Random Ramblings
I am flashing on how many places and events and people and things I connect with Casey. High School, for one, Jack in the Box tacos, chugging beers, Woody Allen movies, analyzing all those failed romances, you and I conniving to catch Danny in the act, Phoenix, SF Bay Area, Atlanta, Sedona, Santa Cruz boardwalk beach, Laguna Seca, TGIFridays, reruns of Sex in the City, Friends, and Mad About You, shopping at Metro, all the love and support you gave in so many ways and on and on, so many memories. Kulu Se Mama! Your spirit lives on.
A couple more conferences:
On the weekend of April 15, the Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides internet communities will sponsor their 5th annual retreat in Pavo, Georgia. The retreat is open to all survivors (membership in POS/FFOS is not a requirement). For details and registration information:
The Compassionate Friends USA will be holding their 28th national conference July 1-3 in Boston, Massachusetts (this is separate from the International Compassionate Friends gathering in Vancouver in August which was the subject of our previous message). Compassionate Friends is for all bereaved parents, and although not specific to suicide, the conference will include nearly 100 workshops, some of which will address the loss of a child to suicide. There will also be activities for siblings, grandparents, friends and others who are interested, as well as a pre-conference Professionals Day to help educate professionals who interact with bereaved families following the death of a child. For more information and to register:
The Victim Mood:
sad Read More...
"The Victim" ~ poem (author unknown)
Suicide is not a victimless crime.
His pain is gone, but we do the time.
Loved ones are given the victim role.
The pain and the grief take their toll.
Trapped in our memories
Lost in our grief.
We search for answers.
But, He is at peace.
The life we had known ended that day.
Our faith is tested as we pray.
The life we thought normal is no longer.
It's true:with absence the heart grows fonder.
With questions we kneel at a grave and cry
Without answers we attempt to say good-bye.
To a loved one who felt this was his only way out.
To my Daddy who didn't know he could just cry out.
Alone in his pain; alone in his death.
I wish I could have been there when he went to rest.
He died alone, which hurts so much more.
He died alone, whatever for?
To his doctors he spoke of pain without end.
TO us he did not mention what was happening within.
His body began to fail long before his mind.
He chose to end his life long before his time.
Alone without comfort my family still grieves.
Separated by miles, but not by our needs.
We long to hold him, kiss him, and speak to him once more.
Just a last word to say as he walked out life's door.
Now we must move on with life's great journey.
We must breathe in and breathe out while inside we're hurting.
We must continue for our family, for us.
We must continue, like it or not, we must.
The devastating peaks and valleys of Bipolar disorder
http://www.dailytidings.com/2005/0317/031705n1.shtml
The devastating peaks and valleys of Bipolar disorder
By Jennifer Squires Ashland Daily Tidings
Two months ago the body of local comedian and activist Joanie McGowan was found on the Bear Creek Greenway. She committed suicide after leaving a treatment program. After her death, her struggle with bipolar disorder became public knowledge.
"The tragedy with Joanie was she had just started on the journey," said Michael Dawkins, an Ashland resident who has also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. "Little things got her down. The bigger issues, she was ready to tackle."
McGowan's death incited conversations about mental health, suicide, treatment options and how the community can prevent such losses in the future.
"Bipolar disorder is one of those mental health issues right now," said Jane Reeder, triage manager at Jackson County Health Services. "A lot of it may just be because it's in the news."
The disorder is characterized by a rise and fall between mania and depression. During a mania period people with bipolar disorder may feel euphoric and not recognize what is happening to them. They may play loud music, not sleep, go on a spending spree, abuse drugs or deny anything is wrong. A depressive episode is characterized by insomnia or excessive sleeping, a lack of interest in once-enjoyable activities, fatigue, change in appetite and suicidal thoughts or attempts.
The symptoms of bipolar disorder differ from the normal ups and downs everyone goes through and can result in damaged relationships, poor performance at work or school and even suicide. An individual cannot self-report the illness; the symptoms of bipolar disorder must be observed by someone else. Mania must last at least a week and depression two weeks to be considered severe enough to indicate bipolar disorder.
