Title: Finally Touching
Date: 31st March '03
Rating; PG-13 for some slight sexual contact between the two women.
Category: Angst, Drama, First Time.
Series/Sequel: Sequel to 'Emancipation.'
Season/Spoilers: Set in season 2, just after Jolinar.
Spoilers are: Singularity, In The Line Of Duty, and my Pre-Slash Fic 'Emancipation.' Yep, I'm referencing my own stuff again.
Archive: Anyone wants it, they just gotta ask.
Synopsis: It's been almost a year since their first meeting...but has something changed between Sam and Janet?
Notes: Okay, this is for anyone who wanted it, and especially those crazy people in chat who encouraged it...my sequel :-) Written in a day or so, and posted before midnight...I swear my plot bunnies are nocturnal.
Warnings: Two adult women in a relationship...mild sexual content in the story between them.
Disclaimer; The characters of Stargate SG1 are not mine, nor do I lay any claims on them. This is for entertainment purposes only, and done in the hopes of shutting the damn bunnies up.
Shifting somewhat nervously from foot to foot, Samantha Carter waited for Janet Fraiser to open the door she was standing outside of. Since their first meeting in the women's locker room nearly a year ago, the two women had been meeting more and more regularly, finally fixing a firm date every other Saturday the two were on Earth. And though her availability hinged on Cassie since the doctor had adopted her, it had become a night Sam looked forward to...until lately. Because lately, she had come to notice a tension between them. Not because they'd had an argument, or disagreed on something. But because last week, in the same locker room that their friendship had began, she had caught Janet staring...at *her.* Or to be more exact, at her *naked* body.
Now, Sam wasn't a stranger to communal showering, and she knew it was simply human nature to 'check out the competition'...to mentally compare body parts. It was how she knew that Richards from SG6 had a strange birthmark on her left hip, and Jacobs from the security forces had a scar on her shoulder. But she didn't think that this was a case of simple curiosity...because that didn't explain the hunger she had seen flash in Janet's dark eyes.
Janet hadn't noticed that she'd been observed looking - at least she had given no sign of awareness. Just gazed at Sam with an expression of - of *longing* - and then turned back to her own shower.
And ever since then, Sam hadn't been able to let it go. Janet hadn't acted any differently towards her, but Sam found herself looking at every action, scanning every word from her, trying to find the hidden meaning, or if there even *was* one. It had created a strain between them, with Janet puzzled by Sam's strange behavior, and Sam unable to stop doing it.
Because noticing Janet looking at her, had started her thinking. And as her father used to say, once you got her brain ticking over, there was no shutting it off. She had to admit that she was curious...she had never had a relationship with someone of the same sex, never even flirted with the idea. And since her run-in with, and subsequent hosting of Jolinar, Sam had come to realize that it didn't matter about the shape, size, race or even sex of who you were attracted to...It just mattered that you were attracted.
That said, even if she was interested in pursuing it - which deep down she knew she was - because of their work, there was no way of doing so. They were in the Air Force...the rule of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, was absolutely no protection, and it didn't matter if you were male or female. There was too much at risk to try, she understood and accepted that...now she just had to make sure that Janet understood that, too.
She finally heard movement from inside, with what sounded like running footsteps and a yell of, "I'll get it!" She recognized Cassandra's voice, and quickly pasted a bright smile on her face. It was just in time, as the door swung open, revealing the young girl.
"Sam!" she greeted happily, shooting out of the door and impacting Sam's lower body.
"Whoa, Cass, slow down," Sam laughed, secretly very pleased to receive such an enthusiastic response.
"Sorry," Cassandra apologized, sounding a little breathless from her run from upstairs.
Before they could say anymore, Janet appeared from inside, smiling at the two. "Hey Sam...Cass, have you got your bag?"
"Yes, mom," the girl replied in a sing-song voice, as if she'd been asked this more than once.
"Well, okay," Janet answered, a twinkle in her eye at the use of the word 'mom.' Sam knew that Cassandra had only just started using the title to address her. She was pleased, taking it as a sign that Cassandra was truly settled on Earth.
"I thought it was just us tonight," Sam said, knowing that it would be difficult to have a chat with Janet if Cassie was present. Usually the young girl stayed with a friend.
"I'm staying over at Susie's house tonight," Cassie informed her, taking one of her hands and practically dragging her through the doorway.
"Susie's mom called...she's running a little late. She should be here any minute, though."
Sam couldn't decide if Janet had picked up on her nerves, and tried to re-direct the conversation.
"So, what's on the agenda for tonight?"
Janet's mouth opened to speak, but a car horn from outside interrupted her. "Oh," she said instead. "That'll be your ride, Cass."
Cassandra grinned, running over to the door. When she got there, she stood on tip-toe to reach her coat where it was hanging on a hook, then turned to give Janet a hug. "See you tomorrow, mom."
"Okay, honey. Remember, I'll pick you up at 2 o'clock tomorrow, 'kay?"
