Of Brushes, Books and Black Boxer Shorts

                                                   By Ammo

                                                      1998

 

I found this sitting on my hard drive when I was having a sort out, having completely forgotten about it and it’s sequel.  So what the heck, I decided that I might as well post it as some people found them quite amusing.

 

Disclaimer:- Paramount is god, except no god would ever think of doing this as an episode possibility.

 

Rating:- Pg/13

 

Time Scale:- Any time really.

 

Note:- I’m sure they never meant the communicators to be used in this way, but with a lack of telephones it’s the only way.

 

Enjoy!

 

*-*-*

 

"Chakotay to Janeway."

"Janeway here Commander, is there something wrong?"

"No Kathryn, I just thought that... what was that?"

"What was what?"

"That sound!"

"What sound?"

"That cracking sound!"

"Oh that.  I just dropped my hairbrush, smashed a glass."

"You okay then?"

"Of course!"

"So your brushing your hair then."

"No Chakotay!  I'm using it to weave a spell."

"Oh!  Are you getting ready for bed now?"

"I'm already in bed."

"What are you wearing?"

"Why would you want to know?"

"Just trying to make conversation."

"Over a comm line?"

"Stranger things have happened."

"Like being whisked 70,000 light years from home?"

"Exactly."

"Silk!"

"What's silk?"

"My nightdress."

"Oh.  Did you wear it on New Earth?"

"Urm... I don't think so.  Actually I think I did once."

"It's not the pinky/creamy coloured one with the thin straps is it?"

"You have a good memory mister!"

"Thank you."

"So what about you."

"What about me?"

"Are you ready for bed?"

"Yeap."

"And what are you wearing?"

"The usual."

"Trousers and a T-shirt?"

"Nope."

"Not the Black Boxers?"

"Yeap!  Stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"You're smiling!"

"I am not!"

"Yes you are!"

"How would you know?"

"I know you Kathryn and you're smiling."

"No I'm not."

"Now you're laughing!"

"How the heck did we get onto this conversation?"

"I think we were talking about my black boxers.  Stop it, you're laughing again!"

"Sorry!"

"Anyway, what's so funny?"

"You don't want to know!"

"Yes I do."

"Okay, I was trying to picture you in Black Boxers."

"And that's funny?  You know Kathryn sometimes I don't understand you at all."

"Good!  You're not supposed to!"

"So, what would you be doing now if you weren't talking to me."

"Urm... reading probably."

"Reading what?"

"A book."

"What book?"

"Jeeze Chakotay, what is this, twenty questions?"

"I'm just curious to know what you would be reading."

"You're bored aren't you?"

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not.  I'm just being friendly."

"Okay, it's called `What Venus and Mars Collide'."

"A theory book?"

"No fiction!  Romance actually."

"You!  Romance!"

"You're the one laughing now."

"So I think I'm entitled to!"

"Don't be too sure Commander.  I'm sure I could depromote you to an Ensign or something!  Set you to work scrubbing the cargo bays with a tooth brush."

"You would not dare!"

"Try me!"

"So what's the book about?  When is it set?"

"It's set on Earth just after the turn of the twenty-first century."

"And who's it about?"

"A woman!"

"And what happens?"

"A lot!"

"Jeeze Kathryn, this is worse then trying to make a Vulcan smile.  You're laughing at me again!"

"So!"

"So are you going to tell me what happens or not?"

"Why would you want to know?"

"I'm bored remember."

"So you admit it?"

"Yes Kathryn, I admit that I'm so bored that I am sitting on my bed wearing only my black boxers while talking to you.  Don't laugh!"

"I'm not!"

"Kathryn, I give up... so what happens?"

"Well this woman..."

"What's her name?"

"Fiona!"

"Fiona, nice name."

"Thank you!  Can I continue now?"

"By all means."

"Well this woman, Fiona, is the manager of a huge business during the 2010's."

"What's she like?"

"Do you mean what she looks like, or her personality?"

"Personality!"

"Why?"

"I just want to know."

"Okay, she's head strong, stubborn, strong willed but one heck of a leader as well as well respected."

"Sounds like someone else I know!"

"Pardon?"

"Nothing.  Please continue!"

"Okay everything is going well for her until she gets a new Vice-Manager, someone below her."

"A man?"

"Yeah how did you know?"

"Wild guess!"

"Well... anyway, they start to spend a lot of time together as they have to work closely and they become good friends.  Until..."

"He falls in love with her!"

"How did you know?"

"Come on Kathryn, don't act so surprised.  Somethings happen century after century.  But what happens after that?"

"After that, he admits to her his true feelings, not sure of what she would say."

"And what does she say?"

"I was just getting to that!"

"Go On Then!"

"Okay, okay.  She says nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing!"

"Why?"

"Well she finds that she is too shocked to speak that she walks out on him."

"Then what happens?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Kathryn, you are not about to tell me that that's the end of the book."

"No of course not!"

"So what happens?"

"I'm not going to tell you!"

"What!!! Kathryn you can be so unfair!"

"I know.  That's why I'm the Captain.  Anyway, that's as far as I've got."

"Oh!  Could you at least read me a little bit?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to hear a bit."

"You're strange, you know that Chakotay?"

"You mean that it has only taken you three and a bit years to realise it?"

"Ha ha ha!"

"So are you going to read me a bit or not?"

"Okay, but just this once.  Where from?"

"Any where will do!"

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

"Okay then, here goes... `Fiona stared up into the face of her companion.  Behind his dark eyes she could see a figure of mystery and suspense.  The longer she looked the more she wanted to get closer to those eyes, to feel them looked straight into her, into her heart, her soul.  Yet she daren't get close to him.  She could not allow herself to, no matter how much she wanted to feel his strong arms around her shoulders, to taste the sweet moisture of his lips, to feel his hands slowly...'  Chakotay!  Are you still there?"

"What? Yeah!"

"It was just that you suddenly went so quiet."

"I was listening to the passage.  It was beautiful."

"It's a great story!"

"So what do you think she should do?"

"I'm not sure at the moment, but I think she should give in and tell him just what she feels back instead of keeping him hoping and waiting.  To hell with her job.  What about you Chakotay."

"Yeap definitely.  She should put the poor guy out of his misery as soon as possible."

"Yeah... definitely."

"You sound tired."

"It's late and I've got the early shift tomorrow."

"I know, I wrote the timetable remember."

"Oh so now I know who to blame."

"I'll better let you get some rest.  Don't want the Captain to be late tomorrow do we now?"

"Of course not!"

"Good night Kathryn!"

"Good night Chakotay and oh, I would suggest that you read the book sometime."

"I plan to!  I'll see you tomorrow and we can discuss it more."

"Till tomorrow then!"

"Hopefully!"

"Good night Chakotay!"

"Night Kathryn, pleasant dreams."

"You to!"

"Chakotay out!"