I went to see a Peter Pan play last Friday night with my family, even though I didn't want to. But to make it less boring, I brought along my CD player and stashed it in my pocket. When we got there we were in the 3rd row, which was close because it was a big theater. It even had an upper deck. Despite this fanciness, I took out my headphones and CD and drifted into a world of non-Peter Pan music. After several minutes my sister said "That's disrespectful!" and told me to put it away, but I said no. The play hadn't even begun yet anyways. It was okay though, because I got back at her. During the intermission she was walking past my chair, so I put out my foot and she tripped over it. Go me! And then my mother came and said I had to put away my CD player. I asked why, and she said "you can't be listening to it during the play" and I said "but that's the reason I brought it". Harumph. So I ended up watching the play, and I could have easily fallen asleep if the chairs were comfier. But that would have been impossible, I guess they make the chairs so small and hard for a reason. Whoopsa daisy, did I just say "small and hard"? Double meaning!

The play was actually kind of cute but was also gay. I never could quite tell if the person who played Peter Pan was a girl or a boy. But the cool part was that they actually did fly. They had these bungee chord thingers that the actors had attached to their backs that lifted them up into the air. They would be standing on the stage, and then all of a sudden be jerked up by the chord and go like 20 feet high. It was great. The sadistic, dark humored side of me was anticipating that while they were flying through the air, one of them might swing too far and crash into the wall. Or just have the bungee chord break, and then fall and hit the ground like Wile E. Coyote. But then the little boy Michael (those of you familiar with the Peter Pan story know who that is) got lifted up. I think he was about 4 or 5 years old and wasn't very good at flying, he always lost his footing when landing. It was quite humorous.

Nana the dog was an interesting part too. It was played by a person, not a dog, and the costume was funny because the dog head was huge. It reminded me of that plane monster on The Twilight Zone because the silly director forgot something important: monsters don't have shoes! When he was scaring that poor delusive passenger, you could see his shoes at the bottom of his costume. And in the Peter Pan play, the dog had sneakers too. The children in Peter Pan were quite fond of Nana, but their father wasn't. The dog liked to rub against his legs and he kept b1tching about getting hair on his trousers.

Another wacky part of the play was Tinkerbell. I seriously remember them saying something in the play about how she got her name because she tinkles. TINKLE. Hehe, that means urinate! Anyway, a weird part was when Captain Hook put poison in Peter's medicine, but Tinkerbell found out about it. She didn't want Peter to drink it, so she drank it herself. Does something not make sense there? Was suicide the only way to save Peter Pan? She could have just spilled it on the ground or something. What ended up happening is she almost died, and was lying on the stage in preparation for a dramatic death scene. But Peter Pan said to the crowd, "she'll only be able to come back to life if children believe in fairies!" He turned to the crowd and said "clap if you believe in fairies!" Some people clapped, but you can probably guess what I did. I sat there with my hands remaining as quiet as a mute mouse.

The crocodile (the one who eats Captain Hook) had one of the most ridiculous looking costumes I've ever seen. For a good mental picture, imagine if Barney the dinosaur and that marshmallow dude from Ghostbusters had big sloppy sex. The resulting b@stard child would be this Peter Pan crocodile. It was bright green, chubby, had orange eyes that sparkled, and walked around as though it had diarrhea and forgot to use Preparation H. But alas, this croc was so terrifying that eventually Captain Hooker jumped off the plank and to his death, just to get away from it.

That pretty much sums up the Peter Pan play, except for the plot and remaining characters. I guess that's all I'll type for now. See ya later kiddies, and remember....

Clap if you believe in fairies!!

- Poopflinger