I'VE
GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!...
By
AMMO
July
1999
I got the
idea for this story from watching all those chat shows on cable because there's
nothing else on TV. I thought it could
be quite funny.
Rating: PG/13
- I hope.
Disclaimer:-
Paramount is god. They own
Voyager. Jerry Springer is also the
King of chat shows. He is the best.
Key:-
JS Jerry
Springer
K -Kathryn
M Mark
C Chakotay
B BElanna
T Tom
E Eliza
M1 Man in
audience
M2 Second
man in audience
W1 Woman
in audience
W2 Second
woman in audience
W3 Third
Woman in audience
Enjoy!
*-*-*
JS) Hi, I'm
Jerry Springer. In the past we've had
some very odd shows, but they are nothing compared to what we're to see today. (Stops and takes some paces forward down the
steps. Camera swings round to show two
people sitting on chairs at the centre of the stage). Now let me introduce to you Kathryn (points
to a woman in her late thirties, early forties sitting crossed legged next to
an empty chair) and her fiancee Mark.
(Mark's sitting on the other side of her, gently gripping her hand.) Now Kathryn, you have something that you
have to tell Mark don't you?
K) (She
nods and turns to face her fiancee still gripping his hand.) Mark I think there's something you must
know. I've been seeing someone else.
(Boos ripple
round through the audience along with some grasps and laughs.)
M) (He's
silent for a few minutes letting her hand drop.) Who? A woman. Please don't tell me it's a woman.
K) (She
quickly shakes her head pushing aside strands of auburn hair.) No, it is a man.
M) (After
another pause). Who is he? Do it know him?
K) No.
(Everything
goes surprisingly quiet.)
JS) (After
a pause.) So Kathryn, you're
engaged to be married to Mark, yet you're seeing another guy at the same time.
K) Yes.
(Audience
boo again.)
JS) For how
long have you been with this other guy?
K) (She's
moving around a bit in her seat, as if a little uncomfortable.) Well I've known him for around three years
and have been with him for just over a year.
(More boos
from the audience, and one or two laughs)
M) (Mark
almost laughs with the absurdity of the idea.) A year!
JS) (Jerry's
looking thoughtful as he stands arms crossed with his hand on his chin.) And are you sleeping with this other man?
K) (She
nods) Yes!
(Audience
gasps as if they had not suspected this.
Mark looks a cross between shocked, amused and outraged. He's slowly shaking his head.)
M) You're
sleeping with another guy?
(Kathryn
just shrugs)
M) Why? What's wrong with me?
K) You're
never there Mark. We hardly see each
other. He was there at the right place
at the right time. It just happened.
M) It just
happened. Bull**** Kathryn, these
things just don't happen. You've got to
make them happen.
K) As I said
Mark, you weren't there. You're never
there for me. He was.
M) Oh and
that makes all the difference does it?
That makes it right for you to have an affair with someone else?
K) I didn't
say that Mark. All I said was that I've
warned you about long distance relationships.
M) What
about them?
K) They
don't work Mark. We never see enough of
each other.
M) Well
that's to do with your ****ing job, not mine.
(They're
glaring at each other now, neither of then looking happy. Jerry seems to be enjoying this in a serious
sort of way.)
JS) So, just
what is your job Kathryn?
K) I'm in
the army.
(Gasps
travel very quickly round the room. They
were shocked at that one. Maybe it's
her size)
K) I'm away
from home a lot as is Mark with his job.
JS) Mark
just what is your job?
M) I'm a
Philosopher Jerry.
JS) And you
didn't see this one coming? (There's
a hint of humour in Jerry's voice) What
about your lover Kathryn, is he in the army with you?
K) Yes. He serves under my command when we're on
duty.
M) Yeah, but
you serve under him all the rest of the time.
JS) (Jerry
can only smile as he gets the cut off message from the camera man.) We're going to take a break right now, but
we'll be back so don't go away.
(Jerry,
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...)
*-*-*
JS) We're
back and in the middle of an interesting argument. Kathryn here has admitted to be sleeping with another man for
about a year although she is already engaged to Mark here. (Their chairs on the stage have been
moved further apart) Now we're
about to introduce you to the man who's caused this trouble. Come on out (Frowns as he tries to read
the name) Cha-ko-tay.
K) Chakotay.
(Audience
gets ready to boo, but most of them turn into wolf whistles as they see
Chakotay come on stage. His dark hair
is brushed forward onto his forehead and he's wearing a tight pair of cream
jeans and an even tighter black shirt that brings out the darkness of his
eyes. All in all he looks
gor-ge-ous. Kathryn rises quickly to
her feet and greets him with a hug and a very passionate kiss.)
