Dinki's Page
HI MY NAME IS PAMELA, ALSO KNOWN AS DINKI. ANYWAYS, THE MAIN REASON I WANTED TO HAVE THIS WEB PAGE IS TO GET SOME OPINIONS FROM DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE AND OF DIFFERENT AGES ON MY BOOK IN PROGRESS. IT'S CALLED "PASSING BY". I HOPE THAT IT AT LEAST GETS YOU INTERESTED A LITTLE. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MAKE COMMENTS AND/OR SUGGESTIONS.
PASSING BY
WRITTEN BY: PAMELA S. SAGLEY
It’s not time that changes things, it’s what happens while time is Passing by…
What do you do when it seems like every time you want to say something and it either comes out all wrong or the person that you are trying to say it to doesn’t really care? I was having an issue just the other day and I wanted to say some things to my boss, but I couldn’t because I got the impression that whatever I had to say wouldn’t matter anyway. So I became stressed out and when I get stressed out it brings on these migraine attacks that sometimes cause blackouts. It hit so suddenly, that it was unexpected and there were no warning signs at all. I felt so much pain, yet I couldn’t feel anything else at the time. In some cases it was good, but with my job at hand it was detrimental and I was scared. I’ve been scared most of my life though, so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, should it?
I woke up one morning and it occurred to me, this isn’t what I expected. Life somehow seemed useless to me. How can one single person alone do something in ones life that would make it all worth it? Every single day we learn something new, but whether it is a good learning experience or a bad one all depends on how a person takes the experience and runs with it. Sometimes it can seem like what you learned was only to make you a stronger person, but in my opinion what seems to make you stronger in one way also makes you weaker in others.
Everyone has dreams, I know, but to actually have one come true is something else, however, that’s another story for another time.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Well, here’s the story. My name is Melissa Kibbens and I am twenty-two years old. To this day I have yet to find myself completely. With my heart, I put it all into everything that I do or say, but sometimes it just never seems to be enough. One day I hope that I will understand why I had to go through the things that I did when I was growing up. Maybe it’s time to introduce you to my life. Before I do, I want you to understand that I’m not trying to say that my life was worse than any one of you. All I am trying to do is to help those who know where I am coming from understand that they are not the only one, there are others and many of us.
IT’S EASIER TO JUST TRY TO NOT THINK ABOUT THE PAST, THAN IT IS TO FORGIVE AND FORGET ABOUT IT…
It’s not so easy to forgive or forget things that will more than likely haunt you for the rest of your life. Even though we probably should, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do either. Maybe one day when, and if, I find out “why me”, then I might. Until then I refuse to forgive or to forget.
A long time ago, yet not so long ago, I was a child, an innocent child who knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life. You’ve all heard the saying, “Time changes things”, well it definetly does!
When I was about a year and a half old my parents got a divorce. My mother got custody of me, but I did get visitations with my father on every other weekend and some holidays. During the first few years of my life I stayed with my grandparents, which I called “Mamaw and Papaw”. My Papaw was more like a father to me than my own dad at this point in my life. When I did see my dad he was usually drunk. It must have been difficult for me, but I really don’t remember all that much. I can’t say I had it bad then, at least not until I was about four years old. Maybe that’s when my life started to change.
NOT ALL FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE THE BEST…
My mother re-married to a guy named Timmy Carsel when I was four years old. Timmy had one sone that stayed with him and his name was David. David and I got along really well. We got really close really quick and I think it was mostly because we were both so intimidated of Timmy. (Now Tim never hurt any of us until this one day).
David and I had just got back from doing something with my Mamaw and Papaw, when we heard my mom and Tim yelling at each other. They were yelling and screaming, and you could hear things being thrown across the room. Now when my mom had married Tim everything had seemed fine and I don’t even think there was anything really bad about him. We had moved into a trailer park on the south side of town. A town in Georgia. If you’ve ever lived in a small trailor park you should know that the neighbors always seemed a little nosey. Anyhow Tim finally bursts out the door and grabs David and pulls and drags him to his car. David is crying and reaching for me. He was only two and a half years old, almost three, and he didn’t understand what was going on any more than I did.
Tim took away from me, it seemed, my only friend, the only person who I felt close to besides my grandparents. Now at four years old, when your best friend is ripped from your life, if it doesn’t seem like it hasn’t changed your life even a little; try this one on for size.
NEVER OPEN YOUR HEART, WITHOUT FIRST OPENING YOUR EYES…
A couple of years passed and my mother met this guy through her best friend, co-worker and roommate. First of all I would like to introduce Lacy, my mothers best friend. Lacy was really good to me. She treated me like I was her own daughter. We all shared an apartment now on the east side of town and things were actually looking up for us. Things were so much better that I was almost happy; almost.
Sometime after my sixth birthday my mom met Rob, Lacy’s older brother. The first time I met Rob, I knew he was trouble. My mom loved him though and all I wanted was for her to be happy. Now Rob was perhaps the most twisted human being I had ever met.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
MEETING THE TWISTED MAN
Rob was about six foot, three inches, and very large. Now when I say large, I don’t mean obese or anything. He was very strong and muscular. A built man, powerful, to say the least. He just didn’t seem safe to me. Rob had tried to be nice to me at first, mainly for impressing my mom, but I let him and I saw right through it all. Things were ok at first, with Rob always trying to look good. He would take us places and do all sorts of fun things. He would even make a good attempt at spoiling me. There was just something in his eyes that gave me that feeling that there was something dark hidden deep within him.
Well, as time went on my mother grew to love him and accepted his proposal to marriage. I didn’t want to tell her that I really didn’t trust him nor did I like him at all. I was only six then, and I think I knew more about what was to happen to my family than anyone. I guess you’re wondering what exactly happened and I’m about to get to that. There is just one other thing I have to say before that and that is that what I am about to tell you may very well disgust you or make you sick to your stomach. I want to clarify that everything I say in the remaining portions of this book are completely true. All of the names in this book have been changed due to security, safety, and legal rights.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
HAD THE EYES NO TEARS, THE SOUL WOULD HAVE NO RAINBOW.
When my mother and Rob finally got married things were still going well and I was beginning to think that everything might be okay after all. Then the time just sort of stopped one day and my world seemed to be everything, but what I expected.
I was about to turn seven when it started. With my mom being pregnant she slept a lot and didn’t get out a whole lot either. That left me and Rob alone especially since school hadn’t started back up yet. We were living in Georgia still, but out in the country and about a mile or so from the nearest neighbor. Rob would talk me into going somewhere with him and he would be extremely nice to me, but he would talk to me differently. It wasn’t like a father would talk to a daughter, it was more like a man to a woman and this frightened me even more. Later that night he would come into my room and shut the door behind him.
THE FACE IS THE MIRROR OF THE MIND, AND EYES WITHOUT SPEAKING CONFESS THE SECRETS OF THE HEART.
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THAT'S ALL I HAVE FOR NOW, BUT HEY IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS.
NOW ANOTHER THING THAT I LIKE TO DO IS WRITE QUOTES. EITHER MINE OR SOMEONE ELSE. YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH A QUOTE CAN ENFLUENCE SOMEONE'S LIFE.
"If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, then you're pissing all over today"
When you know that you don't know, then you know!
If you truly want to understand something, try to change it.
THE GLASS ISN’T ALWAYS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL, IT’S ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
It's not what you have, It's what you do with what you have.
ASK AND DON’T DIE WONDERING.
WELL, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE QUOTES! CHECK BACK LATER ON FOR SOME NEW ONES!!!
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Email: dinki001@hotmail.com
