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On this horribly evil thing we call the internet, there are two websites. thespark.com and rumandmonkey.com . I tell you now, NEVER go to either of these sites unless you wish to experience violent convulsions. Seriously. Anywho, these sites contain a number of tests, many of which I have taken. I will post my results here, and you will find that I am indeed a genocidal maniac.

THESPARK'S BEST FRIEND TEST

Joyous trumpets and champagne supernovas! You are 78% rock-solid friend!
The Three Musketeers. The Three Amigos. The Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse? you belong, dude, you belong! People know they can count on you in a crunch, in a jam, and in other food metaphors describing times of desperation. You give the gift of hope, but more importantly, you give the gift of kidney. Your rewards in life will be great, or at least better than other people's. To quote a fortune cookie: "You are soon have a fortunate experiences."

WHICH SURVIVOR OF THE IMPENDING NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE ARE YOU?

Must kill, ha ha, ha ha! Death! Playground antics! Cake and cheese! Yes! you're an Insane ninja child! The blast must have hit you particularly strong, because you've gained a billion new superpowers and can take on anyone you want. Even that kid Gunrock-with-nine-arms from down the street. Only problem is, it's driven you completely insane and you now have a thirst for blood equalled only by your thirst for vengeance and peeing in the kitchen bin. No, stop! That's what the toilet's for. Stop I say!

THESPARK'S PERSONALITY TEST

MASTERMIND (Submissive Introvert Abstract Thinker)
Like just 8% of the population you are a MASTERMIND (SIAT). You can be silent and withdrawn, but behind your reserved exterior lies an active mind that allows you to analyze situations and come up with creative, unexpected solutions. Normal people call this "scheming." Don't learn German. Anyway, your sense of style and originality are your strengths, and people will respect your judgment once they get to know you. If you learn to be a little more personable, you could be a great leader--you've definitely got the "vision" thing down. Just make sure all the plotting you do behind those eyes of yours is healthy. Famous masterminds in television: Dr. Claw, The Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Montgomery Burns.

WHICH GENOCIDAL MANIAC ARE YOU?

What bird did the Soviet Union like best? That's right, you're Josef Stalin!
You ruled with an iron glove and a teflon moustache until your death in 1953, scaring the pants off America and pretty much everyone else in the west. Pretty good going, for an evil dictator. Yes, Josef Stalin: "The most impressive moustache ever. On one of the most evil men ever. Ho hum."

THESPARK'S INSANITY TEST

Arm the straitjackets! You are 74% insane!
Sometimes you think you're going insane, but then you tell yourself that if you think you're going insane then you're not actually going insane, because people who are really truly insane don't know they're insane. Well I've got news for you pal: you're totally freaking bonkers. Grape Nuts, Fruit Loops, Cocoa Puffs— whatever you want to call it— your brain has already gone Crunch Berries. Avoid argyle on hot pancakes. You need to be locked up and locked down. And while we're on the subject, Moo, horsey, moo!