"Yeah... 'Bye Sam!"
"'Bye honey," Sam waved, watching fondly as the little girl grabbed her bag, hefting it over her shoulder and disappearing out the front door. Janet waved one last time, shutting the front door as soon as she saw the car driven by Susie's mom, drive away.
When she had closed it, she slowly turned to Sam. "So," she said. "Shall we get on with the dinner portion of our evening?"
Sam jumped at the idea. Perhaps she would have more courage after they were relaxed from eating. "Sure," she answered brightly. "I'm starving."
Now sitting in Janet's living room, Sam twirled the glass of wine she was nursing, her fingers rolling it back and forth by the stem. Dinner had been great - it always was when Janet cooked. But her conversation had been less than sparkling, and she had actually felt the mood darkening as the light in Janet's eyes dimmed.
"Sam," Janet suddenly spoke, startling Sam so badly that she almost dropped her wine. "Is there ... is there something wrong?"
"Wrong?" Sam all but squeaked, cursing her vocal cords. "Of - of course there's nothing wrong."
"Really," Janet drawled, her accent seeming thicker, but just as mysterious. "Then explain why you've been acting so strange the last week. I mean - I know that you've just been through a traumatic experience, what with Jolinar and all...." She trailed off at the quick flash of pain the mention of Jolinar's name brought to Sam's face. "What I meant to say, was...I understand that you're still dealing with what happened...and you can tell me it's none of my business, but...what's wrong?"
This was it, Sam decided. Make or break time. Janet had given her a perfect out in the suggestion that it was her residual confusion and emotion from Jolinar that was causing her behavior. She knew she could take it...and they wouldn't have to have this talk...she could forget it and move on. Realistically, however, she knew that the awkwardness would always be there, beneath the surface. So she screwed up all of her courage, and answered Janet.
"No, it's, er...it's not that."
Janet still looked confused, but her face was open as she leant forward in her chair, but still maintained a distance from where Sam sat on the couch, so she didn't crowd her. "What is it then, Sam? Come on...you know you can tell me."
She did know...so she went right ahead.
"The other week, when we were in the showers on base...was it my imagination, or...were you staring...at me?"
Well, Carter, you could have phrased it a little better, she berated herself. Her eyes quickly went to Janet's face, eager to see a reaction, watching as her friend's own eyes widened, her breath leaving her body with an audible 'whoofing' noise. Falling back in her chair, the other woman seemed at a loss as to what to say.
So Sam sat there, silently...waiting for Janet to speak, to react, to do *something.* After a moment, Janet did, jumping up from her seat and pacing to the other end of the room.
"Jan?" Sam asked, only able to see the other woman's back, but recognizing the tension that set her shoulders.
"It wasn't your imagination, Sam," Janet finally answered, her voice husky. "I...God, there's no easy was to say this, but...." She trailed off, spinning around to see Sam. "I'm attracted...to you. Very...attracted."
Janet paused, clearly waiting for some sort of come-back from Sam. But the blond Captain wasn't capable of speech at that point. It had been one thing suspecting Janet's true feelings...but it was another entirely to have them admitted to.
"Say something," Janet almost pleaded, her voice small, and not like the woman Sam knew at all.
Sam tried to, tried to force the words from her throat...but couldn't. Janet seemed to take this as an answer in itself, and folded her arms, her tongue bathing her top lip in a nervous gesture as she fought back tears. Without another word, she turned on her heel, stalking into the kitchen.
"God," Sam groaned finally, putting the glass she held on the floor, and dropping her head into her hands. This wasn't working out like she'd expected. She had to fix this...to talk to Janet like an adult, like the Captain in the US Air Force she was, and straighten it all out...so to speak.
She grabbed the glass she'd just put down, gulping the wine in one swallow for a little bit of courage, then getting up and striding with determination into the kitchen.
Janet was standing at the counter, her back once again to Sam. Sam could the glass in her hand, however, and could hear the hitch in her breath.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Janet said, her voice shaking. "I didn't mean for this to happen...I mean, I know it could never go anywhere...but I still kind of hoped, you know?"
Sam felt her own eyes sting, and she moved closer to Janet. "Listen, Janet...I'm not angry, or upset...you're one of my best friends, and I love you. And I'll admit, a part of me is...curious."
Janet turned at this, her hand hastily swiping at her eyes and smudging her make-up a little. "You've never...."
"With a woman? No," Sam answered. "Like I said, a part of me wonders what it would be like...but Janet, we're in the Air Force. There's no such thing as Don't Ask Don't Tell. The repercussions would be -"
"I know, Sam," Janet cut in. "But you know what? I don't care...I've been alone since my husband and I split, too frightened to try again. And now I'm a single mother...it's hard. I just...I think I love you, Sam. And it hurts that you don't feel the same. Sad, but true," she smiled, the expression rapidly fading. Looking at the wine glass she held, she gave a grimace, moving to the sink and disposing of the contents.
