be to be nice to Stephanie so she might eventually say something good about me. Ack! Too confusing.
Okay that's ENOUGH ABOUT FREAKIN CASSIDY. Let's see what else I've done lately. Oops! No pun intended on that one. Anyway, I got a test back and got 82% on it. The good part about that was that the day of the test I didn't even know we were having one. The teacher told us the day before but I was absent so when he told me I was shocked but I did well anyway. YAY.
Yay again, I had my 15th detention today. It was at the end of the day, and like last time I had to heave bags of garbage into the dumpster. I was supposed to stay there until 1:40. I cheated though, I just left at 1:16 and high-tailed it all the way home. I'm bad.
Tomorrow is the ring day mass and I'm planning to skip it. It's gonna be around 9:00 or so so I'm gonna just walk home before then. As long as no one sees me walking out the door then I should be fine. So hopefully it'll go okay. I'll write about it tomorrow. There's nothing else to say so bye.
Love,
Me
operation: skip ring day - 11/30/2001
To start off the day I did a good deed. My friend Mark and I were having one of our usual funny conversations when this girl walked by. Mark said she was fat or large or something like that. I had a really witty remark to add to it and we would've had a good laugh about it, but instead I just said "that's not nice". I'm trying to become a nonjudgmental person, especially when it comes to peoples' appearance. So that was a good thing I did.
Today I was nervous because I was planning to skip the ring day mass at 10:00. Plan A sounded okay, because my last class ended at 9:30 and I would just leave after that. However, in the morning announcements they said that seniors must remain in the building even if they don't have a class before 10:00. I guess you could say I took a proverbial poop on that rule! Hoo-hah. I was very nervous, but I walked out the door at 9:30 and nobody saw me. I walked the long way around the parking lot so no one would see me from inside the window. My plan worked, step 2 is just to hope I don't get in trouble. The last time I skipped an assembly my homeroom teacher gave me a stern lecture about how I'm bad example for the 9th graders. So if that happens again I'll just say "I'm sorry, it won't happen again". That sounds like a fairly good idea. But the point is that I skipped the ring day mass and I'm glad because I didn't want to go to it. I didn't even buy a class ring, they're like $600 and I'd probably lose it anyway.
It seems like Cassidy's friend is talking to me regularly now so maybe I can make an opportunity out of this. Eh, that last sentence probably makes me sound like a whore but I'm not. It's just that at this point I'm out of options. I think I should try to become friends with her and maybe eventually she'll say something nice about me to Cassidy. I was thinking of making a conversation with her that would go something like this, since she usually says hi to me.
Her: Hi DorkAlert =)
Me: Hi.
Her: How are you?
Me: I'm okay. How are you?
Her: I'm doing pretty good.
Me: How'd you do on [some test]?
Her: I got an A+...how did you do?
Me: I failed it.
Her: Oh, that's too bad.
Me: So, um....how's Cassidy doing?
Her: .........
The important part is that I act polite yet uninterested. I'd have to become extremely charged with testosterone to say something that bold, and also she's probably gonna be shocked if I just say that out of the blue. But maybe if you like someone then you gotta do what you gotta do. Besides, someone's going to be shocked anyway if I tell Cassidy I've liked her for a long time. I don't know if that plan is a good idea or not.
I found out I got 73% on a test I took yesterday. I'm happy about that because I thought I was gonna fail this class, and when you combine that and the B+ I got on this one paper, it looks like the chances of me failing are slim to nil. Go me!
Sadly, George Harrison died yesterday as some of you probably know by now. He was a brave man who was close to God and died peacefully. Also, it was he who tought John Lennon how to play guitar. I love the Beatles and this is a sad turn of events. May God rest your soul.
"Everything else can wait, but the search for God cannot wait, and love one another."
- G.H.