Foreword
Life, as I know it, is beautiful in is terribleness. The only way out of the terribleness is through. This journal is an account of getting through Borderline Personality Disorder. Writing for me is cathartic. I share it with you because I sense that my memories are not mine alone. I possess the same emotions and experiences that many feel and have experienced. But because of Borderline Personality Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, my emotions tend to be more intense than they are for most people. I ask the same questions as others, but demand to find answers all the more harder because of my disorders. This search has resulted in my being a student of psychology.
The question of the value of a solitary life and its displacement has been with me for a long time. While I no longer consider suicide an option, I still question the meaning of a life filled with emptiness and suffering. It has taken many years for me to realize that these symptoms are not intrinsic to who I am. They are patterns of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that I have picked up along the way as I struggled to deal with life’s complexities.
I hope that in ten years I can look back at this part of my life and see closure. This journal does not provide closure. It does not gloss over or glamorize the horrors of life or the wish to end life. It merely states events and thoughts. At least, that is what I tried to do in writing this. I tried to write as the thoughts flowed through my mind. Nevertheless, I found it impossible not to pick and choose between some and others. It is edited in this sense. I begin with a song by Alanis Morissette.
The only way out is through
The faster we’re in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we’ll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
~Alanis Morissette, from This So-Called Chaos
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Foreword