ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL GO WRONG
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
LEAKPROOF SEALS--WILL
SELF STARTERS--WILL NOT
INTERCHANGEABLE PARTS--WON'T
THERE IS ALWAYS ONE MORE BUG
NATURE IS A MOTHER
DON'T MESS WITH MRS. MURPHY!
90% OF EVERYTHING IS CRUD
IF YOU'RE FEELING GOOD, DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL GET OVER IT
NEVER EAT PRUNES WHEN YOU ARE FAMISHED
ALL WARRANTIES EXPIRE UPON PAYMENT OF INVOICE
WHERE YOU STAND ON AN ISSUE DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU SIT
FRIENDS COME AND GO, BUT ENEMIES ACCUMULATE
IF YOU TRY TO PLEASE EVERYBODY NOBODY WILL LIKE IT
A SHORT CUT IS THE LONGEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS
YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK
THE CHANCE OF A PIECE OF BREAD FALLING WITH THE BUTTERED SIDE DOWN IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE COST OF THE CARPET
NO MATTER HOW LONG OR HARD YOU SHOP FOR AN ITEM, AFTER YOU'VE BOUGHT IT, IT WILL BE ON SALE SOMEWHERE CHEAPER
NO ONE'S LIFE, LIBERTY, OR PROPERTY ARE SAFE WHILE THE LEGISLATURE IS IN SESSION
THE OTHER LINE ALWAYS MOVES FASTER
IN ORDER TO GET A LOAN, YOU MUST FIRST PROVE YOU DON'T NEED IT
ANYTHING YOU TRY TO FIX WILL TAKE LONGER AND COST MORE THAN YOU THOUGHT
IF YOU FOOL AROUND WITH A THING FOR VERY LONG YOU WILL SCREW IT UP
A $300 PICTURE TUBE WILL PROTECT A 10 CENT FUSE BY BLOWING FIRST
IF IT JAMS--FORCE IT. IF IT BREAKS, IT NEEDED REPLACING ANYWAY
ANY TOOL DROPPED WHILE REPAIRING A CAR WILL ROLL UNDERNEATH TO THE EXACT CENTRE
THE REPAIRMAN WILL NEVER HAVE SEEN A MODEL QUITE LIKE YOURS BEFORE
WHEN A BROKEN APPLIANCE IS DEMONSTRATED FOR THE REPAIRMAN, IT WILL WORK PERFECTLY
A PIPE GIVES A WISE MAN TIME TO THINK AND A FOOL SOMETHING TO STICK IN HIS MOUTH
EVERYBODY SHOULD BELIEVE IN SOMETHING--I BELIEVE I'LL HAVE ANOTHER DRINK
BUILD A SYSTEM THAT EVEN A FOOL CAN USE, AND ONLY A FOOL WILL USE IT
EVERYONE HAS A SCHEME FOR GETTING RICH THAT WILL NOT WORK
IN ANY HIERARCHY, EACH INDIVIDUAL RISES TO HIS OWN LEVEL OF INCOMPETENCE, AND THEN REMAINS THERE
YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH WHEN THE GARBAGE TRUCK IS TWO DOORS AWAY
THE RACE IS NOT ALWAYS TO THE SWIFT NOR THE BATTLE TO THE STRONG, BUT THAT'S THE WAY TO BET
THERE'S NEVER TIME TO DO IT RIGHT, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS TIME TO DO IT OVER
WHEN IN DOUBT, MUMBLE. WHEN IN TROUBLE, DELEGATE
ANYTHING GOOD IN LIFE IS EITHER ILLEGAL, IMMORAL OR FATTENING
IT IS MORALLY WRONG TO ALLOW SUCKERS TO KEEP THEIR MONEY
A BIRD IN HAND IS SAFER THAN ONE OVERHEAD
MURPHY'S GOLDEN RULE: WHOEVER HAS THE GOLD MAKES THE RULES
EVERYTHING WEST OF ALICE SPRINGS WILL EVENTUALLY PLUNGE INTO THE INDIAN OCEAN
NATURE ALWAYS SIDES WITH THE HIDDEN FLAW
THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS THE HEADLAMP OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN
CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY
NEVER SLEEP WITH ANYONE CRAZIER THAN YOURSELF
BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP, UGLY GOES TO THE BONE
TO KNOW YOURSELF IS THE ULTIMATE FORM OF AGGRESSION. (FREUDIAN PSYCHOLOGY)
NEVER PLAY LEAPFROG WITH A UNICORN
A SMITH & WESSON BEATS FOUR ACES
IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
IF MORE THAN ONE PERSON IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A MISCALCULATION, NO ONE WILL BE AT FAULT
IN CASE OF DOUBT, MAKE IT SOUND CONVINCING
NEVER ARGUE WITH A FOOL, PEOPLE MIGHT NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
