There used to be a show on Nickelodeon called The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo. I always found it extremely boring, and only watched it if I was waiting for Kenan and Kel or All That to come on. To show my disdain for this boring excuse for a tv show, I decided to make a story parodizing it. So the creator of A Parody of Nickelodeon's Doug is here to bring you....

The Mystery Files of Shelby Poo

(It all began on a stormy Thursday night in the dojo of Nickelodeon's mystery solver, Shelby Poo. She was supposed to be doing homework, but instead her grandpa found her frantically wondering about the house)

OLD JAPANESE GUY: Shelby! Why aren't you doing your homework!

SHELBY POO: I need to find my poo! I lost it.

OLD JAPANESE GUY: You silly dick! It's right where you left it, in the freaking toilet! Ha-HAH!

SHELBY POO: Let me look. (bends down to look in the toilet)

OLD JAPANESE GUY: (cackling) Hee-hee-hee-hee

SHELBY: (lets out a sizable fart while bending down) **fart**

OLD GUY: How dare you break wind in the presence of your elder! Anyway, did you find your poo?

SHELBY: I can't find it. I see nothing in here but the urine from when I urinated one hour and three minutes ago!

OLD GUY: (jumps across the room and shoves her head into the toilet)

SHELBY: AHHH! My head is in the toilet. I shall smell of urine and possibly feces!

OLD GUY: Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa! That you will, my son.

SHELBY: Son?? How can I be a son, for I am a woman-child.

OLD GUY: I must inform you that your testicles were quite limp and fell off shortly after your birth. They were replaced with meatballs from a grand Italian restaurant, but your uncle Jim ate them during the great famine of 1983. Ha-HAH. It was then that it was decided you should be raised as a girl.

SHELBY: AHHH! It is not true. You must not speak such lies, lest I will kill you! But first I will remove my head from this toilet.

(Shelby gets up and pulls her head out of the toilet. She then assumes a martial arts fighting stance and proceeds to flying jump kick her grandpa in the genitals)

OLD GUY: Owww!! My man-balls are in great pain.

SHELBY: You old dyke! That's what you get for shoving me in the toilet. Hey, what's that in your pocket?

OLD GUY: It is nothing more than an Irish potato. I plan to consume it later this evening, after a great bout of stale, leathery sex with your grandmother.

SHELBY: No it's not! It appears to be much softer and smellier than a potato, even an Irish one. Why, is that.....

OLD GUY: Noooo!

SHELBY: Yes! It's my poo! It was in your pocket the whole time, you small-nutted thief!

OLD GUY: Ah, I have been foiled. I planned to sell your poo at the flea market, and use the money to purchase a large piece of cheese.

SHELBY: Why, you....that is so evil! I am going to kick you in the nuts again!

OLD GUY: No!!!

SHELBY: Yes!!! My foot and your gonads have a date.

OLD GUY: Have mercy! I shall give you gold if you refrain from kicking my genitals once more.

SHELBY: Hmm....

OLD GUY: Yes, GOLD.

SHELBY: Wait a minute. If you have gold, why did you not use it to purchase cheese at the market?

OLD GUY: I, um....I don't know!

SHELBY: You liar! Your gonads will swell to the size of beach balls!

(Shelby Poo kicks her grandpa in the balls for a second time)

OLD GUY: Ahh! How horrible! Your grandmother will be very disappointed, for sex with me is uncomfortable when my testicles have swollen to this gigantic size.

SHELBY: Sex is uncomfortable with you anyway! Grandmother informed me that you have a micropenis that measures approximately 1.6 inches in length. She is unable to notice when the insertion process is complete.

OLD GUY: Lies! All the things which come from your cum-filled mouth are lies! I can assure you that my man-staff has a measurement of at least 3 inches, and becomes even larger during my daily erections.

SHELBY: Cum-filled? You old b1tch! I shall give you another flying jump kick in the nads! HIIIII-YAAHHH!!!

***SMACK!!!***

OLD GUY: Noooo! My reproductive organs have forever been ruined. I will no longer be able to fulfill my dream of being a 106-year old oriental sex machine.

SHELBY: It's not like you had a chance anyway. Grandmother said that she'd prefer to have sex with a mentally unstable crocodile than with you.

OLD GUY: That feeble-breasted old wench! What else has she told you?

SHELBY: She spits in your egg roll every day.

OLD GUY: Ohhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

SHELBY: And she banged Chuck Norris several times while you were on vacation in the mountains.

OLD GUY: AHHHHH!!!!! I shall kill her!

SHELBY: No! Don't do that. If you do, I shall wallop your fellows for a 4th time.

OLD GUY: Okay, okay! I won't kill her.

SHELBY: And another thing.....

OLD GUY: What is it, you testicle murderer?

SHELBY: Give me back my poo!!!

OLD GUY: Okay, fine!! It's yours. (hands her the poop)

SHELBY: Yay!! The poo has been returned to its rightful owner. All is well once again.

So it looks like the mystery of the missing poo was solved. But what kind of amazing adventures await Shelby Poo in the next chapter? No one knows, my friend. No one knows!!!

THE END