Just friends or girlfriends


Tips For Guys


Just friends or girlfriends?

* Realistically, girl friends come in two categories, girls who are friends, and 'girlfriends'. 

* Girls who are friends are like mates, they're friends you spend time with, who just happen to be girls.  'Girlfriends' on the other hand, imply that you are physically and emotionally involved with them. 

Both forms of relationships can be interchangeable; sometimes a boy and a girl who have been mates might find through their contact with each other that something else lurks beneath their friendship and it develops into a romance. Or indeed a relationship may fizzle from being a romantic involvement to becoming a more straightforward friendship. 

One big mistake a lot of boys make is to assume that there's a world of difference between a friendship with a mate and a relationship with a girl. There isn't. Both rely on common interests, spending time together, being able to talk to each other, laugh with each other and trust each other.


Do You Really Want A Girlfriend?


* It is generally accepted that girls begin to mature earlier than boys. This means that they reach puberty and adolescence at a younger age and it usually means that they start wanting to have boyfriends before boys of their own age start wanting to have girlfriends. 

This is one of the reasons why it is very common for teenage girls to have boyfriends who are a bit older than themselves. At the same time, they are very, very susceptible to pressure and influence from their friends. 

This peer pressure can take effect in different ways, for example if all their mates are still wrapped up in football and video games, they might not want a girlfriend, as they might stand out from the herd, while if all their friends are dating girls then they might feel they've got to get themselves a girlfriend quickly. 

Peer pressure is not a good reason for starting a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. A boy who is going out with a girl just to impress his mates is not likely to make a very good boyfriend, because he's obviously going to be more concerned with what they think as opposed to what she feels. You don't have to date anyone when you are a teenager, and you will still grow up to be a perfectly normal, happy and healthy adult. And in fact the more time you spend on your own, discovering who you are, what are your likes, dislikes, aims and goals in life, when you are a teenager, the more likely you are to sail comfortably on to adulthood.


Talking To Girls


* Before you can have a romantic relationship with a girl, some sort of friendship is important. To start a friendship it is necessary to strike up conversation. But this is something that a lot of boys find great difficulty in doing for all sorts of reasons, perhaps because it is a new experience, they are shy, because they think that the things girls are interested in are boring, or that girls will find them boring.


Communication Skill


* Striking up a friendship with a girl involves using communication skills. Boys often don't talk to each other very much, so they are not too hot on communication. 

Sure, boys hang around and swap stories, but very rarely do they ever discuss anything intimate or personal. And they practically never share anything about emotions or feelings with one another. 

Indeed, when starting a friendship with any girl, the greatest asset a boy can have is not a quick, witty tongue, but an attentive ear. Conversation is the key, it's the starting point of any relationship with the opposite sex. That doesn't mean it can only be practiced on members of the opposite sex, far from it; the 'art of conversation', the ability to speak interestingly, listen attentively and identify similar thoughts, feelings and experiences can and should be perfected by talking with anyone and everyone.


Where To Meet Girls


* Relationships, especially those between teenagers, normally grow out of existing friendships or acquaintances. Although there's something very romantic in the idea of meeting someone who comes from the other side of the world and then falling desperately in love, it's far more likely that you'll end up going out with someone from school or a girl you meet every Wednesday night in the youth club. Contrary to popular belief, discos and nightclubs are not particularly good places to meet people who you'll end up dating. In fact, the majority of people have met their partner either through school, college, work or another friend. 

A great number of people seem to be going out with someone who used to go out with a friend of theirs. In other words, you don't actually have to scour the globe from corner to corner to find a soul mate.


The First Date


* There are good places to go on dates and there are bad places to go on dates. The best dates are the ones which give you both something to focus on and during which you can be physically quite close. 

The cinema is always a good bet for a first date with a girl you don't know too well, because it means you can spend an evening together without having to find too much to talk about, and when you come out you have the shared experience of the film to discuss. At the same time you've been close, sitting together, and ostensibly alone. Events like concerts, football matches, races or ballet are brilliant if both parties have some reasonable amount of interest. But there is nothing worse that being dragged along to two and a half hours of something you don't like. So it is always better to try and pick something safe. Going out for a meal together can make an excellent date although if you aren't very comfortable just chatting for a long time face-to-face, it could be a bit of a strain. 

