On the cold winter morning of January 3, 2000 nine men discovered an unknown land, and they decided to make it their own. Some of them already knew each other, and some were new, but this day was the begining of a journey that would forever unite them in heart and soul. The nine decided to name the land "Macho Mesa." And there they made a democracy that would one day be the foundation of all governments.
Happily the nine spent their time playing and joking as young men often do. They spent their days fishing, playing football and soccer, and building a great castle to live in. They called their castle "The Hall of The Nine Kings." Their lives were peacefuland easy going. Little did they know, things were about to change.
The evil witch Makabendrix had been watching Macho Mesa for some time. She had been waiting, plotting, biding her time for the perfect moment to reach in with her steely talons and snatch Macho Mesa from the unsuspecting nine. When the time was right she charged in with an army of vile creatures. Leading the dark army was the vile giant the Great Gobbler Gibby. Gibby was thirty feet at the shoulder and carried a fallen tree for a club. The nine fought bravely, but to no avail. The army of Makabendrix overwhelmed them and the nine were taken as slaves and sent to work in the snot mines on the southern shores of Macho Mesa.
Despite being captured, the nine fought with such ferociousness and skill that Makabendrix feared rebellion. The vile witch was so afraid of the nine that she made an example of one of them by having Gibby bite off his arms and legs off, leaving him a helpless torso, which she kept as a pet. The rest she forced to wear heavy chains of the strongest iron as they worked the snot mines.
For two years the former leaders of Macho Mesa toiled in the mines. Growing stronger in both body from the weight of the chains, and in their hatred for the evil witch. One day while toiling in the snot mines, they broke through a particularly crusty wall and found a chamber lined not with boogers and snot, but with gold and fine tapestries. On a pedestal in the center of the chamber was a mystical looking cup. Which they at once knew was the Sacred Chalice of the Nine Gods.
The Sacred Chalice of the Nine Gods was blessed by nine of the most powerful dieties in all the known world. The Lord, Allah, The Great Buddah, Zeus, Ra, Shiva, Odin, Ahsonnutli, and Thor all took part in the forging of the magical chalice. It is said that touching the chalice unleashes the incredible power that lies within one's soul.
The eight heroes all took hold of the cup and lifted it above their heads. The chalice started to glow a brilliant gold and became hot to the touch. The eight let go of the chalice but it continued to float above their heads. Then the power of the chalice burst forth and tore through the eight.
When they awoke they felt a new energy flowing through their veins, and saw that they had been transformed into the powerful beings that had until now lived only in their souls and imagination. They were now more than mere mortals, they were more powerful than any man could be, they were nearly demi-gods, the sworn protectors of Macho Mesa, the land they held so dear.
They chose new names to match their new powers: Duende Gallo, telepath and telekenetic; Sueltos Frijoles, capable of flight and able to emit a posionous gas; Cerviche, able to shoot his head like a bullet; Oso Verde, strong and savage as the beast of his name; Choni Susio, able to cling to the sides of buildings, shrink in size and shoot snot rockets; Caliente, invulnerable to heat and can channel the Sun's rays into a powerful blast; Fantasmas Mas Palomas, a master of all weapons and camouflage, a sharpshooter of the highest order; Huevos De Diablo, a demon of incredible speed; and El Torso, he does not possess any powers, but he is full of spit and vinegar, and posses unequaled wisdom.
After accustoming themselves to their new found powers they broke from the mines and went after the evil Makabendrix. However the witch was not unaware of the heroes' advance, she had spies all over the country. When they reached Makabendrix's castle they were greeted by a vast army of nose goblins and butt gnomes. Without hesitation Oso Verde charged head long into the throng of creatures, cleaving many a goblin head with his mighty war club. Sueltos Fijoles flew over the army dodging arrows and spears while raining poisonious gas upon his foes.
"Go kill the witch!" yelled Fantasmas Mas Palomas, "Oso, Sueltos and I will stay here," he said as he opened fire, cutting down row after row of evil gnomes. The three stayed to fight the dark hoard while the rest rushed off to face the Makabendrix.
They broke into the castle and found Gibby about to make a meal out of El Torso. Quicker than the blink of an eye Huevos De Diablo snatched El Torso from the clutches of The Great Gobbler Gibby and rushed him to safety.
"Now that my brothers are free I shall take my revenge upon you, you foul giant!" Yelled El Torso. "I only need two of you to help me." Huevos De Diablo and Cerviche stayed to assist El Torso while the rest rushed after the witch.
Cerviche shot his head, but Gibby managed to catch it. Before Gibby could crush Cerviche's head, Huevos De Diablo hit Gibby in the balls with a ferocious barrage of a thousand punches, causing him to drop Cerviche's head. While Gibby was hunched over in pain, Cerviche reloaded his head and shot it through Gibby's nose and into his brain, killing him instantly.
At the same time, in the top of the highest tower, the other three found Makabendrix. Without hesitation they attacked, releasing all of the hatred that had been held up inside of them. Duende Gallo, Choni Susio, and Caliente attacked the witch with everything they had, but she easily thwarted their attacks, and counterattacked with poison arrows of slime. Makabendrix slashed Caliente across the chest with her vulture like claws, and he fell to the ground. But when he fell, his kilt came up and he lay on the ground, unconcious and exposed. While Makabendrix stood distracted by the naked Caliente, Duende Gallo paralyzed her with the powers of his mind. While he strained to keep her still, Choni Susio shot a snot rocket around her feet which hardened instantly, holding her fast to the floor. Duende Gallo then used his telekenetic powers to cause the roof to collapse on the witch, but still she remained alive. However the hole in the ceiling allowed the sun to shine through on Caliente. Re-energized by the sun, Caliente channeled the solar rays into a powerful fireblast that devoured Makabendrix in a fiery inferno.
Outside, Oso Verde, Suletos Frijoles and Fantasmas Mas Palomas lay battered and bloody. They were alive, but exhausted from the imeasurable task of deafeating an army of over a million strong. The nine heroes met outside, triumphant. Then they journeyed back to the Hall of the Nine Kings, which by now was overgrown with moss and vines. Duende Gallo waved his arms and using a blast of telekinetic energy, cleared the Hall of vegetation, restoring it to its former glory. After a well deserved rest and much feasting, the nine heroes journeyed back to the mines to retrieve the chalice and place it in their hall, high above the floor, in an alcove backed with stained glass, so that in the afternoon the sun casts a great shadow of the chalice over their enormous table, reminding them of their hardships, and victory.