Two ladies meet one day.  Sophie says to Martha, "So... how is your
daughter?"

Says Martha, "Oh, my daughter!   What a lucky girl.  She found the most
wonderful husband.He bought her a big house and a fancy car.  He buys her furs and jewelry and anything else she could want.  What a wonderful husband she has!"

"And how is your son?"  Sophie asked.

Martha lets out a big sigh.  "Oh, he's not so good.  He got married too.
But such a spoiled, selfish girl he married.   All she wants is a big house,
a fancy car, furs, jewelry and so many other things."

And now you have met.........THE MOTHER IN LAW! By Becky Sweat
 

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by his mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in- law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer's wife stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer's wife, she would nod her head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer's wife, she would shake her head, no and mumble a reply.

Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer's wife what that was all about. The farmer's wife replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
 

A husband and wife were shopping when the husband said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow.  What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric."

The wife replied, "How about a chair?!?"
 

The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three."

Woman: I just got back from a real pleasure trip.
Friend: Where did you go?
Woman: I took my mother-in-law to the airport!!!
 

 Does it really surprise anyone that Mother-in-Law's Day occurs less than one week before Halloween?

 A pharmacist tells a customer:

 - In order to buy arsenic you need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.
 

 The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door there was my mother-in-law on the front step.

She said "Can I stay here for a few days?"

 I said: "Sure you can." and shut the door in her face.
 

The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?"

 The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law."
 

According to researchers at Utah State University, nearly 60 percent of all marriages suffer from tension with mothers-in-law, normally between the daughter-in-law and her husband's mother. Somehow the stereotype of the nagging, meddling mother-in-law can seem like  a normal part of life.

Why so many misunderstandings? Dr. Peter A. Wish, former nationally syndicated columnist of The Family  Experience, says that "often it's a matter of mothers not
wanting to let go. The mother may not recognize her son as being an adult, and so she continues to treat him like a  kid, even after he gets married and has a family of his  own."

Clashes with your mother-in-law may actually intensify as you get older. "A 20-year-old woman may not be very confident about her own opinions, and if she has a mother-in-law who's been through 40 years of life and she says things ought to be done this way, it's harder to challenge her," says Dr. Everett

"But by the time a woman is middle-aged, she's normally a well-established adult who has her own strong opinions and feels more confident to confront her mother-in-law head-on."

Obviously, in-law clashes are far from ideal. When you and your mother-in-law are on bad terms, the tension takes a big toll. Your spouse and children may feel they are caught in the middle and resent being forced to choose sides. Family get-togethers are strained. Your physical health and spiritual life may suffer.

"Mother-in-law battles can poison family life," Dr. Judith Sills, a family counselor in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, with a special interest in the role of in-laws. "It may start out as a feud between you and your mother-in-law, but before you know it, your husband, kids, father-in-law and other relatives are also drawn into the conflict."

What follows are five of the most common complaints about mothers-in-law and suggestions for making peace.

                    "She's always telling me what to do"
                           "She keeps meddling"
                    "She wants constant companionship"
                  "She competes with me for my husband"
                      "She won't admit her mistakes"
 

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                  Copyright © 1997 by Virtual Christian Magazine. All rights reserved.
 
 

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge
 
 

    (LUTZ, ENGLAND) A wife who was so sick of hearing about her mother-in-law that she couldn't stand it any longer drugged her husband and had a tattooist permanently tattoo his cheek with a large, hilarious cartoon of his mother's crabby face.

"That put an end to it, once and for all," says Sheila Delvanto, 25, a waitress in Lutz,England.

"He hasn't said a word to me about that old nosy woman since he woke up and looked in the mirror, and I doubt he ever will."

The prank also put an end to the couple's six year marriage. Mark Delvanto, 30, moved out and filed for divorce.

The now hideous looking husband moved back in with his mother, Minny Delvanto, 61. He is making arrangements for a series of plastic surgery operations, in an effort to remove the tattoo and get his face looking normal again. He also plans to sue his soon-to-be ex-wife for damages.
 

An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was.

Over the course of the evening, he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."

About a week later, the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and composed the following note:

Dear Father John,

It was wonderful having you at dinner last week. However, since that time, my housekeeper tells me we are missing one of our silver gravy ladles.

I'm not saying that you "did" take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you "did not" take a gravy ladle, but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Sincerely,
Father Sebastian

Several days later, the elderly priest received a letter from the young priest as follows:

Dear Father Sebastian,

It was wonderful of you to have me over for dinner last week. I'm not saying that "you do" sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with your housekeeper, but the fact remains, if you were sleeping in your own bed you would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Sincerely,
Father John