The best dates are not always the most exciting events. You don't really have to see Madonna live or do anything particularly extravagant. 

The real value from a successful night out together is the warm feelings you get from being in each other's company which could be just standing at a bus stop in the rain. Just because a girl agrees to go out on a date with a boy, it doesn't mean anything. There is a long way between going out on a date and having a relationship. Just because you've been out with someone once, it doesn't mean she's your girlfriend, or you're her boyfriend. 

Any boy who assumes that he deserves good-night kisses or any other physical intimate contact because he's been out on a date with a girl is wrong. Very wrong. A date with a girl is not necessarily a prelude to anything. It is a way of getting to know someone better, and finding out whether or not you get on well.


French Kissing


* French kissing is the name given to the type of kiss which doesn't just involve the pressing together of lips, but goes one step further and includes the touching of tongues. Both kissers' mouths are kept slightly open during the kiss so that tongues can be mingled and each other's lips and mouths can be explored. Because it is a more intimate and arousing method of kissing, it's obviously not the sort of kiss you'd greet your aunty with, but this doesn't mean that it signifies anything other than the fact that you enjoy that level of intimacy with whomever it is that you are kissing. It must also be pointed out that French Kissing is not necessarily very arousing or very nice, particularly the first time. It can be wet and sticky and uncomfortable, not because either party is doing it wrongly (there is no right or wrong way) but because you just don't happen to like it. Wet, tongue-filled snobs are sometimes not half exciting as soft, sensual lip-brushing kisses. It's all a matter of personal taste.


What Having A Relationship Means


* A relationship is about trusting, loving and respecting each other. It's not just about getting off with one another for a night and having a serious kissing session, it's about developing a friendship that involves intimacy, care, fun and honest communication. Ideally relationship are ongoing and growing, so they will continue to develop and improve as time passes, so long as both parties are willing. Relationships are not about ownership. Being someone's girlfriend or boyfriend is not a statement or a legally binding agreement. It is only stated of mind shared between two people. What the rest of the world thinks, believes or does isn't actually an issue. 

What is an issue is how you treat each other and if you can't bring each other comfort, pleasure and happiness. Those are the sort of relationships which are really worth having.


When It Ends


* One of the most painful things that any teenager has to go through is the experience of being chucked or rejected by someone they feel strongly about. The fear of rejection makes asking someone out so difficult in the first place. So, when you are eventually rejected by someone you have gone out with, it is doubly painful. All the same, it is important and practical to be able to deal with rejection, as we will all have to face it in one form or another several times through our lives. In some ways it might seem even more difficult for boys to cope with because they are often less able to deal with the emotions that come up. Being chucked rocks your confidence in yourself. 

It makes you feel that in some way you are not good enough because you can't have something you dearly desire. An automatic reaction to being chucked is to cry with the hurt and to moan about the frustration. Rejection is a part of the process of finding the right partner. Rejection doesn't mean you are a bad person. It just means you are not the right person.


Be on time. Unpunctuality is a fault with "no" redeeming features.


* Read a newspaper or watch a news program that day so you will have something to talk about and sound as if you know what is happening in the world.


* Nothing is worse for a woman to meet a pompous, self-important bore who couldn't care less about anything that's happening in the world but himself and how it all affects him.


Be open -- to her, her plans, and the shape that the evening takes.


* Don't lie. Never lie. NEVER. It's okay for one night. You lie through your teeth to be interesting. Great! You get a second date. Now you have to be consistent with all the lies you told on your first date. Tricky. Five dates later you have to revise for two days before each date.


A sense of humor (refined if possible) is your best ally.


* Avoid arguing over things that won't cause either of you to lose a limb. In other words, chill.

*Don't look for a fight. Debate topics, don't argue them.


Clean nails. VITAL.


* Use every opportunity to be observant, sensitive, perceptive and appreciative of what your date does or may have done. If something embarrassing happens, get over it.


* Don't lie to anyone else about the date and what happened. It always goes horribly wrong.


* Practice makes slightly better, but never perfect. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your princess.


