LOL 'laul' -- (derived from the Greek word "loliphus")

1.) an exclamatory statement

2.) an attempt to acknowledge one's own joke when surrounding parties fail to observe its humor

3.) the gayest, most irritating, detestable, and overused phrase throughout the history of the Internet

My obsession with the Internet began in the middle of 1998, when I realized the amusement value of AOL chat rooms. In real life, walking into a room and shouting "I love potatoes! I love 'em fried, I love 'em mashed, I love potatoes!" will often result in people looking at you as though there is a severed penis crammed up your nose. This will not happen in online conversations. Those who use the Internet are be able to freely spout out ridiculous phrases and at the same time keep their anonymity. This is a wonderful thing, and proves that civilization as a whole improves with increased technology.

However, all is not well in the land of monitors and keyboards. Disturbed, sadistic, and silly people have come up with phrases so annoying, so exacerbating, that they bother ME -- someone who enjoys the sound of Velcro being torn off and reattached. Annoying Internet phrases include LMAO, ROTFL, and some instant messagists will combine these two snacktaculous phrases to form ROTFLMAO. How disgusting. But no word spoken throughout GayOL compares to the overusedness of.....

LOL

Ugh. What is there to say? I hate lol! Or LoL, or LOL, or however the f*ck you want to spell it. It's said far too often, and one thing's for sure: I'll assume all of you type properly with your fingers on the home row, so people who say lol a lot must have the strongest, quickest right ring finger in the world. Since that's the finger you use to type L and O. Dontcha think?

I say LOL sometimes, but only in an entirely mocking sense. If someone says something that's funny, but in a corny sort of way, there's a chance I'll say LOL.

ME: Not only did I spill the jar of cum all over myself, but there was still peanut butter on my pants from the day before!
RANDOM AOL USER: Well Darren, that certainly is a sticky situation.
ME: LOL!!!!

See...don't you just love my little examples? Of course you do. If not, you can't b1tch about it because you can't even see me, let alone voice your opinion against me. I say what I want and you can't complain. Hoo-hah! I am triumphant! Eh, I guess you could send an unfriendly e-mail containing profanities or an attached virus, that would be quite effective. Hmm....maybe I need to think these things out better.

I think I'll end this article about now. Hmm...I just can't think of anything interesting to say.....I know that never stopped me from writing before, but I'm sick of the Internet today and I'm sick of you. That's all for now, just a little something for you to choke on for a while.

So kids, what did we learn today? LOL sucks, that's what!

Bye!