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A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS OF THE SEXES:
ELEMENT:       Women
SYMBOL:        Wo
DISCOVERER:    Adam
ATOMIC MASS:   Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES:   Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
   1. Surface usually covered in painted film
   2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
   3. Melts if given special treatment
   4. Bitter if incorrectly used
   5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
   6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
   1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
   2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
   3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
   4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of alcohol
   5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
COMMON USES:
   1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
   2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
   3. Very effective cleaning agent
TESTS:
   1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
   2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
HAZARDS:
   1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
   2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different 
      locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ELEMENT:         Man
SYMBOL:          Ma
DISCOVERER:      Eve (discovered by accident when she had a craving for ribs)
QUANTITATIVE:    Accepted at 7 inches though known to be as small as 4 inches.
OCCURRENCE:      Often found near dual element Wo, usually in high
                       concentrations surrounding a perfect Wo specimen.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
   1. Surface is often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.
   2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and
             Common Sense, melts when treated properly.
   3. Can cause headaches
   4. Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo
   5. Gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature, as specimen ages
   6. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply
             sensitive to extremely thick.
   7. Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted
             form of the Wo common ore.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
   1. All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction
             is possible.
   2. May react with several Wo isotopes in a short period under
             extremely favorable conditions.
   3. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
   4. Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
   5. Will be fairly inert and repellent to most other elements when
             saturated with alcohol.
   6. Is repelled by most common household appliances and cleansers.
   7. Is repelled by small children in diapers, particularly
             those of the malodorous variety.
   8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
STORAGE:
   1. Best results near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.
USES:
   1. Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo.
   2. Can be used in recreational activities.
TESTS:
   1. Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity
   2. Reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
CAUTION:
   1. May react extremely violently when another Ma interferes with
             reaction to a particular Wo specimen.
(Submitted by Steve and Marj 1-16-98)

OWED TO SPELL CHECKERS...
 I have a spelling checker
 I disk covered four my PC.
 It plane lee marks four my revue
 Miss steaks aye can knot see.

 Eye ran this poem threw it.
 Your sure real glad two no.
 Its very polished in its weigh,
 My checker tolled me sew.

 A checker is a blessing.
 It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
 It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
 And aides me when aye rime.

 Each frays comes posed up on my screen
 Eye trussed too bee a joule.
 The checker pours o'er every word
 To cheque sum spelling rule.

 Bee fore wee rote with checkers
 Hour spelling was inn deck line,
 Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
 Wee are not maid too wine.

 And now bee cause my spelling
 Is checked with such grate flare,
 There are know faults in awl this peace,
 Of nun eye am a wear.

 To rite with care is quite a feet
 Of witch won should be proud,
 And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
 Sew flaws are knot aloud.

 That's why eye brake in two averse
 Cuz Eye dew want too please.
 Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
 This soft wear four pea seas.(Submitted by Marj and Steve 1-16-98)




A HISTORY OF TEACHING MATH
Teaching Math in 1950:  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970:  A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money.  
The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots 
representing the elements of the set "M".  The set "C", the cost of production contains 
20 fewer points than set "M".  Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer 
the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980:  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of 
production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:  By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20.  
What do you think of this way of making a living?  Topic for class participation after 
answering the question?  How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cuts 
down the trees?  There are no wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 1996:  By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves its stock price 
from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock 
options at $80. Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

Teaching Math in 1997:  A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on benefits 
and when demand for their product is down the logging work force can easily be cut back. 
The average logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3 weeks vacation, received 
a nice retirement plan and medical insurance.  The contracted logger charges $50 an hour.
Was outsourcing a good move?

Teaching Math in 1998: A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian 
subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers(the higher-paid half). It 
clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its 
remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence 
of loggable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress 
instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. 
What is the return on investment of the lobbying costs?
(Above 2 jokes Submitted by Marj and Steve 1-16-98)

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the 
back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.  When he finishes them, he comes 
back to the bar and orders three more.
   The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste 
better if you bought one at a time."
   The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.  One is in America, the other 
in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin.  When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink 
this way to remember the days when we drank together."
   The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.  The Irishman 
becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and 
drinks them in turn.  One day, he comes in and orders two pints.  All the other regulars 
notice and fall silent.
   When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want 
to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
   The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.  
"Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine.  I've just quit drinking."
(Submitted by Steve and Marj 1-16-98)

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