M) (Mark's
just staring as he shakes his head.)
I can't believe this. I can't
believe this. You're cheating on me
with a guy with a tattoo.
C) (Chakotay
looks a little offended as he takes his seat next to Kathryn still gripping her
hand.) Yeah well, Kathryn really
likes the tattoo, although she says she prefers the one on my...
(The
audience don't get to hear him finish.)
M)
(Mark's jumped from his seat and is attacking Chakotay.) YOU ****ING GOD DAMN SON OF A ****ING BITCH.
K) (Kathryn's
desperately trying to get them apart aided quickly by the stage men) For ****s sake Mark. SIT DOWN.
(He finally
does, Chakotay following, but they are still glaring at each other angrily.)
K) Mark just
what is your problem?
M) My
problem? My problem is that piece of
trash you have sitting next to you.
What the **** do you see in him anyway.
He's all brawn no brain. He must
be ****ing well good in bed then.
C) (Although
angry, Chakotay does not actually rise to the accusation.) Actually, I do have a degree in Mechanical
Engineering.
K) And he's
an accomplish pilot, an outstanding leader in the army and he's also ****ing
well good in bed as put it Mark.
(Mark looks
as if he can't believe what he's hearing.
But then again, neither can Jerry.
The audience how ever are loving every minute of it.)
M) Do you
love him Kathryn? (His voice has
lowered from before).
K) (She
squeezes Chakotay's hand in hers)
Yes Mark. I do love him.
M) Do you
love him more then you love me?
K) Mark.
M) Answer me
Kathryn god damn it.
K) I love
him differently from the way that I love you.
M) You still
haven't answered my question Kathryn.
Do you or do you not love him more then you love me?
K) In some
ways Mark, yes I do.
(Mixed
responses from the audience. Everyone
on the stage had gone silent, none of them really looking at each other.)
JS) We have
to take another break now. When we come
back we're going to meet with some of the friends to see just what they have to
say about all this. Don't go away.
(Jerry,
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...)
*-*-*
JS) Well
we're now back with an unbelievable story.
Kathryn here is engaged to Mark but sleeping with one of her lower
ranked officers in the army. We're
invited some friends to get their views on this. (The group on the stage look as if they did not know about
this, but also look curious.)
Firstly let me introduce you to some of Kathryn's friends in the
army. Come and join the party Tom and, (frowns
again) Bellana.
K) B'Elanna.
(Two people
walk out to a mixed reaction, the audience don't actually know whether to boo
or cheer. Tom has a big grin on his face,
his sandy blond hair sweep forward wearing black jeans and a red top. B'Elanna is mixed raced with slightly tanned
skin, dark hair and eyes. Very
attractive and drawing a lot of attention from the men in the audience. Kathryn and Chakotay stand up to greet
them. Mark just rolls his eyes. Once all seated Jerry looks at his notes.)
JS) Now, Tom
and... B'Elanna you're both in the army as well, is this right. (They both nod) So what do you think about this situation?
T) (Tom
grins) Well I think it's great.
Nothing against Mark, Kathryn's only spoken to the highest regard about
him, but she and Chakotay are suited to each other.
JS) You
think they should be together?
T) Yeah man,
of course. They make the sweetest couple
and we all know that Chakotay was dotty about her for a long time till she
finally gave in. Hell I even had a pool
on it.
JS) You had
beats on when they would get together?
T)
Yeap. Well there's very little else to
do.
JS) (Jerry
looks doubtful, but continues) And
what about you B'Elanna. Apparently
you've known Chakotay longer then most people.
B) (She
nods) Yeap, we're close friends.
JS) But
there wasn't anything...
B) No! We're good friends. He and Kathryn are like Romeo and Juliet. Look at them. (They all look.
They're still holding hands smiling at each other, very much in love,
even Mark's seen it.) I've never
seen Chakotay more in love and he's not the sort of person to fall in and out
of love easily. I've very happy for
them. I hope they stay together.
JS) What
about you Mark, what do you think about it?
M) If you're
asking if we're still getting married.
No!
K) (She
looks shocked) But, Mark...
M) (He
shakes her hand off his arm as she leans over to him) No, you and... and... him (Points to
Chakotay) you deserve each other. I
hope you're happy.
K) But
Mark... I didn't expect...
M) Then what
the **** did you expect Kathryn. That I
would just accept what was going on and still marry you. The idea of you and... and...
K) He does
have a name you know.
M) I ****ing
well know that Kathryn, but do you know this.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to marry you anyway. You see when you were away ****ing that brawn next to you, other thoughts
ran through my mind about doing the same as you and having a side fling...