* If you are having a good time, let her know it.




Tips For Gurls


There's Always Someone Better Looking Than You, So...

* No teenage girl is completely satisfy with her looks. Most girls would change one or more features if they could, in the false belief that this change would make them popular with guys. The simply truth is, guys are intimidated by gorgeous girls, and its the prettiest girls who often have the most trouble meeting guys. Guys are looking for a lot more than a face and a figure. They are searching for girls who are warm, charming, witty, adventurous, and friendly-girls who make them feel good about themselves. Therefore guys often fall in love with girls who are not as good-looking as they are. Your personality is the you behind your looks. Its the personality that shines through and cause you to appear either better-looking or worse-looking. Once you dare to allow your unique personality to shine through, you'll start attracting guys you never thought you could get. Its not a mystery. People are looking for "soul mates.


 How To Meet The Guy You Have Your Eye On


* Smile! Guys love a friendly smile and appreciate it even if they're not attracted to you. If you do smile, they will take notice of you, and, who knows? Anything can happen next. Some guys appreciate it when a girl starts a conversation with them. Often they don't know what to say and in addition they fear rejection. When a girl is the one to break the ice, it puts them at ease and makes them believe they have a chance of going out with her. Guys love honest compliments and store them up in their minds-forever. When complimenting a guy, study him carefully and say something different about his looks or personality. Hell think you're intelligent for having noticed, and hell love you for making him feel good about himself. Some girls act stuck up because they think if they show a guy that they like him, he will lose interest, but the opposite is true. Guys like girls who are warm, open, and friendly, and they feel rejected, angry, and offended when girls put on an act and behave in a cold manner. Nine times out of ten, if a girl plays hard to get, the guy will move on and no romance will take place.

Most guys prefer a natural look to lots of makeup, teased, and stiff hair, and overly seductive clothing. Take advantage of this fact and develop your own style of dress. Why cover up your natural beauty?


How To Keep A Guy Coming Back For More


* Guys are inclined to be attracted to girls who are interested in their accomplishments and who are willing to listen to their problems with an understanding ear. Girls with a sense of humor keep guys coming back for more because they are unpredictable and exciting. In order to form a strong bond with a guy, talk about your mutual values. However, be warned, this discovery can also drive you farther apart. If this happens, its probably for the best. Participate in a variety of activity together-things he likes things you like, and things neither of you have ever done before. Keep the relationship fun and exciting.


Falling In Love...And Falling Out


* Romantic love is the powerful combination of physical and spiritual affection. Both girls and guys fell "out of their senses" when they fall in love.

* Romantic love is not "infatuation" or "puppy love". Its very real. The question is, will it grow and deepen or will it fade?

* People "fall out of love" for many reasons. They discover that they don't share each others interests, values, and goals; they find that their personalities are incompatible; they find that they do not accept each other for what they are, and so.

* Falling out of love is the most normal thing in the world, especially in the teen years when you are first discovering what you really like, value, and respect in another person.

* If your boyfriend falls out of love with you, you may at first feel abandoned, sad, and confused, and you may wonder what's wrong with you that you weren't able to hold on to him. Once you analyze the situation, however, you'll stop blaming yourself and realize that your lost love has nothing to do with your being a lovable person. You may also feel angry, and be tempted to seek revenge. These feelings are normal, but when you come to think of it, you'll probably decide to handle the situation with dignity.

* If you fall out of love with your boyfriend and want to break up, let him down gently. What you do and say to a guy may affect his relationships with women for the rest of his life.


Friends...And Your Boyfriends


* Its natural to spend less time with your friends when you have a boyfriend, but don't neglect them, completely. Although boyfriends have a special place in your life, they're no substitute for friends, who are likely to be around long after boyfriend is gone-if you treat them right. Guys are flattered when girls neglect their friends for them, but at the same time, they feel threatened by this behavior. They respect and appreciate a girl who maintains her friendship while going out with them. In fact, showing a certain amount of independence usually enhance the relationship because, when guys know that they cant have all of your time, they value the time you do spend with them more highly.

Male friends hold a very special place in a girls life, but when they chemistry is too strong, its a good idea to bring things out in the open rather then avoid the issue.

