Aunt in Agony - piss off hacker

Evil ones, click here and see how you can be more like me!
https://www.angelfire.com/az3/altaego/sinner.html

Dear Auntie Punkster, My girlfriend told me she wanted to split up because she kept catching me staring in her windows at night. Now I follow her everywhere, even to the loo, but she won't take me back and is threatening to place a restraining order against me. Why can't she love me? Why? Whyyyy? - Cray Z. Stallker

Dear Cray, She can't love you 'cause you're a messed-up freak with bad breath. Get some serious therapy. AND KEEP AWAY FROM MY F**KING WINDOWS!!! - Punkster

Yo! Punkz! thz grl on mi rd thnkz im a lsa and wont tlk 2 me. shez 25 + im 9. rnt i olded up enuff 4 her? - Lil' Billy

Dearest Lil' Billy, No. - Punkster

Dear Punkz, I have a problem. My boyfriend tells me that I'm not a technically a virgin because I go to a stables every week and I "ride" the horse. He's pissed because he says I'll lose it to my pony Snowdrop, but not him. What should I do? - Dismal, Hawaii.

Dear Dismal, How can I put this nicely? Hard truth is, I can't. Your boyfriend is a self-indulgent, chauvinistic, abusive, horse-molesting jerk. Rinding ponies does NOT make you a non-virgin. Dump him. Now. Then use his bedroom as a convenient place to store horse manure. He probably won't even notice. But his mum sure will. - Punkster

Punky, I do have a serious problem. I actually CANNOT pluck my nosehair, spit when I'm talking, and I'm afraid of heights. I'm also a complete social reject with a terrible figure. What should I do? - Anon

Anon? Listen, we all KNOW that's YOU, Mina! Give it up, I've told you countless times you're a hopeless case. Go snog your Orlie poster. - Punkster