Carson’s Quotable

Carson’s Quotable

Carson’s said some FUNNY things. You know how he talks, all sarcastic and deadpanning everything. This here is a list of quotes I’ve picked up on, especially recently. You have to say them in the Carson voice though (lol). Anyway, if you ever find something Carson said to be hilarious, and can quote it, let me know!

[The classic monologue of his] September 30, 1999: Gives the “look at me now” speech to everyone who made fun of him in high school. It was great fun.

“I just want all my old friends from Cali. to know I'm having FUN FUN FUN FUN!”

“B.C. ... Before Carson.”

“If you break down the word 'choreography' the word 'oreo' is right there in the middle.”

“Just so ya know, this is LIVE TV, EVERYONE!”

“JC from 'N Sync is my guardian angel. I see him in my dreams every night and he's wearing a white suit. He's here right now, you just can't see him.”

[BSB's "All I Have To Give" video] “Oh, don't you just hate it when you are standin' there dancin' and your shirt just comes un-buttoned?”

“Tomorrow, we'll have Jennifer Love Hewitt on. That's always fun for me!”

“Did you read that message? It said 'I hate rap but I like this song.' What's that? That's like saying you're a vegetarian but like to gnaw on some raw meat every once in a while.”

“That was Ricky Martin's 'Livin' La Vida Loca,' which translates to 'There are hot girls in my video.'”

“Ah, the things I see from this view.”

“What is in the water in Orlando that makes it produce so many amazing boy bands?”

“Some one should shut that town down!” (after John Stewert asked Carson what he thought of Orlando and boy bands)

VMA predictions by Carson: “People will win.”

[Playing NKOTB in the background] “Homage to New Kids ‘cause Lance is here”

To Madonna, about her video: “For a little show like TRL to have it, we’re very honored.” LOL

“After you watch the videos as many times as I do, the little things stick out at you”

“Justin is the face of the new millennium.” This was totally deadpanned. And then he almost burst out laughing.

“They’re just money making machines!”

[About Hanson] “That’s like a G version of Kid Rock’s ‘Bawitdaba.’”

[About Incubus] “I just don’t exactly understand what’s going on. It’s not like Britney, ‘LLLLLUCKY!’ I understand that.”

“They suck, they suck, ‘N Sync, they suck” – Eminem’s “cheer,” made up by Carson (when they were talking about how Madonna was a cheerleader in HS)

“Will Slim Shady continue to bitch slap the rest of the countdown?” ... in the opening of the show, 'cause Eminem was #1 the day before

"After tasting the fruits of the #1 spot for one very short day, they have fallen back to the runner-up spot."

“Lance and JC are such rebels, man—they don’t care.”

[About "Back Here" by BBMak] “That's a good little pop song... not much to it... but good.”

“I am not Ticketmaster.”

Some girl won tickets after singing TERRIBLY off key. And THEN, Carson goes, “Sounds better than ‘N Sync actually!”

[About Hanson] “They got hot chicks and stuff in their videos... it’s not like roller skating anymore.”

Snippets of the conversation I was laughing my ass off at:
Girl: “It’s like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire but like who wants to talk to Carson.”
[lots and lots of screaming, etc.]
Carson: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Girl: “I’m having a heart attack over here.”
Carson: “I’m waiting for the ‘and that one time at band camp’ line. I’m waiting for it. Any second.”

[About The One] “Nick never really looked cuter.”

Carson forced Verne Troyer to switch seats with him: “You are now sitting next to Fred Durst and Christina Aguilera”

“On MTV’s live…” [slight pause] “Total Request… show.”

[About signing autographs] “I feel honored every time” [fumbling] “… genuinely.”

“But yes… plaster freaks me out.”

“I’m sorry my answers suck.”

“You should see what I do during that D’Angelo video!”

“Remind me to check my seat tomorrow night.”

“It’s an easy philosophy: swing by TRL, wear little clothes…”

[Tourist voice] “And that there is the MTV show where they scream a lot.”

“Screw the cue cards--from now on it’s MY show for the #1 video!”

“If you can’t name all the members of the Backstreet Boys, then you have no business watching this show.”

“Everybody's all up on Justin, and I'm like ‘Go JC!’”

“Hey! 98 Degrees has a Nick and a Justin. How cool is that?”