"A lot of times people will describe what they experience as mood swings," said Becky Martin, the division manager for mental health at Jackson County Health Services. "Bipolar disorder can be quite debilitating. People can't control it."
Hits home
Michael Dawkins had been doing really well for the past year. The 58- year-old landscape artist, Ashland planning commissioner and avid Nordic skier has dealt with bipolar disorder since he was in the seventh grade at Ashland Junior High.
Medication, aerobic exercise and cognitive behavioral therapy - which teaches people to reframe negative thoughts into constructive ideas - have helped Dawkins. He facilitates Moody Blues Stress Club, a twice-monthly support group for people with depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder at Ashland Community Hospital and has stepped forward as "another voice" trying to increase public awareness of mental health issues.
But on March 4, none of it mattered.
"You start to go off the edge and it starts spinning around. The negative thoughts start feeding off of one another," Dawkins said. "It's a constant battle inside."
Dawkins had run out of medication and a mix-up at the pharmacy had left him without the mood-stabilizing drug for more than a week. He e-mailed a suicide note to several friends and disappeared. Dawkins had left under similar circumstances twice in the past and survived the suicide attempts, though he says he should have died.
"I can't even explain how absolutely hopeless it feels when you're down there," Dawkins said. "This time, probably within 12 hours, I knew that (suicide) wasn't what I was going to do."
But bipolar disorder affects people differently.
When McGowan committed suicide in January, people who had known her for years were shocked to hear she suffered from bipolar disorder, which she had dealt with by self-medicating.
"Everybody knew the manic Joanie," Dawkins said. "No one here really knew the depressed Joanie. I did, because I'm there."
The manic side of bipolar disorder can make people seem like the "life of the party," full of energy and accepted by others, according to Dawkins. The depression tends to be hidden because friends and family don't understand the despair involved.
Dawkins used what he'd learned through cognitive therapy to rethink the situation. For example, he stopped referring to what he'd done as "stupid," instead telling himself he'd "made a bad decision."
"I've often made the analogy between cancer and bipolar disorder," Dawkins said. "A cancer cell will eat up all the healthy cells. Mental illness is distorted thinking that eats up healthy thoughts."
Two and a half days later, Dawkins returned home on his own. He learned "a big lesson" that he needs to remain on his medication, even though he opposes the way pharmaceutical companies distribute prescription drugs. Eventually, he would rather find an organic or holistic solution that keeps his moods level.
Some help
The dramatic mood swings caused by bipolar disorder can often be managed by a combination of medication, therapy, diet and exercise. Because bipolar disorder is a recurrent illness, long-term preventive treatment is strongly recommended and almost always indicated. A strategy that combines medication and psychosocial treatment is optimal for managing the disorder over time, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
"Bipolar disorder, at this time, is controllable," Reeder said. "But, like a lot of things, we're not totally sure what causes it."
There is no cure for bipolar disorder. Much like his cancer analogy, Dawkins hopes for "remission" from the illness. In recent months he has also worked to educate the public about bipolar disorder, which has drawn more attention lately as public figures such as Mike Wallace and Jane Pauly have been frank about their struggle with the illness.
"I really am on a mission to bring mental health awareness to the public," Dawkins said, explaining he didn't have a name to attach to his problems until about 10 years ago. He had always been very creative - he performed at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival when he was six years old - and figured his depressive states were part of an artistic, emotional personality.
He was relieved when doctors at a clinic in Aspen diagnosed him as bipolar, even though the subsequent treatment aimed to level out the depressive mood swings often associated with artistic creativity.
"I try to tell people that's just a red herring," Dawkins said. "The artistic side is still there."
Staff writer Jennifer Squires can be reached at 482-3456 x 3019 or jsquires@dailytidings.com
Depression Risk Worsens Through Generations Web MD
Depression Risk Worsens Through Generations Kids With 2-Generation Family History at High Risk By Salynn Boyles
WebMD Medical News Reviewed By Michael Smith, MD on Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Jan. 12, 2005 - Risk of depression intensifies as it is passed down from generation to generation. Having a parent with a history of depression is a known risk factor for depression in children and teens.
