What It Was Like...
Well, where do I start? That's pretty easy. I was born. No, that would be too easy. Anyway, I started off just like any other kid does. My life was really no different than any other kid's was. All except the fact that usually as a child you have those dreams of becoming a Dr., a Firefighter, etc., but I didn't (Mmm, maybe a clue?) My grandparents raised me. My Ol' Man was, well let's just say his time was owned. My mom was a waitress, so she wasn't really around that much at all, so, at a very young age, I discovered Booze and Cocaine. I was 7 years old to be exact. Finding those things was no one's fault but my own. No one raises their child to be a Drunk and a Dopefiend. They also don't raise a child to be bad, to lie, cheat, or steal either. That we choose to do. Once we hit an age that we know right from wrong, the rest of life's choices are our own. I made my own bed, so I had to sleep in it. Livin' in the S.F. Bay Area gave me plenty of opportunity to find the best people in the world, Them Biker's. I had finally found what I thought was Heaven. Drugs, Alcohol, Weapons, and Sex. Yeah, the party was on, and life was gonna be FINE! (Little did I know)? Well, life went just the way it was supposed to go when you're always F***** up, and not caring about anything else except the Drugs and Alcohol. Skipping school, stealing, getting arrested, yeah, that was the norm for many years to follow. A good weekend was when it was someone else getting arrested, and not me. I ripped apart anything good that even came my way. I even reached a point that I figured that if I hooked up with an innocent College bound lady, and had a kid, that would change me and slow me down, yeah right! I destroyed that one real quick. Yes, life was really going good for me, no complaints there. Life just went on from there until I was about 23 years old, when life really got exciting for me............

What Happened ...
Now, ya gotta remember, I'm a true Dopefiend and Drunk at this point. By this time, I've burned every bridge that I could burn. I mean, the people that I associated with, which were some of the Best Partiers that I had ever met, they were way through with me. I just thought that they couldn't handle Partying like myself. That's okay though, cause there were other Dope Houses, and there were other Bars to go to, so that part of life would be just fine. And besides, I would soon be rich by selling my house that I owned (before the Mortgage Company took it from me. See, good Dopefiend thinkin') and then life would be Great. Well, I did sell my Home, got $145,000 for it, paid off the 3 mortgages that I had already accumulated in 1 year (you know, home improvement loans so I could buy the one rake for the house) and thought that I was very well off with my $20,000 that I had left. Now, it was time to get a Motel Room for just a few days, to say good-bye to what few friends I thought I did have, cause I was gonna' move to Arizona to go to School. See, it was the Bay Area that was doin' me wrong, and moving to go to school, was gonna be what I needed. This way, I wouldn't have time to party, and get in trouble. Well, that few days of staying in the Motel somehow turned into a month or so. The party was non-stop at this point. Well, it was September 23rd, 1992, and believe it or not I had my kid with me for a week. That is when I wasn't passing her off to people to watch for me while I partied. That morning was very unusual though. My daughter was the one that whenever Daddy woke up, she woke up to go where Daddy went. Well, I came to that morning, and I had to run to the bank (which of course that Big Money that I had was long gone) to get some money to take someone out later in the day. Well, my Daughter must of been really sleepy or something that morning, cause she did not wake up to go with me. So, off I went. I was din' great for coming down from a 3 day run, no problems driving either. And that cracked windshield, expired tags and those bald tires, well, I was getting ready to fix em! I was also still wondering who stole my last bag of dope that I had the night before, oh well, details. So, I got my money from the bank (after being overdrawn from the month before, man, money just don't go far like it used too), and I was 2 blocks from the Motel, and I knew the cop that I saw 5 minutes earlier would soon be behind me (they had it in for me for some reason, go figure), and well, well, there He was, and those flashing lights on his car were really pissing me off, so I stopped. Well, all went good, I signed the ticket for all those things I really was goin' to fix, and off I started to go back towards my car. He called me back, and for some off the wall reason, he asked me if I would mind emptying out my pockets on the hood of his car. No problem, I never had stuff on me (well, not in my pockets anyways) so I emptied out all my pockets, and all was cool, nuthin' on me. He than asked if he could search me, sure, I just emptied out my pockets, nothing to hide. Well, ya know those useless little coin pocket things on your jeans that ya can't fit anything into, that was the first place he searched. And can ya believe this, he planted a bag on me in that pocket (damn, that's where my bag went to. I hate when that happens). Well, ya know, it wasn't mine, he didn't believe me, and the bracelets went on as usual. Well, they got a bag from me, hopefully they won't search the car cause I had a few pounds of goodies in there that I needed to get me through the month, plus, well, weapons that weren't exactly mine. They searched, and they found. Damn, this is not starting off to be a good day.

What It's Like Now!...
Well, after October 5th, 1992 rolled around, and I went 3 days through the shakes, the s****, and the pisses, I was finally able to get up, get cleaned up, and go have some lunch. After eating lunch, a weird thought came into my head (which at the time I didn't have a clue where it came from) about this AA place I had been to once when I was 13, that the judge made me go to. I wondered if it was still there? So, off I went on my Scooter and damn, it was still there, almost 12yrs later. Well, I did the normal thing and cruised the parking lot about 6 or 7 times until I finally stopped. I went in, and damn, someone said hello. I looked around, and there was no one else around, so it was me that he was talking to. I forgot what it was like to be talked to. I than saw a sign that said "Welcome Home". Something hit me at that moment, and I felt alright. That was October 8th, 1992. I remember my third meeting, and I finally got the chance to share that I felt that this was not gonna work for me. Everyone I knew rode, partied, and raised hell. Everyone there was in Suits. I knew this cause I always sat where I could see the door and who came in and who went out. After I shared my profound words of wisdom, I felt a tap on my shoulder, so I turned around and whoa, it was someone in jeans, a long beard, and he had a denim on. He asked if He could speak to me after the meeting, so I agreed. He didn't really say much to me. Actually, it was just two things. "I hope ya keep coming back, I have faith in ya!" I swallowed really hard at that. Someone having faith in me, and second, I was asked to come back. This deal may be getting better now. And it has.
It hasn't always been an easy road these last 7 or so years. I had a lot of work that I needed to do on me. There was still things left in me that I needed to let go of, or else I would end up Using and Drinking again. I stayed on the dry drunk from hell for the first 3 years, and than I got into a bad motorcycle wreck. Well, I now had lots of time on my hands, and I knew of people going through the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, so I thought I may as well give that a try, it couldn't hurt. Well, let me tell you that was the greatest gift of Sobriety that a person can be given. I quit struggling with that God thing. I learned to Let Go and Let God. And, today, I am a miracle. I have came back from the Gates of Hell, and been given a new chance in life I still have my moments now and than, I mean, I am still human. But the life I have today is beyond my wildest dreams. I have a Beautiful Wife, and 2 Wonderful Boys. I am a person today that is capable today of caring. Imagine that. Thanks to God, the Big Book, and the 12 Step programs, I can Live Today.