Zac lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The door opened, and a stream of light fell across the boy.

“Zac? What are you doing?”

Zac didn’t even move at the sound of Taylor’s voice. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

Taylor walked into the bedroom, closing the door and casting them into darkness. “Zac,” he said, his voice tired, “what are you doing?”

“I’m lying here, thinking.”

“About what?”

“Last night.”

There was a pause.

“What, uh, what happened last night at the party?” Taylor asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know.”

Taylor made his way slowly over to Zac’s bed. “You don’t know?”

Zac sighed and rolled over as Taylor sat down. “No, I don’t. I drank too much punch and then Diane asked me if I wanted to have a private party with her. We went upstairs to her bedroom and I kissed her.”

Taylor waited for Zac to go on. “And?” he finally asked.

“And next thing I know I’m waking up beside her.” Zac heard Taylor mutter something under his breath.

“But you don’t know what happened.”

“No.”

Silence stretched out as they thought about what this could mean for their career.

“Well,” Taylor said finally, standing, “I’m going back downstairs. Wish I could help, but…” Taylor trailed off.

Zac closed his eyes and soon he heard Taylor leave the room. He opened his eyes when the door opened again. “Tay, I thought you were going downstairs.”

“Tay is downstairs.”

Zac sat up. “Ike?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, look, about last night-”

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay.”

Zac sighed and lay back down. “I assume Tay told you about our little problem,” he said.

“Yeah, he did.”

Zac was starting to wonder if Isaac knew any other words besides ‘Yeah.’ “So what are we gonna do?”

“Well, just hope that nothing happened and try and keep you away from Diane’s parties.” Isaac tried to lighten the situation, but failed.

Zac lay back down. “I think I’m going to go to sleep. Tell Mom I said good-night, okay?” Zac waited for Isaac to leave. Once he was sure that Isaac had gone downstairs he got up. He walked quietly to the bathroom and shut the door. His reflection was pale, and the rings under his eyes reflected his sleepless night. He studied his bruised jaw for a moment.

He sighed and sat down on the toilet seat. He didn’t know what to do. Everything was just piling up: the fans weren’t happy because the album wouldn’t be out soon enough for them, he had just found that his ex-girlfriend had been cheating on him, Taylor was acting weird, he didn’t have hardly any real friends now and it was hard to make friends because he was Zac Hanson, and now Diane’s stupid party. He never should have gone.

Zac felt tears welling up in his eyes, but forced them back down. Boys weren’t supposed to cry. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He really did need to get some rest. He stood up and was about to leave when something caught his eyes.

Zac picked up the razor and stared at the blade. The blade was shiny and new. It glittered in the light. He pried it out and stared at it some more. It was so…so…words couldn’t even describe it. He held to his skin, the steel cool. Time seemed to stand still.

Zac stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen the next morning.

“Hi, sweetie. Did you sleep well?” Diane asked, pausing to look at her son before turning back to the eggs.

Zac let his hair fall over the purple bruise on his face. “Yeah, just fine.” Zac sat down at the table beside Taylor. “How can you drink that stuff without anything in it?” he said to his brother, motioning to the mug that held Taylor’s usual black coffee.

Taylor was staring down at the tabletop. His face had a blank look on it. He seemed transfixed on the carving he was staring at.

“Tay?” Zac poked his arm

Taylor started and snapped his head up. “What?”

Zac gave him an odd look. “You okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Zac raised his eyebrows but kept his mouth shut.

“Taylor, do you want eggs or not?”

“Huh? Oh, no, I’m just having coffee. I gotta leave in, like, five minutes.”

Diana turned. “Taylor, when was the last time you ate breakfast?”

“I, uh…” Taylor gulped down the rest of the black liquid. “I don’t know. Look, I gotta run. I don’t know when I’ll be back,” he said, standing.

Diana sighed and watched him leave. She shook her head and turned back to the stove.

Zac was just as mystified as his mother. Taylor used to always eat breakfast. Now, he never did. Not even when they were at home. Come to think of it, Taylor didn’t eat much of anything these days…

Zac shook his head as if to shake the thoughts away. He stood up. “I’m gonna go throw on some clothes. I’ll be back,” he added before his mom could ask him if he was eating breakfast.

“Okay, honey.” Diana seemed distracted.

Zac made his way upstairs and into the bedroom he shared with his brothers. Taylor’s bed was made up neatly, his was still messy, and Isaac was still sleeping. Zac watched him for a minute, his hand lingering on his jaw, before quickly sliding off his shorts and pulling on some jeans. He hesitated before pulling off his shirt.

He usually slept in just shorts, but he couldn’t risk someone seeing his upper arms. Zac stared at the painful, red cuts, mesmerized by them. He reached out slowly and ran his fingers over one of the slashes.

Isaac rolled over, bringing Zac back into the present. He quickly pulled on a clean shirt and left room.

“Zac! Taylor! Have either of you seen my new razor?”

Zac froze at Isaac’s words. He felt like his heart had stopped.

Isaac came out from the bathroom and stood in the doorway to the bedroom. “You guys! Have you seen my razor? It’s new, just bought it.”

Zac couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work. He wondered what they would say if they knew what had happened to it.

“Hum-um.” Taylor was still engrossed in his magazine.

“Zac?” Isaac turned his full attention on the other boy.

“I, uh…I, I…uh, no.”

Isaac gave him a weird look. “You sure?”

“No-I, I mean, uh, yeah.”

Isaac sighed, giving Zac another weird look before he left.

Zac swallowed. He was so pathetic. He took a few deep breaths.

“Zac! Taylor, Isaac! Jess! Dinner!” Diana called from downstairs.

Zac fell back on his bed. “Ugh, I don’t feel like going to dinner tonight,” he moaned, more to himself than to Taylor. He doubted Taylor even heard him, so he was surprised when Taylor spoke up.

“Yeah, me neither.”

Zac sat back up and sighed. “But you know how Mom is…”

Taylor tossed the magazine aside. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Zac followed his brother down the stairs and into the kitchen. Everyone was already sitting down. Zac slipped into his usual place. He stared at the plate of food before him, trying to hide his disgust. He had cut himself again, and his stomach was still turning.

“Zac, Taylor?” Diana asked a few minutes later, noticing that the two hadn’t touched their food, “Do you two feel okay?”

Zac glanced sideways at Taylor who was just staring at his plate.

Taylor was lost in his own world for a moment, then his mother’s question registered. He looked up. “Yeah, I just…I’m full. I ate a big lunch,” he lied. Taylor had never been a very good liar.

Zac didn’t answer, just waited to see what his parents would do with Taylor’s response.

Diana glanced at Walker and sighed, setting down her fork. “Taylor, what did you have?”

“Ex…excuse me?” Taylor’s voice was a little shaky.

“What did you have for lunch?”

Taylor shifted in his seat. “I, uh…I don’t know what it was. It wasn’t anything I’ve had before.”

Walker and Diana exchanged glances again. “Taylor, please eat your dinner.”

“Dad, I told you I’m full.”

There was a tense silence. Zac held his breath, but wondered what anyone could do. It wasn’t as if Taylor was a little boy who wouldn’t eat his broccoli.

Finally Walker sighed. “Fine. But you will eat breakfast in the morning. Please leave the table.”

Taylor pushed back from the table and left the room. His footsteps could be heard as he walked up the stairs. A door slammed.

The rest of the meal was relatively quiet.