This will be a positive entry. I feel obligated to do so, especially today.
I am writing this at work, because I’ve cleaned my box out, done all of the production work I needed to do, and have a few moments to myself. That’s a relief---I can travel to the Valley tomorrow afternoon with a clear slate.
I got my weekend off, and so I’m bound for Phoenix after my shift tomorrow afternoon. It'll be a great respite, everybody seems to agree. I’ll be staying with Eric, probably seeing his band perform tomorrow night in Tempe, and will be hanging out with Aaron’s signifigant other, Mike, on Saturday. I can hardly wait. *G*
This holiday was busy…14 commercials waiting to be recorded, no newscasts to interrupt the music today, and I had to drive 40 MPH on snow-covered roads this morning to get here. The roads were not plowed, which is more than enough usually to piss me off. But, I kinda expected it to happen. What, do they think the fourth Thursday in November is some kinda frickin’ holiday? *G* I made it on time, though.
My down time consisted of my production work, and a couple of phone calls. I let Eric know that I’d be down tomorrow, and made sure his phone number was correct so Mike would be able to reach me on Saturday. And Aaron called me, and let me speak to Mike so we could coordinate a little.
I really liked hearing Mike’s voice. *EG* NO, not because of anything salacious, but because he had this deep, butch voice with a fantastic New York accent. Do you know exactly how much I craved hearing a legitimate New York accent over the last 10 years??? I still have a little bitty one, but moving out west, where they all talk like cowboys on leave from the ranch, tends to erase your out-of-town vocal characteristics. In other words, if you live anywhere far away from where you were born, raised and learned to talk, expect to lose your accent. In any event, Mike will be in on Saturday and I'm looking forward to it. *G*
So, that was my Thanksgiving 2000, spent in part at work. Now, it's time to spend with the family, and it should be a peaceful easy feeling this evening. So, on I go with the "positivity" entry, filled with a cornucopia of gratitude.
That said, let me first just rage briefly against all the shit that annoyed me yesterday before going all “hearts and flowers” on you. (I was planning on raging and all that yesterday, but got stymied by my self.)
I loathe the fact that on the day before Thanksgiving I was fighting with my family. All that really needs to be said is that apparently, in some corners, I was told that I am “pathetic”, and implications that I’m getting fat are being made in those same corners. There are issues I have with members of my family, but since I tend not to focus on my family except in the most vague terms and except when the direct impact on my life is evident, I tend to avoid discussing any of that in here.
My mood was really grim yesterday following the aforementioned family argument, and it wasn’t helped by seeing part of my insurance bill disappear in 30 MPH winds. It wasn’t important---they still took my check, as insurance companies are wont to do---but it was a tad aggravating.
And, in going book shopping for *ANYTHING* to read, I found that the book I had my eyes on, Armistead Maupin’s The Night Listener, apparently isn’t being sold in my neck of the woods. Why? An anti-queer conspiracy---I don’t know. But it made me realize these backwater rubes in central Arizona, who are miles from a big city or even a small city, and vote Republican like the fate of the Western World depended on it, are too caught up in their bigotry to realize that there is a whole new and quite diverse world going on under their beady eyes. And all because I couldn’t find anything to read, best-sellers aside, that didn’t featured desperado cowboys, heaving bodices, or something For Dummies…I need to depart these backwater slums for greener, more liberal---hell, more moderate---pastures…I’m taking your suggestions, and I’m dead serious about it this time---I need your help.
Back to my Shiny Happy entry…
I’m having, instead of a major grouchfest, a major gratitude festival today. I feel obligated to do so---I believe if my entries continue on their unfortunate track, people will start threatening to beat me to a bloody pulp with my own keyboard. Seriously, the attitude that would be foisted upon me would be one of, “Stop bitching about all the things that are wrong, and start being more appreciative of what you DO have.” As recently as last night, I’d be saying “Like WHAT???” to whomever would be unfortunate enough to ask me such a question. BUT, today being a day to give thanks for all the blessings one has, even if they are blinded by the darkness in front of their eyes, I think I shall give thanks…
- For my job, and having one...beats unemployment whining.
- For my family, as much as they piss me off, because ours is one that has not been darkened by prejudice towards me for who I am. They do not judge my predilections as being wrong or perverse, but they do accept me as I am regardless.
