Recent Jokes
These are the most recent jokes I have received via e-mail. I hope you
get a good laugh. If you would like me to post a joke you have please e-mail me.
I hope you will take the time to sign the guest book, keep smiling.
Back to Phyl's World
SONNY BONO JOKES
1. What was the most surprising thing about the discovery of the body? That he was recognized.
2. Why did Sonny have to die in a ski accident?
After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.
3. What's the difference between Sonny Bono and Michael Kennedy? About five days.
4. Police reported it was a quick death. Just like his solo career.
5. The Grim Reaper's Boss: "I said, "the singer Ono!," not Bono!
Dang, this is the second time you botched a job on her!"
6. What preceded Sonny Bono's senseless death? Sonny Bono's senseless life.
7. What was the last thing that went through Sonny Bono's mind? The 60's.
8. How was the body found? Sonny side up.
9. What were they singing when they discovered the corpse? "When Sonny gets blue..."
10. What is the best kind of tribute Cher could perform? A moment of silence.
11. How do we know Sonny was a politician at heart? At the very end, he was stumping.
12. How will the priest begin the eulogy? "We are gathered together on this slalom occasion...."
13. We are all mortal. And in the end, Sonny was just ski and bones...
It has been rumored that the latest ski accidents are a conspiracy - The trees were planted.
What do the Republican and Democratic Parties have in common? An extra lift ticket.
News's coverage of Sonny Bono's death stated that the former singer "had a great impact on
the entertainment world and politics, not to mention on a tree."
The recent deaths of Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono have led to concerns that more mandatory
safety regulations are needed on the ski slopes.
All that's needed on the slopes are more politicians.
With Sony Bono's death our country has lost both a statesman and an entertainer. Although the
only impression he could do was Michael Kennedy.
(From Catt_Eyes and Philisophical 1-16-98)
EXERCISE CLASSES: "PRIVATE LESSONS"
For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local
health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high
school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations
with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic
clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.
Day 1. They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week.
Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health
club, and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a
dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on
the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing
next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics
class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a
little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT.
Day 2. Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me
lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for
heaven's sake. Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile.
Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles feel GREAT.
Day 3. The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in
both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a
Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the
other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone
invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators?
Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
Day 4. Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help
it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to
lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid
in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment, she made me try the
rowing machine. It sank.
Day 5. I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in
the history of the world. If there were any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit
her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news
for you Tanya, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me
any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, YOU went to sadist school,
YOU are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?
Day 6. Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked
the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.
Day 7. Well, that's the week. Thankfully that's over. Maybe next time my wife will
give me something a little more fun, like a free upper-colon exam or free teeth drilling
at the dentist's.(Submitted by Marj and Steve 1-16-98)
100 REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY:
1. Phone conversations last 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. You bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stop at every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag full of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why "Stripes" "Fletch" and "Happy Gilmore" are funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You don't worry about your make up running.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he/she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championships.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a trivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other peoples feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game for hours with your buddy without a word being said and
not thinking "he must be mad at me, what did I do?"
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood not having to starve yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because "this one is just too scary."
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work...more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding dress...$2,000.....Tux rental....$100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries!
75. You don't mooch off of other's desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours, and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
79. ESPN's Sportcenter.
80. You can stop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a healthy and normal relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your
friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy old phrase..."Fuck it!"
88. If another guy shows up at a party with the same outfit on, you will probably
become lifelong friends.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw
it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude you from having great sex with them.
98. You pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So....notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch.
100. The Spanish channels don't require you to understand Spanish to watch them for hours.
(Submitted by Mercadoj 1-12-98)
STUPID WIVES?
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar,
drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives are.
The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the
supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even
have a fridge to keep it in."
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick in the head, but says his wife is
thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments,
"and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked
through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he thinks his wife is
even dumber than the other two. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles.
"My wife just left to go on holiday in Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she
must have put about 100 condoms in there, and she doesn't even have a penis."
(Submitted by Boo_Schwa 1-8-98)
GOOD NEWS-BAD NEWS
A doctor told his patient: "I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is
that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been
certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a
young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you'd like. The man's brain
costs $100,000.00 and the woman's brain costs $30,000.00." The patient could not help
but ask: "Why such a large difference between the male and the female brain?"
The doctor replied: "The female brain is used."
The Top 16 Changes at the White House Now That the Clintons have a Puppy
16. To avoid confusion, staff reverts back to referring to Madeline Albright by name.
15. New "doggy door" makes it that much easier to sneak out for a midnight run to McDonald's.
14. At long last, Bill won't have to flinch every time he hears "Bad boy."
13. President no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else's yard.
12. "Bitch" label now somewhat ambiguous.
11. Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the
President.
