Aunt in Agony - piss off hacker
Evil ones, click here and see how you can be more like me!
Dear Auntie Punkster,
My girlfriend told me she wanted to split up because she kept catching me staring in her windows at night. Now I follow her everywhere, even to the loo, but she won't take me back and is threatening to place a restraining order against me. Why can't she love me? Why? Whyyyy?
- Cray Z. Stallker
She can't love you 'cause you're a messed-up freak with bad breath. Get some serious therapy. AND KEEP AWAY FROM MY F**KING WINDOWS!!! - Punkster
Yo! Punkz! thz grl on mi rd thnkz im a lsa and wont tlk 2 me. shez 25 + im 9. rnt i olded up enuff 4 her? - Lil' Billy
Dearest Lil' Billy, No. - Punkster
Dear Punkz, I have a problem. My boyfriend tells me that I'm not a technically a virgin because I go to a stables every week and I "ride" the horse. He's pissed because he says I'll lose it to my pony Snowdrop, but not him. What should I do? - Dismal, Hawaii.
Dear Dismal, How can I put this nicely? Hard truth is, I can't. Your boyfriend is a self-indulgent, chauvinistic, abusive, horse-molesting jerk. Rinding ponies does NOT make you a non-virgin. Dump him. Now. Then use his bedroom as a convenient place to store horse manure. He probably won't even notice. But his mum sure will. - Punkster
Punky, I do have a serious problem. I actually CANNOT pluck my nosehair, spit when I'm talking, and I'm afraid of heights. I'm also a complete social reject with a terrible figure. What should I do? - Anon
Anon? Listen, we all KNOW that's YOU, Mina! Give it up, I've told you countless times you're a hopeless case. Go snog your Orlie poster. - Punkster