My Favorite jokes.
I hope you are insured for this because I'm not. If you die because of the jokes don't blame me!!!!
Joke1: Got Milk?
A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display. The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white
mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk". The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white
mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk". The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache.
It is entitled "Not Milk".
Joke2: Name, Names, Names
There was a Chinese man named Yitzhak Mendelbaum.
A man said to him you don't look Jewish, how did you get that name?
"Well," says the oriental gentleman, " I was coming through the
immigration line and the inspector said to the person in front of me
'Whats your name?' and he answered ' Yitzhak Mendelbaum'. When it was
my turn he asked me for my name. And I told him. "Sam Ting."
Joke3:Sex in the Dark
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that
they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions,
she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find
a cucumber in his hand.
"Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?"
"Honey, let me explain..."
"Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -"
"Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids."
Joke4:Religous Tails
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an
interfaith meeting. The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four
sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic, pooh-poohed
this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons,
one more and I'll have a football team." To which the Mormon replied,
"You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have
a golf course."
Joke5:Three Old Men
The three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their
hands shook. The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I
shaved this morning I cut my face!" The second old fogey one-upped him.
"My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all
my flowers!" The third old man laughed and said "That's nothing. My hands
shake so bad that when I took a pee yesterday I came three times."
Joke6:Afternoon Quickie
Bill and Marla had a small apartment in the city, and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Matt's riding a new bike," he called out, "it looks like the Andersons have company, and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. The son replied, "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too!"
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