- For my real life friends, whom I don’t get to see too much anymore, because their own lives keep on going as they do. When I see you all, you allow me to be myself 100%. I don’t feel like I have to put up fronts with y’all like I do with the others in my life, and I fully appreciate that. You let me be myself, and also open me up to new people, new places and new things, and that is always cool.
- For Donny, Doug and Moose, all of whom I began to chat with this year, and all of whom are good people. I lump the three of them together, because these guys seem like the type that would actively ENJOY getting lumped together. *EG* But I have respect for you beyond your words. With Doug, it’s his personality of working hard, and still being able to find the time to enjoy yourself. With Moose, it’s his openmindedness, and his ability to separate his life from his work and still achieve the things he wants to. With Donny, it’s his open attitude about sex, his keen intellect and his fun-loving attitude. Individually, I have fondness for all three men, and collectively, I have respect for their bodies of work.
- For Aaron, whose friendship continues to impress me with its depth, and whose ability to continue to see the good side of things rather than letting me dwell on all the bad that I believe (sometimes wrongly) happens to me, and me alone. He called me at work this morning from Long Island, so that his partner Mike and I could set things up when he comes into Phoenix this weekend, and after a pretty wild morning, it lifted my spirits up to hear from someone who wasn’t a listener to my station, but a listener in general. Thanks. :-)
- For Vannoy, who continues to supply me with a steady amount of understanding from someone who can understand how I feel. He should write more, generally speaking, because I’m always very interested in what he has to say. He proves that, him being straight, and me being…um, non-linear, world experience can be universally felt. And he’s the only one online I can talk sports with that wouldn’t think I was from Mars. Even if he disagrees with me. Even if he thinks the Buffalo Bills are a worthy football team. I guess nobody’s perfect. *G*
- For Terry, whose insight and intellect and continued friendship endures, even as we haven’t been able to communicate as often anymore because of his lacking a computer (for the moment, I’m ecstatic to say). I’m looking forward to hearing more from him, because the absence of his daily dose of insight is telling in the journal world. And I look forward, when the new rerun cycle of “Babylon: 5” begins on the Sci-Fi Channel, to seeing if indeed he was right about how good that show is. *G*
- For all of the other people I chat with online semi-regularly. I may not name-check you in print like the others, but that doesn’t mean I am no less grateful for the appearances you’ve made in my life these days, or that you have no less of a presence or an impact on me. Every one of you I come in contact with has some kind of ripple effect on me, even if I don’t come flat-out and say it. I thank you.
- For Cris. NO, it will not be another “stroking Cris’s ego for purposes of explaining to the world for the umpteenth time how special a guy he is”. *EG* He is my confidant, the one who knows me better than most anyone else on the planet, family included. He understands me when many others are struggling to. He has depth and sensitivity that I don’t think he quite is aware of. He listens well. He is my bud. He and I may have split up, and he may never tell me if I hold up equally as well in his eyes. But he doesn’t judge me, is a friend to me when I need one the most, and is the best moral support a guy could ever ask for. It’s been a long and winding road with him this year, one taking me places I didn’t think I’d ever see (which isn’t always a compliment, but the truth nevertheless), yet I’m happy to have had a traveling partner like him. He is one unique fella, and I wish both that more people could get to know him like that, and could be like that more often.
- And lastly, for you. You either slipped in unnoticed, for a nanosecond, to take a glimpse around, or you decided to stop by, read my words, and bookmark me. You sent me e-mail, signed my guestbook, and told me what you thought. Or, you stayed silent, content with reading me from afar while watching to see how the drama played out. You came from foreign lands, or from right here in this leaderless land. You liked reading journals, or you thought I might be an interesting guy to check into. You supported me, sustained me, tolerated me, disagreed with me, bookmarked me, or passed me over. But you came by. And I’m the better for it, believe me. Thanks for reading, and, as the entry title says, for letting me be myself here, everyday. Thanks for checking in. And, he said with as much shameless hucksterism he could muster, please continue to do so. Tell your friends and neighbors. *BFG*
Happy Thanksgiving to all, and I’ll be checking again come Sunday or Monday…I anticipate a full Inbox lecturing me about not being quite so goddamned cynical and depressed in this entry. ;-)
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