Now compelling new research shows the risk to be far greater in children with both a parent and grandparent with depressive disorders.
Researchers from Columbia University Medical Center followed three generations of families for more than 20 years. They found that more than half of the children with a parent and a grandparent who suffered from depression were also diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder before they reached their teens.
"Children of parents and grandparents with depression are at extremely high risk for mood and anxiety disorders even when they're very young," says lead researcher Myrna Weissman, PhD. "They should be considered for treatment if they develop anxiety disorder, or at least monitored very closely."
Double the Risk
The study by Weissman and colleagues is the first to assess depression in low- and high-risk families over three generations. Forty-seven adults were enrolled in 1982. Over the next two decades, 86 of their children and 161 of their grandchildren were also enrolled.
The average age of the grandchildren in the study is now 12. The frequency of anxiety disorders among children with both a parent and grandparent who suffered from depression was more than twice that which would be expected in the general population.
Anxiety disorders are diagnosed more often than depression in children but are considered a strong risk factor for depression later in life.
The researchers found that 54% of children who had a grandparent and a parent with a history of depression had an anxiety disorder, compared with just 11% of low-risk children who had no family history of depression.
Sixty-eight percent of the children in the high-risk group had some type of psychiatric condition, compared with 21% of the children with no family risk.
The findings were published in the January issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry. Weissman and colleagues conclude that anxiety disorders in children with a two-generation history of family depression can be viewed "as an expression of the same underlying disorder" as the depression experienced by the parent and grandparent.
"It is important for anyone treating depressed adults to get family histories and also to find out what is going on with their children," Weissman tells WebMD.
Nature vs. Nurture
Nature vs. Nurture
Weissman and her Columbia University colleagues are collecting brain imaging data on the families involved in the study in an effort to better understand the factors that influence family risk.
They are also conducting research to determine if treating parental depression prevents or delays the onset of depression and other psychiatric disorders in children.
"These are probably genetic illnesses, but they are environmentally influenced," she says. "If you can reduce the stress of exposure to the parent's depression you may delay the onset of the child's illness, which can have a big impact on development." Washington, D.C., psychiatrist Carol Kleinman, MD, tells WebMD that the research reinforces the importance of knowing a patient's family history of depression and other psychiatric disorders.
"It is something that we are very aware of," she says. "Certainly genetics plays a role here, but so does environment. Families with a depressed parent tend to be very isolated."
Child and adolescent psychiatrist Stephanie Hamarman, MD, says obtaining a careful family history is especially important when treating children and teens with depression and other psychiatric problems.
Hamarman is chief of psychiatry at Brooklyn's Stanley S. Lamm Institute. She says parents with a history of depression tend to be aware that their children are also at risk.
"I have been seeing more and more concerned moms who have been struggling with depression themselves who bring their kids in because they do know it is important."
SOURCES: Weissman, M. Archives of General Psychiatry , January 2005; vol 62: pp 29-36. Myrna Weissman, PhD, professor of psychiatry and epidemiology, Columbia University Medical Center; chief, division of clinical and genetic epidemiology, New York State Psychiatric Institute. Stephanie Hamarman, MD, chief of psychiatry, Stanley S. Lamm Institute, Brooklyn, N.Y. Carol Kleinman, MD, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry, George Washington University Medical School, Washington, D.C.
Events Mood:
bright Healing After Suicide, sponsored by the American Association of Suicidology is open to all survivors of suicide loss, and includes a full day of presentations, workshops, and sharing sessions. This year?s conference will be in Broomfield, CO on April 16. The registration deadline is March 28. More information is available at Suicidology or 202-237-2280.
