Grow Antennae
A story, which may be relegated to the files of
"urban legends," tells about a
Philadelphia legal firm that sent flowers to an
associate in Baltimore upon the opening of its
new offices. Through some mix-up, the ribbon
which bedecked the floral piece read,
"Deepest Sympathy."
When the florist was duly informed of her
mistake, she let out a cry of alarm. "Good
grief," she exclaimed, "then the
flowers that went to the funeral said,
"Congratulations on Your New Location!"
It is difficult enough to offer comfort without
mixing up the sentiment! So difficult, in fact,
that many people simply don't know what to say to
someone who has just unburdened grief or
emotional pain. Not unlike the new clergyman who,
when a distressed young woman confided that she
was pregnant, blurted out, "Are you sure
it's yours?"
Too often, we want to help, but find that our
attempts to offer comfort, solace or hope fall
short of the mark. But there is something we can
say that can be helpful.
One man, whose grandson died accidentally, found
genuine comfort when he shared his pain with
friends shortly after the tragedy. Of all the
well-meaning words of support, two statements
helpedto sustain and comfort him through the
grief more than the rest. They were: "Thank
you for sharing your pain," and "I
grieve with you." After hearing those words,
he no longer felt alone in his suffering. He felt
as if his friends embraced his grief. He felt
better.
We can't fix it. We shouldn't try to offer
advice. And we may never know how someone feels
who is hurting in a way we have never
experienced. But we CAN give some comfort.
I think James Angell, former president of the
University of Michigan, got it right when he was
asked the secret of his success. "The secret
of success?" he replied. "Grow
antennae, not horns."
- Steve Goodier - |