10. New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.
9. Obviously miffed Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note reading "Bil kilt Vyns Fosdr!"
8. Shouts of "Come!" from Lincoln bedroom no longer make Hillary suspicious.
7. Chelsea drops to #2 on the White House Pug-Ugly List.
6. Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore's daily to-do list.
5. Roger Clinton no longer the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.
4. Cries of "What a dog!" no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at State dinners.
3. To the embarrassment of the trainers, dog still unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.
2. "Get that horny furball off my leg!" no longer refers exclusively to the President.
and the Number 1 Change at the White House Now That the Clintons have a Puppy...
1. Campaign donors staying overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom now find complimentary
Tootsie Rolls on their pillows.
(Submitted by Marj and Steve 1-8-98)
PC TECH ASSIST REQUEST
1. Describe your problem:
_____________________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
_____________________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
_____________________________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Strange Smell__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you had "a friend" who "Knows all about computers" try to fix it
for you? Yes__ No__
11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__
12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe__ No__
14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself.
__________________________________________________________
7. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
__________________________________________________________
l8. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in?
_______________________________________________________
l9. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What's a VCR?__
21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'? Yes__ No__
22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__
23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__
24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__
25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__
26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__
27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__
(Submitted by Marj and Steve 1-8-98)
GOOD LEADS
Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
"What have you done Tommy O'Connor?" "I had sex with a girl." "Who was it, Tommy?"
"I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?"
"No father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was."
"Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Well then it has to be, Sarah Martha O'Keefe." "No father, please forgive me,
I cannot tell you who it was."
"Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary's and 4 Our Fathers and you will be abolished of your sin."
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph was waiting.
"What did ya get?" asked Joseph. "Well I got 5 hail Mary's, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads."
(Submitted by Chicago_Rocks 1-8-98)
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a
position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance
package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously
wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
This was an actual job application someone submitted for a fast-food establishment.
From Boo_Schwa 12-30-97
TOP TEN SIGNS OF OLD AGE
10. The gleam in your eyes is from the sunning hitting your bifocals.
9. You burn the midnight oil until 9 p.m.
8. Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
7. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
6. A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
5. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years Ago today...."
4. You can't stand people who are intolerant.
3. You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
2. You turn off the lights for economic rerasons rather than romantic ones.
1. Your back goes out more often that you do.
Submitted by Chicago_Rocks 1-7-98
MR. HIGH TECH
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers..like a telephone...
on his hand, then talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a
very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here. The guy says, "You don't
understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of
carrying the cellular." The bartender says "Prove it."
The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks
into the hand and carries on a conversation. "That's incredible", says the bartender...
"I would never have believed it!" "Yeah", said the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker,
my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to
the men's room.
The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the
worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. There is the guy
spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up
his butt. "Oh my god!" said the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are you hurt?" The guy turns
to him and says: "No, I'm ok..... I'm just waiting for a fax."
Submitted by Chicago Rocks 1-7-98
ANYTHING YOU WANT
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally
gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his
eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to
him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky,
for $100 on one condition". Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young
woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words". The man
considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly
counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked deeply
into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house".
THE LAWYER
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging
the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled,
"Just what the hell are you doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and
I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help
practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied.
"Look, I'm a lawyer. Am I screwing the guy in front of me?"
THE CADILLAC
Noticing that her boss' fly was open, the embarrassed secretary told him, "Your
garage door is open". The bewildered exec didn't know what she meant at first until she
pointed. He quickly zipped up and said, "I hope you didn't see my super deluxe Cadillac".
"Nope" she replied, "Just an old pink Volkswagen with 2 flat tires".
The above 3 jokes Submitted by Chicago_Rocks 1-6-98
THE BATTLE OF THE BOBBITS (sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)
Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with his little wanker gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She chopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis that is.
Clean cut, missed his nuts.
Well, the next thing you know, there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend....
tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub, in the shrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
to John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart for long.
So a dic doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong."
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny peed.
Whizzed, that is.
Straight stream, even seam.
Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape.
Video, that is.
Unexposed. Case closed.
Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear!!
Submitted by Chicago_Rocks 1-5-98
CONDOMS
Which condom would you use....
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten millon strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but Ph balanced for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.
The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...
General Electric: We bring good things to life!
AT&T condom: "Reach out and touch someone."
Bounty: The quicker picker upper.
Microsoft: Where do you want to go today ?
Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....
M&M condom: "It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!"
Chevron: use them? people do.
Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border
MCI: for friends and family
Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter
Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are
United Airlines travel pack: Fly United
The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
(Submitted by UNSEENTERROR)
SHE WAS SO BLONDE.................
- she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
- she thought a quarterback was a refund
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"
- she tried to drown a fish
- she tripped over a cordless phone
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
- if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius"
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
- she studied for a blood test - and failed
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
- she sold the car for gas money
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left"
she turned around and went home
Submitted by Chicago_Rocks 1-5-98
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Email: phyl1@hotmail.com