The World Gathering on Bereavement will take place in Vancouver, BC on August 17-21. Folksinger Judy Collins, who lost her son to suicide, will be a keynote speaker, and there will be several workshops on the subject of suicide throughout the conference. In addition, The Compassionate Friends, an international self-help group for bereaved parents, will hold their 4th International Gathering within the larger conference; their workshops will specifically address grief following the death of a child. Although the Gathering is not until August, the registration deadline is April 1st. More is available at World Gathering.
http://www.chroniclejournal.com/story.shtml?id=26210
Stigma keeps many silent about suicide
By Stephanie MacLellan - The Chronicle-Journal
March 13, 2005
Suicide is no longer a criminal act, but the word
still carries a legacy of
shame that can stop people from getting help.
Dr. Paul Mulzer, a psychiatrist at Lakehead
Psychiatric Hospital, thinks it
has to do with the stigma that surrounds mental
illness in general.
"People don't refer to diabetes as a failure of the pancreas, but they refer
to depression as a failure of will-power or self-discipline," he said.
"It's a real misinterpretation, and seeing it as a non-medical condition when, in
fact, it's very medical."
Brenda Simpson, a social worker in suicide
prevention for more than a decade,
sees an attitude of silence around suicide in
particular. She thinks it's
left over from the days in which
suicide was considered a sin, and a cause
for
shame for the family. She notes that to this day,
coroners won't always
report
suicide as a cause of death,
instead calling the death an accident.
'If someone says, "We're not going to say it's suicide to protect
you," it
shows there's a reason to be protected," she said.
There are also assumptions about the type of person that commits suicide.
For instance, it's well known that suicide rates are tragically high
among the
aboriginal population.
But Simpson cautions against assuming it's a native
problem.
"Then you don't have to own it (if you're not native)," she said.
It's
very similar to the AIDS epidemic when it first started.
"Oh, it's the gay
community. . . And we didn't have to worry about it affecting us.
This can also stop people from finding help for
others who may be suicidal,
if they don't fit any of the most common categories, Simpson said.
Another problem is that suicide is seen as a
behaviour that must be stopped,
rather than a feeling that can be talked about and
worked through.
It is terrifying . . . when someone tells you they're thinking about dying.
But at the same time, it doesn't mean they're going to die.
It's just
something they're feeling," she said.
"If we think about it as a feeling,
it's not
scary, and a feeling needs to be talked about. . . .
Once it's a behaviour,
it's beyond talking about."
She'd like to see more people discuss suicide, and not just in emergencies.
If people know their friends and family are comfortable talking about it,
they'll be more likely to bring it up if they need help.
"You need to talk to your teenagers about suicide when they're happy,"
she
said. If you can just put it on the table and talk about it generally,
you
let
them know that door is open.
Or even among adult friends - how often do we talk about it?
The LPH has been working with family doctors to prevent suicide, partly
because people are often more comfortable in their doctor's office.
The
shared care
program has family doctors identify patients who might be at risk,
and then
psychiatrists assess the patients in the more comfortable confines of the
doctor's office.
The Lakehead Psychiatric Hospital is steeped in a
lot of history, and that's worrisome to people," Mulzer said.
We find even with our shared care
model,
when we go out to a family practice office, there are people we see
there
who we wouldn't see here.
The hospital is also working with non-medical
professions to raise awareness,
so teachers, employers and co-workers can see the
warning signs and get help
for the people who need it.
"I think it does make it more open," he said.
'People are more comfortable
with it,
and not as likely to say, "It's not my responsibility.'"
Comments on this story: Tell us what you think about this story.
Constructive Steps of Grieving
I'm in an on-line support group called FFOS@yahoogroups.com - Family & Friends of Suicide I received this from another member. Thanks Terri!
Constructive Steps of Grieving
1. Seek out support.
It is important survivors not attempt to deal with their loss by themselves. Given the social stigma, shame, and guilt, it is not surprising that many survivors pull inward and withdraw from potential help. Yet, other people must be involved to help the survivors adequately resolve their grief and pain. They provide the vital support, understanding, and comfort necessary to allow the survivors to face their confusion and loss. Friends and relatives can be helpful in this area. In addition, self-help support groups, such as Survivors of Suicide, can provide the invaluable assistance of those who have experienced a similar tragic loss.
