Discussion arises occasionally over marriage. As Christians, we desire that his will be obeyed in all things and his name be glorified in all that we do. So it should be in the matter of selecting a mate. We do not want to disobey God, and we don’t want to do anything to hinder are tarnish his cause.

There are many things one ought to take into consideration when choosing a mate. The primary concern of God, I believe, as expressed in the Scriptures, is that all we do enhances our growth and progress toward heaven. So it should be in marriage.

Paul wrote, "Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers: for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? or what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what portion hath a believer with an unbeliever?" (2 Cor. 6:14-15). Though this passage is to be applied to more than the marriage yoke, even as Paul does in the context, it does certainly have an application to marriage. No Christian should marry one who would influence them away from the faith, even to the smallest degree. That would include a marriage to a Christian who is not faithful in all things. There must be spiritual equity if two are going to pull together spiritually. As is asked by the prophet, "Shall two walk together, except they have agreed?" (Amos 3:3). The ground is littered with spiritual carcasses of people who were led astray by their mates.

This was a major concern of God with reference to his people Israel. Instructions were given which had no shadow as to meaning. "And when Jehovah thy God shall deliver them up before thee, and thou shalt smite them; then thou shalt utterly destroy them: thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor show mercy unto them; neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For he will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of Jehovah be kindled against you, and he will destroy thee quickly" (Deut. 7:2-4). "For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not perfect with Jehovah his God, as was the heart of David his father" (1 Kings 11:4).

We can see from the passages that the concern of God was that the foreign wives would entice the Jew away from devotion to God and all faithfulness. The concern was not that there would be a mixing of the races. Ruth and Rahab, both Canaanitish women were welcomed into the lineage of Christ by God because of their devotion to him. The spiritual purity of the child of God was his primary concern – and it still is.

What happens when a Christian marries a non-Christian anyway? Many times the Christian is led away. Sometimes the Christian is not. Now they have acted contrary to what God has expressed, should they end the marriage? What does repentance demand?

There are two passage that deal with that question. First, "But to the rest say I, not the Lord: If any brother hath an unbelieving wife, and she is content to dwell with him, let him not leave her. And the woman that hath an unbelieving husband, and he is content to dwell with her, let her not leave her husband" (1 Cor. 7:12-13). The marriage arrangement is intended by God to be permanent. It is true that God demands a separation where an unlawful marriage is entered into, that is in violation of the law given on divorce, but he states here what a Christian must do if they marry contrary to 2 Cor. 6:14.

Second, the Christian woman is told what to do in that marriage. "In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear" (1 Peter 3:1-2). Both men and women who are in unequal marriages are subject to the law that God gives for marriage responsibilities. There is no excuse for a Christian to use the unequal yoke as an excuse to abuse or neglect their spouse or terminate the marriage.

There seems to have arisen questions about the instructions God gives to widows who desire to marry. There is confusion over the remarks of Paul in 1 Corinthians: "A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:39).

First of all, this is not the same phrase that is used in Ephesians 6:1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." In 1 Corinthians, the phrase is "only in the Lord." In Ephesians, it is "in the Lord." The word "only" has an effect on the meaning. The Greek word is monon, for which this meaning is given by Thayer: "only, alone, but." So it is useless to cite Ephesians 6 as an equivalent.

Second, two altogether different subjects are being discussed in the context of each verse. One is discussing the submission of the child to the parent. There are instances where the child must disobey the parent, that is when the parent demands something contrary to God’s express will (Acts 5:29). But 1 Corinthians 7:39 is discussing not only the question, "Should the widow remarry?" but also the question, "Who should she marry?" The answer to these questions is this: "She may marry, and may marry anyone she wishes, only in the Lord." That phrase is attached to a statement that concerns who she marries. She may marry whom she will, only in the Lord. "Only in the Lord" – "to whom she will."

Much has been made of Paul’s contrast of what he says with what the Lord says. Paul is writing from inspiration. I must understand then that all that he writes is "from the Lord." Some of the details Jesus did not address in his personal ministry (John 16:12-13), but if we reject what the apostles have written, we have rejected Jesus (Luke 10:16).

But we must remember that Paul is in the midst of a discussion of liberties. One of the liberties that he discusses is marriage. In the times of distress that prevailed in those days, Paul says that it is better if one doesn't marry (vs. 7). But he goes on to say that marriage is not wrong or sinful on account of the distress. It is a matter of judgment (vs. 25, 40), as long as there is no law of God regulating marriage broken. God gives the widow the right to marry, but Paul says it is good judgment, considering the times, if she doesn’t.

She shouldn’t marry, but she is free to marry whom she will, only in the Lord.