Brian Propst February 24, 1997 East Carolina University MY RUBY I have been driving now for a little over thirty minutes. My eyes are burning, throat is tight, and heart aches. It’s so hard to explain how much I love her. She is all that is on my mind. Everything in this world reminds me of her. I finally found a gas station that is on the right side of the road. Citgo’s mid-grade price is $1.27. I always get the mid-grade. I left her house today at 2:25. We have been together for over two years now. It’s hard- I’m at college and she is finishing up her last year of high school at Sun Valley. I think I should get gas now. I have been sitting here in my car now for fifteen minutes with the air conditioning on and listening to Smashing Pumpkins. My radar is going off, a cop must of passed. My mind wonders as I remember when I passed that Dairy Queen sign back in Monroe. She works there. I always go there to visit her and to usually get the same thing. One small vanilla cone. It costs ninety-five cents. Then I drove through Wingate. God, only if I went to college there. Then I could see her all the time instead of this once or twice a month deal. Oh, now I recall that place on the other side of the highway. . . . I was coming home from school about a month ago. Jerky Boys was on in the tape player to help me stay awake. The speed limit was fifty-five. A slow car was traveling in the left lane and I was behind him. So I put my blinker on and got in the right lane. For some reason, this one was rougher compare to the left one. Anyway, I proceeded to travel at my own pace (a little over sixty) and passed the car. Moments later, to my surprise, I saw and heard my radar going off at it’s highest level. "Shit," I said as I looked around to see where the cop was. The last place I looked was in my rear view mirror. Yep, he was behind me with his little blue light on the dashboard flashing. I could not believe that I passed an unmarked police car. Well, he let me off so I was pretty lucky. Alright, I’m going to get gas now. My odometer reads three hundred and sixty-seven miles traveled on this tank of gas. . . . I just put in $12.80 of gas. . . . I’ll go pay now. . . . while I was inside, I got some sunflower seeds, a grape Tootsie Roll Pop, and a couple pieces of apple gum. When I was waiting in line to pay for my things, I noticed that this was one of those gas stations that sells hot food- like chicken, fries, and some mush stuff. I’ve never had gas station chicken before, I wonder if it’s good. It’s 5:27 p.m. and the rest of my journey to East Carolina will be documented while I drive. There are tons of things I think about while driving. My mind is racing and I can’t get them all down on paper, but I guess I get most of the main things written down. Geez, this is hard. I’ll probably get into an accident. I am cruising at forty-seven. Guess what the speed limit is. Delta Plastics is on the left. Now I am leaving Marshville. You know what the city limit sign said when entered that city? Marshville: Home of Randy Travis. That’s pretty dumb. Okay good, now the speed limit is sixty. Now I can go faster. There’s some cool cotton fields on the right. There are no clouds above me. Man, I just got passed by seven cars in a row. That barely ever happens. My tongue is purple, I got a star on the wrapper. I heard that if you collect ten stars then you get a free one. Oh, I love this song. It’s called Glynis. This guy Ryan who is in a band with me made this rad Pumpkins compilation for me. I like it. I wish I had someone to talk to. WELCOME TO PEACHLAND. This Honda Prelude in front of me has their license tag in the rear window. I used to have one of those paper thirty-day tags. That reminds me of her car. It’s a Prelude too, except it’s gray. Okay so I am now in the middle of nowhere and there are these no parking signs on the side of the road. Like anyone is gonna park here. The a-side of the tape is over. It’s rewinding now so I can listen to it again. If I try to play the tape in the reverse direction (B-side that is) it will get ruined. This car is basically new and there is something already wrong with it. That sucks! My air conditioning is on low and is blowing half on my face and half on the floor. See that way my face won’t freeze to death. Time for some gum. I can see the white moon in front of me. It’s about three-fourths full. Two billboards that I passed just caught my eye. They both remind me of