2. Talk.
One of the most important things someone can do for a suicide survivor is listen because the survivor must talk. Through talking, the survivor can release a multitude of thoughts, feelings, and questions generated by the suicide. When open communication about the suicide is forbidden, the negative results of the suicide only increase. Honest sharing and patient listening are essential keys for coming to peace with the suicide
3. Get questions answered.
While many of the "why" questions related to the suicide may never be answered, it is important to obtain answers to as many "what" questions as desired. It is valuable to clarify "what" happened "when" so as to limit speculation. Facts are typically easier to deal with than uncertainty and fantasy
4. Grieve.
Every significant loss requires a period of mourning. In this regard, suicide is no different. Yet, frequently the fact of the loss gets hidden behind the mechanism of the loss. Survivors attempt to quickly "put the suicide behind us" so as to avoid the guilt and shame. They repress their grief and ignore their loss. This, however, makes matters worse.
Survivors need the time, understanding, and freedom to grieve their loss. They must work through the normal stages of grief without getting sidetracked by the fact that the loss occurred through suicide. Sharing, support, and patience from others are vital in this process.
5. Pour energy into constructive outlets.
The final stage of dealing with grief involves readjusting and refocusing on life and the future. This is an important element also in dealing with suicide. The intense emotions aroused by suicide generate energy that requires some outlet. These energies can be channeled into positive, constructive endeavors that further aid the healing process. While opportunities vary, possibilities include working to establish a local suicide hotline, serving on a mental health advisory board, volunteering at an elderly or child care facility, and reaching out to others who hurt through individual contact or a support group.
6. Continue family traditions and rituals.
For survivors of suicide, life will never be the same. Yet it need not be totally different either. As part of the process of healing, family and individual traditions should be respected and maintained. Doing so forms a link from the unsettled present to the more stable past. It helps to provide a sense of continuity in a time of upheaval. It reminds us that life will go on and that life can yet be positive and rewarding.
Surviving..
Surviving suicide establishes in the survivor a perpetual need to search for both physical and psychological clues as to the reason for the suicide.
Whether irrational or appropriate, surviving suicide leaves a legacy of inexorable guilt. Surviving suicide profoundly alters one's social relationships as a consequence of real or imagined stigma.
Grief following a suicide is always complex and likely to be incomplete. The idea of suicide as a solution to a problem becomes implanted in the mind of the survivor. Suicide erodes the capacity to trust others.
Welcome to Kathy's Kasbah Mood:
not sure Now Playing: To Where You Are by Josh Groban Topic: Blog Welcome To Where You Are
Whoops! My whole front page was replaced by this blog. It's time for a change anyway. I will have my Morocco pages up again sometime soon InShallah.
Coming to terms with the suicide of my dear friend Casey. She suffered from bipolar disorder, did not want to accept the diagnosis, and refused to follow treatment. Her depression became unbearable, and she died last summer. For the people who knew her, it is a tragic loss. She was a generous, beautiful spirit who will be missed by everyone who had the privilege of knowing her. In her memory, I would like to provide awareness and information on mental health. If even one person can benefit from this, it will be worthwhile.
Mental illness shouldn't be stigmatized! It should be treated just like any other disease. You see an opthamologist if you eyes are bothering you, an internist if stomach problems persist, so go see a psychiatrist if you have something on your mind. (This is not self advertising, I am a CPA). For Chrissakes, if Katie Couric can stick a camera up her colon on national TV, why can't we see mental illness as an illness and not as a character defect?
Depression is a cancer, if untreated it will grow and can be fatal.
Understand the signs of depression, and if you see any these in yourself or those you care about, get help!
The Dove of Peace flies from site to site,
through as many countries as possible.
It does not belong to ANY belief
system. Please help it make a line
around the globe by taking it with
you to your site, by giving it
to someone for their site, by passing it on to
another continent, or to the conflict
areas of the world.