* If you are falling in love with your best friends boyfriend, the best thing to do is cut it off cold. There's no law that says you have to act on every feeling. If you resist the temptation, you'll feel better about yourself later. In the long run, self-esteem is more important than immediate gratification.

* Don't go out with a close friends ex-boyfriend until you've discussed the situation openly with her and explored her feelings.

Boyfriends come and go, but friendships last forever.


Don't Play Hard To Get, Be Hard To Get


* When a girl calls a guy too often, most guys begin to resent the girl and/or become bored with the relationship. In general, its better to let him do the calling. Guys like to think they're the ones who catch the girls-not vice versa. So, let him think he's doing the chasing, even if you're active behind the scenes.

*If a guy tells you hell call, it isn't a good idea to wait by the telephone. Go on about your business. Believe it or not, he will call back if you're not there. Why wouldn't he? After all, he was interested enough to make the effort in the first place. In addition, if he doesn't, so what? There will be plenty of others.

* It isn't a good idea to demand that your boyfriend for sake his friends and spend every weekend night with you. In fact, you should regularly do things with other people. Make yourself scarce.

* Guys don't respect girls who are "always available" and who jump every time they snap their fingers. In short, guys value girls who have a mind and a life of their own.

* Both girls and guys advise that girls hold back when it comes to speaking out on feelings in the beginning of a relationship. Saying too much, too soon, can ruin everything.

* The best way to play hard to get is to place a high value on you and actually be hard to get. If you do that, its inevitable that guys will think of their time with you as something to be treasured.


What To Do About Cheating


* There are different definitions of cheating-depending on who is giving the definition.

* Most teenage girls and guys "cheat" on each other occasionally, and most don't think its wrong under certain circumstances.

* Some teenagers feel that there is no excuse for cheating and that if you want to see others, you should agree at the outset to an open relationship. Others feel that unless you're married, you're free to do anything you want, and you don't have to tell your partner (but that its wise to make sure the two you're seeing live far apart).

* Most teenagers couldn't cope with the idea of their boyfriend or girlfriend seeing others, yet they want to see others if they feel like it. In other words, they want to "cheat" but not give their partner the same privilege. Most teenagers would listen to reason if they found out their boyfriend or girlfriend were cheating.

* In my opinion, its okay not to tell your partner when you go out with someone else every once in a while. However, if you begin seeing that other person often, or start having deep feelings for him, its time to decide between the two-otherwise you'll feel as if you are deceiving at least one of them, and you'll feel guilty.


When He's Not Worth Keeping


*The following fellows are not worth keeping: Bossy, jealous, controlling guys, guys who lie all the time. Guys who do drugs.  Guys who are always too busy to see you or who are "geographically undesirable" Guys who are engaged in illegal activities.  Guys who raise a hand to you-no matter what the reason. There's no good reason. Guys who try to make you lose sight of your goals. Guys who are "out of one thing only" Guys who are constantly putting you down.  Guys who are continually arguing with you

1.If your boyfriend broke up with you, realize that no matter how much you love him, or how much it hurts, he's not worth keeping, because if he doesn't love you, you're dancing without a partner, and that's no fun.

2.The higher your self-esteem, the more likely you are to form positive, nourishing relationships, so continue to pursue your goals and work on knowing and loving who you are. That person will someday attract a man who values you and is worthy to you.

*Be on time. Unpunctuality is a fault with "no" redeeming features. However, if your date is late, don't let it spoil the evening -- remain pleasant.

* Wear something that makes you feel pretty -- an outfit that's proved itself, with comfortable shoes.


Tell yourself you're not nervous, just excited.


*Read a newspaper or watch a news program that day so you will have something to talk about and sound as if you know what is happening in the world.

* If you can begin with the exchange of warm relaxed smiles, you have a lot going for you.


Be open -- to him, his plans and the shape the evening takes.


* Use every opportunity to be observant, sensitive, perceptive and appreciative of what your date does or may have done. If something embarrassing happens, "confess" so that you can both laugh about it. Avoid arguing over things that won't cause either of you to lose a limb. In other words, chill.

* Don't look for a fight. Debate topics, don't argue them. And if you're having a good time, then let him know.