The Being Better People section will be dedicated to writings which have been chosen to help us better deal with the issues which we brought into our sobriety. By dealing with those issues we will more easily be able to remain sober and continue to work on developing our own self-confidence, self-esteem and self worth. These writings are placed here in no specific order.

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There may be days
when you get up in the morning
and things aren't the way
you had hoped they would be.

That's when you have to
tell yourself that things will get better.
There are times when people
disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times
when you must remind yourself
to trust your own judgments and opinions,
to keep your life focused on believing in yourself.

There will be challenges to face
and changes to make in your life,
and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed
in the right direction for you.
It may not be easy at times,
but in those times of struggle
you will find a stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled
with frustration and unexpected responsibilities,
remember to believe in yourself
and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes
will only help you to find the goals
that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself

--Author Unknown

TO CHANGE OTHERS, CHANGE YOURSELF FIRST

Many of us spend too much time trying to change the people in our lives. We think we can change them in ways that will make better equipped to make us happy.

This is especially true of our children. We talk to our children for hours about how we think they should change. But children don't learn from what we say. They learn from what we do.

Gandhi was especially tuned in to the futility of changing other people. Yet Gandhi was probably responsible for more change in people than any other person in our era. How did he do it? He had a profoundly simple formula. People would often come to Gandhi to ask how they could change others. Someone would say, "I agree with you about nonviolence but there are others who don't. How do I change them?"

"You must BE the change you wish to see in others," said Gandhi. By BEING what you want OTHERS to be, you can lead by inspiration. Nobody really wants to be taught through inspiration.

What you TELL people to do often goes right by them. Who you ARE does not. The change in you is contagious. When you yourself change, watch how the people around you change.

Source: Steve Chandler, "100 Ways to Motivate Yourself

NAIL IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.

Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it. She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem
was solved, another one soon followed.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot, and ground coffee beans in the third pot. He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?" "Potatoes, eggs, and coffee," she hastily replied. "Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes." She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take
an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face. "Father, what does this mean?" she asked.

He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-- the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new. "Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean? " In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.

Which one are you?

"Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom."
--Euripides  

Our definition of success varies as we move through stages of life. While we once may have dreamed of a large lake home and a large salary, we may have settled for a modest home and salary. As we reevaluate our goals, we become aware that we have succeeded in our own way.  

Success, for us, might mean we have many friends. Or that our children have become worthwhile citizens. We may feel successful largely because we have learned to accept ourselves--the total package of strengths and weaknesses. We set and reset our own goals throughout a lifetime, and our successes are measured, not by specific deeds or accumulations of cash, but by how well we set our goals and how faithful we are to them.   I'll look again at my values and goals to be sure they leave me room for success.  

From the book Finding the Joy in Today