What metal are trombones made out of?
Trombonium.
What's a trombonist's favorite type
of shoes?
Slides.
Why did the bassoonist have to play
with bad tone?
She had the same
part as the trombones.
Why did the trombonist have to play
with bad tone?
He's a trombonist.
What happened to the trombonist's estate
after he died?
The second chair
trombonist got his jacket and all twelve dollars went to the drummer.
How can you tell the best trombonist
in the band apart from all the others?
Their second note
is in tune.
How can you tell when a trombonist
is playing out of tune?
The slide is moving.
Why do people play trombone?
Because they can't
move their fingers and read music at the same time.
What's the least used sentence in the
English language?
"Look at that trombone
player's Cadillac!"
What's the second least used sentence
in the English Language?
"I respect that
trombone player for his mind."
Why is it no fun to go to a playground
with a trombonist?
He can't swing and
he complains about the slide.
What's the best kind of trombone?
A broken one.
What do four trombones sound like at
the bottom of the sea?
A good idea!
How does a trombone teacher charge
for lessons?
On a sliding scale.
If a clarinetist plays clarinet, a
French hornist plays a French horn, and a tubist plays a tuba, who plays
a trombone?
An idiot.
How do you get the best sound out of
a trombone?
Run it over with
a lawnmower.
What's the first position a trombonist
learns?
Head cocked, arm
above it, finger scratching scalp.
Why did the trombone player cross the
expressway during rush hour?
Perhaps we'll never know.
How do you get a trombone player to
play slower?
Put a page of music
in front of him.
How do you get him to stop completely?
Put notes on the
page.
What were the trombone player's grades?
Below C level.
What do you say to a trombone player
in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant
please rise."
Top Ten Reasons To Play The Trombone
10. Ever heard of
a song called '76 Flutes' or '76 Mellophones?'
9. Chicks dig the
big cases.
8. It's shiny!
7. Works as a lightning
rod.
6. Tastes like chicken.
5. Slides nicely
when lubricated.
4. Scare's away
the neighbor's cat.
3. Outblows any
woodwind.
2. No batteries
necessary.
1. It's the only
instrument that doesn't suck.
A trombonist and his friend were walking in a park. The friend saw a dead crow and said to the trombonist, "Look, a dead crow." The trombonist looked up and asked, "Where?"
A noted bon vivant and comic was recently flying to Berlin. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great trombonist joke. Would you like to hear it?" "I should let you know first that I am a trombonist." "That's OK. I'll tell it real slow!"
Band director,
Pay ten thousand
dollars or the trombone player gets it!
Dear criminal,
That's too much
for a trombone player! How about ten bucks?
-The band director
A guy walks up to the band director and inquires about joining the band. The director says, "Sure, you can join the trombone section." The guy replies, "But I don't know how to play trombone!" "Well," the director says, "that hasn't stopped anyone else!"
Why are there so few bass trombonists?
Most trombonists
are still trying to learn regular trombone.
What is the dynamic range of a bass
trombone?
On or off.
Corrections? Suggestions? Better jokes?
E-mail me at paqi7@hotmail.com
Made from pure humor.