 1/9/02 Song of the Moment :: "I Don`t Wanna be Lonely" by Az Yet I believe in fate; in how thingz that occur throughout our livez r meant to happen, but that doesn't mean a person can just sit back n see what fate has in store. Fate is also the result of the choicez a person makez. When it comez to wanting to be w/ someone, most people have this "We'll be together someday if it's meant to be" mentality, and that usually leadz to someone not helping their cause by not doin anything. It's like looking at the TV w/ the controler next to u n saying "That TV will turn on by itself if I'm meant to watch it." Some of life's chancez only come once in a lifetime, n when u dun explore all the chancez n the possibilitiez, these chancez might slip away...n u may not even know it. In my case, the chancez I once refused to give many timez has suddenly turned on me, when a girl denied me my chancez...maybe outta fear of gettin hurt again, uncertaintiez, or mixed emotionz...n certainly cuz of my mistakez. Maybe I deserve it, but outta all the relationshipz n envolvementz I've been through, I've never been this clear of what I want...n I'm not gonna let it slip away. I'm not certain of what the future holdz, but by doin some'n bout what I desire, fate will most likely be on my side...n all this...just to have a chance once again. "Selfish" 12/2/01 We all know that any kind of intimate relationshipz can be confusing. Being a guy, I know that the opposite sex can leave a big, fat question mark in my head, but I also understand how that can also occur in termz of girlz tryin to figure out guyz. Of course, we can't make assumptionz based on putting the 2 sexes in just 2 whole groupz, because we all have our own individual referencez. As for myself, I tend to jump from one mood to another when it comez to girlz. Sometimez, it would just feel like a lil game. I would just run my *game* n let thingz flow from there. Other timez, I would find someone special n it's game over. I would start doin what i dun normally do, n I become more aware of everything that involvez her. I also become more insecure. I would get upset over lil thingz like another guy sayin hi to her, not hearin from her for a whole day, and what not. Durin argumentz, I would say thingz I really don't mean, such as givin her notionz that I dun care...but I still care in every sense of that word. I guess I just dun want that special girl to be part of just a game I used to play, especially knowin that it worked so well for me. I just want her for myself; to be the only one who protectz her, who comfortz her, who makez her happy the way she makez me happy. I guess u can call me selfish, but dun misunderstand me n other guyz like me cuz of that one word. Out of all the misunderstandingz, assumptionz, n the gamez me n other guyz like me used to play, just understand that we actually feel like we belong, n we're just afraid to let it go. 
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