And all the while, Sam watched, her heart pounding as she considering Janet's words. *I just...I think I love you, Sam. And it hurts that you don't feel the same.*
"What if I do?" came her voice, but Sam barely recognized it. It was...low, and raw, and *scared.* Janet spun around to face her once more, her balance wavering slightly. She didn't know if it was from the alcohol or the confession, and she didn't care.
"You know we can't, Janet...there's not only our jobs, but there's Cassie to consider...what if we do this, and she doesn't like it? Or worse, what if she does, and we decide it's not working? She's already lost one family...I don't want to be responsible for her losing another person she's attached to."
Even though her mouth moved, it took a moment for Janet's voice to work. "I don't know, Sam, " she said finally. "All I know...is it's driving me crazy not being with you. I can look, but I can't touch. I think...we could make it work. At the very least, we should try."
Sam couldn't help but respond to the hope in her friend's voice, her body moving forward of it's own accord. "Janet," she whispered, the sound all her throat could produce. It went against the case she'd just argued for them to forget this, but...it was what her heart *wanted.* And she was helpless to refuse.
They moved together, until they were only a fraction apart...then slowly, Sam lowered her head, her lips tentatively brushing Janet's.
They pulled back almost immediately, and Sam couldn't help but lick her lips, Janet following the movement of the tongue with her eyes, the dark orbs glittering in the moonlight flooding in through the open curtains.
They didn't speak, merely leaning together again, the pressure of their mouths firmer now, the kiss lasting longer. Before she could register what she was doing, Sam's lips parted, her tongue flicking out to lick at Janet. The smaller woman made a sound that was part moan, part sigh, and decided to explore herself, her own tongue joining Sam's, sinking into the blond's warm mouth.
The kiss became more passionate, as each woman grew bolder, their hands moving. Sam's rested on Janet's hips, while the other woman's went further, one stealing up to caress Sam's jaw, the other burying itself in her short hair.
Feeling the fingers rhythmically clenching and opening, Sam took one of her hands, trailing it up Janet's body and causing the other woman to shiver. It finally ended up in the other woman's hair, it's position mirroring the one carding through Sam's blond locks.
As she ran her fingers through the softness, Sam felt a momentary pang that Janet's hair was not as long as it used to be. Sam had admired the other woman's tresses since they had met, secretly a little disappointed when it had been cut. It was still beautiful to her though, and Sam began to wonder just how long these feelings may have been hidden.
Janet shifted, distracting her from her thoughts. The doctor shifted again, bringing her body in to contact with Sam's. Their breasts brushed against each other, and Sam stifled a gasp as her nipples hardened, feeling Janet's do the same through the soft material of her top. She was tingling, head to toe now, not wanting the feeling to end...and that's exactly when the 'phone rang.
The two women broke apart suddenly, breathing hard. They didn't move, just stared at each other. Finally, Sam seemed to get herself under control. "You'd better, er...you'd better get that."
Janet nodded, her eyes still a little glassy from the sensations racing through her body. Walking to the wall on shaky legs, she grabbed the receiver, placing it to her ear. "Hello?" she greeted, clearing her throat as her voice sounded hoarse. She listened silently for a moment, before speaking. "Of course...yes, I'll be right there. Okay, thank you." She pressed the disconnect button, staring at the 'phone dumbly for a few seconds, then replacing it.
"What's wrong?" Sam asked.
"Oh, er...Susie isn't well...her mom thinks it would be a good idea if I picked Cassie up, in case she catches whatever bug Susie has."
Sam nodded this time, pursing her lips. "I should be going anyway."
Janet looked up in alarm. Had what they just shared been a mistake? "Sam...we need to talk. I -"
"I know, Janet," Sam smiled, finally feeling a bit of peace, for the first time in a week. "And we will. I want to risk it...if you do."
Janet's answering smile lit up her whole face. "I do...I do, Sam."
The blond looked down, blushing a little, before walking over to Janet. "We just...have to takes things slowly. Okay?"
"Of course," Janet answered, willing to agree to just about anything if it meant getting what she'd dreamed of since her true feelings for Sam had set in. She tilted her head up, meeting Sam in a long, deep kiss.
Once more they pulled back, both grinning like excited children. "Um...I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" Janet said.
"Tomorrow," Sam repeated, giving Janet one final peck on the mouth before leaving the kitchen, going into the living room and reaching for her coat with shaking hands. And as she put it on, fishing out her keys from her pocket, Sam smiled. It was risky, they both knew that. But it was a risk she found herself more than willing to take, now. With that thought, she went to the door, exiting the house in which her life had just changed, and walking down the path to her car.
As she got in, she saw a curtain in Janet's house twitch, the woman moving it staring into the darkness, staring at *her.*
They exchanged a wave, as Sam started the car. It would be tough, she had no doubts about that. But they would deal with that, and they would deal with Cassie, and they would deal with it all...together.