K) Mark,
this isn't a... What?! (She suddenly looks shocked as if something's just
registered.) How did you know?...
M) That you
were being screwed by someone else. You
may think I'm stupid Kathryn, but I'm not, blind maybe, but not stupid. I knew you were sleeping with someone else I
just didn't know who.
K) Then...
why... why didn't you say something.
M) (Mark
laughs slightly) And actually
accept the truth. No. As long as I could ignore what I knew you
were doing I believed that everything would be alright between us. I was wrong.
K) Mark... (She's
tipped her head to the side and is looking apologetically at him).
M) Anyway, I
think I've fallen in love with someone else.
(Everyone
looks shocked, especially Kathryn.
Jerry's happy, this will really bring up his ratings.)
K) (Sounds
speechless and her throat sounds dry)
Who?
M) Someone I
work with. Eliza.
JS) (A
grin forms on Jerry's face) And
here Eliza is. Come on out.
(Now it's
Mark's turn to be completely shocked, although Kathryn's not that far
behind. Another woman walks out and
sits beside Mark. She's talker then
Kathryn with short brown hair. She
takes Mark's hand.)
E) That is
so sweet Mark. (They're staring at
each other until a smile forms on Mark's lips.)
JS) We've
got to take another break now, but we'll be back with the audiences
reactions. Don't go away, this is one
story you don't want to miss out on.
(Jerry,
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...)
*-*-*
JS) Well now
we're back. (There's lots of arms in
the air. Jerry approaches one) Yes Ma'am.
W1) (A
young woman stands up with long blond hair) This is to Mark. If you
know Kathryn was with someone else why didn't you say something to her.
K) Yeah
Mark.
M) Although
I knew deep down that she had someone else I didn't want to believe it. I thought that she might just get over it.
W1) But then
you said you fell in love with... urm... Eliza.
M) Yeah,
that did complicate it some what.
(Jerry's on
the move again. He's reached a young
man with darkish hair and brown eyes, he hands him the mick.)
M1) This is
to B'Elanna. (B'Elanna looks
surprised but interested.) Are you
single? Because if you are I'm here.
B) (She
blushes slightly but smiles) I'll
let you know when I am.
(Jerry's on
the move at another guy)
M2) This is
to Chakotay. You knew that Kathryn was
engaged to another man, yet you were willing to sleep with her anyway.
C)
(Chakotay looks slightly uncomfortable as all eyes are now on him) Urm... I'm not really sure. I love Kathryn and I guess part of me was
willing to forget that she was with Mark.
M) She was
hardly ever with me.
C) Anyway
part of me was hoping that she wouldn't marry him.
(Jerry's
found someone else. Another woman, but
a bit older.)
W2) This is
mainly to Mark and Kathryn. What are
you going to do now?
M) Well
we're not getting married anyway.
K) But we
can continue being friends can't we Mark?
M) (He
doesn't reply for a moment)
Perhaps.
JS) What
about your relationship with Eliza, what's going to happen now that you're
single again?
M) (Mark
shrugs, but turns slightly to Eliza.)
I was hoping that I maybe able to get to know her better.
JS) And
Eliza what do think about this?
E) I'll love
to get to know Mark better as well and I guess we can just see after that.
W3) This is
to Chakotay. Should things not work out
between you and Kathryn, there's lots of us that will take her place.
(Big cry
goes out from most the women in the audience.)
JS) And what
about you and Kathryn now that she's single, what's going to happen now?
K) (Goes
to open her mouth to say something, but Chakotay stops her)
C) Can I
answer this one? (Turns to face her,
gripping her hand) Kathryn, you know
that I love you and have done ever since I met you three years ago. And I know that you're in love with me
too. So I was wondering. Will you marry me?!
(Big gasp
and cheer goes up around the audience and the clapping starts)
JS) (Clapping
dies and Jerry realises that Kathryn hasn't said anything) Kathryn?
K) (She's
sitting there, her mouth threatening to fall open. Everyone waits and watches as a smile starts to form on her
lips) Yes!
(Lots more
cheering and clapping. Jerry's grinning
as they kiss.)
*-*-*
The Final
Thought.
JS) Well,
we've heard a lot today about love and relationships. Although having an affair is not right, it can also be harmful to
the people involved. This situation
could have been so different with the same results if Mark and Kathryn had been
honest with each other from the beginning.
Remember not all affairs end the same way this one has. So be good to yourselves and each other. Live long and prosper.
(Audience
cheers and claps. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry,
Jerry...)
(Off
set. We love you Jerry. We've came straight from the Delta Quadrant
to see you.)
(Jerry,
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...)
Final
credits.
*-*-*