“As if it wasn't hard enough to pick the cutest one out of NSYNC and the BSB, now 98 Degrees comes to the forefront. The one with the tattoos is mad hot.”

“I hate taking TRL out of New York. My thing is that I want the show to be good.” Amen.

“God I wish I had your remote control working in my life, actually.”

“I’m losin’ my cookies up here.”

“I wanna thank Madonna for… SWEARING on TRL today”

“As if they didn’t come here jacked on pixie sticks enough!”

“I know my TRL; I watched Uncensored all weekend long.”

“You’re all very loud. I’ve noticed that.”

“Don't tell anyone, but I love Christina more than Britney.”

“Like Gore and Bush will EVER dance and sing and make world peace!”

“I, Carson Daly, am a fan of beer.”

“I was like, 'Hi, TRL.' And she was like, 'Hi! Is John there?' And I was like, 'Yeah. Who's this?' And she was like, 'Madonna!' And was like, [mouthing] 'Holy shit!'”

“Hey, this is authentic thrift store crap I'm wearing.”

“It’s those hard-hitting interview questions that will make TRL the most remembered show ever.”

[To a hyperventilating/screaming girl on the phone] “Who has the pillowcase over your face? And why?”

[Reading signs outside] “‘You suck.’ I know I suck, why are you standing outside of my show?”

“Aaah, welcome back to... UTTER CHAOS!”

“And, Sarah in Arizona, if you’re listening, TODAY is Christina’s 61st day.”

“Mine's just below average. Thanks for asking.”

[About the cue cards] “It’s supposed to be a pretty important job... I don’t necessarily read ‘em.”

“You gotta really be on your toes, and think Backstreet all the time, that’s what I do when I’m in a crisis!”

“We’re all in like a Backstreet hangover.”

“You missed one, you got one... what’s the difference... let’s call the whole thing off.”

“Sorry, I was in the back room, working on my hard-hitting questions.”

“And you turn it up... start licking the radio.”

“We have to take a break... BELIEVE ME, it’s a good idea.”

“Can I apologize for the smoke? And, uh... SNOOP’S HERE TOO! Apparently.”

“There’s Nick now… what a great way to kick off the month of December.”

“You guys applaud for EVERYTHING. Like a Super Bowl applaud EVERY time.”

“Hey don’t get sappy on me now, kids, we’ve got videos to watch.”

“Rio gave BSB more love than the pope.”

“‘I feel like Hugh Hefner with all these beautiful girls around me.’ You can substitute Hugh Hefner for Fred Durst if you want.”

“Shaggy just makes me laugh hearing his voice.”

“Everything’s ghetto on the show.”

“Boy, my math sucks.”

“You really do ‘woo’ for a lot of things… admit it.”

“Wow, it got smoky in here. I swear to god, Snoop Dogg stops by here more times…”

“I just wanna say that I, in the last hour, had fun. And I pray to Jesus that you did too.”

[About Orlando] “Where the water smells like boy bands.... that’s NOT A DIG! What’s wrong with you people?”

“Somebody please stop that ANNOYING ding.”

“We’ll tell you how to cruise with Howie of the Backstreet Boys… that’ll be something right up there on my Christmas list, I know that.”

“And… I don’t remember… don’t quote me on this ‘cause I get letters… what’s, who’s that girl, the one? yeah, Sarah in Arizona. This one chick has like EVERY single stat… I swear EVERY SINGLE little thing… I don’t remember Jennifer Lopez ever really being in the top three.”

“For however you choose to celebrate your holidays, TRL is here to… not care.”

“Right downstairs… is a store where you can buy like TRL chapstick for like 20 bucks.”

“Everybody eat just like spoonfuls of sugar before coming here?”

“JC is cuter, so what? Whaddya gonna do, Justin?! Sue me?”

“Nice to see you buddy… one more outburst and you’re gone like the blonde.”

“It’s like you save your energy for the commercial breaks. It’s a show within a show!”

“Thanks for singing though; you got good airtime. Maybe you’ll get a record deal… everyone else seems to.”

“You’ll have sequentially… that’s the biggest word I know. THANK YOU! It’s not even written out!”

“Why is everybody crying ‘on bended knee’? I don’t quite understand that.”

“Dream always makes me feel better!”

“That was a JOKE, it was so easy.”

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