my brother. One says SUPERFLOW and the other one says PEDRO SAYS GO SOUTH OF THE BORDER. If you have ever seen that movie, Days of Thunder like as many times as my brother and I then you’ll know what Superflow is. And also my brother, Austin, can do the best Pedro impression there is. This Pumpkin song is cool. It reminds me of her. What we have been through and what we will have in the future. Traveling alone is boring. I’m still on the same road. Highway 74 east. Well, now I am entering some new city. So many things to say. Just so, so many. Man, my eyes are really getting tired now. I guess I’ll eat my sunflower seeds now. But I gotta open up a window so I can spit out the shells. The salt keeps me awake. No caffeine. There goes a Captain D’s on the right. That reminds me of my friend Steve Waller who enlisted in the Navy back in the fall. Yea, me and Steve are good like that. We both got a tattoo last summer. Glynis is on again. Man, Billy Corgan is like the only singer who can say, "I love you" in a song and it sound cool. I just passed a McDonalds. Two nights ago, her, Emily Harper and I went there to eat. Emily Harper is a really cool person. Really unique, smart, but yet sometimes confusing to me. But she definitely rules in my book. Here comes a truck I’m getting ready to pass that has this Confederate bumper sticker that says, "Keep it flying." That sucks. East 74. . . . Bingo . . . . JB’s Video . . . . Taco Bell (yum) . . . . Wal-Mart . . . . Mike Walters . . . . Building something on the right . . . Ughhh- that seed tasted like: a two hour old vaginal blood fart splattered on a gay man’s stinky ass that has been fucked for five hours (at least that’s what these guys said just now as I’m typing this in my room, but I was just going to type what I marked down when I wrote this; which was: shit). Okay so back to my boring story. There goes the Rockingham Dragway on the left. Man there is only so much to observe while you’re driving. But after a while, I just get tired of writing stuff down. My thoughts are breaking apart. I can’t think good now. This sucks, I have to – keep stopping in – the middle of this sentence to change – gears. Man, I haven’t peed for a while. And it’s hard to believe but I’ve been writing now for over two hours. I think I’ll take a rest when I get to the interstate. . . . I look at the passenger seat every once and a while and just wonder if she’s thinking about me right now. And I wonder what she is doing right now. I wonder too much. Me and her have a lot of fun together. I want to go on trip with her on weekends when she gets in college. UNC Chapel Hill- that’s where she is going next year. Not too far away from ECU. I’m cold now, gotta roll up the window. . . . This is a plain road except for the occasional road sign or mile marker. It’s 6:45. The sun is falling just below the trees now. I’ll turn my lights in. I already did. I mean before I finished the sentence. There’s a small lake on the left. Twenty-four miles to Lumberton. Of course, the sign says it like this: 24. Not: twenty-four. I’m just typing out the whole number now just to take up space. Anyway, I just saw this cool farm on the left. It had a typical big red barn and tractor. There were tons of birds around too, and along with the golden sun- awesome! The only thing to make it perfect beauty is to have her with me to see it. These power lines along the road remind me of a ski lift. The way they dip down below between the poles. Pennies is playing now. I really like this song too. Most of these lyrics the Pumpkins write I can relate to. It’s kinda weird. There goes a closed fruit stand on the side of the road. I should stop at an open one someday and buy something. Tomatoes- are they really a fruit? More junkyards catch my eye. The sign on this one looks like this: DOBB’S B_DY SH_P. There missing a couple O’s. The sun is bright. Big ol’ cows on the right. I wonder if they’re beef or milk. White or Chocolate. The I-95 road is coming up in five miles. That’s where I’ll take a break from writing. Well, the five miles is up. Now I’m cruising at seventy-one! . . . . . . . . That was a long break there. I’m already at ECU. I don’t know why thinking of her brings all this pain to me. Probably because I love her so much. She is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last on my mind at night. Her name is Emily Sommer. She is my life. She is my world. She is my one and only. She is My Ruby.