This Is Another Clinton Joke


One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the livingquarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not really your father."

Q: Why is a vending machine like Monica Lewinski?
A: Because it has a slit that says "place Bill here".

Monica Lewinsky was looking for a job at the White House, and the President was showing her around. He says "step into the Oval Office, and I'll show you the Presidential Clock". They get in there and he drops his pants, and Lewinsky says "hey! that's no clock!". And then Clinton says "it will be when you put 2 hands and a face on it".

There was this man, and he died. And he got up to the gate to Heaven and asked St. Peter if he could show the man around. Since St. Peter was having a slow day that day, he decided he could. So he was showing him around Heaven and St. Peter took him into this huge room filled with clocks. And as the man sees this room, the man notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. Hew asks St. Peter "why are some of these clocks moving faster than others?". And St. Peter replies "well, each clock is the amount of a person has left to live, and whenever some one lies, their clock starts moving faster". Then as they're walking through the room, the man notices this huge clock moving very quickly on the ceiling. He asks St. Peter "wow! whose clock is that?". And St. Peter replies "oh that's Bill Clinton's clock, we use it as a ceiling fan".

why wouldn't you want to gold w/ Monica Lewinski, Ted Kennedy, O.J. Simpson, and Bill Clinton?
Monica's a hooker, Kennedy can't drive over water, O.J. has a hell of a slice, and Clinton doesn't know what hole to play next